An interview in English for a Russian TV station that’s dubbed in French?
Can’t hear over the sound of Viktor Stalberg’s perfection anyway.
Go ahead and watch it in full screen glory. The light from the camera gets a little warm toward the middle, I think. This director should tell Viktor he can take off the hat/parka/anything else he feels like.
His eyelashes are so long they make shadows. Jeeeeeeeeeez.
Viktor has played 4 games for HC Atlant, and has two assists and a +2 rating. No reports on what was happening with his hair.
Metric system, I would enjoy whatever number I weigh if Viktor’s tipping the scales at 95. Especially if he’s 191 tall.
Who cares what day it is when there’s nothing to look forward to?!
Listen, Bettman. I need hockey. Not just for the skating, shooting, scoring and screaming. I need a pre-game skate at the Verizon Center bumping “I Get a Good Feeling” and this man with no helmet on while I cling to a Dunkin’ Donuts ice tea and try not to faint into someone’s expensive rinkside seat.
I cannot even even wait till Monday. Mike Green has honest-to-God hockey hair and I need to see it IRL.
Honestly, Mike could not be less my type of guy (except for the Canadian and hockey parts). Tattos and long hair and hipsters? Bring ’em on! This Dorothy will never surrender. If he wants to live in these woods with no iron for his shirt, that’s fine. I hate ironing. Also skinny jeans have EXTRA small pockets, an excellent showcase for hand tattoos.
This holiday season, I’m thankful for Foxy Fridays, and friends who send me the same MG52 photo within minutes of each other in the middle of the freaking night. Amanda & Deb, I hope Santa is good to you this year.
Let’s talk about this photo James Neal posted on Twitter the other day, after a backyard hockey game at Gary Roberts’ house.
First of all, Gary Roberts, why aren’t you my father? Also, if you have any daughters I presume you’ve locked them up before inviting your padawans over.
Secondly, this would never work on me because I’d spend my life on Google learning how to break out of more traps than Houdini.
Really though, James Neal is that guy you’re both excited and terrified to see at home over the holidays. Pretend you knew (of) him in high school, but he isn’t on TV or online or this blog every day. Pretend you’re not really into hockey. So it’s been a while since you’ve seen a picture, and longer since you’ve seen the Real Deal in person. But back in the day, you probably had a crush so awkward it was only rivaled by the way you hid behind your locker when he walked past.
Let’s just guess that James hid from girls a few times too.
Back then, hockey players made you nervous. And that time he borrowed your 500 cl beaker in chemistry class was not enough to break this ice. You settled for yearbook photos and coded texts from friends.
And you started watching a lot of hockey. When James was drafted on ’05, you screamed like they’d announced an *N Sync reunion tour and that Facebook was cooler than MySpace all at the same time.
Your mom knew what was up, but she never said a word. Just gave you that look when you made her drive you and your friends to another game.
By the time you could drive yourself, James was getting noticed professionally. Even when he had frosted tips. We all fell for that once.
Then you lost track of James. By 2007, he’d moved to Iowa and you weren’t sure where that was. Certainly it did not have Orlando Bloom or Zac Efron, not any more than your local mall.
You grew up. College consumed your life. Your best friend from high school called when James started playing for the Dallas Stars, and you guys looked him up together on your dorm room laptops.
You said, “See, I told you he’d grow up to be cute…
… mostly.”
Then your parents moved and high school friends scattered. Someone told you James made the Young Stars All-Star Team. If only you’d had the guts to ask him to sign your yearbook, it might be worth something now.
College ended, you moved and got a job, maybe a boyfriend, probably a roommate. Making ends meet with enough money to go out three nights a week was a full time commitment. Hopefully you got promoted, got a raise, a nicer apartment and stopped eating ramen noodles. You’re pretty well established and proud of yourself now. You hear about the hockey lockout in the news, briefly think of James but are quickly distracted by flying home for the holidays.
