All of the Lights

- Posted in Newsies

You want fireworks?  The Minnesota Wild celebrated the 4th of July in true American fashion: endeavoring to increase their attractiveness by 100%.  Maybe they want to win some games too.  Their holiday shopping spree picked up Zach Parise and Ryan Suter in matching (how appropriate) 13-year, $98 million contracts.  Well done, America.

Twitter was at Defcon One all day Tuesday and Wednesday.  That thing is worse than a middle school cafeteria for a gossipy game of telephone – and I enjoyed every second of it.  Camp Parise nearly caused a meltdown when they announced they would have an announcement, took ages to get it together, then said Zach was still thinking about it.

It was exactly like DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince singing about a girl who takes so long to get ready for a date that they miss the whole show.

But good for Zach, taking his time deciding which team to spend the rest of his life with.  Parise and Suter’s former teams (NJ and NASH) were in the running to re-sign, as well as other major contenders like Pittsburgh and Detroit.  Comparable offers were made, but both players chose Minnesota from a wide field.  Suter is from Wisconsin and his wife is from Minnesota.  Parise is a Minneapolis hometown hero – they should have a parade for his arrival.  The Wild have a great fan base, with 98.4% home attendance this year [link], despite missing the playoffs in eight of 11 seasons.  How excited are those fans now?

Suter brings the Wild 46 points, a top-notch blue line anchor and his guitar.  You know this guy is fun on the bus!  He knows all the words to your favorite song.

Parise notched 69 points and a Stanley Cup-final run last season.  We hope he packed a whole closet-full of snuggly sweatshirts.

Minnesota ranked #20 in total salaries last season, with over $8 million in cap space.  Currently they have just over $2 million left for next season.  The off-season frenzy turns now to other top available players like Rick Nash and Bobby Ryan.  A team looking to bump up their foxiness could do worse.

Of course Nash & Ryan are not UFAs.  Teams will have to give up big time assets to get them.  Especially Nash – at mid-season, the asking price was sky high.  Now that Parise is off the market, Nash’s value is looking very strong against the dollar. His contract goes through 2018 at $7.5 million and climbing.  Bobby Ryan is younger, cheaper and shorter-term at $5.5 million through 2015.

Plus, he really loves his cat.

Note to Rick Nash: Come to Pittsburgh! We didn’t get Zach, but you’re not our second choice. Well, maybe Crosby’s.  Either way, he needs a winger like he needs bigger pockets and we’re sick of hearing about it.  You can run people over before they get their hands on the Kid.  Imagine the scenario: Sid + Rick vs. Geno + James for which line can score more goals?!  I flail.  What about the Crosby, Stills & Nash jokes to be ruined by whoever gets that other wing?

Either of these guys to the Pens results in screaming that you’ll hear from your houses or cars.  What about the Caps?  They need to replace Semin!  They have money!  Okay, I’m getting ahead of myself.  One of these guys to the Flyers and Pam & Deb will never let us hear the end of it!  I just can’t help it if I want this on one of my teams:

Eh, Cake Please.

- Posted in Randomness, Stanley Cup Champs, We Love

We just had to give a big shout out to WUYS guest blogger, Aaron, and his lovely bride Dana on their wedding this past weekend.

Not only did they commit their lives to each other, but they also celebrated with this cake.

They are true and loyal hockey/Kings fans.  (Also, this cake looks really yummy.  Now we’re craving cake…)

Mazel Tov, you crazy kids!

May you be blessed with long lives, lots of love and hockey playing babies.

We already have some names picked out for you.

Dustin.  Jonathan.  Darryl.  Anze.

Follow Aaron on the twitter at @badmovienitecom 


Mikey Monday: Let it Begin

- Posted in Mikey Monday

Who saw Magic Mike this weekend?

Oh come on, you were all thinking it.  I wouldn’t count on the dance moves, though.  You’ve seen how often this Mike falls down.

No, really.

Oh well.

We are sitting, waiting, wishing for news about Mike’s contract.  The Capitals made a qualifying offer on his $5 million current deal, which would keep him in DC at least one more year.  Mike hasn’t accepted or rejected the proposal – he remains a Restricted Free Agent.   The signing derby began yesterday and other teams have some time to call (or not).

Mike could sign with the Caps for one year, and use that time to return to his two-time Norris Trophy nominee form.  Or he could find a team offering a multiple-year contract, even at a lower salary, and take it for security.  With so many games missed in the last two seasons, a few years of guaranteed placement might look pretty good.  He’ll be down like the economy if he repeats this season and needs to re-sign next year.  But that’s not going to happen.  RIGHT?!

I don’t think it will, and not just for purely selfish reasons involving hair gel and stupid shoes.  I don’t see a playoff-caliber team offering him a multi-year deal.  Why not wait out another season and then take what he can get?    I don’t think the Caps would (or should) match an offer above $5 million or one year.  But even a decent season makes Mike valuable in a trade, if not a contract extension.  And for Mike, that trade might be to somewhere better than he could sign now.

Cue the music.

What do the Caps really need?  A winger to replace Semin – who, if you listen to TSN, no one should want [link].  I don’t like the guy, but their commentary is way harsh, Ty.  Semin’s got the skill to light it up, and if he gets himself together we’d all better hope it’s with a Western Conference team.

