Patrick Kane likes to party.  In other news, Tyler Seguin is hot.  When two things so obvious to the world collide, it can only end in Bromaggedon.

First, it was just casual hanging out.  Maybe a Tuesday night happy hour, catch a movie in English with both French and German subtitles that cover half the screen (actual Swiss moviegoing experience).

It was nothing to break up a long-term relationship over.  Everyone knows Seguin never calls before the three day mark anyway.

Then hockey started:

And it was like magic.

ACTUAL magic.

Suddenly, Patrick and Tyler are Lockout Life Partners.

There are date nights involving sawdust and shorts.  Just two guys in matching outfits learning how to wrestle.  It’s perfectly normal.

We all knew that Kaner & Seguin vs. the World was going to be something special.  But did we ever think it would be true love?

Don’t hate the player, hate the lockout.

So it’s no surprise that at the end of a night, from the bottom of a bottle and again in matching shirts, it all came down to this.

Poppin’ buttons, er… bottles.

Go ahead and scroll back up.  Zoom in even.  Somewhere in North America, Toews is doing the same thing while polishing his death stare for the next NHLPA meeting.

In fact, Tazer’s on an Interpol watch list now as a potential threat for an international incident.  P & T are rubbing it in his face, Tweeting and Instagramming and actually playing hockey together.  Jonathan’s been dumped with #nofilter in that awful last-call moment when they turn on all the lights.

Whoever’s hip you’re grabbing at that time of night…

New shoes, plaid shirts, no problems.

Maybe Toews will rebound with a new BFF, someone on this side of the pond, to show ’em all Kaner’s not the only one who can play the field.  Take a few steps up the 1-to-10 scale himself.  Got anyone in mind, Jon?

At least they could borrow each other’s jeans.

PKane better be careful when he comes home, because what happens in Switzerland is getting us all through this lockout.

Maybe we could just move there?  If this is what they get a guy for his birthday, imagine what they’d have for us.

Oops, not that one…

WE MEANT THIS, YOU GUYS.

It’s hard to be the man, Patrick.  HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

Tags: jonathan toews, patrick kane, Sidney Crosby, Tyler Seguin