Hockey Halloween!

- Posted in We Love

To celebrate Halloween, Intern Jeff Skinner wore his costume to work.

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Just kidding, that cheater sent Ben Smith in his place!

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Jeff totally fooled us with this crap, like everyone in comic books and movies ever, and rode off on his Batbike into the night.

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Guess he didn’t want to be the third part of our WUYS group costume:

Pants, Chuck and... maybe Carl Hagelin's free.

Pants, Chuck and… maybe Carl Hagelin’s free.

Not bad, Jeff, but the balloon is supposed to be heart-shaped.

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Geno, your date is adorable but we were hoping for someone more… muscular. Like last year.

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Obviously Buzz Lightyear is all the rage this year – probably because these guys were born just before the movie came out in 1995.

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Applause for Dougie Hamilton’s sense of humor.

Award for Most Committed goes to Nicklas Hjalmarsson.  Full makeup and this wig – he is selling it.  We’d rather have his wife’s wig (and never take it off).

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Most Tumblr Friendly is, of course, Gabe the Babe.  His costume shopping will be featured on Altitude.tv in Colorado and shortly thereafter right here on this blog. Apparently there was a dance contest.  Dressed as Captain America.

Nice knowing you, Earth.

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The trophy (get it, hunting trophy?) for Most Creative Couples Costume is awarded to Andrew Shaw and his date.  She, like I , made her costume entirely out of things she already had.   Just add deer.

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UPDATE: I LIED.  Shaw was outdone by his captain.  Jonathan, you could have picked any Dwarf, or perhaps even Prince Charming, but this is sublime. Accuracy in action.

Courtesy of our own Amanda & also instagram.com/abickell.

The Best in Show award has belonged, for the past few years, to Toews & Burish as Dumb & Dumber.  They’ve finally been unseated by none other than…

A sock money.

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Chris Kunitz, Winner and New Champion.  I love how this fits, like a 5th grader’s sweatpants with elastic at every end.  Like a Sunday night run to Walmart you hope no one sees.  Top marks for warmth, practicality and overall dad-ness.  Please wear this while taking your small daughter in a princess dress trick-or-treating.  Just don’t go to Crosby’s – he probably gives out apples.

More costumes at The Sporting News.  Happy Halloween, everyone!

Focus Features

- Posted in Glamour Shots, Hot Like Fire, Newsies, Pants Loves

If you’re the NHL’s First Star of the Week, you’re already having a time. It’s not really fair that you also look like this:

stamkos1 Hi-res left/right

Jeez, Stamkos.  Leave something for the mere mortals.

These are (again) from the Sharp for Men November ’13 issue photo shoot.  You can download the issue for your iPad here.  All photos by @MattBarnesPhoto.

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If you download the issue, you get a bonus behind the scenes video of this photo shoot.  Did I mention it’s only $2.99?  It should be $299.99.  Of you could have Lindsay, who went to great lengths to make sure I/we got to see the highlights:

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Whose job is it to soak just the chest of his t-shirt?  Does that require a Canadian government security clearance (which I would never get because of this blog)? And one of those shampoo visors from the 80’s that fits around his torso?

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It’s exactly, perfectly half of his shirt.

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Not that you’re looking at his shirt anymore.

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Kidding, I’m kidding!  Nice watch.

His legs are rather skinny, which must be the aerodynamic prototype for, say, skating 100 MPH or static jumping 7 feet in the air.  Also the reason for creating slim-cut suit pants.

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This one is my favorite – just Steven and a thermostat.  Insert “Is it hot in here or just me?” joke.

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So stylish and composed, yes?  Classy and unflappable?  Not entirely.

Congrats to Steven on being Steven and winning awards.  It’s what he does.  This time it might just work on a larger scale – the Lightning have won three in a row and sit atop the Eastern Conference.

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The Bolts have… hang on.  My phone is ringing.

Hi John.

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What’s that?  I cut off the standing above the Islanders?

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But you prefer this one and I have to include all the way to the bottom?

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I get it.   You are not interested in Stamkos’ faux-sweaty t-shirt.  Or his legs.  No, I don’t think special effects are involved in the making of those high-jump videos. Yes, I can stop talking about other players when you’re having a rough day.

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I guess somebody didn’t like being reminded about that missed penalty shot back in the day.

Oh, I’m kidding.  Poor John, the Isles traded his BFF Matt Moulson to Buffalo.  In that vein, poor Matt Moulson.   I didn’t know Tavares was the godfather of Moulson’s daughter – that makes me want to cry.

