All of the Lights

You want fireworks?  The Minnesota Wild celebrated the 4th of July in true American fashion: endeavoring to increase their attractiveness by 100%.  Maybe they want to win some games too.  Their holiday shopping spree picked up Zach Parise and Ryan Suter in matching (how appropriate) 13-year, $98 million contracts.  Well done, America.

Twitter was at Defcon One all day Tuesday and Wednesday.  That thing is worse than a middle school cafeteria for a gossipy game of telephone – and I enjoyed every second of it.  Camp Parise nearly caused a meltdown when they announced they would have an announcement, took ages to get it together, then said Zach was still thinking about it.

It was exactly like DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince singing about a girl who takes so long to get ready for a date that they miss the whole show.

But good for Zach, taking his time deciding which team to spend the rest of his life with.  Parise and Suter’s former teams (NJ and NASH) were in the running to re-sign, as well as other major contenders like Pittsburgh and Detroit.  Comparable offers were made, but both players chose Minnesota from a wide field.  Suter is from Wisconsin and his wife is from Minnesota.  Parise is a Minneapolis hometown hero – they should have a parade for his arrival.  The Wild have a great fan base, with 98.4% home attendance this year [link], despite missing the playoffs in eight of 11 seasons.  How excited are those fans now?

Suter brings the Wild 46 points, a top-notch blue line anchor and his guitar.  You know this guy is fun on the bus!  He knows all the words to your favorite song.

Parise notched 69 points and a Stanley Cup-final run last season.  We hope he packed a whole closet-full of snuggly sweatshirts.

Minnesota ranked #20 in total salaries last season, with over $8 million in cap space.  Currently they have just over $2 million left for next season.  The off-season frenzy turns now to other top available players like Rick Nash and Bobby Ryan.  A team looking to bump up their foxiness could do worse.

Of course Nash & Ryan are not UFAs.  Teams will have to give up big time assets to get them.  Especially Nash – at mid-season, the asking price was sky high.  Now that Parise is off the market, Nash’s value is looking very strong against the dollar. His contract goes through 2018 at $7.5 million and climbing.  Bobby Ryan is younger, cheaper and shorter-term at $5.5 million through 2015.

Plus, he really loves his cat.

Note to Rick Nash: Come to Pittsburgh! We didn’t get Zach, but you’re not our second choice. Well, maybe Crosby’s.  Either way, he needs a winger like he needs bigger pockets and we’re sick of hearing about it.  You can run people over before they get their hands on the Kid.  Imagine the scenario: Sid + Rick vs. Geno + James for which line can score more goals?!  I flail.  What about the Crosby, Stills & Nash jokes to be ruined by whoever gets that other wing?

Either of these guys to the Pens results in screaming that you’ll hear from your houses or cars.  What about the Caps?  They need to replace Semin!  They have money!  Okay, I’m getting ahead of myself.  One of these guys to the Flyers and Pam & Deb will never let us hear the end of it!  I just can’t help it if I want this on one of my teams:

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  1. Chuck Reply

    Serious dent in the bank account. Hope it all works out for them. Otherwise they might be cutting coupons and applying for food stamps.

    • MouthGuard Reply

      NO KIDDING. If Zach gets injured and is taken out for an entire season like what happened last year, I shudder to think… It’s a LOT of money to sink into two guys. Sutes has hardly ever been hurt (knock on wood) but it just doesn’t allow them a lot of wiggle room to troubleshoot if either of them are out for any reason.

      I am extremely excited for Minnesota hockey fans, though. I adored the North Stars back in the olden days and this just warms my heart. I’m happy both guys got to go back home, so to speak, and even happier for their families. Roots are powerful things.

  2. Gurrrrl, you know us so well! Seeing as Nasher is Deb’s top gun and Silver is, like, my all-time fave, it would definitely be insanity. Our fan base is less jazzed about the idea of Rick, but Bobbo… quite the contrary. Bobby hails from Cherry Hill, NJ and his dad works for THE Bobby Clarke. Oh, and that cat he’s petting… named after Pelle Lindbergh! It just makes sense to come home! (As always though, either player would be greatly appreciated in Washington!)

  3. Tiffany (@xxbrokdreamsxx) Reply

    I am so upset over this. I’m a Devils fan and it still hasn’t hit me yet–even though I saw the Parise and Suter Wild jerseys for sale already. HOW CAN YOU ZACH?! You were the reason why I actually gave hockey a chance and went to a game with my brother. YOU!! I get the fact that you want to be closer to your home and family, especially since you are getting married two weeks from Saturday. But you are who you are because of the Devils. WHAT ABOUT YOUR BROMANCE WITH TRAVIS!? 🙁

    What I am more upset about how you basically led everyone on to thinking you will be resigning. You kept using “we” and “us”. You told fans “don’t worry”. Now, you are just digging yourself in a deepr hole when you said “I’m loyal” and “no ties to No. 9”.

    I hate to say this, but be prepared to get booed when you return to the Rock on Nov 11. And ironically, on 11/11, you will return with the number 11 back on your back.

    Talk about pouring salt on an open wound from where the loss of the Cup left off.

    • Pants Reply

      We feel for you, Tiffany. The Devils did as they said and really made a play to keep him. Even after they narrowly avoided arbitration last season, NJ made him captain. That shows a kind of faith and promise I doubt many teams would exercise. We’re sorry for you, but you still have loads of talent!

      • Tiffany (@xxbrokdreamsxx) Reply

        🙂 ahh I had to let that out, haha. But you are right,we he loads of talent. And still have my favorite Henrique :)))! But I wonder with Parise’s, Suter’s, and even Crosby’s huge contract, if the league will do anything becuase it’s circumventing the cap (appropraite term? huge brain freeze right now!) They are similar to Kovy’s contract not too long ago whih we got fined.

        Is it October yet? :)!

  4. I couldn’t handle Nash in Philly. I’d lose my job and probably be the recipient of a restraining order. Though if my Lobster goes to the Pens I’ll play his Under Armour commercial on a loop and sob into my CBJ jersey. Hey, GMGM…help us out!?!

  5. All I can think is….”Jesus, that photo of him leaving the locker room?” BABY.


  6. Chuck Reply

    Can we please use the Rick Nash/Puppy gif in everyone of our posts?