Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike!

- Posted in Mikey Monday, Newsies, Pants Loves

Guess what day it is? (I’ve been waiting a long time to make that truly terrible joke. If you don’t know: GEICO Hump Day commercial.)

Mike Green scored two goals last night, including the OT game-winner. Including me jumping off the couch, from under a pile of blankets, which is the equivalent of true love when it’s 4 degrees outside.  Dust off the “Game Over” nickname!

mg4

I mean it. Can this please be a thing again?

mg5

Mike’s goals were the 100th [video] and 101st [video] of his NHL career. Thanks to the folks at Japer’s Rink, this Elias/ESPN stat: Mike hit 100 goals in 483 games. Only Sergei Gonchar took fewer games among active defensemen (461) and Shea Weber’s the only other d-man to reach 100 G in under 500 games (495).  Maybe Mike should have outpaced Gonch – Remember when MG had 31 goals in a season?  Gonch had 26 as a Cap in ’01-’02. – but beggars, losing teams and Pants can’t be choosers.  Hey, Mike had as many goals as Ovi last night!

(Love the Japer’s Rink HTML file name: wednesday-caps-clips-mike-green-is-such-a-friggin-badass.)

mg2

The Caps had previously lost two shootouts to the Sabres this season. Feels good to get a win – only the Caps’ fourth in 13 games – even against the worst team in the NHL. Who are the only team below us in the Metro.  Again, I digress.  We’ll take the good – and the goals – where we can get them!

mg1

I noticed Buffalo’s Ville Leino rocking an impressive beard, and wondered if he wanted to get the growth in now since the Sabres won’t be making the playoffs. Then I realized Mike has been lightly bearded almost all season too… hypothesis deleted. No thought can be so handsome and depressing at the same time.

Back to post-game happy face [video]:

mg6

Gah, I missed that!

There has been little to write on Mondays this season, but any day can still belong to Mike.  Please let it be for goals and wins and not losing streaks. Or neck tattoos. Or all this talk about trading him [Washington Post] and keeping him [RMNB, Capitals Outsider, Japers Rink].

mg6

I’m firmly in the KEEP MIKE camp, and not just for selfish reasons of hair excellence.  The Caps have problems.  Mike is not the biggest one.  Nor is he any longer a top-2 defenseman, which maybe eases the burden of pressure that has plagued his game in recent seasons.  Overpaid for a top-4 guy, yes.  But he QBs the powerplay, still shows that offensive glitter on occasion and has already been on the ice for more of this season (50 games) than the previous two full NHL schedules (49 in ’10-’11, 32 in ’11-’12).

Washington Capitals vs Buffalo Sabres

The Caps have hung their hopes and hats of Mike for a long time – maybe too long – but now is not the time to jump ship.  Or create more problems.  Finally healthy and potentially confident, Mike Green may be the one Capitals problem that could actually solve itself.

Foxy Friday: Ben Bishop

- Posted in Foxy Friday

Hello, Foxy Friday.  We’ve missed you.  We’ve often spent your time doing actual work (that we didn’t do all week), when we should’ve spent the day more enjoyably.  Like this.

Foxy Friday: Ben Bishop

ben3

You probably heard the Tampa Bay goalie’s name a lot right after you didn’t hear it at all – Ben was not chosen for the 2014 US Men’s Olympic Team.  You’re hearing it again now, because the re-injured knee of Detroit’s Jimmy Howard may open a Sochi roster spot for Bishop after all.