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Foxy Friday: Patrik Berglund

- Posted in Bromance, Foxy Friday, Sweden We Love You, Well OBVIOUSLY.

This week, we’re featuring yet ANOTHER Swede.  Hey, not our fault that this lovely nation keeps producing the foxiest of men folk.

Foxy Friday: Patrik Berglund

The boring stuff – Born 1988 (aged 25).  6’3″, 220 lb C/LW drafted 25th overall by the Blues in 2006.  In his very young NHL career, he has a respectable 93 goals & 99 assists.

The foxy stuff –

– Those dimples.  Oh sweet baby Jesus, the dimples.

 

– His adorable bromance with TJ Oshie.  #Oshberg

– He’s not afraid to be a little silly.  We love silly.

Tell me you like my hat.

– Hmmmm…tattoos.



– Deep love and appreciation for fuzzy, adorable animals.  (I’m sensing a theme this week.)

– He poses just like I do in photos.  Tyra would be proud.

Werk.

Fierce.

 – He can tickle the ivories.

I think I speak for us all when I say that I’m glad Patrik has seen the error of his ways and parted ways with this hair style.

The hair is very Johnny Rzenick-Goo Goo Dolls.  But in Patrik’s defense it was 2006, he was 18 years old, and he’s European.  We certainly can’t judge anyone for their hair style choice at 18.

Glad to see he’s grown out of what can only be described as is “awkward” phase and taken his place among his fellow countrymen and Foxy Friday brothers.

 

Damn it, Sweden!

You’re doing it right.  So very very right.

Smiling’s My Favorite

- Posted in Uncategorized

To accurately tell you how much work I have to do, I’d need one of those “to the power of” superscript numbers next to infinity.  Which isn’t even enough.  But how am I supposed to work under these conditions?!

John Tavares talks with Kathryn Tappen about his first NHL goal:

 

OF COURSE YOUR FIRST GOAL WAS AGAINST FLOWER!  Don’t get any ideas about tonight vs. the Penguins because you are on imaginary boyfriend suspension while playing vs. Pittsburgh.  Those are the rules, Johnnycakes.

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He didn’t “have any issues with fumbling it.”  I swear, people.

Guess what else isn’t an issue here?  John’s front teeth are MISSING.  Remember when he pulled ’em out on the bench?  Well those were already fake, replacing the real ones knocked out in preseason.  Apparently he’s no longer nervous around Kathryn Tappen because he didn’t bother to get them put back in.

Video: John Tavares – “Welcome to the NHL” Moment

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That’s our kind of guy.

Side note: I missed this picture John Tweeted the other day of his mouth pre-implants.  I’m putting it behind the jump because it’s SUPER gross and I almost cried.  God, hockey players are tough.  I want to hurl.  Un-thanks to Alison for making sure I saw that.

Presumably there is more to this interview which will delay future work in a hysterical bout of blogging.  I am ready.

john3Source: Instagram

PS: Before you all say, “Remember that time on How I Met Your Mother…,” here is the gif.  Robin Sparkles 4EVA.

robin

James Neal Wasn’t Done

- Posted in Newsies, Pants Loves, PUPPIES!

Puppies?  BAH.  That’s not enough.  James Neal noticed that some of you had regained consciousness after the pet calendar shoot yesterday, so he went to the Boys & Girls Club.

Video: James Neal Boys & Girls Club Visit

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If you can’t play, this is a really great way to show off your hair and hoodie.  Also helping children – that is important too.  Especially that one in the penguin hat because everyone knows the main reason to have kids and pets is to make them wear adorable costume-like accessories.

James now has a program called Neal’s Neighborhood where he gives tickets to families so kids can watch Penguins hockey.  Can I live in this neighborhood? Does it need a mayor?

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One kid asks James if he’s good at hockey.  That would be my kid.  “My mom likes Crosby better, how come you’re not as good as he is?” and I’d be looking around like I’d never seen that child before in my life.

neal5

The kids are encouraged to ask James about his hair.  When they get too close with their bunny ears for a picture, he makes sure they don’t mess with the flow.

neal3White tube socks.  Boys.

Katie O’Malley asks a tween girl what she’s going to tell people about the James Neal experience, and this girl holds it together 100000018% better than you. What I really want to see are the texts she sent her friends.  Oh I can – it’s called the entire James Neal Tumblr Feed.

Or this blog.

lawrence

Watch the video, appreciate James’ charity initiatives, even volunteer at the B&G Club near your house.  They do incredible work and kids are fun!  They are witty and honest and awesome and this one, right here, is smarter than everyone in the room.

neal4Future WUYS blogger.