Back to refreshing Twitter every 30 seconds for information.  The power at my house isn’t coming back on till Friday, so I’d appreciate it if Mike could do something between the hours of 9 AM – 6 PM Eastern.  Got that?  Thanks.

Foxy Friday: Brad Richards

- Posted in Foxy Friday, Glamour Shots

Please tell me you know this song:

That’s Brad Richards’ song.  Depending on the street – is Henrik on the street?  And he is, in fact, a part-time model.

ESPN Magazine announced this year’s “Body Issue” athletes, and Brad will get starkers for some lucky, probably unappreciative cameraperson.  Last year it was Kesler, whom Jess swears was airbrushed after she saw him at the pool in Vegas.  We don’t think Brad here’s going to need much touching up…

It’s not the first time Brad’s been featured in the mag – see What’s in Brad Richards’ Closet?  Don’t even try to tell us you keep a bottle of red next to your sunglasses collection, stud.  Everyone knows the wine goes near the hot tub. (He failed to mention that in this NHL.com video feature on wine tasting. Swag.)

You’ll recall that Brad signed a 5-year, nearly $60 million contract last July.  You may also remember that when I see BRichards, I think of BRitney.  Hence, whenever he does something right I have to yell, “It’s Britney, bitch!” [link]  Even when that something is a playoff Game Five-tying, OT-forcing goal with 7.6 seconds left against the Capitals.  That was more of a deathwail.

Video bonus – Brad & Nealmobile were roommates back in Dallas [link].  James has a very messy room.  Between the two of them now they make $18 million/year.  Why do I never live next door to the right places?!

In 2004 with Tampa Bay, Brad won the Stanley Cup, the Conn Smythe and the Lady Byng.  It was huge news in ’06 when he was traded to Dallas.  His deal with the NYR was the biggest of last season’s UFA signings.

Love the Cup, like the pants, don’t ever shave your head again. Also, chances my dad would name his boat after me & my brother? Zero.

Brad had a solid year, though as the highest-paid NHL player it will never be enough (and then there’s NYC).  In the Rangers team performance was so good that his effective, respectable numbers were appreciated.  In a struggling year, 66 points would be derided endlessly.  It’s $181,181 per point.  I need a new job.

A clutch playoff performance, though it ended in Round 2, put an extra shine on Brad’s first season with the Blueshirts.  Multiple opinions abound: either he’s worth his weight in gold [link] or only a Cup in New York will make him a good investment [link].  I’m in the first camp: Richards’ team-leading 15 playoff points were more important than piling on leads for the first-placed Rangers all year.

Who else has stats like this?

The Brad Richards Foundation is a charity organization that benefits kids with life-threatening illnesses and their families.  Brad does multiple events a year, many benefiting a hospital in his home province of Prince Edward Island.  in 2010, he donated half a  million dollars [link] in honor of his childhood best friend who died of a brain tumor at age seven.

Even I will hug a Ranger for something that amazing.

The Rangers are an impossibly Foxy team, as we’ve demonstrated by giving them about 10 of these awards.  For ESPN Magazine to choose just one… ugh, no way.  Girls can do anything guys can do, except make a like that.

It was widely reported that Brad was dating Olivia Munn for a while.  They broke up because she looked so much better than him in the Princess Leia slave bikini costume.  I like Brad even more for liking her because she’s hot, but also a nerdy genre fangirl like myself.  What if they spend weekends watching ‘Firefly’ in the right order and trying to guess the final five Cylons?! *Sigh”

Whew, okay (fans self with copy of Ender’s Game).  I hated Brad’s long-ish playoff hair, but liked his scruffy beard.  Clean-cut Brad is the best, at any time of year He’ll make another $12 million this season on his front-loaded contract.  Will he be worth it?

Keep spending it on suits & sweaters and we say: Yes, yes, a hundred times yes.

Follow Brad at @brichards_1991, perhaps develop an affinity for watches and golf.  We love a guy who uses exclamation points.

Define ‘inappropriate’…

- Posted in Uncategorized

I’ve been asked a few times now if we are the minds behind The Inappropriate Hockey Fan.

Oh, how I wish we were.

The true evil genius is Pam (@sunnyinnj).  Twice I’ve posted hilariously captioned photos without knowing the maker – and both times they turned out to be hers.  So follow away on Tumblr.  If you don’t have one, how on Earth do you spend your free time?  Are you reading books or something?

She also blogs at phaceoff.wordpress.com.  And even though they’re Flyers fans, Pam & Deb saved us seats right up front at the Caps Convention panel with Mike Green.  The way to our hearts (and posts) is always through perfect hair.

Am I the Only One?

- Posted in Off-Season Projects

As I’m going to see Dierks Bentley tonight, remember this?  It seems like ages since we saw a hockey highlight montage.  Or a Thrashers jersey.

 

When Chuck & I win the lottery, we’ll spend our days creating NHL-specific videos for every song on the Official WUYS Office Dance Party Mix.

“I just met you…

And this is crazy…

But here’s my number…

So call me maybe.”

No reason for this photo of PSharp, except it’s the best picture in the world.

Here Fishy-Fishy-Fishy…

- Posted in Dammit Geno

Chuck and I need a brain-cleansing after reading that disturbingly crazy stuff at Crossing Broad.  As per usual, Geno to the rescue!

What are your shorts?  What is your hat?  I can’t even come up with a name for the thing around your waist to ask what it might be.

