As I’ve said before, I LOVE GOALIES! So my pick this week is Miikka Kiprusoff, the Finish Bronze medalist from the 2010 Olympics. He told his country ” If I can’t be your number one goalie, I’m not interested in going.” Guess what kids? He went.
He’s carried Calgary for the past 8 years. He won the Vezina Trophy in 2006.
He fights. He’s got attitude. He has a dark side. Me likey lots!
I have a dark side
He keeps to himself and doesn’t like to do interviews. At the end of the season, he packs up his belongings and bolts back to Finland.
add strippers, smoking and beer ....
The few interviews he does give, he talks about how he ‘doesn’t like people in his area’ referring to the blue markings around the goal. When asked to whom he was referring to as ‘people’ he replies with an odd smirk, ‘anyone’. Alrighty then!
I love him. He’s not your typical pin-up boy – he’s a throw back to kickin’ it old skool – when men were men. He can grow a play-off beared in a day – not a month – like Sid … oops. I promised.
I doubt he’ll end up on Battle of the Blades when he retires but he’s so hard core, he’s the Chuck Norris of goalies, he doesn’t retire, Hockey would retire.
So Miikka, you’re my pick for Foxy Friday, you Finish Kipper Snack, a tasty treat for all.
Mike Green got a ‘stinger’ in the third period last night against the Islanders and had to leave the game. Pants then hopped a plane immediately to put a band-aid on it and ran her fingers through his hair.
I couldn’t find any footage of said ‘stinger’ so I decided in honor of Pants’ birthday week and because the hockey news is slow, here’s a “What does Mikey like…” YouTube interview. Watch Fidget’s tongue through the interview. I know Pants will be!
Mikey was given a ‘maintenance’ day but is expected to skate tomorrow but I suspect he just called in sick and is watching THE HANGOVER with Pants and eating sushi. No comment. 😉
Mike! I told you the fight was plenty, and the sweaty Ovi workout shirt you stole for Dawn. Please stop lavishing me with gifts for our joint birthday celebration. Good thing it’s over, I’m not sure what else you might do.
Caps TV did a totally boring Mike Green birthday segment in which Mike showed off this hair. No casual helmet toss or Fighting Irish stance – this is gel, mousse and possibly a blow dryer. Or a protractor. (FYI: I had to straight up Google “math tool half circle” to remember what that was called.)
This brings us to a very valid old time hockey topic: Hockey Hair. Chuck and I have long rejoiced in the glory of hockey hair, most specifically when it comes to Mike Modano. He never could close his mouth all the way and his wife dated a Backstreet Boy, but his hair is glorious.
Shampoo commercial.
The rule of Hockey Hair is best summed up by Austin Powers: “Feed my fish. Not too much!” Just enough to show from under your helmet, not enough to add extra cranial padding. And it’s not necessarily a mullet – in fact, with Intergalactic Mullet Champion Barry Melrose hanging around, it’s best not to even try. Unless you’re Jaromir Jagr, who once fled Pittsburgh fans at the mall by ducking into a store, buying a dress and coming out costumed as the ugliest woman alive. Not a joke. Also Patrick Kane, who would have gotten this as a fraternity bet even if he didn’t play hockey. That or shave off his eyebrows.
Buzz cut, steps and BANGS. That shizz has BANGS.
A few guys sport the full ‘fro – I can talk because my hair looks like this. But I’m a girl. At least I would have have the sense to ponytail that nonsense before putting on a helmet. Not to mention – aren’t you sweating? My hair is like a sweater on my head and gets everywhere – I can barely eat without a hair tie.
Guess the hockey players.
There is a place for this – on unattractive guys. Comedy hair, if you will. It works or it doesn’t, but we will always remember you. Then there are some guys who rock it right – and totally rock without it – for whom hockey hair is the crowning glory on their total package of awesome.
Staal (beardfail), Letang (beardwin, FML)... and Forsberg, the king.
Chuck and Dawn – who did I miss? Anyone whose locks you can’t live without? Where is the evolution of hockey hair leading? We could go bald-is-sexy like Getzlaf, or curl & dye like Henrik Lundqvist… if there aren’t any variations left on Mike’s mohawk.