Wednesday night before Thanksgiving, you walk into the local bar. Everyone will be there but you never once think of James. The first thing you see is your high school best friend, dressed to the nines and handing you a drink. The second thing you see is this, wearing this exact expression:
And you’re like:
Shy circa 2004 comes rushing back, minus lockers to hide behind.
There’s a moment of total:
Until he abandons his friends,
Walks over, and just says hi.
You struggle for a moment.
But manage a hello. You’re rewarded with:
End of story. You’re either dead (99%) or you’re with this.
Either way you knew it all along.
(Please excuse me. Slow work plus a lockout equals tangential journeys and pictorial essays. I hear Twilight’s left a hole in the market, perhaps I should be writing a YA novel. I didn’t even mention Stamkos!)
My dad asked me yesterday: If you win this $500 million Powerball jackpot, could you end the NHL lockout?
WHEN I WIN, you mean? Well, not with money left over for daily foot massages and a new Nealmobile. Instead I’d start my own hockey league (small, I don’t need a lot of teams) and fill it with all this top talent hanging around backyard rinks and acting bored on Twitter. My All-Star Game skills competition would include Strip Shootout and Bachelor Auction contests.
We’d give out a Cuisinart Griddler as the championship trophy and the winning team would make me paninis all summer long.
Duh, Dad.
When I win, I’ll take the annual payments which will total $331.25 million after 30 years (in Maryland). The immediate cash payout would be $216 million. Right, like I’d give away $115+ million because I’m in a hurry to get more money than I could ever spend. Or could I? My dad’s point is that $216 million walking out the door could buy…
According to sources like CBC’s Elliotte Friedman (cited by Puck Daddy, of course), teams whose owners are “hardliners” likely in support of the current lockout probably include Anaheim, Columbus, Florida, the Islanders, Phoenix, St. Louis, Washington and Dallas.
Let’s look at that again:
With $216 million, I could still only buy one NHL team. It wouldn’t be enough to turn the tables. Plus, if I use NHL math (or buy a team like Phoenix, sorry), I might as well be throwing my money out the window because everyone’s going broke. They’re opening their Gringott’s vaults to find them empty. They’re sleeping head-to-toe like the grandparents in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory just to keep warm.
If I had a guaranteed $331 million coming, that’s some serious collateral. Even if I only leveraged it dollar-for-dollar, someone would lend me the total. Now I’m looking at:
My picture would be prettier, but I’d still only have one team. Even if that team was the Penguins and I had all their pockets custom-made to be really tiny.
I’ve used this photo before, and I’ll use it again. DAMN.
It would grant more power to instead buy two highlighted teams from the first list. Bettman only needs 8 of the 30 owners to back him and he can veto any deal presented by the NHLPA. If you owned two of the theoretically dissenting eight teams, you could knock that total down to six and maybe get this show on the road.
Hint: Don’t buy the Coyotes.
I love you, Kohl’s! More sports & teams banks here.
WUYS Financial suggests the St. Louis Blues – they can win, as they showed last season. Their middle American market supports other major sports franchises but wouldn’t force them to compete with an NBA team. Then buy the Islanders, maybe. The Tavares line makes us weep goal-scoring tears, and Brooklyn in 2015 could really reinvigorate them. Play well and market right, NYC loves a good cross-borough rivalry. Hipster glasses and skinny jeans required for post-game interviews.
Looks like Will Ferrel in Semi-Pro to me.
The moral of the story is that I wouldn’t do it, even if I could. But I’d still share with you guys. We’d throw a big Vegas hockey tournament and you could each coach your fantasy hockey teams in real-life action! My entire fortune would probably just cover the bar tab.
It’s no big secret that we here at WUYS are big fans of Tyler Seguin.
Pants only recently jumped onboard the Ty-Ty Train and I’m delighted to see that she, like so many, has become wise to the power of this tattooed man-child.
I probably shouldn’t like this photo.
But I can’t help it.
It is the perfect reflection of Seguin’s new carefree European lifestyle.