The orange trucker hat really does it though.  Malkin is like that crazy aunt who wears wacky outfits and is always smiling, always bringing candy and making you wish you were a nicer, happier, more fun person.

I can never see Geno being Geno and not have my day improved dramatically.

Mikey Monday: Pinterested?

- Posted in Mikey Monday

I know you’ve gone two weeks without Mikey Monday and frankly, there’s nothing I can do about it.  A certain person needs to get cowboy-ed up at Stampede or something (anything!), because I’m sailing off the edge of the internet here.

Luckily, reader Emily Miller delivered this just in time for Monday:

Remember on “Caps Cribs” when Mike displayed his collection of inspirational word art from Target?  It has a new home. [link]

This could start a conversation about just how much metro/hipsterness a girl can stand.  Mike has been known the push the limits – Gator took one look at his skinny jeans and nearly died laughing.  Most of us have given in to moccasins and scarves and glasses – love them even (oh, the glasses).

But Pinterest?  Is it too much?  You already knew Mike was thinking about cars and sweaters and french fries.  (And now I’m hungry.)

In almost real news, the Capitals made a qualifying offer to Mike under this Restricted Free Agent status [link].  The offer is basically a one-year extension on the current contract.  It would give Green the chance to (hopefully) get a whole season in and prove he’s still got ’07-’10 production up his sleeve.  The Caps could put forth a new contract during next season or Mike would be a UFA at the end.  The offer has not yet been officially accepted, but during the draft Mike was enthusiastic about the Caps’ roster additions.

The Caps also drafted Tom Wilson, who looks a little like someone we know.

Until next week… if you see something, send it my way!

Big Weekend

- Posted in Off-Season Projects, Pants Loves, Trades

You know those movies where every single thing happens in one day and you’re thinking, “Right, who ever has a day like that?”

Then in the middle of this:

This happens:

The trade was tempered by news on Wednesday that Jordan turned down a 10-year, $60 million deal with the Penguins.  He had one year left on his contract, and without a long-term lockup it appeared he was packing his bags.

Still when Shero announced the trade at the draft, I had one of these moments:

The move makes sense – Jordan wants an expanded role and had a career season (25G, 25A) to set himself up.  But with Crosby (hopefully) back full time and the Malkin-Neal chemistry boiling over, Jordan’s ice time can only go down.  So Carolina becomes Team Staal.

Intern Jeff Skinner knows we’ll finally visit now, and he thinks we’re jerks.

(From from ohaicarolina.tumblr.com)

Losing Jordan seems like a crazy detriment to the Pens grit and heart, but Ray Shero has proven many times that he’s right and we should shut up and watch. In exchange for Jordan, the Pens got Brandon Sutter, a very well-suited third line center, defensive prospect Brian Dumoulin and the #8 overall pick (used on dman Derrick Pouliot).

(Buy this here.)

Guys get embarrassed when I cry in front of the whole class, so the Penguins sent photos from Jordan’s wedding to soften the impact of the trade.

To make me laugh, Sid continued with the ludicrous charade of trying to fit his paws into tiny pockets.   

Neal wanted me to feel better, so he existed (mullet and all).

 These two together.  James hates buttons and Crosby is scared of girls – I think this cheer-up campaign is working.

The moral of the story is: get invited to the next Penguins wedding.  Fleury, maybe?  Or Letang, now that he’s going to be a dad?  Maybe if we’re really lucky, the Penguins will sign someone new just in time for his wedding this summer…

It won’t even matter what we wear, because no way we’re the best looking people at the party.

There are lots of photos on Tumblr – looks like everyone had fun.  Congratulations to Jordan all around.  I won’t even be bitter, since the Canes come to DC more often then the Pens, and Raleigh is 30 miles closer to my house than Pittsburgh.  And, of course, there will always be this:

 

Selke Smooth

- Posted in Bearded and Beautiful, Chuck Loves, Hot Like Fire, Like a Boss, Newsies, We Love

While the NHL Awards are far from and probably never will be perfect, there are a few things that they get right.

Take last night for instance.

Last night, Patrice Bergeron FINALLY won the Frank J. Selke Trophy.

All is right in the hockey universe.

If you read this blog, or follow our twitter, or just know me a little bit at all, it’s no secret that I love me some Patrice Bergeron.  He is far and away my favorite player on the Bruins and probably in the entire league.

Everything about him is class. From the way he plays, to the way he conducts himself, to the way he dresses, to the permabeard.

Even his acceptance speech was classy.  (Good move, btw, on not forgetting to mention your girlfriend.  Or your teammates.)

You should have seen me in my apartment last night – seal clapping and cheering when that guy from “Entourage” called his name.  Bergeron has played like Selke winner each and every season since joining the Bruins as an 18-year-old in 2003, so it was about time that he was honored with the trophy.

Bob Gainey has won the award 4 times, the most of any player.

Let’s hope that this is the first of many more to come for #37.

About the Selke Trophy
The Frank J. Selke Trophy is awarded annually to a NHL forward who demonstrates the most skill in the defensive component of the game, as selected by the Hockey Writers’ Association.  It has been awarded 33 times to 21 different players since the 1977-78 season.

 

NHL Awards: Hot. Mess.

- Posted in Awards, Glamour Shots, Hot Like Fire, Shanabanned, We Love

Did everyone enjoy the Nickelback Convention last night?  The Awkard Turtle Unfunny Comedy Tour?