2013 IIHF Ice Hockey Men's World Championship

If that doesn’t work out, Ben could spend those two weeks smiling into a mirror and feel better.  Or at least we’d feel better.

ben7

Olympics aside, let’s talk foxiness.  Ben is a giant – really, he’s 6’7″.  The high heels in our closets just gave a dreamy sigh.  He’s 27, from Denver and has no bio on the Lightning website.  That’s helpful.  A man of mystery, perhaps?

ben1

Being a goaltender sounds like a brilliant job for a guy that leaves so little room in the net.  Ben started his career with a short stint in St. Louis (just 13 games over 2 years), before being traded to Ottawa.   He played 23 games over almost 2 seasons for the Sens, shuttling between their AHL Binghamton counterpart.  I put that in just because it’s Upstate NY.

ben6

At the 2013 trade deadline, Bishop was sent to Tampa Bay in return for Cory Conacher’s eyebrows and a 4th round draft pick.  He played 9 games for the Bolts last year, but this season is when things really got rolling.

ben4

Post-game interview – Jan. 17, 2014 (loss)

Appearing in 37 of the Lightning’s 51 games this season, Ben’s record is 25-6.  He’s got a League-leading .934 save percentage and 1.96 goals-against average (3rd in the NHL).  Tampa Bay is 2nd in the Atlantic (though they have the same 65 points as leader Boston) and third in the East.

ben5

Let’s recap: foxy stats, tall guy, nice smile… what else do you need?  How about a photo with BU alum and Original Foxy Friday Matt Gilroy?

108669WC08.JPG

Check.  I don’t see much on Ben – favorite movie, food, other things we can adore or tease him for.  He does like most sports except basketball, so that’s our style [link]. Anyone got a secret file on this guy?  Until then, enjoy a highlight reel  video from the first 20 games of this season…

ben10

and a picture of Ben making this full-grown man look like a child.

ben9

Haha.  Happy Friday!

NHL Revealed: Preview

- Posted in Uncategorized

NHL Revealed premiered last night… at 11 PM.  On a Wednesday.   I wasn’t even able to find the US commercial for it until this morning.  Oh NHL, you do such a bang-up job with this stuff!  Anyway, I’ll be watching it tonight when I get home in a hot second because I just found the whole episode [video]!

For now, here’s the preview [video], which has enough highlights to make me wish I took a sick day.

NHL

NHL Revealed touts this as an “unprecendented” hockey season – if you don’t count 2010 (or 2006…) when players also went to the Olympics then came back to their teams.  Nevermind.  It’s more interesting than an average season, that’s for sure.  The series also promises to showcase the best hockey players as we’ve never seen them before – and delivers.

John Tavares: Emotion.

nhl3

Shorts.

nhl1

Someone doing this.

nhl2

There’s even a sweaty hair flip in there.  Crosby chirps the Capitals, drops an “eh?” and I’m pretty sure I’m getting an Emmy for forgetting I directed this show.

nhl9

It has Ryan Getzlaf with his child:

nhl5

Kyle Okposo with his even smaller child:

nhl4

And Torts yelling.  You know, things you don’t see every day.

nhl11

We have high expectations for NHL Revealed.  The preview promises mic’d up on-ice altercations, bro-hugs, workout videos, windmill high-fives, the Stanley Cup and Teemu Selanne – pretty much all the things we’re hope for every year.

Because in hockey there are always coffees to drink,

nhl7 cowboy hats to buy,

nhl6

and dreams to chase.

nhl8

More later, I promise – unless any of you are doctors and can write me a note to leave work now.

nhl12

Put Me In, Coach

- Posted in I'm Always Right, Newsies, Pants Loves

If I were the Penguins coach (or a mom, high school principal, etc.), I imagine there would be a lot of exchanges like this one from the new episode of In the Room [video]:

James Neal being a shit.

ITR1

Me not stopping till Neal owned up to his problem out loud.

ITR2

Kunitz’s face.

ITR3

Followed immediately by James trying not to laugh.

ITR4

Jackass.  You can’t distract me with your shorts!  Do not make me regret this.

In my world, no one would ever say that leggings are not pants.  (Oh, those aren’t leggings?)

ITR1

Tight hiphuggers, low fo’ sho.

Everyone would pack a healthy brown bag lunch.

ITR

There’s moisturizer in there too.

Nisky would get more camera time.

ITR5

People would wear proper cold weather gear because they are Canadian and also duh.

ITR6

We’d always look our best.

glasses

Glasses and plaid paints all the time.

neal

You are not fooling anyone with this coy stuff, James Neal.

Everyone would have excellent posture and sit up straight.