You’re doing it right, girl.

If this whole thing has you thinking about hot dads, here are a few bonus pictures from yesterday.  I don’t know if this is a calendar about pets or cardigans but yes, a thousand times yes.

tangerSource: Twitter

puppies1Source: Instagram

No word if Crosby participated in the calendar shoot, or if he was presented with a pocket-sized all-black kitten and given the option of holding it or freaking the hell out.  I’ll assume this means he chose option B and bought all incriminating video evidence for an immediate destruction spin in that beat up dryer/goal.

Aaaaaaaaaaaand PUPPIES.

- Posted in Glamour Shots

It’s been suggested the entire Penguins PR staff is made up of 20-something girls with excellent internet understanding.

Based on today’s evidence, this court concurs.

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Penguins and Pets Calendar Shoot

Puppies!  And cuddling!  And days of the week!  Wait, I got carried away.  Is this calendar delivered with an ice cream cake covered in sprinkles?  Do the dogs featured cost more to adopt because they, like game-worn jerseys, have been wrapped around your favorite hockey player?

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TAKE MY MONEY.  Here is my wallet.  Also, here’s a receipt for juice I bought at Target, just return it and take that money too.

puppies4 Nealmobile’s holding this pup as awkwardly as Mike Green did.  Told you so.

I would adopt every one.  Just get in my car everybody, we’re going home.  No more sad Sarah McLachlan songs for you!

puppies5

There will be more photos today, and hopefully more video.  Please say they give Matt Niskanen a turtle.  I want specifically to see Crosby with the tiniest kitten available, and he fits it into his pocket.  Because it’s smaller than his hands.   You can take a screenshot and bury me with it.

Canada is Glorious, Ch. 211

- Posted in Newsies, Things We Learned on Twitter, We Love, Well OBVIOUSLY.

You may recall a while back when I got really excited about this.

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Like whooping, twirling and scaring Intern Jeff Skinner excited.  (We don’t let him work the Halloween Party.)  Then yesterday, more screams were heard ’round the world as Lindsay and Alison whipped these around the internet.

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Alison found this teaser:

 

And she was all, “WHAT THAT IS NOT ENOUGH!”

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But today, the full length video went up.  And it was this face all day:

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Try it for yourself:

 

My lifelong brand loyalty to Coca-Cola has been validated in a way I could never repay at the cost of soda these days.  When a server asks, “Is Pepsi okay?” I always say, “No.”  Now I will say it much louder.

So many things.  First the narration is so Ron Burgundy-esque that I bet they’re broadcasting from a hot tub full of scotch.  Steven’s boyfriend sweatshirt is in full effect.  Then it actually says “let his stick do the talking.”  I swear, no one runs this stuff by girls.

Oh wait, they do.  Adorable outtakes?  Insightful B-roll?

Oh my, it’s really pronounced “RegIna.”  I was hoping that might not be true.

Wait until Stamkos blames it all on John Tavares while casually drawing your focus to how well his shirt fits.  We know where to look, Steven.

 

All this attention is making #TeamEbs nervous.

 

Okay, I love everyone.  My crappy day at work is erased as I watch this on a loop.

 

There is a second, deleted video of more chirping.  I tried to find it but the only Google results for “eberle stamkos” are this blog and fanfiction.  So basically this blog twice.  If anyone turns it up, we want it!

For  now, enjoy Cabbie giving Stammer acting lessons.  The next time a guy asks why girls go to the bathroom together, say you’re working on this.

 

Or just say:

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POST SCRIPT: From Lindsay, courtesy of Sharp Magazine.

stammer1Click photos for super hi-res. You’re welcome.

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Bonus: Joffrey Lupul in suits.

Maniacal Laugh…

- Posted in Well OBVIOUSLY.

I know we’re only two weeks into the season and this won’t last.  I know that I am jinxing everything by even pointing it out, because one of these teams plays the Capitals tonight and the other plays the Penguins tomorrow.

But:

east

While I can, I have to enjoy this.

maleficent

Even this Instagram photo of gratuitous ginger has no power over me today.

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Meanwhile in the West… remember the west?  Before they playoffs?  It seems like a hundred years since I’ve seen these teams, but they certainly remember how to win.

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The Blues were undefeated until last night too, when the Sharks beat them to stay flawless – and mildly insane.  Admit it, the Sharks are crazy people.  In a good, wildly-bearded and foul-mouthed way.

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So, how’s your team doing so far?  Still feeling the buzz off-season optimism, or is the sleepy, “this is going to hurt tomorrow” feeling starting to creep in early?