And I love it.
The hair – Fierce. Perfectly imperfect tousled locks. James Neal would approve.
The beard – while not totally up to my impossibly-high facial hair standards, it is a drastic improvement the Teen Wolf debacle that he sported a couple of seasons ago. Give it a few more weeks and we could have something quite worthy.
Don’t know about you, but I’m really digging this new Tyler. This carefree, bohemian, European Tyler.
Wonder when we’re going to get carefree, bohemian, European Patrick Kane.
Chuck had a dream last night that Jordan Eberle was her boyfriend. Normally I would say that my work here is done, but Ebs and Co. will not be satisfied until they 1) lead the AHL and 2) convert you all.
There’s still one holdout, she’s over there.
The OKC Barons have won their last five games. They’ve outscored their opponents 24 to 11. Two of those games were against the Charlotte Checkers, who now lead the South Division by just two points. The Barons are now second, and just four points off the AHL Western Conference Lead.
Lindsay texted me a shot of every page of this feature. She’s a hero.
In those five games: Ebs has 5 goals, 5 assists and 5 points for Gryffindor since this mustache is really a thing.
RNH has 3 goals and 3 assists but you still have to look on an angle to see anything in the Movember department:
Hallsy has 1 goal and a whopping 10 assists. It has not helped his mustache.
Although it is reflected a little in the glow of his recent award:
Barons defenseman Justin Schultz has 2 goals, 5 assists and some pretty decent facial hair going.
Schultz leads the Barons in overall points and even has a budding bromance with his roomate, RNH. We are a little jealous! They are thoughtful and sensitive and went to see Life of Pi together. Pack him up when you head back to Edmonton, boys.
While Intern Jeff Skinner is not playing in Charlotte, he does not appreciate us rooting for their demise. He came pretty close to swaying us with:
Shut up, this is awesome!
Not to be outdone, the Barons have a Star Wars Night (April 6) AND they have 80’s night on December 14. In which none of these guys can play because they were born after 1990. That’s how it works, right? I’ll wear my slouch socks and you wear your side ponytail.
Oh yeah. You can watch the Barons, or any other AHL game, live online at AHL TV. Single games are $6.99 but honestly, at this point we should probably buy the whole season.
If I’d planned better, I would have made it to Atlantic City for the Operation Hat Trick charity hockey game on Saturday night. As it was, I couldn’t find any pants to fit me after Thanksgiving and it’s really tacky/cold to wear a hockey jersey as a dress. Luckily, other people with cameras were there.
The event, created by Scott Hartnell, Todd Fedoruk and Joe Watson from the Caesar’s resort group, featured teams of NHL players in a charity fundraiser for Hurricane Sandy relief. It sold out Atlantic City’s Boardwalk Hall to nearly 11,000 fans – most of them Rangers and Flyers fans. They got to see…
Brad Richards and Scott Hartnell were the team captains, which is an impressive amount of hockey hair leading the charge. Just for Ashley (@a_rake), here’s a photo of Brad doing #longhairdontcare with his helmet off:
Team Richards won 10-6, thanks mainly to King Henrik doing what he does (second) best – goaltending. He made 56 saves!
His first and most appreciated talent will always be just being this:
Our friend Sonia (@lihui815) clearly knew what she was doing: Documenting the Flow. Check out all her photos here.
Remember when we were brainwashed and liked Stamkos’ long hair?
I’m so glad those days are over. Also, Steven is a wonderful human being who signed a puck for a girl whose sign said:
WAITWAITWAIT. I just have to write something and he’ll do it?
How long can the sign be? Can I have more than one sign? Are there kids in this audience? They can’t read anyway, right?
Now if someone could talk to iCarly about his hair…
Though there’s something quite Roman gladiator-esque about this look that works for him. I’m thinking shield, bronze kilt, thighs.
And of course, Scott Hartnell. He and I really have the same hair. I’m just not lucky enough to be ginger.