One week into the ’10-’11 season and suspensions have already become a major issue for the NHL. First, Mike Cammalleri got himself suspended for the Habs home opener for losing his shizz with Isles rookie Nino Niederreiter. And this week…
Islanders’ James Wiseniewski was suspended 2 games for this gem. While I do not condone this kind of behavior, I did burst out laughing. Then watched it again. The NHL called it an “inappropriate gesture” and enacted the Repeat Offender clause of the CBA, since Wizzer was suspended 2 games for a head shot on Shane Doan in ’09 and 8 games for a rocking Brent Seabrook last March. Wizzer is criminally stupid – cameras, people, cameras ALL over the building. And this isn’t even creative – who doesn’t want to tell Sean Avery to suck it?
The controversy is more about the NHL’s apparent refusal to assess suspensions that actually punish teams and players for infractions. In this case, I think the suspension is fine: The Islanders are basically adrift and starving on a raft made of luggage thrown overboard from the Titanic, especially now that Tavares may be battling serious concussion symptoms. (Sorry CI.) With or without Wizzer for 2 games or 5, I don’t see the big impact.
But there are more interesting scenarios. Blackhawks Niklas Hjalmarsson has been suspended 2 games for a hit-from-behind that had Sabres’ Jason Pominville wheeled off on a stretcher. Here’s the rub: Hjalmarsson’s suspension expires Saturday – when the Hawks play the Sabres again.
Brilliant timing by the League? The hit/injury ratchets up the rivalry, speeds up the game and gives the players the chance to police themselves – something they should be doing anyway. Retribution is fine, just keep it clean. Voice of sanity Ryan Miller agrees.
Or bear-baiting by the League? Buffalo comes out gunning, the game gets messy. Then what? You’re calling borderline penalties, chopping up momentum and flow, all to keep something from boiling over. Bad blood exists regardless, but does putting Hjalmarsson back on the ice Saturday night make it open season? Patrick Kaleta is polishing off his Bertuzzi portrait.
It’s shaping up to be a long year for the NHL, so prepare yourself for future suspension-worthy hits, fights and general tomfoolery with this brilliant flowchart from DownGoesBrown.com.
Before giving me the password to anything, you should have considered that inside my brain, it usually looks like this:
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
I get *really* excited *really* easily. So last night while Chilean miners were being pulled from the center of the Earth, I was screaming at the Avs/Wings shootout. Not because I don’t care, but because the shootout is the best thing in hockey. And Anderson Cooper was making me cry. Brandon Yip got the only shootout goal to give the Avs the win – see the very pretty video. Pavel Datsyuk scored his 200th career goal in the tilt. Elsewhere, Slash performed the National Anthem at the Kings home opener (not interesting) and Ryan Smith had 2 goals (even less interesting).
Since last night was boring, I bring you exciting news from today:
Jordan (my favorite) Staal skated at Consol this morning, stoking the dreams of Pens fans and women everywhere that he will soon grace the game with his golden retriever-like enthusiasm and give us 7 months of looking at him before he decides to grow a playoff beard. The lingering infection in his foot, suffered after a lacerated tendon and a heroic same-series return, has kept him out of action all summer. Hurry up, Gronk! You, me, November 5 in Anaheim. Don’t be late.
About a month ago, I posted my thoughts about the newest Boston Bruin, Nathan Horton.
Bruins have been dying for a finisher ever since Phil Kessel left and me thinks that this Horton guy and his nasty wrist shot might be it. Granted this all remains to be seen, I mean there is a whole season to play, but the prospect has me all googily-eyed and optimistic.
Well, two games into the season, folks and it is official…
I am googily.
Horton is off to a very promising start for the Bs, netting 3 goals and 1 assist in the two games that the team played vs. the Coyotes in Prague over the weekend. He scored the only goals for the Bruins in the 1st game, where they got embarrassed by Coyotes goaltender Ilya Nikolayevich Bryzgalov, who was phenomenal.
Horton scored two goals from pretty much the same spot on the ice (top of the slot). His wrist shot is ridonkulous and his release is so quick. It was like the puck got to him and half a second later, the goal judge is lighting the lamp. Huh? Wait, what just happened? Thank god for the replay or I wouldn’t have ever seen the puck actually go into the net.