I feel good.  But that might still be about the Rangers and Flyers losing.

The Forever File

- Posted in Epic Fail

At the Caps game last night, I was hoping Mike Green would give me something to Monday about.

Did he ever.

 

Let me tell you what it looked like in person, at real-life speed.

 

At least in the end Mike was laughing:

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Because I will be laughing every day, forever.

mikegreen_medium

It’s just so…

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No Big Deal

- Posted in Uncategorized

Me, on Friday: “This has been the toughest work week of my career.  I’m feeling pretty badass for getting through it.”

John Tavares: “I heard it’s your birthday.  Here, hold my tooth.”

tooth

When I was told about this, I thought, “I don’t want to see that but really I do.”

When I watched it, I thought, “OhmyGodGROSSSSSTHATISSOAWESOME!”

 

This from a man who tucks his polos into his khakis and probably owns more belts than I own shoes.  Just another day at the accounting firm, managing your 401k and pulling out his own teeth on the bench after a puck to the mouth without missing a shift.  It looks like three teeth in that gif, which is truly awful on a loop.  There’s something wrong with me for how much I love this.

Hockey players, people. 

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Remember that John lost teeth after an errant puck before training camp, and told Alyonka Larianov that he had a few plastic ones in for now.  Just add these to the list, right?

Meanwhile John is trying to score goals (he didn’t) and get points (1 A) and win games (they didn’t).  A lost tooth or two isn’t enough to keep him off the ice.  In fact, it’s nothing compared to that time a Swiss league player bit him on the neck during a game.

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Here’s John after his two-goal performance in the Isles 6-1 win over Phoenix last week.  He wasn’t even one of the three stars that night, despite this hair.

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Update: Post-puck-to-face interview from MSG (thanks to our #1 NYI fan, @ambitiouspants).  John doesn’t look any worse for wear.  Perhaps they were false teeth he was pulling.  That would mean bad luck has good aim.

Still, I get one minute less than 8 hours sleep and I’m the the monster from Pan’s Labyrinth, but these guys get beaten with weapons and look just fine.

john2

Take some Advil, drink some water, see you tomorrow.

Foxy Friday: Ryan O’Reilly

- Posted in Foxy Friday

Today, we’re heading out west for our Foxy Friday Honoree.

Ryan O’Reilly

The basics – Born in 1991. 6′ ft, 200 lbs centerman.  Drafted by the Avalanche 33rd overall in 2009. Career stats – 269 games played, 47 goals, 83 assists.

Now those are all well and good but let’s get down to the real reasons he’s our Foxy Friday.

He kinda has a Zach Parise thing going on.  And everyone knows that is a good thing.

 His name makes him sound like he’s an Irish guy from Southie…

from gingerbeardsandparenteaus.tumblr.com

Or a boy-bander.

Girl.  Let me love you.

Excellent WUYS-approved eyebrows.

 A quintessential hockey smile.

He can serenade you with a song.

Killer dance moves.

Just like us, he enjoys ice cream in moderation.

..and wee little bebbies.

He understands the power of a good workout video. (Seriously. This thing is amazing.  I could do an entire post on it alone.  Brilliance.)

When you’re besties with Gabe Landeskog, one cannot help but become foxy.  It’s osmosis.

Welcome to the Foxy Friday Fraternity, Ryan O’Reilly.

Your face.

We like that ‘ish.

Follow Ryan on the twitter at @Ryan_OReilly90

What the Fox(y)?

- Posted in Randomness, We're Mental

The later the hour, the dumber the things that make me laugh.  And once an idea is in my head it will never leave.

Does anyone look at this:

 

And see this?

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Right?

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If Mike still had long hair, this would be too much.

Mike Green, Nicklas Backstrom, Alexander Semin What IS the meaning on Stonehenge?

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I shamelessly cut Brooks out of this picture to show you what I mean.

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So maybe the dark-haired guy looks a little more like Mojo, but you can’t just break up the band.

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Even this hat makes the rounds.

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YlvisYlvis

It’s safe to say that in addition to my hopes for the Caps this season, my Halloween expectations are now off the charts, boys.

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Congratulations to Nicky on the birth of his first daughter Haley on Tuesday.  I can’t cope with the cute!  Here’s an adorable WashingtonPost.com story.

Please, Hertl, Don’t Hurt ‘Em

- Posted in Like a Boss, Next Generation, We Love, Well OBVIOUSLY.

Hertl for Calder.