Now back to the good part. These two photos are from Instagram (kirstenfrances) via Tumblr, and she should get credit for having such an eye for perfection. We don’t know her, but we love her.
This scored four goals. Just take a moment to soak it all in.
Bravo to everyone who contributed their time and effort to make Operation Hat Trick a success, and it sounds like a lot of fun. There’s talk of another charity game, perhaps in NYC, perhaps when I have stopped eating 9000 calories a day or have purchased snow pants to wear. Either way, it’s a field trip.
Photos from the event were a bit limited. If you’ve got good ones, let us know!
Meanwhile in Russia, guess who remains perfect and is scoring a lot of points?
Of course it’s Piglet. He looks pretty fond of Ms. Pink Recorder-And-Mani combo too. Or maybe he’s just happy with himself for having 5 goals and 5 assists in his last 4 games for Dynamo Moscow.
Backstrom had two goals yesterday, including the one below. Please note that I will pirate the dance showcased at the :32 mark as my own future Nicky goal celebration, if they Caps ever unbreak my heart.
Last week, Nick had a hatty. Karaoke your own commentary on this one.
Ovi has a recent OT GWG and 3 assists, for a total of 19 points in 18 games, and Dynamo holds the overall KHL lead.
You can very helpfully follow @KHL_Hockey for English-language updates on all the teams, and they’ve got a full English website too – en.khl.ru. My goodness, a hockey league that seems to appreciate their fans. What will they think of next?
BINGO – Viktor Stalberg has left the Swedish Elite League to play for KHL’s Atlant Moscow [link] – @HCAtlant. And the team is Tweeting like, well, we would if he turned up at our office.
Yes, even in that hat.
Definitely a part of our interview process:
He’ll make his debut today vs. Jakoub Voracek’s team Lev Praha (Czech Republic). If I see a link to the live stream, I’ll Tweet it.
Tampa Bay’s Victor Hedman, who is not photographed often enough, assisted on all three goals for Barys Astana in their most recentwin. He also apparently gets mistaken for Tom Brady in the US [link]. We can kinda see it.
And just because it exists, here are 9 1/2 minutes of Gabe speaking Swedish (where he’s playing). The Swedes must reinforce their electronics because this shit would melt my flat-screen right off the wall.
Patrick Kane likes to party. In other news, Tyler Seguin is hot. When two things so obvious to the world collide, it can only end in Bromaggedon.
First, it was just casual hanging out. Maybe a Tuesday night happy hour, catch a movie in English with both French and German subtitles that cover half the screen (actual Swiss moviegoing experience).
It was nothing to break up a long-term relationship over. Everyone knows Seguin never calls before the three day mark anyway.
Then hockey started:
And it was like magic.
ACTUAL magic.
Suddenly, Patrick and Tyler are Lockout Life Partners.
There are date nights involving sawdust and shorts. Just two guys in matching outfits learning how to wrestle. It’s perfectly normal.
We all knew that Kaner & Seguin vs. the World was going to be something special. But did we ever think it would be true love?
Don’t hate the player, hate the lockout.
So it’s no surprise that at the end of a night, from the bottom of a bottle and again in matching shirts, it all came down to this.
Poppin’ buttons, er… bottles.
Go ahead and scroll back up. Zoom in even. Somewhere in North America, Toews is doing the same thing while polishing his death stare for the next NHLPA meeting.
In fact, Tazer’s on an Interpol watch list now as a potential threat for an international incident. P & T are rubbing it in his face, Tweeting and Instagramming and actually playing hockey together. Jonathan’s been dumped with #nofilter in that awful last-call moment when they turn on all the lights.
Whoever’s hip you’re grabbing at that time of night…
New shoes, plaid shirts, no problems.
Maybe Toews will rebound with a new BFF, someone on this side of the pond, to show ’em all Kaner’s not the only one who can play the field. Take a few steps up the 1-to-10 scale himself. Got anyone in mind, Jon?