There were a few bright spots, like Will Arnett.  Especially when he shanabanned Ovi for blocking Brooks Laich’s parking spot and sentencing him to ride on the back of Mike Green’s scooter.

WHY CAN’T THIS BE REAL LIFE?

While peering between our fingers at the anguish of embarrassment onstage, we of course noted how well-dressed and handsome most of the NHL looked.  After months of beards that would get a guy double-frisked at the airport, it’s a reminder that hockey players clean up pretty nicely.  Here are some of our favorite fashion moves:

THE PLAID

If you Google “Giroux plaid suit,” three of the top six results are from this blog. No joke.  That’s 42% – the same percentage of Claude Giroux‘s clothes that are plaid.  Coincidence?  He wore this to Media Day:

One plaid is not enough.

Of course, the plaid-tasticness on display at the Awards ceremony, where Claude was announced as the EA Sports NHL13 cover winner.  He said, “I’m not sure I’m a model.”  Only because celebs don’t get photographed wearing the same clothes every damned day.

Claude did bring something new to the show – BizNasty.  This was my favorite moment of the Red Carpet because all three of them were thinking the same thing (as the rest of us): Sex tape.

THE VEST

This is by far our favorite fashion trend.  Adam Henrique has been wearing this three-piece suit for weeks now – hey, he had to do a lot of playoff pressers.  Here’s hoping he’s got a whole closet full of them.  The purple tie/lavender shirt combo is trending without being obnoxious.  While he didn’t win the Calder, he still looks like a Major Award.

The last time Steven Stamkos won a Rocket Richard Trophy, he wore a shiny silver suit.  It was okay if you really like Ben Stiller’s character from Dodgeball, but Stammer also had to stand next to Crosby the whole time.  This year, he knew just how to hog the spotlight:

I missed the part where he dipped Cheryl Burke to the floor and blushed like a bride. (Chuck did not.  It was swoon-inducing.)  Probably a good thing, I can only handle so much Stamkos smiling.  Erin Andrews approves:

THE SKINNY TIE

Tuesday, Gabriel Landeskog joked about wearing a bow tie to the Awards.  It would have been nice knowing you, melted interwebs.

Alas, Gabe chose this hipster skinny tie and while it is just a tad too short, you can’t even be disappointed with the way he looks.

 

Gabe the Babe

 

Landeskog dedicated his Calder Trophy win to his grandfather, making us all cry.  So many emotions and landeskoging – good thing we’re already teenage girls on the inside. [video] Also, Charlie Conway/Pacey Whitter presented the award.  Time to break out the Cruel Intentions DVD, we think.

THE NO-TIE

We know Evgeni Malkin loves the casual look, from his parade of questionable t-shirts.  But Geno brought his A-game to the Awards, sporting the open-collar, “I could be in the Mafia” look to pick up all his awards – the Lindsay, Hart and Art Ross Trophies, as well as our special award for being the Most Adorable Panda.

If this doesn’t make you squee, check your emotion chip because your android brain is malfunctioning.

 

THE F-BOMB

Oh, come on!  We all said it when we saw Henrik Lundqvist.  So what if he dropped it on TV, it’s not like you were on NBC or anything.    They should make him a special edition Vezina Trophy that’s just a mirror.  A big one.

THE MAYBE NEXT YEAR

Apparently it takes a few days for a $45.5 million check to clear, or Erik Karlsson would have had a new suit.  We’ll give him a pass because winning the Norris Trophy at 22 is kind of a big deal.  However we suggest this hot-pink-and-black look be reserved for a cool pair of custom sneakers or an ironic prom.  It’s too shiny.  The pants were bordering on high-waters.  That shirt burns our irises.

Also, the Uncle Rico mustache has to go.  Call us in September before NHL Media Day, please.

THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY

ADDITION: ACK! I was expecting Chuck to add Bergeron and I forgot to remind her!  Patrice and his Selke Award were equally flawless last night… and holy cow, his girlfriend is a fox too.  *Sigh*  Some people have all the luck.  He is beyond classy.

Did we miss anyone?  We were a little busy planning our outfits for this shitshow next year, because there is no excuse to stay home.

Missing it this year was a turrible awful mistake on our parts.  It will never happen again.  Maybe Karlsson should keep the pink shirt so I can point and laugh while Mike Green carries away the Norris… okay, I’m getting delusional.

Back to looking at stilettos…

NHL Awards: Who Should Win? Who Will Win?

- Posted in Awards, Newsies, We Love

Tonight’s the night.

NHL Awards in Las Vegas!

Bring on the attractive hockey players in impeccably fitted suits.  Bring on the awkward (and hilarious) red carpet interviews.   Bring on the D-list celebrities who can’t pronounce the winner’s name (Martin St. Lewis!).

Here’s who we think is going to bring on the hardware…

Hart (Lundqvist/Malkin/Stamkos)

Should: Chuck says Lundqvist. Pants says Malkin.
Will: Chuck says Lundqvist. Pants says Malkin.

Split decision on this one. King Henrik kept the Rangers at first in the East pretty much all season – without so much as a hair out of place. But the day there is no room for Comeback Crosby on the Pens’ first line is the day Malkin deserves the Hart.