ITR7

They would never make fun of each other.

ITR10

Or call people names.

ITR8

Right, Kris?

ITR9

Everyone would be happy to see us.

ITLR10

And we’d all sleep well at night.

ITR11

Of course I’d have the whole thing filmed for TV too.   Marketing and management?  I’d hire me.

Total Russian Live

- Posted in Newsies, Olympics

There are times I will reluctantly admit I like Alex Ovechkin.  It’s usually while leaping out of my seat at Verizon Center, trying not to toss my nachos on everyone.  This didn’t come easily to me – nor did becoming a Caps fan when I moved here – but sometimes… sometimes (when he wears shorts).

ovi-panel1

I like goals and winning and the Caps need some of both very badly tonight. They’re winless in 5 games, including two shootout losses.  Ovi is a game-time decision vs. Ottawa, a game I’ll miss because I’m snowed in at home.  I will wear my Caps pajama pants though – they never get to go to games.  Or have nachos.

NHL: San Jose Sharks at Washington Capitals

Ovi was on The Today Show yesterday, talking with Carson Daly about his starring role in the Sochi Olympics.  Most of you are probably not old or American enough to remember Carson Daly on Total Request Live but let me tell you: Chuck & I would have fit right in back in the day.

trl

Turtleneck sweaters and pineapple hair and true love.

I understand Carson now hosts a reality competition show that I don’t watch. Good for him – he survived all those shrieking teens for something.  As for interviews, he and Ovi both say “excited” as convincingly as John Tavares does, but we believe them.

Video: Alex Ovechkin on NBC’s Today Show – Jan 20, 2014

today show

Carson’s hair – part Elvis, part Robbie Williams

What you should really watch – and we wish had made national TV! – is this behind-the-scenes video from Caps Red Line.  Alex, you’re fun.  You say “excited” like you mean it and decline that makeup like a guy who makes $9 million a year and is engaged to a sassy fox.  (Side note: @mkirilenko, let’s be friends.)  This is the Ovi that even I cannot resist.

Also, Today Show anchors do a lot of hitting guests with paper – is that a thing? Just with athletes maybe.  Ovi’s into it.

today show2

He did however miss a prime opportunity to razz this dude in the Rick Nash shirt.

today show3

Gah, the end of the BTS video is so cute I don’t even know who I am anymore!

Get well Ovi, as in right now for tonight, and let’s get some Caps wins on the board.  Whatever happens in Sochi, and whether or not Crosby steals your Rocket Richard trophy (mwahahaha), please don’t make me look past the Rangers and Flyers to see you down there.

metro

Control Yourself

- Posted in Newsies, Pants Loves, Things We Learned on Twitter

John Tavares wants to control his emotions:

 

That is, assuming he has any.  I certainly can’t control mine – this ad campaign gives me the stupid giggles, defeating the obvious intention to hypnotize me with John’s voice.  I half-heard it while dozing off, but I’m suddenly inspired to buy a lot of shaving cream and an Islanders jersey.

Try saying, “I’m really excited” without sounding excited at all.  You can’t.  It’s impossible when we’ve gone from this:

pants5

To this in five months:

From @NHL

From @NHL

Aces.  It’s a Before & After when the before was pretty freakin’ great to start with and the after is just bam! – messy hair and boyfriend sweaters.  Not to say the pleats and belts have gone away – I hope not, honestly – but it seems like someone is reading this blog for fashion suggestions & approval.

And we approve.

If you’re going to be a part-time model, you have to raise your game (face).

https://twitter.com/HeatherTrussler

https://twitter.com/HeatherTrussler

On Saturday vs. Philly, John had a goal waved off because of a marginally, microscopically earlier penalty by a teammate.  He was furious (and rightfully so), but the outburst was so emotional that @DLF1021 and I laughed.  Remember that time in November he got an unsportsmanlike minor for yelling at a ref?  I forgot this face could do that.

tavares3

John will be included in the first episode of NHL Revealed, airing Wednesday Jan 22. There are commercials for this in Canada, but I haven’t seen any stateside and I can’t find them online.  Just as well – I’m supposed to be controlling my emotions.