At least they could borrow each other’s jeans.
PKane better be careful when he comes home, because what happens in Switzerland is getting us all through this lockout.
Maybe we could just move there? If this is what they get a guy for his birthday, imagine what they’d have for us.
This week’s Foxy Friday is a bit of an unconventional choice but just hear us out.
Back in the 1970s and the time of the Big Bad Bruins, Derek Sanderson was the definition of “Like a Boss.”
He drove a Rolls Royce, wore mink coats, and flashed diamonds. He won the Calder Trophy in 1968 and two Stanley Cups with the Bruins. Cosmopolitan Magazine named him one of the Sexiest Men in America.
The man, also know as “Turk”, was hockey rock star in every sense of the word.
But in true rock star fashion, he blew it all away.
An addiction to drugs and alcohol ruined his career and life and by 1978, Sanderson was washed-up and washed-out of hockey.
Eventually, Sanderson recovered, thanks to help from friend, teammate, and hockey god Bobby Orr. He got clean and sober and went on to work as a sportscaster for the Bruins and financial adviser.
And now Turk is going to be a movie star.
Ed Burns and writer-director Doug Atchison are developing a feature film about Sanderson’s life and times, based on his autobiography “Crossing the Line”. [read more here]
So you are probably thinking to yourselves “How does THIS guy deserve to be a Foxy Friday? What about his spectacular downward spiral qualifies him to join the illustrious Phi Phi Phi fraternity?”
One word.
Comeback.
Think Britney Spears. Think Robert Downey Jr. Think Red Sox in the 2004 ALCS.
Everybody loves a comeback.
Comebacks are foxy.
—–
P.S. No word on casting yet but we think Chris Pine would be an EXCELLENT choice to play Sanderson.
Who do you think should play Turk? Or even better, who should play Bobby Orr?
I fear I’m approaching the fifth and final stage of grief: acceptance. It’s a self-defense mechanism, designed to keep a traumatic event from continuing to hurt forever. I would instead put to good use the money and free time this lockout has provided – learning Swedish, teaching kids how to ride bikes, adopting puppies. But before I get there, I really need one more pity party.
10. The ‘after dark’ cable movie music that Center Ice plays while you wait for your game’s live feed to start. [link]
9. Commentators only hockey could love.
8. The infinite blog fodder of 24/7.
7. Anytime someone’s helmet comes off during a game.
6. Bromances.
5. Derpfaces.
4. Loving and hating something at the same time.
3. When you still can’t believe that actually happened.
2. Even the times that make you want to throw up.
1.5. The kind of happiness that hits you like a bus.
America, land of democracy. To prove that every vote counts, not just the people running the place:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TAYLOR HALL.
(That sound you hear is Amanda and Jess crashing to the floor.)
Since Taylor’s living and playing in the US, his 21st birthday is a big deal. We hope he makes good decisions, or documents everything on social media.
Either way.
If you focus all your energy on something in a sci-fi movie, you can move it with your mind. If you focused the combined energy of this blog in the last three weeks, you could float yourself the Oklahoma City Barons. It seems only fitting that Taylor makes this blog by popular demand.
Taylor’s off IR for that shoulder injury and scored 38 seconds into his first game as a Baron on November 2. He also took a late-game 5-minute major + match penalty for a check to the head. The penalty was reversed and Taylor was not suspended. He has 3 goals and 1 assist in 5 games for the Barons.
If the NHL ever comes back, Taylor will start the 2013 season on a 7-year, $42 million contract. That’ll fill those seats. Selected #1 overall back in 2010, he has a career 49G and 46A in 126 games over two seasons with the Oilers.
He’s also part of our favorite present day boy band:
They’re even well-respected by other musicians, such as Snoop Dogg.
When he’s not playing hockey, Hallsy and his Barons teammates ride their bikes around Oklahoma City. BIKES. I know Middle America isn’t the healthiest place on Earth, but I find it hard to believe the fangirls can’t run faster than he can pedal.