Vezina: (Lundqvist/Rinne/Quick)

Should: Quick
Will: Quick

A league-high 10 shutouts saved the Kings’ 29th ranked offense. Plus, he’s already got the Conn Smythe Trophy and a Stanley Cup, so what’s one more?

*harumph* *crosses arms*

Norris (Chara/Karlsson/Weber)

Should: Chara
Will: Chara

We’re going to have the give this one to Chara. Because you won’t like him when he’s angry. CHARA SMASH!

Calder (Henrique/Landeskog/Nugent-Hopkins)

Should: Landeskog
Will: Nugent-Hopkins

No doubt The Nuge was the more electric rookie this season, but we’re big fans of Gabe the Babe. The potential for Landeskoging tips the scales here.

Lady Byng (Brian Campbell/Eberle/Moulson)

Should: Campbell
Will: Campbell

No defenseman has won in over fifty years – it’s time!  Campbell’s 6 PIM in 82 games would be enough – but he also doubled last season’s production, notching 53 points from the blue line.

Selke (Backes/Bergeron/Datsyuk)

Should: Bergeron
Will: Bergeron

His season was full of Selke-worthy numbers and stats (like winning 53% of faceoffs when shorthanded) so we’re rooting for the highly-underrated Bergeron to be the first Bruin to take home the trophy since 1982.

Adams (Hitchcock/MacLean/Tortorella)

Should: Hitchcock
Will: Hitchcock

In November, the Blues were not good. Enter Ken Hitchcock. They got good. Although their playoff run ended early, Hitchcock managed to change the culture of the Blues and help position the franchise as a team to be watched.

Masterton (Alfredsson/Lupul/Pacioretty)

Should: Lupul
Will: Alfredsson

We admire Alfredsson’s seniority and dedication to the Sens, but Lupul’s comeback from a spinal cord contusion and life-threatening blood infection only to be dropped by the Ducks then put up career best numbers in struggling Toronto?  Our hero.

Lindsay — Player MVP (Lundqvist/Malkin/Stamkos)

Should: Malkin
Will: Malkin

Malkin does it all – including make his teammates better players. Everybody wants to be on that line.

GM of the Year: (Doug Armstrong/David Poile/Dale Tallon)

Should: Dale Tallon
Will: Dale Tallon

Extreme Makeover: Hockey Edition. Tallon brought in seven of Florida’s top eleven scorers. They landed their first playoff appearance in 12 years and first ever division title with money leftover to buy more rats.

 

Be Right Back

- Posted in Randomness

Hey, where is everybody?

We have run tripped fallen chased followed been invited by Sid to the beach.

We’re making some small off-season tweaks around here.  Well, we are not actually doing anything – someone fantastically sci-fi is manning the ship (Hi Vince!).  Chuck and I are busy wondering if Sid had to wear these shorts out of the store because he tried them on and couldn’t get them off.

(Thanks to the irreplaceable @amandalitty, official Finder of Great Stuff and master of the interwebs.)

What It Feels Like for A Kings Fan

- Posted in Bearded and Beautiful, Chuck Loves, Newsies, Randomness, Stanley Cup Champs

Today, WUYS has a very special guest post from my friend and über Kings fan extraordinaire, Aaron Vaccaro.  As you may remember, I wrote a dedication post to Aaron and my cousin Tom right before the Kings started the Stanley Cup Finals.  Now that they’ve actually won it, we wanted to bring Aaron into the WUYS fold to share what it feels like to be a Kings fan right at this very moment.

Let me start off by saying it’s a good thing this isn’t a vlog otherwise you’d be watching me fill my playoff beard with tears of joy.

Here’s what you need to know about me…

My name is Aaron Vaccaro.  I am a Los Angeles Kings fan. I’ve been a Los Angeles Kings fan for twenty-five of my twenty-nine years on this Earth.

Baby Aaron. Just as cute as Baby Toews.

Being a Kings fan has been a rough road. A very rough road. The kind of road you only expect to encounter in a third world country.

But none of that matters anymore. Because as I write this, the Kings have been Stanley Cup champions for just over twenty-four hours and I’ve had a case of goose bumps for just as long.

For those who have been living under a rock for the last two months, you unfortunately missed one of the most historical runs by any NHL team ever.

I could give you all of the record-setting facts and figures, but Chuck and Pants didn’t ask me to do a guest post to bore you with that kind of stuff. They instead asked me to try to convey what it feels like to be a Kings fan right now… Well, I’ll tell you… it’s amazing.

Aaron is all his hockey glory.

This has been a rollercoaster of a year for us fans as much as it was for the team itself. We came into the season with high expectations only to have them all but dashed by December, which unfortunately was not unfamiliar territory for Kings fans.

We all started to drink a lot heavier, thinking it was another season where we’d be on the outside looking in as some other team would taste the glory that we’d never gotten to taste.

But then the tide started to turn after a coaching change was made, a trade deadline acquisition brought Jeff Carter to the team, and everything started to click. The Kings managed to squeak into the playoffs and the “Team of Destiny” train left the station bound for eternal glory.

Was I at the game? No. Mainly because I’m not a celebrity, agent, doctor, lawyer, or fan willing to sell off the rights to their first born.

Okay, to be honest, I would’ve sold off the rights to my first-born if that was acceptable tender.

Do I wish I could’ve been at the game? Of course. That’s a dumb question, and I’m mad I even asked myself that.