John *just* scored to tie vs. Philly 1-1.  Emotions not controlled!

tavares4

With that John moves to 2nd in the NHL in points.  Get excited.

(By the time I got to post, the Flyers have scored again and John drew a penalty.  So we’re still getting there.)

Vote Stamkos

- Posted in Olympics

We’re 21 days from the Olympics and I’m already emotionally exhausted.  This Steven Stamkos video, sponsored by Coke, features the most straightlaced and patriotic cardigan in history.

stammer3

Add in childhood video, profile shots and candid confessions of previous disappointments and I feel like I just voted for something.

stammer2

Will Stammer be ready to play in Sochi?  While everyone’s talking about Olympic dreams, this is one of ours.

stammer1

Here’s the Olympic Men’s Ice Hockey schedule.  I’ve alerted my boss that I’ll need multiple days off – possibly two whole weeks – to watch these games in real time.

This, Again.

- Posted in Things We Learned on Twitter

I need to ask a serious question, and the appearance of this twice in a row in our Twitter timeline suggests the time is right.

tweet

If you’re new to this blog, I understand it’s not where you might look in defense of the female sports fan.  I hope you all understand that we’re here to make you laugh.  We may seem like Teen Beat for the NHL, but Chuck and I have been watching hockey longer than some current NHL players have been alive.  The only things people do for 20+ years without enjoyment are prison and office work.  So while we make fun and have fun with hockey, it’s because we love it.

We know you love it too.

emily

See the above Twitter photo again and tell me: HOW DOES THIS MAKE SENSE?

Aside from the sexist, demeaning and dismissive notion that women watch hockey only for the attractive players, can someone please explain why – of all available forms in which a handsome man could be admired – one would chose the actual in-game process of hockey?

This isn’t wrestling.  Hockey players are suited, wrapped and padded up like the kid who can’t put his arms down in A Christmas Story, then helmeted, possibly visored and 90% of the time filmed from considerable distance.  I can’t always tell Brandon Sutter (16) from James Neal (18) and Beau Bennett (19) because the numbers are so damned small on TV.  How can I be appreciating their faces if I can’t even read their jerseys?!  But of course, I’m only watching because Joffrey Lupul is “rugged and sharply dressed.”  Maybe he’s got a John Varvatos three-piece suit under all that gear.

Female fans of other sports must suffer similar indignation, perhaps worse. Think of baseball and football pants.  Basketball with all those tank tops.  People know hockey and figure skating are different, right?  What do they think there is to look at?!

angry spice

On top of this, hockey can be hard to follow.  National TV tried highlighting the puck in yellow as it flew around the ice; they thought people needed that much help to follow it.  If you’re not into the game of hockey, there’s nothing going on but the game for a long, long broadcast.  Once on each side of the All-Star (or Olympic) break, someone might lose a helmet.  They might be an intermission interview.  You could starve to death waiting for a taste.

Do I think a lot of hockey players are attractive?  Obviously.  So are a lot of actors.  Captain America is about the run time of a hockey game, but I doubt Crosby is going to do push-ups in a girls-size shirt then gratuitously jump into the first body of water he passes.  David Beckham is famously hot – a man who wears shorts for a living and makes a fortune modeling designer skivvies 80 feet tall on the side of a Macy’s – but I’m still not watching soccer.

cap

My point is: if you insist on being a misogynist, at least make sense.  Stop assuming we watch 2.5+ hours of game for the occasional close-up.  Every female you are insulting knows how to Tumblr if all she wants are pretty pictures.

(Of course SportsNet put this together.  I like it – why not be talented and attractive? – but if they’re going to dismiss female sports fans in print I’d like to hear them argue that men watch beach volleyball for the fierce competition.)

Good Sports

- Posted in Newsies, Pants Loves

We know it’s not possible to be great at everything, and there are certainly times when you don’t want to show off.  Like Crosby rolling a gutter ball at the annual Pens & Pins charity event – that’s socially appropriate struggling.  He’s being a good sport.