Taylor’s a hit on Twitter (@hallsy04) – seriously, he’s so sassy he should blog for us. We don’t care if he can’t spell. He’s also on Instagram.
You can follow his Movember, um… progress.
Things around here have been quite heated in the Eberle vs. Hall Dream Date Debate. While Chuck and I agree (gasp) that we’re Team Eberle, we are beginning to see what you see when you see this:
Or this:
And okay, this:
So… new life plan, anybody? We hear the cost of living is really reasonable in Oklahoma City (with money left over for sock puppets arm warmers).
Just when I was complaining that there’s nothing to talk about…
So what, right? Biz in his panties, what else is new? There’s also a Playboy Playmate featured in the photo shoot. I haven’t seen the pics because the very idea just gave my computer an STD.
Look again.
WHAT? We used to be a crack squad of interweb detectives, but I don’t see this article anywhere. Even Tumblr fails me. This lockout has lulled us all into a coma, unsuspecting of features on people we’ve almost forgot existed. The Fourth Period website has just this little tease:
“In This Issue” should read IN MY LIFE. Could someone from a country where they sell this magazine please find a copy and wallpaper my office send it to me? We are running on empty here!
That’s it. No man candy this week, just saves and goals and hits and shots and the new all-time low I hit every single day while we wait for this to end.
How bad is it? I’ll even take highlights set to Nickelback. I’d take Nickelback themselves right now, provided they brought Claude Giroux and a t-shirt gun.
I’d take Phil Kessel straight off a red-eye flight from Manitoba after a bad loss.
I’d take Pierre Maguire, even without Mike Richards.
I told you: new all-time lows happening daily.
BRyan at 0:55. Ebs at 1:45. Geno at 2:58. Flower at 3:26. Of all the things I miss, I miss this the most.
The lockout is making people CRAZY. First Toews is using a baseball bat for hockey and Giroux, a golf club. Crosby’s wandering free in civilian clothes, striking fear into the heart of pockets everywhere (and fangirl sobs into ours). Patrick Kane took his mom to Switzerland, for heaven’s sake.
Now I’ve figured out where Intern Jeff Skinner’s been all this time…
Back in June at the MuchMusic Video Awards… stop. Hockey players at pop awards shows and people actually know who they are? BLESS YOU, CANADA. NHL players can barely get on the ESPN Espy’s red carpet here, and only because someone assumes they are Jessica Alba’s bodyguards. Anyway, I digress. At that magical show, this happened.
That’s Intern Jeff Skinner’s mark, as far away from a girl as possible. We did convince him to rock the white v-neck because all the cool kids were doing it.
Just when we thought it was business as usual, a photo of Jeff and Degrassi actress Cristine Prosperi! He’s still doing the hoverhand but at least he’s next to her. God, the awkward prom glory of it all.
Then right afterward… dammit, Tyler. We obviously assumed the obvious obviousness of this, which ended in Jeff getting a ride home with Subban and Seguin, well, being Seguin. WUYS hopes and dreams shattered.
Until now. This photo, posted actress Jessica Tyler (on the right) from the Degrassi wrap party last night, was captioned “Couples Retreat.”
You like how I wrote that as if I know what it means? Some things are so Canadian they are beyond even me, like Degrassi. Rumor has it the show aired in the States, but if it fell out of the sky and landed on me, I wouldn’t recognize it.
It landed on Intern Jeff Skinner instead, he seems pret-ty happy about it.
With nothing else to go on, we give this Cristine Prosperi girl our approval based solely on her excellent taste in polite and handsome young men.
It’ll be great when we have her over for an awkward meet-the-bosses party, and she and I leave dinner to do the “Beauty and a Beat” round on Just Dance 4.
This post is brought to you by all those years I spent reading Teen Beat.
If you got 21 seconds with Jonathan Toews, is this how you would spend it?
I used to be a ski racer. I can have someone out of that much gear with time left over for hot chocolate.