But alas, I was instead relegated to watching the game at our local dive bar. But this wasn’t just any dive. Sure, they have PBR on tap, and a mean plate of onion rings, but they were also filled with wall-to-wall Kings fans making it the best dive bar in Los Angeles as far as I was concerned.

We were surrounded by other fellow fans that had spent years bleeding black, silver, white, purple, gold (okay, so we’ve had a lot of different jersey colors…)

There was lots of drinking, cheering, high-fiving, and bearded men hugging complete strangers, most of which were also bearded men.  It was a truly beautiful site.

Aaron and his friend…who looks suspiciously a little like Mike Richards.

Up until two months ago, I was used to getting this question: “You’re a Kings fan? Why?”

My answer – “We don’t choose the teams we want to be fans of.  They choose us.”

They captivate us, enthrall us, and make us realize we’ll do whatever it takes (including murdering a hobo) if that means we would get the chance to see that team win a championship. And believe me, I was close to committing homicide.

People don’t realize what it was like for us to watch the Anaheim Ducks win the Stanley Cup back in 2007.

I’ll tell you what it was like…utterly humiliating.

Not only did we have to watch a team based on Emilio Estevez movie win our trophy, but we also had to watch them do it in only fourteen seasons of existence. For those of you counting at home, it took the Kings thirty one years longer. Compound onto that every Ducks fan reminding us of this fact for the past five years and you could probably taste our pain and sorrow.

But that all ended last night. We will know longer be ridiculed. We’re once again the only team that matters in Southern California.

Disco Inferno.

Los Angeles is a town that isn’t considered to have much of an identity. Geographically spread out, it’s easy to think there is no unity in this city. Hell, I even questioned it for a period of time. But these last few weeks, I’ve never felt closer to my fellow Angelenos. Sure, you can scoff and say, “Well, those are just bandwagoners. They’re not real fans.” You’re right. They probably are just bandwagoners. But who cares?! It’s people paying attention to hockey in a town where all the AM sports talk radio is completely dominated by Lakers, Clippers, and Dodgers. Don’t worry, there’s plenty of room on the bandwagon for all of you. People accuse Los Angeles of simply just “loving a winner.” Hell yeah we do. Every town loves a winner. Tell me a town that hates to see their teams win and I promise to streak naked through Downtown L.A. in nothing but my Stanley Cup champion hat.

Dan Patrick is boss, ya’ll.

2012 will go down as easily one of the greatest, if not the greatest years of my life. Not only did I get to witness the Kings hoist that beautiful piece of metal, but I’m also getting married to the love of my life in three weeks. It doesn’t get much better than that, folks.

Ooh! Unless I can convince Dustin Brown to spend his day with the Cup at our wedding. Anybody got his number?

Hey Dustin, call me. Maybe.

I couldn’t be more proud to call myself a Kings fan for these past twenty-five years and have no doubt I will be one till my dying breath. Because that’s what it means to love a team this much. Now, go enjoy yourselves, Kings. You deserve it. We did it, boys…

Go Kings Go!

Check out Aaron on the twitter at @badmovienitecom or on his website www.badmovienite.com

Los Angeles Kings – Stanley Cup Champs

- Posted in Bearded and Beautiful, Chuck Loves, Like a Boss, Stanley Cup Champs, We Believe

Remember yesterday when I said that the Kings needed to play like a hockey Borg to win the Stanley Cup…

Well, folks.  They did just that.

New Jersey Devils resistance was utterly futile.

Shiny.

Last night, the Kings went into full-on beast mode and beat the New Jersey Devils 6-1 to clinch the first Stanley Cup in the franchise’s 45 year history.

This team, and their entire playoff run was epic – one of firsts, impressive records, and feats of altheticism and skill that make us super jealous.

The Kings barely made the playoffs and are the first ever eight-seed to win the Cup.  They did so with an impressive 16-4 record and a unimaginable 10-1 road record.

They rolled over the #1, #2, and #3 seeds in the Western Conference in dominating fashion and matched the second-fastest run to a Stanley Cup Championship in modern NHL history.

It was no surprise that Jonathan Quick won the Conn Smythe Trophy as playoff MVP.  Pretty sure his goals-against-average was like -4 and he had a save percentage of eleventy billion.  (It was actually 1.41 GAA and .946 save percentage – both NHL records)

Quick also became the 3rd American-born player to win the Conn Smythe.  Fellow goalie Tim Thomas won last year (like we could forget) and waaaay back in 1994 (when Quick was 8 years old), Brian Leetch from the NY Rangers won it.

Another little tidbit of trivia info – Leetch and Quick both went to school at Avon Old Farms in Connecticut and played in Hockey East (Leetch at Boston College, Quick at UMass Amherst).  Oh and Thomas went to University of Vermont – also a Hockey East school.  HOCKEY EAST REPRESENT!

Daddy, you won! Can I have some M&Ms?

The game itself had a intensity befitting a potential Stanley Cup cliniching game and there can be no doubt that its defining moment came in the first period when the Devils’ Steve Bernier boarded Rob Scuderi.

Scuderi was left bloodied and bruised.

Bernier felt shame and was ejected, resulting in a five-minute power play for the Kings.

During that five minutes, the captain Dustin Brown, Jeff Carter, and Trevor Lewis each scored goals.  The Kings never looked back.