Aw shucks.

Aw shucks.

Then watch James Neal have a go at the end of this video.  Haha, that’s not fake.

 

Maybe we could get Nisky to give him a lesson.  (Why does it seem appropriate that a guy from Minnesota would know how to bowl?  Is it an American thing?)

pins2

At least Nealmobile remembered the jerseys were yellow and not compatible with, say, a blue button-down.

pins1

More photos here.

The Pens also held their children’s practice event… so much cute.  Here’s the video, and if you don’t love Sidney Crosby for the look he gives the kid at 0:40 then I surrender.  [More video: CBS Pittsburgh]

90

kids1

Capitals @ Penguins tonight at 8PM on NBC Sports Network:  It’s my favorite and least favorite match-up at the same time!

How to Make Fans and Influence People

- Posted in Uncategorized

People always say we ignore the Western Conference (we do), so today let’s talk about the Anaheim Ducks.

Back in October, the Ducks lost their season opener 6-1 to Colorado.  That’s not exactly how a team wants to ring in a new year.  You know they had a post-game talk about shaking it off, getting back out there are starting over.

Did they ever.

ducks3

Right now Anaheim is first overall in the NHL with a 35-8-5 record.  They are 19-0-2 at home, making a run at the League’s longest-ever home point streak to start a season (26 by the Flyers in 1979-80) [link].  In those 21 home games, the Ducks have outscored their opponents 81-39.

ducks2

That’s a lot of cheering, quacking or however you want to celebrate.

The Ducks have 21 home games left this season.  They can’t/won’t always win at home (or can they?), but they’re probably going to keep doing it on the regular. Might you like to see some – or maybe 10 – games in which you’re virtually guaranteed an overwhelming amount of success?

ducks

Yours – for $17.

WHAT.

britney

Anaheim, for all those home wins, currently ranks 20th in home game attendance at 93.9% [link].  According to Team Marketing & Hooked on Hockey they have the 7th lowest average face value ticket price in the League. The Ducks also match the highest minimum beer price at $9.50.  Cruel.

Part of me wants to scream, “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, SOCAL?”  That part of me yells a lot (and lived in LA, so it has history).  Instead of indulging the knee-jerk reaction of hockey fans who can’t understand people that aren’t hockey fans, I actually think this is great.

Edmonton Oilers v Anaheim Ducks

Hockey needs more fans.  In so many markets, and America overall, that generally means new fans.  Drawing new fans requires a perfect storm of winning (bandwagoners welcome) and reasonable ticket prices.  Sure the Ducks would love to fill 118.5% of their seats like Detroit.  But how to do that?  It’s not sell tickets to corporations, as so many top market teams do.

The Ducks have to make fans.

ducks

Don’t mistake: Anaheim has loyal fans.  Some were chirping me last night about why my team can’t catch theirs in the standings.  I know, dammit!  Last year, Bleacher Report ranked Ducks fans #3 in “NHL Fanbases Least Likely to Return” after the lockout – they were wrong.

The Honda Center is also known for drawing lots of visiting team support.  I last went to a Pens game there in ’09 that was 25%+ Pittsburgh fans.  This Ducks fan noted it at last week’s Bruins appearance.  Those are marquee out-of-market teams though, and they don’t come around every week.  The Ducks would rather it be tough for visiting fans to make so much noise.

ducks5

Consistency helps.  After finishing second in the west last season, Anaheim is having another huge year on-ice.  With luck it will yield a big jump in the stands as well.  The Ducks are headed toward the playoffs like a rocket, and people could see it all for about the cost of an IMAX movie.  I hope they will.  I hope the Ducks get a point in every home game this season.  They can win into the Cup final if they want, then lose to the Penguins (obviously).  But mostly I hope their winning and marketing combine to create lots of new hockey fans.

Perhaps just say: “Tickets start at $17 – so you can afford the beer!”

ducsk3

ICYMI: Teemu Selanne will play in Sochi for his 6th Olympic Games.  He debuted at Albertville in 1992.  If you did something every four years – say, graduate from college – since 1992 imagine what you could be doing right now.