Okay, so perhaps it is a bit premature to be saying that, but after what Tomas Hertl did last night, can you really blame us?

The San Jose Sharks rookie forward scored 4 goals (!) last night.  Each goal he scored was more impressive than the one before and his piece de resistance was this.

Salty.  Like the ocean.

Best thing about this goal?  You know that he’s totally been practicing that shot since he was a little kid.  He already had the hat trick going, so why not?  It’s not really like he had anything to lose at that point.   Your team is winning (in large part, thanks to you).  You’re streaking to the net alone.  You’re on a high like us after a case of Mexi-colas and Tim Horton’s Timbits.

If he misses, he gets made fun of mercilessly in the locker room as is want to happen when you’re a rookie.  Or he makes it and makes history.

The look on his face says it all.

herlt, tomas - 4th goal face “I can’t believe that ACTUALLY worked.”

He can’t stop smiling.  He won’t stop smiling.  Neither can we. [click here for smiley, happy, good-time post game interview]

With his performance last night, Herlt becomes the 4th youngest player in NHL history to score 4 goals in a game and the first to do so since 1988.

Just so you are aware, Tomas Hertl was born in 1993.

You know what we were doing in 1993?

We were in high school.

 

 

 

Oh, Edmonton.

- Posted in PUPPIES!

If you want to feel old, watch the Oilers.

If you want to feel even older, fall asleep during an Oilers game and know that Ryan Nugent-Hopkins stayed up later than you did.

rnh2Pre-game interview, Post-game interview

He also scored a goal in his first game back from shoulder surgery, which catalyzed the Oilers to a 4-goal comeback and shootout win.

Thanks #TeamRNH.  Next time can you do that before, say, 11:30 PM Eastern?

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#TeamHallsy also had a goal because Amanda bought a shirt with his number on it yesterday.  It’s like a gift with purchase (crooked hat not included).

hall Pre-game interview

Of course, #TeamEbs had the shootout winner.  Not to brag.

The Oilers new coach, Dallas Eakins, stood behind the bench and freakishly resembled the 10th (and best) Doctor Who.

eakins

Now to the fun stuff.  Thanks to everyone who sent this video of the Oilers Amazing Race.  Someday I will be on the real Amazing Race, and eliminated on day 1 because I cannot drive a stick shift.  It’s a recurring nightmare of mine.

The Oilers required no such skills… just a stretch SUV to deliver them.

suvHorrible decision, re-think immediately.

Not that I’m #TeamHallsy anyway, but obviously we’d make a terrible pair on the roads.  At least Yakupov is a worse driver than we are.

gokartThat’s a wall.

Hey, look what is an actual thing and not just #TeamShultz!  It’s the other Schultz (Nick), though.

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Our #TeamSchultz is here, demonstrating horrendous 80’s movie-inspired karaoke skills.  I qualify for ALL of these teams.

schultz2Ryan’s into it.  He’s almost got jazz hands there.

Meanwhile #TeamEbs says, “I’ll just be over here, wearing my boyfriendsweater.”

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And Sam Gagner replies, “Got nothing on my Hobbitsweater.”

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This one’s for Chuck, plus Lindsay (#TeamGagner – can we just call it #TeamSam?) and Alison (#TeamSchultz).  Good luck ever getting produce, ladies.  Self-checkout is not for the faint of heart.  I’d feel better if Sam wore a cage 100% of the time to protect his broken jaw.

There is, of course, a moment in this event where WUYS took over planning and art direction.  That would be the Paddleboard Competition.

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Everybody wins.

So welcome back Nuge, to the game, and the Oilers to the thrill of victory.  May you be disturbingly adorable all season.

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Really, stop it.  You’re 12.

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Keep it up, Oilers TV and you could make a run at Blackhawks TV for our favorite team marketing tool.  Rubber duckies are a good start, but you’ve got a long way to go to top Joey the Junior Reporter.

Please note, I have tagged this post PUPPIES!

Mikey Monday: So Close

- Posted in Mikey Monday, Pants Loves

Mike Green was really trying to give me something to Monday about when he scored two goals in the Caps season opener vs. Chicago.  Then both goals were credited to Mikhail Grabovski.

Mike is not used to sharing this MG stuff with anyone.

mg2 Say what?

Mike did have two assists vs. Chicago, plus another two since then and he’s quarterbacking a heck of a power play.  The Caps were the NHL’s best power play last season and currently have a league-leading 4 PPG, converting on 44.4% of advantages.

Mike also leads all NHL players in ice time with 84:54 so far this season.

mg1 Mike: Guys, what do I have to do here?
Erat: I don’t know, I’m on the 4th line now.