So I know that it is super early in the season, but I’m going to channel my inner Chris Berman Swammy and make a prediction:
Nathan Horton will score 35 goals this year.
There. I said it. Sure it may be bold but like the Black Eyed Peas said, “I got a feeling…”
Speaking of Bryzgalov, aka Bryz –
1) this dude is a #1 freak of the goalie variety
It's gonna be a tight squeeze, fellas...
He’s 6’3″ and weights 200lbs, which if you don’t know, is like GIGANTIC for a netminder. There is barely any net to shoot on when you have someone that large in the net, especially when he gets down into the butterfly position. Shooters have to have a crazy Superman vision to pick out the infinitesimal amount of net that they can actually shoot at.
What?! Yeah … those crazy Canadians! It’s the second week of Battle of the Blades and this week’s theme was BRINGING SEXY BACK but trust me, Justin Timberlake was NO WHERE IN SIGHT! It came down to Tom Warner and Georges Laraque in the final skate off.
Tom skated to Bret Michael’s “Every Rose Has It’s Thorn” and I could hear Bret already cashing his royalty cheque (that’s Canadian for check to you US peeps) before the ink was dry and JR had finished taking a cold shower. Tom and his skating skank did something called shooting the dick, I mean, shooting the duck – I’m surprised JR didn’t make that slip! But JR did say that he would have split his pants and pulled both his hammies if he had tried that moved. Me thinks he would have pulled a few other things too!
Goodbye Georges ...
Anywho ..moving on to one of my personal faves, Georges skated to Seal’s “A Kiss From a Rose” with his little adorable skating munchkin. He didn’t quite bring sexy back but he did skate well and do a double throw – far better technically than Tom but because he didn’t provide sexual favors, he got the boot. BOO-HISS! But he was gracious in his exit and I will miss seeing him.
Now, I also have to add that ValKat tied for the lead technically giving a breath taking performance to 007’s “The Look of Love” and frickin’ melted the TV screen – NOW THAT WAS SEXY – YOW! And I was surprise the ice held up after he skated and didn’t melt from sheer hottness!
Not the mention the horribly sad interview with Valerie about how he and his family had little to eat when he was growing up in Russia and that is why he is skating for the charity that helps children in poverty all over the world. It was also HILARIOUS hearing him slam Florida saying that “No one cares about hockey there.” hahahahaha Love you, Val! Love you!
I long to be, close to you ... MY Birthday present!
Stay tuned for next week’s installation for SKATING WITH VALERIE- RUSSIAN HOTTIE!
We interrupt your regularly scheduled episode of Mike Greek Paid for This for a special occasion – Happy Birthday to Everyone! Okay, not everyone – Happy Birthday Pants (today) and Mike Green (tomorrow).
Mike buying my present.
For my birthday, Mike decided to roll up his sleeves and fight Ilya Kovalchuk on Saturday night. It wasn’t a great fight – almost hard to tell if either guy landed a single punch. Dawn sent me 8 real-time texts including one calling Mike “kind of a sissy.” But I thought it was pretty even, with a lot of long-arm reaching and square dancing. Maybe Mike remembered too late that he’s skinny now, and Kovy outweighs him by 30 pounds. Maybe he remembered that I really like his face the way it is. The highlight is that they both calmly toss their helmets, like two hood rats taking off their earrings and press-on nails. Mike does everything but wink at me, then debuts his new Wolverine hair-do: the un-hawk!
The rest of my birthday wishes could easily be fulfilled by Jordan Staal bringing me a box of Ring Dings and a case of Yuengling before joining the starting lineup at the Pens/Ducks game on Nov 5. I’m not asking for much. Maybe it’s a lot to carry and Staalsy asks a friend for help?
I took today off from work so I could spend it watching the Pens, Caps and Hawks games, visit my SF-based Pittsburgh bar and eat every 2 hours without being judged. I’m hoping for some serious goal scoring and maybe Toews making fun of Kane. Just a little. Happy birthday everyone!!
Anze Kopitar goes from looking like Malkin’s ugly younger brother to…
After getting a stick to the face from Canuck’s Manny Malhotra and 18 stitches later and several lost teeth he comes back to haunt Vancouver with the winning shoot out goal! Take that Sedin twins – no form of, no super powers – even Count von Count couldn’t save them – one goal, two goals! I think I’m in love!