Bauer hired Toews, Kane, all the Staals (sorry Jared) AND Giroux to star in their new “base layer” (read: underwear) commercials. If we’d been aware of this…
And you’ll wish we had. WHAT A WASTE! Don’t they know we’re in a lockout? We don’t get to see any fighting or yelling or 24/7, no “Gabe: Prom?” signs or bromances or sweating. It’s a hockey recession and this is like burning perfectly attractive money.
This one’s funny though.
I can’t always tell the Staaaaaaaaals apart without golden wings and Intern Jeff Skinner hanging around.
I’m not convinced the picture of underwear at the end has anything to do with it. Are there laws against false advertising?
Kaner and his shirt off go together like shits & giggles, but we get this:
The biggest waste of them all? He didn’t wear a shirt all summer and there’s no beer pong in sight.
If the lockout doesn’t get sorted soon, I suggest the NHLPA hire us as their PR department. We’ll go all off out and put those #theplayers approval ratings through the roof.
Thanks, as always, to our girls:
PS: You know it’s a good day when you can use a Ke$ha lyric in a post.
Our love for Movember comes in many forms. On one hand it’s gives us warm & fuzzies to see hockey players doing something fun to raise money and awareness for a good cause. Also, we like to see people looking silly. We’ve even gone so far as to suggest some people should take donations not to grow facial hair.
But there is a small portion of Movember that is a genuine improvement on life.
Yes, Mike. It’s you. And it looks like this:
(by our fave Caps snapper, jlrpuck)
What will this November bring? Urban Dictionary defines a “duster” as a mustache of any kind… or an untalented athlete who gathers dust sitting on the bench. [link] Oops, unintentional! This is a top-line look.
Not so much the Fu Manchu, circa 2010.
Though it improves with time.
A smile always helps too.
(Mike only played one game last November. He returned from a right angle injury just to be immediately re-sidelined by the groin problem that required sports hernia surgery in January 2012. It was not a good time for us.)
For the record, we prefer this version of Mike Green’s Movember Campaign. It’s actually from October 2011, but who cares?
Let someone else be funny. You can just be hot.
Photo by Rae, who is awesome.
It looks so good, you know? Oh, you know.
Who are you most excited to see this Movember? Remember, ’tis the season to be careful what you wish for.
We’ve already considered how John Hughes movies explain the world (The Breakfast Club, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off). He wrote and/or directed the on-screen version of any teen-angst, awkward-crush, hysterically nervous feeling you can have. Need more proof? From the CCM Pro Summit Camp video in Vail, it’s Pretty in Pink: The Battle for Colorado.
Starring Matt Duchene as Duckie.
Gabriel Landeskog as Blane.
And standing in for Colorado, Molly Ringwald as Andie.
The classic story begins with Andie crushing on Blaine, while she hardly notices Duckie. Can you blame her?
Every shot is like a love note to his glorious hair.
She’s practically following him around, fangirling.
It’s not really fair to Duckie at all. Andie can’t see he is perfect in his own way and he’s trying so hard to be cool.
Finally, Blane asks Andie out. Duckie responds by being really mean and showing off awkwardly. (And refusing to wear grey.)
But Blane seems really into Andie, both surprising and hypnotizing us all.
Meanwhile Duckie is trying everything to get a little attention. Hey wardrobe department, what size is that shirt?
Andie’s only reservation is that she feels she can’t live up to Blane’s perfect life full of rich, beautiful people. His hair continues to steal the show, even as the dream of prom crumbles around them.
Andie and Blane have a terrible fight. Andie decides to leave him behind and go to prom alone. They didn’t break her.
She almost chickens out at the door, but then sees Duckie is there too. He’s all dressed up, making a last-ditch effort to win her heart.
Andie and Duckie walk into the prom holding hands. The happy ending is clearly meant to be… until Blane turns up too! Andie is torn. The epic battle reaches it’s dramatic last scene.