It wouldn’t be blogging.

After Hours, Indeed

- Posted in Uncategorized

Saturday night sure was exciting for Penguins fans.  Crosby goes to Western Canada once a year – not at all last year – and even the opposing team’s broadcasters talk about him like he’s Santa.  The Pens won in Calgary, vindicating Lindsay’s decision to wear her Crosby jersey to the game while her family all sported Flames gear.

Sid was interviewed on CBC After Hours, which is always filmed in a hallway.  I keep waiting for someone to knock over the Gatorade cooler in the back.

 

Sid admits to being competitive and even fighting with his sister.  Adorable.  I doubt he sits on her and farts like my brother used to do, but hey.  Maybe this is why we didn’t turn out to be sports heroes.

Finally, the moment we’ve been waiting for: they pick a Twitter question about Sid’s skincare routine.  They even joke about the entire interview building toward it, this secret of the universe and drug store aisle…

AND HE LIES.

blush

Look at that face.  “Nothing,” he says.  Fine, be that way.  Your hockey bag is full of SPF 60 moisturizer and we are not fooled.  Now someone ask these other questions because we can definitely make Sid blush again.

The rest of Saturday’s late night attention was directed toward Kris Letang absolutely punking Brandon Sutter into ending up fully naked on TV.  I don’t know how you could have missed it, but you can Tumblr/Google if you must.

Poor BSutts, he’s never gonna live that one down.

tweet

Words to live by from fake Paul Martin.

(In case you have the urge, please don’t link to the BSutts picture in comments.  #hockeyporn is a hilarious hashtag for unintentional commentator gaffes but let’s keep it to that.)

I’ll Buy That

- Posted in Hot Like Fire, Olympics, Pants Loves

I was right in the middle of working when this happened.

Sidney Crosby Reebok commercial: “Home”

crosby1

Okay, day’s over! Blame Alison.

There are also a few new Crosby commercials on YouTube.  Here’s my wallet, Reebok, just take it.  I don’t even care what you’re selling.

 

Let me pause that for you.

crosby2

Side note: I do care what they’re selling.  I have a pair of Reeboks with this “Nanoweb upper” and I hate them.  My foot slides all over the place. (/rant)

Here it is in French:

 

… which apparently requires a red shirt instead of green.  Shirt, I am looking at his shirt, people.

crosby3

Workout videos always me want to run stairs and do squats – yes, really.  If you’re like me, here’s some instruction from Sid’s trainer Andy O’Brien.  While clearly designed for athletes, this could be re-packaged and advertised as the “Booty Like Crosby” workout if people wanted to make some serious money.

Fire Up Your Game with Reebok Canada and Andy O’Brien:

Sid crossed a street in Edmonton last night, resulting in a thousand fan and creeper photos if you’d like to have an Awkward Crosby Tumblr laugh.  Not into the blue blazer/back t-shirt combo, Kid.

Or you could just click this photo for Team Canada’s super hi-res roster picture.

sid canada

Canada – Understanding its Assets Since 1987

Consider this your Foxy Friday, because I won’t be doing anything else today.

Phone Home

- Posted in Olympics, Pants Loves

I did not make this video.

That’s right – someone interviewed John Tavares, complete with curls and a boyfriend shirt, calling his parents in sleepy morning voice while sitting on an unmade bed.  And it was not I.

 

You guys probably think I haven’t posted this because I died watching it.  Truth is, it’s been in my email two whole days and I didn’t see it until right now. Made it about eight seconds before I had to pause it and post.  If I don’t live to see the end, know I was more excited about this video than John sounds about making Team Canada.  But not nearly as adorkable.

If I do survive, I’ll be over here wishing more things into existence.

The Island of Misfit Boys

- Posted in Breakin' It Down, Olympics

Here you are in your Team Whatever jersey, wearing patriotic mittens, when you find out one (or more) of your favorite NHL players didn’t make their respective Olympic team.  Don’t worry, you’re not alone.

