This is your Captain speaking.  We’re ringing in the start of the new season with one of the best things about last season: Jonathan Toews.

God Bless J Crew. And forearms.

HELLO NURSE. Jon’s about 15 years old (okay 22), Canadian of course, and enjoys eating all his vegetables, playing country music on his guitar and taking long walks by the lake that Manitoba named after him.  He opens doors for girls and never gets mad when you flub the made-up pronunciation of his last name.  Occasionally he busts out a one-liner at Patrick Kane that makes me want to turn him into an iPhone app and carry him in my pocket.

Happy Birthday, Matt Damon. Wait, that's not...

We’ve decided Tazer is the nicest guy in the whole world.  If you lived next door to him, he’d totes mow your lawn for free when he finished his own and offer to shovel your driveway.  You might come home one day to JT, on a ladder, cleaning your gutters because he noticed a lot of runoff near the flower bed he was just replanting.  And he wouldn’t say a thing about the way you’re staring at him.

Look at him trying not to laugh!

If Jon hooked together all the shiny hardware he won in 2010, he could solar-power his house: Gold Medal, Stanley Cup, Conn Smythe.  He’s also featured on the cover NHL ’11 and this month’s Chicago-area Michigan Avenue magazine.  Sure, he’s Captain Serious and sometimes (okay, a LOT of times) he’s a really boring interview.  Good thing he’s got a face that was made for the mute button.  And maybe a summer with Kaner will rub off on him –no shirtless drunken cab fights, but a shot of tequila and the Macarena?  Just one?  He can be funny, we’ve seen it.

He's thinking about it.

We’re willing to overlook the playoff mutton chops – but only once, please don’t get superstitious and try this again.  Your baby face is more aerodynamic anyway, and it’s really all we need.