So, who would you choose? If you’ve never see Pretty in Pink – stop reading this blog and educate yourself immediately! If you have, then you might know that the movie originally ended the other way.
Say what?
Some say test audiences demanded a re-write. Rumors abound that Molly Ringwald herself insisted on the ending that made the final cut. Either way, we think Colorado comes out a winner.
Click an image for hi-res files, if you feel like seriously downgrading any guy you might see in real life. This post is brought to you by boring lockout Sundays.
Tracy P (@T_A_Pthat) is not the first to suggest this Foxy Friday, but her DM yesterday reminded me of something.
Lots of teams visiting the Caps stay at the hotel next to my office. It’s prime territory for an awkward lunch-break encounter with hockey players that no one else recognizes. One day last year, Gator and I ran into a handful of the Winnipeg Jets. By ‘ran into,’ I mean ‘stop talking up the whole sidewalk boys, this isn’t Sex and the City.’ But big strapping guys always turn heads, even if that makes it hard to dodge traffic or mind the curb.
Probably not Jets, but I can’t always tell.
We made it around the corner alive (and silent, for extra weirdness) and immediately both said, “Who was that guy?” Obviously there’s a flaw in my facial recognition software, or I just don’t get to Winnipeg often enough to update the database. I recognized former Cap Eric Fehr, but it was this guy that nearly sent Gator headfirst into a No Parking sign.
Foxy Friday: Zach Bogosian
Well, hello. Zach is 22 and from Massena, NY. There’s the Upstate NY that I represent, then there’s this. Way to Upstate like you mean it, Bogo.
He was drafted third overall in 2008, and we must say the company is pretty foxy (now, not then). It shouldn’t have taken us so long to get to Zach.
Especially because he’s got a Shea Weber/Skeet Ulrich/Jim from the Office thing going on. Right? He looks a little bit like an actual fox, in gorgeous real-life human form. No question what his Patronus would be.
At 6’3″, 215 pounds, Zach is a physical defenseman with a scoring touch. He’s hit the 10-goal mark once, and last season had a career-high 30 points (for my fantasy team, thanks). This, the last year of his contract, should have paid him $3 million. Sadly he’s making less that I am these days.
We think he’d be a hit at other sports, at least among the fans.
Golf Instructor – Meet us on the Ladies’ Tee.
Nature Guide – We’d pay extra to watch him row.
Swim Class…
… because eventually there’s talking, and that’s where Ryan Lochte loses us.
Remember, if you can’t be an athlete, be an athletic supporter.
While the lockout hurts everyone, Zach is one of the few players whose season is not (yet) affected. He underwent surgery on August 31 to repair a torn ligament in his right wrist, an injury cited as “chronic” by team doctors. The procedure was successful, but he was projected to miss 3 months (if not 4-6) in recovery.
At the rate we’re going, he might get back for Opening Night.
When he’s not busy bringing joy to the hearts of Winnipeg fans who waited so long for their team’s return, Zach really enjoys hunting.
In onesie invisibility cloaks.
His dog Tuck (peeking out of the corner there) is his superhero sidekick – complete with YouTube videos [link]. See above in the boat, and…
If you don’t love a guy who loves his dog, we don’t even know you anymore.
Tuck has the league-leading GAA.
This action shot demonstrates that Bogo also loves to Tweet (@Bogogo_44) and Instagram (zachbogosian_44). Both activities require a lot of arm muscles.
He’s snarky too, which earns high-level foxy security clearance.
Really, he’s just like us… with more bicep.
Changed his number (4 to 44), changed his Twitter handle.
If we can’t have hockey, at least we can hope Zach still Tweets some of our favorite winter activities, like Movember:
Scarves:
And the insistence that his eyebrows are naturally this shape. It’s as true as it is tragically unfair. (Note: RNH still holds the title.)
Down here at the bottom of the post, we reward you with workout videos:
And just as you’re feeling the gaping void hockey has left in your life, a video of Zach cracking up laughing. Happy Friday.