This is your Captain speaking. We’re ringing in the start of the new season with one of the best things about last season: Jonathan Toews.
God Bless J Crew. And forearms.
HELLO NURSE. Jon’s about 15 years old (okay 22), Canadian of course, and enjoys eating all his vegetables, playing country music on his guitar and taking long walks by the lake that Manitoba named after him. He opens doors for girls and never gets mad when you flub the made-up pronunciation of his last name. Occasionally he busts out a one-liner at Patrick Kane that makes me want to turn him into an iPhone app and carry him in my pocket.
Happy Birthday, Matt Damon. Wait, that's not...
We’ve decided Tazer is the nicest guy in the whole world. If you lived next door to him, he’d totes mow your lawn for free when he finished his own and offer to shovel your driveway. You might come home one day to JT, on a ladder, cleaning your gutters because he noticed a lot of runoff near the flower bed he was just replanting. And he wouldn’t say a thing about the way you’re staring at him.
Look at him trying not to laugh!
If Jon hooked together all the shiny hardware he won in 2010, he could solar-power his house: Gold Medal, Stanley Cup, Conn Smythe. He’s also featured on the cover NHL ’11 and this month’s Chicago-area Michigan Avenue magazine. Sure, he’s Captain Serious and sometimes (okay, a LOT of times) he’s a really boring interview. Good thing he’s got a face that was made for the mute button. And maybe a summer with Kaner will rub off on him –no shirtless drunken cab fights, but a shot of tequila and the Macarena? Just one? He can be funny, we’ve seen it.
He's thinking about it.
We’re willing to overlook the playoff mutton chops – but only once, please don’t get superstitious and try this again. Your baby face is more aerodynamic anyway, and it’s really all we need.
Normally, when I wake up, I just roll out of bed and shuffle my way to the bathroom, bleary eyed and half asleep, with maybe a “good morning” grunt to my roommate.
But today was different.
When I woke up, I had extra pep in my step. Sure it could have been that the sun was finally peeking out after 3 days of non stop misery and rain. Or maybe it was the fact that the long weekend is almost here. But nay, it was something less entirely! It was….
NHL FACE-OFF 2010!!
Today marks the first day of the 2010-2011 NHL Hockey season and I think that I can speak for my fellow WUYS that we are totes excited. Totes MaGoats Excited! We’re sort of like Buddy the Elf when he finds out that Santa is coming. SANTA!!!
This season of promise kicks off with three games today:
I think we all know where Pants will be for the Pens game. If you live in the San Francisco area and hear screaming and screeching, don’t be alarmed. Do not call the police. It just because they showed a shirtless Sidney Crosby doing squats in his Reebok Zig sneakers.
Boston Bruins start their season on Saturday the first of two games versus the Phoenix Coyotes in lovely, historical Prague, but the first stop on their Eurotrip was Belfast, Northern Ireland.
Personally, I LOVE that the NHL is taking the game global, if for nothing else than more BOYCH MEETS WORLD episodes, feature B’s defenceman Johnny Boychuk, who might be the most adorable Edmonton, Albertonian EVER! Plus I dig his last name.
It’s our favorite time of year – time for wild predictions that will make you a chump in April. We have consulted the shine of Barry Melrose’s hair and cast leaves in a bowl of Jeremy Roenick’s tears. And now WUYS brings you…
Conference and Stanley Cup Champ predictions, 2010-2011
Politically incorrect to lift him over your head.
Chocolate Iced predicts:
Eastern Conf. Champs – Capitals
Western Conf. Champs – Blackhawks
Stanley Cup Champions – Capitals
CI – Faith in the Capitals may finally be rewarded. After an early exit in ’09 and an absolute implosion last year, could this be the year they deliver on all that promise? Ovi called their loss “embarrassing” – this from a man who dances on a boat in a pair of Dawn’s underwear. He knows no shame except defeat.
Dawn predicts:
Eastern Conf. Champs – Capitals
Western Conf. Champs – Canucks
Stanley Cup Champions – Capitals
Dawn can’t believe she wrote Vancouver, but she’s hoping for a battle of the coasts. Not least of all because it’s the closest hockey to her house and she’d happily evade the Mountie border patrol for the chance to see Ovi in action. He’s is undoubtedly the Beast of the East.