Annie S was at the Caps/Hawks game and took these great pictures for us.  She (and I) suggest Mike get back to work because:

– It’s almost our collective birthday (Friday/Saturday).
– They’re playing the Canes on Thursday and Intern Jeff Skinner was first star last night. The competition around this office is fierce.
– @jfrancesw, @thekitchenette and I will be at Saturday’s game vs. Colorado and Gabe is back in the lineup.  Don’t let your hair get upstaged.
– Lastly the Oilers come to town on Monday.  One week away and I feel like I’ve had a pile of Pixie Stix and a giant Coke.

mg3 Okay, I’m focused.

The Caps are 1-2 right now, with their next 3 match-ups vs. teams they should beat.  The schedule doesn’t stay easy for long, boys.  Take advantage.

Foxy Friday: Andrew Cogliano

- Posted in Foxy Friday

It’s time to bring back to our favorite day, and with feeeeeeeeeling.

Foxy Friday: Andrew Cogliano

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From way out west (and arguably the League’s coldest arena), we bring you a guy who knows his way around hockey.  Since coming into the NHL in 2007, Andrew has played 459  games.  Yes, that’s every single game – 459 straight.  We are impressed.  And exhausted.

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He’s a third-line center with 83 career goals + 195 points.  After spending his first few seasons with the Oilers, Andrew almost went to Ottawa in ’09 as part of a Dany Heatley trade that Heatley blocked.  Cogliano was dealt to the Ducks in June 2011.  That season netted him just 26 P (0.32 PPG), but during last year’s lockout-shortened frame his production increased to 23 P  (0.48 PPG).

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Andrew looks like the kind of guy with an Italian grandmother that gives the stink eye to all his girlfriends.  That did not deter Allie Bertram, his past/maybe present GF who appeared on So You Think You Can Dance Canada (is this a real thing?) and a great episode of our favorite show, Psych.  Normally we wouldn’t mention it but we really love Psych.

You also know how we love our hockey players:

Scoring goals.

From last week in pre-season.  The LA Times called it “amazing.”

Toothless.

coglianoCourtesy of Brandon Bollig in March 2013

Near Crosby.

vail

Doing squats.

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Friends with Sam Gagner.

Do you think Andrew tried to help Sam re: Hobbit hair?

No really, they love each other.  And it’s a major life revelation that, like me, Sam does not drink coffee.  I thought I was alone!

(We’ve officially lost Lindsay now.)

He’s friends with Cabbie.

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Keeping in shape.

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He’s even checking out the merchandise.  (There are see-through panels in her pants, it’s not his fault.)

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STOP. Is this the other half of this James Neal magazine feature?  What the heck is this from?!

And while we’re at it, what is THIS from?

cogliano6Click for super big photo while we joke that size matters.

Oh, it’s from the 2009 ESPN Body Issue.  They get us every time.

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Andrew will skate his 460th consecutive game on Saturday when the Ducks face the Wild.  Maybe being Foxy Friday will bring him more “amazing” spin-o-rama, fall down goal luck.  Take good care of Matty P, Andrew, and make sure no other coaches attack Bruce.

That’s a Little Close

- Posted in Pants Loves

It’s Penguins opening night!!  Also, there’s something seriously wrong with me. Not five seconds into this video and I have the gasping laughtears.  I keep pausing it to cackle.

Cabbie Presents on TSN: with Sidney Crosby (Skip to 39 min mark)

Sid just got an iPhone.  Before that he had a flip phone.  I bet he’s like my mom when it rings – total panic attack.  Once she picked up it and threw it, as if it were a bomb about to explode.

Cabbie gets closest to asking some of the questions we’d like asked.  Important, informative topics of discussion like texting and autocorrect.

cabbie1

Left out question: “My fingers often seem too fat for texting.  How do you ever type anything?”

Cabbie makes up for that by asking about Sid’s driver’s license photo.  Brilliant, right?  Then Sid reaches into his pocket.

FULL STOP.

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His wallet is in his front pocket.  Even custom made, he can’t get anything but that ass into those pants.  He can barely get the wallet out.  This explains a lot about his hands not fitting.

Sid thinks it looks like he has a mullet.

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I WISH.  YOU TEASE.  Only Crosby would think this is not a great photo.  The rest of our licenses look like mug shots from The Best of Dog, The Bounty Hunter and he’s all, “Well, see that shadow by my neck….”