For two solid weeks in February, you’re invited to our party.

project x

Okay, it’s probably going to look more like this:

cougar town 2

But the guest list is epic.  It’s  comprised of every Olympic snub – and there are some bold-faced names here.  To make sure our party lives up to the Russian’s, we’ve put our guests in charge of bringing a few key ingredients.  Consider it a gift registry without the wedding, and you don’t have to travel 16,000 miles to get to this reception.

Beer: Staal Brothers

jordan1

It was a long shot for Jordan to make it, but we expected Eric to be defending Canada’s honor.  Since he can’t do it in Russia, he’ll make sure we do it here. They’ll book the jet they chartered home to Thunder Bay for Christmas, load it up and land it close.  Hope you guys like Labatts, Molson and sod because that’s all they’re bringing.

Liquor (except vodka): James Neal

neal

Beer isn’t going to cut it for Nealmobile.  Neither, apparently, are more assists than Rick Nash has points, plus 16 goals, in fewer games.  Or better numbers since 2008.  No doubt James’ recent on-ice immaturity played a part, but growing up will have to come later.  For this we need to break out the (you thought I was going to say ‘big guns,’ right?) good stuff, skip the shot glasses and just go for it.  (He can bring his regular glasses, though.)

Vodka (and lots of it): Alex Semin

caps

I don’t like Sasha – didn’t like him on the Caps, don’t care about him now – but getting left off the roster in your home country is awful.  Especially when he’s got a long history of representing Russia in international events.  Maybe it was due to his concussion earlier this season, but even I’ll drink to the fact it was a shame he got snubbed.  The Ovi & Sasha Reunion Show would’ve been a hit.

Games: Claude Giroux

giroux

Gingeroux thought he had this.  Normally the suffering of any Flyer makes me giddy as a Disney villain, but leaving him off Team Canada was just fickle and redheads are always welcome at our shindigs.  Based on his ability to play beer pong and cornhole with two casted, post-surgery wrists, we’re going to bet Colde can find a way to shoot around the pieces of his broken heart.  Heck, we’ll even crank the heat and make it #shirstoptional.

$5 Cover Charge: Intern Jeff Skinner

skinner

NHL’s First Star of the Week?  Good for 66.15 points to my fantasy team in just seven days, more than double what anyone else produced?  Hat tricks all over the place are awesome, but he’s still not getting in for free.

Fake IDs: #TeamEbs and #TeamHallsy

nuge-eberle

We know they’re both of age, but @amandalitty is bouncing and she just wants to know where #TeamHallsy lives, okay?  Plus we are not falling for that matching outfit, ‘No really, I’m Jordan Eberle’ trick that Nugent-Hopkins pulled the last time.

His phone: Jack Johnson

jack johnson

We’re prank calling Crosby all night – which will be 9 hours later there and he’ll probably answer until he blocks us and we leave amazing messages complete with singing.  These are the best kinds of messages.

Darkness: Brent Seabrook

seabs

Resident widow’s peak and most likely vampire, Seabs ain’t coming out till the sun goes down.  He slept all day, so he’s in charge of last call.

Selena Gomez CD: Logan Couture

logan

This was his chance, you know?  Everyone watches the Olympics and there was bound to be a hockey clip during ice dancing, which people love once every 4 years.  If Logan could’ve been that highlight then Selena would have seen him and POW.  We’d be hired to promote their starring roles in The Cutting Edge 4: Ice Castles in the Ice coming out next Christmas.

His laptop: Bobby Ryan

bobby ryan

Team USA’s biggest snub is in charge of Tweeting, Instagramming and live-blogging this party as it goes down.  Cats are allowed but absolutely nothing silver: no Coors Silver Bullet, no Patron Silver tequila, no games of quarters.

Not this shirt: Joe Thornton

joe

The last time we partied like we were in college… well, we were in college.  We might have overlooked this shirt back then but the era of poor decision-making and Ed Hardy clothing has passed.   For heaven’s sake, there is a design on your jeans!  Give us your wallet, go tell Logan that Selena & Beiber are not back together and we’ll take care of this on Nordstrom.com.