Chuck predicts:
Eastern Conf. Champs – Capitals
Western Conf. Champs – Blackhawks
Stanley Cup Champions – Blackhawks
Chuck going out on a limb with the repeat – could turn out to be a very safe bet. With lots of off-season changes, everyone’s anxious to see how the Hawks gel. If Turco can get it done in net, we expect to see them well into next summer.
Pants predicts:
Eastern Conf. Champs – Penguins
Western Conf. Champs – Blackhawks
Stanley Cup Champions – Penguins
Pants has cast Mike Comrie as the guest star in How Malkin Got His Groove Back. They have a lot of young talent that knows how to win. And you can bet their first early summer in 3 years (a lifetime when you’re 22!) stung like a bitch. Hunger and expectation should put the Pens right back in it.
What Pants would look like during a Pens/Hawks Cup final:
And there’s a really good chance that Jonathan Toews would just make out with Sidney Crosby. JT’s totally crushing on Sid – the blushing, giggling, teenage girl kind. (Warning: This video is squee-tastic. Tazer says “ass.” Girls will die.)
(Video via a couple of sites, originating with sheesusnat and k diddy on LiveJournal. We don’t know them, but we really love them.)
A special WUYS message to the San Jose Sharks:
Chuck: Dear Joe Thornton, I wanted to pick you vs. the Bruins for sentimental reasons (Bruins for the Cup, natch). But you have toyed with my emotions. You do all your post-game interviews shirtless then you never show up in the playoffs or remember my birthday. I’ve been doing the walk of shame for you since ’97 and this year… well, this year is your last chance. I mean it.
Pants: San Jose, let’s talk. On a tin can phone since you’re right down the street. ’09 was the pits – President’s Cup and punked by the Ducks in the first round. Alas, the Pens won, so I don’t give a crap about you. Last year was better… being swept sucks, but at least the Hawks went on to win the Cup. This year, if you pull it together, we promise to do the “Fins” dance in your honor.
So when TMZ reported that Mr. Duff’s Mercedes something or other was being repossessed and he has refused to pay for it or give it back, I had visions of that show on A&E or Tru TV – REPO! Which would have been totally awesome! I could see the little pug nose leprechaun sitting on his hood with Hil in the background screaming how humiliating it was and that huge bleach blonde pulling on Mr. Duff’s legs as he kicks and screams and tantrums.
Mike would have met his match
Adding insult to injury, TMZ reported that Mr. Duff must had married Mrs. Duff for her money – OBVIOUSLY – because she is raking in those bucks NOW. I’m sure those royalty checks from Disney and that pay cut he took to join the Penguins keep her stocked in bon bons for sure.
HOWEVER .. all is not so in the Mr. Hilary Duff household. Mrs. Hilary Duff is not as dumb as we all thought. Mr. Duff is heir to The Brick furniture dynasty in Canada – a 500 million company. Yes, 500 million dynasty. So I would guess that Daddy bought the gaudy babble on Hil’s finger, if not her as well for baby boy; bought Mr. Duff’s way into the Penguin’s locker room because baby boy wanted a ring – and not Hil’s ring although I’m sure they probably take turns wearing it. This would also would explain why baby boy could afford the pay cut too.
I knew there was something rotten in Denmark, I mean Pittsburgh, and this time it wasn’t Sidney! Go figure!
The NHL released this video outlining the rule changes for 2010-2011. Brush up, so you’re not yelling at the refs for a bad call that’s actually a good call and everyone around you knows it. No one wants to be that guy. Thank God for some of these stricter rules – the slo-mo shots of blindisde hits to the head is terrible to watch.
Warning Chuck, Savvy’s in there. (Pens fan hangs her head in shame.) There’s also one of Greener getting creamed – cringe. God bless defensemen.
Habs’ Mike Cammalleri got himself suspended for the season opener for slashing Isles rookie Nino Niederreiter – first to the head, then to the ankle. Nino may have thrown a questionable hit prior in the play, but children, listen to your mother. Stabbing someone in the face with a hockey stick like you’re grilling a steak is not acceptable. Now go sit in the corner while the season starts without you.