Now, for selfies and fan photos.  Sid is too nice to say, ‘STAY BACK FIVE FEET’ like he’s a fire truck.  He just does the awkward squirm at the mention of anyone getting too close.

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And tries to nicely talk his way out of it while giving “please help me” eyes to someone off camera.

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Cabbie doesn’t care.  That’s why we love him.  Selfies are taken and we all learn to not ask for one if we ever meet Sid.

Mwahahahaha, ofcourseIwilldothatnow.

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Speaking of photos, I couldn’t do justice to James Neal’s sleeve tattoo from my phone the other day.  It’s clearly the full arm in outline.  Previously I’d been hoping for a weird trick of light + arm hair.  I must really not like tattoos to be hoping he had this much arm hair.

The Penguins were at West Point last week for team bonding, communing with nature and handling artillery.

neal2 Shoulder-mounted RPG.  Big smile!

James has an “upper body injury” (it’s not the tattoo) and is listed as day-to-day.  No word yet if we’ll see him in tonight’s home opener.

neal1Nisky draws a map to the nearest place to buy hair product.

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Beau Bennett upstages the sleeve doing “nervous middle school face” while holding a sniper rifle.

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And Nealer playing football in bare feet.  Right before the season starts.  Take it from a girl who broke her toe riding a bike in flip-flops, James.  Safety first.  At least this isn’t how he hurt his upper body.

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Caps Lock

- Posted in Breakin' It Down, Pants Loves

Behold, part of the glorious two-page Caps preview spread in today’s Washington Post!  (Sorry Coach, the copier can only scan so much.)

capspostClick for a much larger picture.

Read the preview here.  Note the Post has the Penguins winning the East, by 1 point over the Bruins.

Though the Caps lost their opener vs. Chicago last night, I saw a lot of things I liked.  The power play is still gorgeous – three goals!   The boys definitely played a full 60 minutes.  Add in some very pretty passing and it was a strong show against probably the toughest team in the NHL.  Ovi had 9 shots, Green 6 and he played 26:48.  Guess he’s well rested.

So far, things are looking good.

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Well, mostly.

All the World’s a Stage

- Posted in Glamour Shots, Pants Loves

I got home and flipped on the TV last night and this was on.  There may have been shrieking.

Tavares shows Roenick around the ice – NBC Sports Network

(If you’re in Canada, enjoy this budget version filmed off my TV, complete with crickets singing outside.)

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I can promise you this will go on all season with me.  Get on board now.

After the interview, Liam, Mike and Keith discussed how the disparity between talent and fame has never been more pronounced for a NY athlete than it is with John Tavares.

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Not for long, John.  I am here to help.

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Sincerely, Your Publicist

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Season Predictions: Beasts of the East

- Posted in Breakin' It Down

Forget Christmas!  The start of NHL Hockey season truly is the most wonderful time of the year.

ecard

Time to wipe the slate clean as 32 teams being their journey yet again to claim the ultimate trophy in sports.   This season, the NHL returns with a new (ish) look – new divisions, new faces, and old faces wearing new sweaters – but like Led Zeppelin said, the song remains the same.

Looking back on last year’s predictions, we were slightly psychic on some and wildly, horribly, almost comically off-base with others.   Wonder how we’ll fare this year…

psych

Eastern Conference

#1 – Chuck:  Bruins.  With the addition of Loui Eriksson and Jarome Iginla, the Bruins might finally have a solution to their lack of wingers with finish.  Losing Seguin hurt me and Brad Marchand much more than it did the dynamic of this team.  With Tuukka in net, a crop of youngsters ready to make the leap to the big time, and the acrid taste of Stanley Cup disappointment still linger in their mouths, expect the Black and Gold to pick up right where they left off.

Pants: Penguins.  For the same reasons as last year, including being pissed about an ungraceful playoff exit.  All I want is a full season and a healthy Crosby, forever and ever.  Amen.  The scoring chemistry in the Crosby-Dupuis-Kunitz line gives me chills and I like the way Neal & Malkin are shaping up around a combination of Jokinen and Bennett.

pens bruins

#2 – Chuck:  Penguins.  This team is stacked like Jenga so of course they are going to finish high in any pre-season poll.  Pittsburgh’s wild card is their goaltending and with Vokoun out, Fleury is going to need to get out of his own head if he wants to help his team.  I don’t think the GAA will be anything fantastic but the Pens’ high powered offsence will erase any need for spectacular goal tending.

Pants:  Bruins.  They’ re tough and mean and that’ll go a long way in a long season.  With additional scorers on board and the distraction of Seguin’s sophomore slump traded away, I don’t expect any let-up here.