Brown also added two assists and became just the 2nd American-born captain to raise the Cup.  He managed to accomplish that which the Great One, Wayne Gretzky, could not do in his eight year tenure with the Kings.

Anze Kopitar has poised himself on the edge of NHL super stardom.  He tied for the playoff lead in points (20) and goals (8), and finished a ridiculous +16.  Not only is he the first Slovenian to play in the NHL, but now he’ll be the first ever to have his name engraved on the Cup.

He also is the first ever to wear this in a post-game interview.

All hail King Kopitar!

This team was chockful of talent and size and skill and they peaked at the most perfect time.  Their regular season was inconsistent at best as they struggled to score goals, but something special happened after Darryl Sutter took over the team midseason.

So special in fact, that it earned them the most coveted and respected trophy in all of sports.

We are very much looking forward to the Kings’ summer with the Cup and all the photos, tweets, and stories that will undoubtedly follow.

We want to see Dustin Penner eat some pancakes out of the Cup.

We want to Carter and Richards take the Cup on a sunset stroll on the beach.

But most of all, we want to see the players, and their family, friends, and fans, savor every moment of this incredible accomplishment.

CONGRATS to the 2012 Stanley Cup Champion, Los Angeles Kings!

One Win Away…

- Posted in Bearded and Beautiful, Chuck Loves, Stanley Cup Finals, We Believe, We Love

So Game 5 didn’t exactly turn out as we hoped, but tonight, the Kings have the chance to close out the series (again) and win their first ever Stanley Cup.

While we don’t like the Devils, we have to give them props for not laying down in front of the purple and black freight train and for pushing the series to a Game 6.

Last week, the Devils were down 3-0 in the series, teetering percariously on the edge, Jonathan Quick poised to send them tumbling into the abyss of the SCF sweep.

No goal for you.

But leave it to Marty Brodeur, the 4o year old future Hall of Fame netminder, to bring the Devils back and for the players like Parise, Salvador, and he of the creeper ‘stach, Henrique, to step up big time.

Have the Devils totally messed with the Kings’ hockey chi?  Will they come from 3-0 down to win their 4th Stanley Cup?

Mike Richards and his heterosexual life partner, Jeff Carter are determined to not make that happen.

Their epic bromance will conquer all.

Most epic of bromances.

If there ever was a time that these two needed to step up, it is tonight.

Time to silence all those hater and critics and to show the Flyers fans what they could have had.

I have confidence in the Kings.  They just need to play the way that they’ve been playing the entire playoffs.  With physicality, skill, strength. But most importantly, to play like one being,  a hockey borg, if you will.

Take a deep breath, boys.  Keep calm and carry on.

Exhale.

Marek + Wysh + Chuck

- Posted in Chuck Loves, Puck Daddy, Randomness

In case you missed it, I had the privilege of joining Jeff Marek (@JeffMarek) and Greg Wyshynski (@wyshynski) on their podcast Thursday afternoon.

Go to the 51min mark to hear us chat about hockey, Adam Henrique’s creeper moustache, DPenner’s amazing beard, and boobs.

Hopefully this turns in a regular thing for WUYS.  We love sharing our particular brand of whimsy with the hockey world.

Unfortunately, Pants couldn’t join us this time, but next time…gurrrrrl it is on.

 

Foxy Friday: Conn Smythe Trophy

- Posted in Foxy Friday

Any way it shakes out, this is the last Friday of the 2011-2012 NHL season.  We’re almost afraid to choose a Foxy Friday because they keep doing things like scoring OT game-winning goals. (Adam Henrique.)

Not that we’re changing the course of the Stanley Cup Final or anything.

So, who’s left?

We’ve Foxy Friday-ed the heck out of these teams: Brodeur, Parise, Henrique, Richards, Doughty, Quick, Penner, Carter.  We have even featured the Stanley Cup.

This week, we honor another inamimate object – The Conn Smythe Trophy.

Foxy. Shiny.

We love this trophy.  It looks like something my dad’s  FDNY ski team won back in the 70s, when chairlifts had no safety bars and people wore outfits like this.

The trophy is designed to resemble Toronto’s Maple Leaf Gardens (where Mr. Smythe was the owner, GM and coach) and has a “botanically correct Maple Leaf” on top.  I bet that part comes off and one can wear it as a crown. Maybe I’ll have to be the first to try.

Timmeh.

Unlike MVP trophies in the NFL, NBA and MLB (which are awarded to the most valuable player in that last round), the  Professional Hockey Writers’ Association take the entire post-season into consideration when voting for the Conn Smythe winner.

That said, I don’t believe a player has won who did not make it to the Final.  Am I wrong?

The trophy has been awarded 46 times to 40 different players.

  • 15 times to a goaltender
  • 3 of those times it went to the legendary Patrick Roy (who is the only player to win it more than twice)
  • 5 times to a player whose team lost the Stanley Cup Finals
  • 5 times to a player who was not Canadian.

Bleacher Report recently ranked every Conn Smythe winner ever [link].

God, I love Scott Niedermayer.

Only two Americans have won the Conn Smythe – Brian Leetch and last year, Tim Thomas.  Jonathan Quick could be the third (Chuck and Dawn are nodding vigorously and clapping like seals).

The Conn Smythe is presented right before the Stanley Cup, to which the winner often says –  “Thanks so much, Mr. Bettman.  Here hold my purse. I’ve got this other trophy coming….”