OK – so I’m sitting here watching the results show for BOTB II and as I noted there was no way Canadians were going to let the Russians win, but I didn’t think they were going to send them home TONIGHT! Good God! They had the highest score Sunday from the judges. Luckily, the judges have the final say in the skate off and I don’t think they will let them go…tonight.
I was going to save this rant for another time, but here it goes. The NHL has allowed their players to play in the Olympics including this past year because CANADA hosted them. NOW – when RUSSIA is going to host the next Olympics, they are going to possibly revoke NHL players from participating thus that would crush Ovi’s possibility of winning gold in 2014 – quite a snub. Even though Ovi has said that no matter what the NHL decides, he is playing in Socchi in 2014. And props to Sidney in supporting Ovi’s desire.
I rant to Mr. Cherrie about my Hockey Husband Don’s comments ALL THE TIME that not only Russian hockey players but eastern European players have to play at a level greater than any Canadian hockey player to even be considered to compete on the ice. Yes, Canada you gave us hockey but don’t whine when someone else can do it better. Step up your game and be glad people love it!
But thank goodness! ValKat escaped the penalty box and even the judges said they shouldn’t have been in the bottom two. He will live again to ice dance into my heart for next week’s theme of .. wait for it … “BRINGING SEXY BACK” oh yeah!
OMG it’s Monday. Fidget Fan Club presidential failure underway! All (3) of you will read this Tuesday, but I’m milking the PST time zone for all it’s worth. Working is totally overrated when you could be Googling Mike Green. Since we’ve had plenty to say on WUYS today, I will keep this one short:
Mike Green Paid for This – Episode Four: The Jacuzzi
Let it be known that I not only love this, I want one. And something about me really appreciates the ostentation of having a hot tub on your porch in a city that got 257 feet of snow in a week last winter. When Dawn thinks about the Official Caps Polar Bear Hot Tub Party, she gets a little woozy.
everyone into the pool!
It’s probably not a time machine, but maybe it takes you back to an age when that egg chair was cool. It also had to be lifted onto his deck by a crane (hot!) and some kind of waterfall action at the back (double-hot!). My favorite parts are the wet footprints and the red plastic frat party cup on the back – like you just missed a much more interesting photo.
You know Mike wanted something with a water slide, but opted for the TV when he ran out of room. Like the time Mr. Pants and I wanted a hammock for our balcony that literally meant hanging openly over the sidewalk three floors below.
And, because I cannot leave you without a tiny squee, a single picspam:
1. My apologies to Pants, you wont need to become a Canadian citizen to ice dance with Sid because this season they have graciously allowed a US judge, JR, AND a Russian couple – Valerie Bure and Ekaterina Gordeeva – she’s the only figure skater I had ever heard of. I would predict that they would win this because they simply blew everyone else way with technique. chemistry and movement, but there is no way in h-e-double hockey sticks that Canada is going to let a Russian couple walk away with the title for their highest rated show. And since the couples are voted on by both the judges and the audience, it will be a Canadian couple that wins – Sorry Valerie but you are a hottie-boom-ba-lottie! You can ice dance with me any time!
he dances like the wind
2. The Canadians have engineered some kind of Austin Powers figure skating fembot because these chicks either have some kind of death wish, are on death row and being forced to participate or have already been dropped on their heads so many times they don’t know any better because there is no way in hell I would let any of these guys touch me let alone throw me in the air or twirl me like a swizzle stick in a cocktail – many of which I am sure they are still throwing back! (OK – except for Valerie … move over Ovi …. yes, I just said that!)
3. Theo Fleury is the Mickey Rourke of Ice Dancing with his guyliner and black fingernail polish. I can’t believe I just wrote that but I did. And you know what, he looked kind of hot and he skated well. His program wasn’t as hard as some of the others but his presentation was great.
no guyliner here ...
4. Georges Laraques did an awesome job and is my sentimental favorite for pure heart, lovability and the fact that JR said he had the biggest a** on figure skates!
yoga butt is good!
5. Which brings me to JR, you just never know what is going to come out of his mouth from out right flirting with the figure skaters – particularly the Russian cutie to telling everyone oh, wait that’s #6.