Tampa Bay Lightning v Carolina Hurricanes Pants didn’t pick the Bolts or Canes to make the playoffs.  She feels really bad about that.

#3 – Chuck: Red Wings.  Zetterberg and his team of aged wonders have jumped to the East with the new NHL realignment and with that will come new match-ups and new potental for rivalries.  While the additions of Alfredsson and Weiss did exactly infuse this team with a youthful glow, they are still solid components and coupled with the goaltending of Jimmy Howard could help them make a run.

Pants:  Capitals.  Oh, I’m doing it.  Get your asssssssses in gear, boys.  Ovechkin has successfully completed the switch to right wing and Adam Oates’ system.  It clicked like magic late last season.  Made-of-glass Mike Green is healthy and, fingers and toes and eyes crossed, staying that way. Did I mention he led all d-men in goals last season?  Holtby’s older in net, we have multiple 2Cs and everybody’s getting married next summer.  Don’t you the Cup at your wedding, Mikey/Ovi/Nicky?!

caps wings

#4 – Chuck:  Rangers.  Under new coach Alain Vigneault, players like Stepan, Callahan, and Zuccarello could have the opportunity to flash their skills more than they did under the Draconian rule of Tortorella.  The backbone of this team remains Henrik Lundqvist.  The goalie/ridiculously good-looking human/vampire being is the final year of a contract which makes winning the Cup all that more important for the Rangers.  If they don’t, stranger things could be afoot at MSG.

Pants:  Flyers.  Last season was AWESOME rough in Philly.  I don’t expect that to happen twice.  Gingeroux will return to form as one of the most exciting players in the NHL, their goaltending nightmare has hopefully ended and honestly, they just love to bug the crap out of me.  Vinny will suddenly have another 40+ goal season because that’s my luck.

Phil Kessel; Ben HolmstromCartman’s first rule of Fight Club…

#5 – Chuck: Senators.  Despite the loss of Alfredsson, the Sens are a team that could make a playoff run…given that their players remain healthy.  The intermitten losses of Spezza, Karlsson, Anderson, and Michalek crippled the Senators, so it is exciting to think of what can be done if they all remain off the IR.  Ottawa also had 4 of the top rookie scorers in the league last season which could paint an interesting picture in the East.

Pants: Red Wings.  They’re always in here somewhere, though never quite so low as they were last year.  Joining the Eastern Conference could really help them – much less/shorter travel for the old boys.  

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#6 – Chuck: Islanders. John Tavares, in his polo shirt/khaki pant superhero costume will come to save the day.  Islanders showed a lot of heart in their playoff series and gave fans something to get excited about for the first time since the 1980s.  It’s hard to live up to that legacy but the Islanders have an expanding roster of young spritely forwards.  They won’t contend (too many defensive issues) but they could make it quite interesting.

Pants:  Rangers.  Like how I put them 6 and the Caps at 3 so they’d play each other in the first round?  And you can find me with my head in an oven somewhere?!  The NYR toughed out a tough season last year.  With Coach AV presumably endeavoring to reclaim Sad Brad’s hockey skills, it should be all sunshine and cupcakes in the Rangers locker room now.  Give them half a season to adjust and expect to see a big push in the second half.

isles nyr

#7 – Chuck: Maple Leafs.  Could things be looking up in Toronto?  The Leafs got gritty and grimy in the off-season adding post-season veterans David Clarkson and Dave Bolland.  The addition of Jonathan Bernier was also a savvy move – not only does Bernier have playoff experience, but it also creates a little competition for Reimer for that top spot.

Pants: Islanders.  This whole thing is on John’s shoulders, with the huge percentage of offense he’s figured in the last two seasons.  The only people who believe the Islanders can win are the Islanders, and that kind of gumption goes a long way.  Also, I drafted Nabokov so there’s some wishful thinking here.  Get ’em, John!  And by “them” I mean not my teams, okay?

sabres panthers

#8 – Chuck:  Blue Jackets.  Okay, you can stop laughing now – this could actually happen.  After their 11th hour push to the playoffs last season inspiring hashtags everywhere and the Vezina win by Bobrobsky, Columbus is a team that might make this interesting.  They’ll get Gaborik for a full season and with the addition of Nathan Horton, they are giving themselves a bit of that veteran presence that they lack.

Pants:  Senators.  With a healthy crew and the addition of Bobby Ryan, this team is more solid Sens than the pesky Sens of last season.

So there are our Eastern Conference pre-season picks. Who do you think should be on this list?  Who is your dark horse pick?