Will we see this maple leaf adored bling tomorrow night?

Hahahahaha. [link]

There’s some support for renaming the Conn Smythe Trophy after it’s first-ever winner, Montreal foward Jean Beliveau.  Gretzky’s all for this [link], and he’s won the Smythe twice.

Personally, we don’t care what you call it.  We just care who wins.

Five Alive

- Posted in Randomness

Oh, Foxy Friday. You never disappoint.

Well, sometimes you disappoint when you shave your goatee into a mustache that means you’re not allowed within 100 feet of a playground.

But then, you score the goal that keeps your team’s dream alive:

And somehow, magically, in the post-game your ‘stache has is approaching the border between ‘okay’ and ‘OKAY?!’

Our cries of, “WTH, who shaves in the playoffs?” were for nothing.  Shaving in the playoffs is the new black.  Henrique ditches the goatee, scores the GWG.  Clarkson removes his beautiful ruddy beard and gets an assist.  The entire Devils squad will be shorn for Game 5.

As you know, Henrique scored the series-ending double OT goal vs. Florida and the series-ending single OT (boring!) goal vs. New York.  The Calder Trophy voting for Rookie of the Year is only supposed to encompass the regular season – have they already voted?  It’s completely unfair if they haven’t, since neither Nugent-Hopkins or Landeskog reached the post-season.  Still, how can this performance not count?!  There’s no impartial jury out there now.

I felt bad that so many people paid so much money to see their team win at home – I dream of this someday being me.  That was quickly outweighed by my selfish desire for hockey season to last all year.  What else can make us so deliriously happy, gut-wrenchingly sad and seat-shiftingly uncomfortable?

Mike Richards.  Chuck called him a “dark swarthy pirate of love” for this look.  I think he’s starting to resemble an Ewok in the Witness Protection Program.  Pierre, of course, is on a first date.  Watch him do the ‘casual arm-swing’ hoping to brush against Mike.  We know all your tricks, little man!!  He’s going to walk Mike right to his door and hope to be invited in.

ACK.  I just threw up in my mouth a little.

Anyway, back to work for both teams Saturday night.  It’s a chance for the Devils to really make this one interesting, or the Kings to extend their record road-game streak.  Either way, I’m glad to get one more game out of this season.

Again? High five.

Tonight is the Night?

- Posted in Newsies, Playoffs

Once, a cat named Lucifer messed with Cinderella.  She chased him off with a broom.  See what I’m saying?

Not pictured: LA Kings

Chuck and I are Red Sox fans, which means leading a playoff series 3-0 is not enough for us.  We know miracles can happen.  (In case you don’t, in ’04 the Yankees were up 3-0 in the ALCS.  The Red Sox won 4 straight, then another 4 to sweep the Cardinals for the World Series.  The screaming, people.  I can’t even describe it.)   The moral of the story is: we don’t count people out.

from www.latimes.com

Tonight, the Kings will try to sweep the Devils to win the first Stanley Cup in franchise history, in front of their home crowd.  This idea gives us crazy butterflies.  Chuck & Dawn are all for the Kings, and I cry every single year when the Cup is presented, no matter who wins.  I just see rainbows and sprinkles and dreams coming true.  It’s like a Lifetime movie.

If the Kings win tonight, it will be the 21st Finals sweep in the modern era (since the NHL went to a best-of-seven format in 1939).  Sweeps happen more often than a series goes to 7 games (16 times).  Only one NHL team has ever come back from 3-0 down in the Final to win the Cup – the 1942 Maple Leafs.

Despite Peggy’s best efforts, the Cup has arrived.

Since 1939, trends in winning the Stanley Cup Final – from NHL.com [link, the formatting is awful]:

•  Teams winning Game One have won the Cup 54 of 69 times (78.3%).

•  Teams winning both Games One and Two have won the Cup 41 of 44 times (93.2%).

•  Teams winning Games One, Two and Three have won the Cup 24 of 25 times (96%).

More sweep fun facts – ESPN.com [link].

15 fun facts about the Kings – USAToday.com [link]

WOW. From www.deadspin.com.

If you’re thinking what we’re thinking, it’s about this.  Or, more accurately, this happening inside a Ke$sha video filmed in a strip-club-on-a-yacht off Huntington Beach where Snoop Dogg drops from a fireworks-shooting helicopter for a rap solo about best friends forever.

I’m just saying that Cup parade/party photos get us through the summer and you know the Kings’ would be epic.  Twitter would melt.  I’d buy stock in pancakes, donuts, liquor and glitter.    Something tells me that Patrick Elias won’t be dancing shirtless on a table a la Tyler Seguin (or even clothed like Patrick Sharp) but we think TBG Drew Doughty might.

(SIDE NOTE: If you Google “Tyler Seguin dance shirtless,” the #5 photo result is Chuck & Tyler and #12 is me & Chuck.  You guys search that term and find our site A LOT, pervs.)

But we’re getting ahead of ourselves.  Things are far from over with 60 minutes on the clock and a goalie who has won 3 Stanley Cups – that’s every Cup the Devils have ever won, on Brodeur’s shoulders.  So, down but not out?  Will the Devils slow the Kings 15-2 playoff run and rain on their parade?  If they get one, they head back to NJ for Game Five on Saturday night.  The Kings have won 10 straight road games… but you have to start somewhere.