6. When they started to announce the guest the judge, Mr. Cherrie started to go into apoplectic shock and I knew what was coming because there is only one man who can cause that kind of anger in Mr. Cherrie. I had to put a pillow over his head and sit on him but that didn’t stop the hockey Tourette’s that spewed forth about how Brett Hull cheated to win the Stanley Cup for the next hour and half. JR announced to everyone that after his wife had met Brett Hull she was so smitten with him she made him name their son after him. Really? OK, I may have to take back everything I said about JR in my last post. Being sensitive is one thing, being PW’d is another and then admitting it on national TV is just plain well, I am so tragically devastated I can’t even go there. Or maybe they have an open marriage and their son really is Brett Hull’s.
7. Next week I predict a caribou or musk ox as the guest judge. It’s Canada … They gave us BOTB! Why not?
Well, most of us anyway. The NHL debuted their new ad campaign over the weekend: Questions Will Become Answers. I thought this slogan was kinda lame until I saw the videos. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? (Sorry CI, but a girl needs a moment here.) Did I make an entire ad campaign and completely forget?! Because this is exactly what I would have done. Now I’m giving out my own awards for these spots:
#1: Jonathan Toews – Winner winner, chicken dinner. I love JT so much he should just join the damned Penguins already. Oh, to have been in the meeting where someone said “Toews” and “squats” in the same sentence. That sound you hear is my dead body hitting the floor.
#2: Ryan Miller – Miller Time! He makes me want to sing the National Anthem. The idea of this drill makes my left hand hurt, and I’m pretty sure this is my old neighborhood in Queens. Bonus points for excellent hair.
#3: Sidney Crosby – Could have been better. And by ‘better’ I mean ‘lower.’ Still, he is so impressive you don’t need to see anything but his sneakers and his face.
#4: Ovi – This one’s for Dawn. I can’t rank him above Sid (ever) and I think he could have been wearing a tank top. Right? But the man is a beast. I feel like this rope workout is a favorite Russian pastime.
#5: Mike Cammalleri – I don’t like you. Stay in this parking lot all season and don’t bother us. I would have picked someone else for this slot – think of what we’re missing! Shawn Thornton, Jarome Iginla, hell even a Flyer (but not Pronger). Eh, 4 out of 5 ain’t bad.
After the CBC canceled MVP: The Secret Lives of Hockey Wives – the BEST TV SHOW EVER! (Ok, besides Legend of the Seeker but that got canceled too) it left a void in the female hockey viewer’s life. But weep no more! They have given us BATTLE OF THE BLADES! The Canadian version of Dancing with the Has Beens only they have cast retired NHL players and paired them with Canadian figure skaters! It’s flipping priceless and tonight is the season premiere of the second season! Yes, you heard me – THE SECOND SEASON!
Here’s the line up for this year and don’t worry if you don’t know them – I had to look up some of them too! Valerie Bure, Georges Laraque, P.J. Stock, Todd Warriner, Patrice Brisebois, Theo Fleury, Kelly Chase and Russ Courtnall.
Skating with the Has Beens
The best part of all this is that the great Jeremy Roenick is one of the judges. You heard me! The only man able to go toe to toe with Mike Milbury on NBC and hold his ground, the man who wept opening on national TV when the Chicago Blackhawks won the Stanley Cup and won over every woman who watches hockey!
Jeremy - we love you!
They call it a LOVE STORY between figuring skating and ice hockey – words straight from Kurt Browning – one of the hosts!
They even broke into HNIC yesterday to tell us that Georges Laraque had caught a blade to the forehead and received 12 stitches but would still be able to perform tonight live! YES! Figuring skating AND blood!
So here are my two cents … Since Sidney Crosby has already achieved everything he can possibly achieve in hockey from an Olympic gold medal to the Stanley cup at the tender age of 23, he could retire and that would make him eligble for next season’s BATTLE OF THE BLADES! Then, Pants, you could move to Canada, become naturalized, a pro figure skater and then you could be paired with Sidney! The two of you could practice in Mario Lemieux’s backyard pond for endless hours to the theme song of ICE CASTLES as he gently tosses you in the air and throws you between his legs!
You two would be MONEY to win the… ah … well, Sidney’s charity would win the money. But you’d would have hours alone with him! And then Sidney would have truly accomplished EVERYTHING the Canadian Golden boy could in hockey.