Not any shirt: Victor Hedman

Victor Hedman

Does this party have a pool?  Victor Hedman is probably tan in February and we need a lifeguard – all these numbers that say Hedman should have been chosen make our heads swim.

Recycling Bags: Marty St. Louis

marty

What the crap, right?  Marty may scowl disapprovingly at the pile of beer cans JStaal has crushed on his forehead, but that’s because he knows when the morning comes (or say, a 38th birthday), he’ll still be here showing these kids how it’s done.  Marty is the Last Dad Standing, so he’s on clean up.

UPDATE – Marshall: Tyler Seguin

seguin

How could I forget this?  All puppies are invited but especially if they bring Tyler Seguin.  And Tyler Seguin brings his dance moves.  (Thanks Jess!)

Jerseys, mittens, hats and flags: You 

sweden

Of course this hockey party will have hockey, and plenty of it, at all hours of the night and day.  If you saved vacation time, use it now.  While not all of our favorite players made it to Sochi, everyone from home to Russia will be supporting their country loudly and proudly.  And in some cases, other countries near their countries (maybe that’s just me).

If I didn’t pick your snubbed favorite, feel free to invite him.  We welcome anyone who brings snacks or is qualified to drive a Zamboni.

Mi Kessel es Su Kessel

- Posted in Olympics

It’s starting.  In preparation for the Sochi Olympics and all you Americans who insist on rooting for America, we are…

phil

Before undertaking this Phil Kessel makeover reality TV show, perhaps we should have watched 24/7.  Perhaps Intern Jeff Skinner should stop terrorizing my team with multi-goal games and do some blogging so I can watch TV, but that’s not going to happen.  So we rely on friends.

In her campaign to make  me and Lindsay , as she calls it, “Leafs tolerant,” Alison sent us this:

 

Right?  This makeover business isn’t going to be so hard!  First of all, Phil’s condo is major.  A four-poster bed and a  bathroom big enough for a hockey rink… I dream of architecture and natural light.  And their dog – a dog, you guys!

phil3

For cuddling!  In front of not three but FOUR TVs.  Are they all hooked to one remote?  If so, this is heaven.  Can I order pizza and/or launch the space shuttle from there?  I might not even need to throw a rager and invite you guys over.

phil1

I love how they set-decorated the living area (don’t try to tell me they have placemats out all the time) but didn’t bother even making Bozie’s bed.  BOYS. Maybe Phil is OCD for cleaning – AWESOME.  Live with a guy someday and you’ll wish for such ridiculous luxury.  Or that vase of (probably fake) flowers atop his dresser.

phil5

So, are we getting there?  Do matching thermals and toques (Canadian word alert), plus a bromance alive and well bring you a step closer to seeing Phil’s charm?  You can introduce your friends to his charming, homeless roommate.  That bit at the end about looking like idiots really melted our frozen hockey hearts.  Any chance they’d let us dog- and house-sit over the next road trip?

phil2

Don’t worry, we’ll be back with more installments of Presenting Phil Kessel.  Or what this really is: The Millionaire Matchmaker (Mr. Pants loves that show). Don’t worry Phil, we’ve got this.

Right now we need to watch 24/7.

Foxy Friday: Roman Josi

- Posted in Bromance, Chuck Loves, Foxy Friday, Hot Like Fire, Well OBVIOUSLY.

Happy New Year!  Happy Foxy Friday!

It’s our First Foxy Friday of the Year and we’re starting it off right.

It all actually started in 2013 when there I was,  just minding my own business, drinking a glass of delicious scotch, talking on the twitter, when WUYS reader @sarahconnors drops this Foxy Friday bomb on me.

“WHO THE HELL IS THIS?”, I exclaimed. “IS HE REAL LIFE? I don’t believe you.”

Yes it is, friends.  And his name is Roman Josi.

The Swiss are known for a few things – Chocolate. Emmental cheese. Political Neutrality.

Devastatingly handsome hockey players is not one of them.

Until now.

God Bless Switzerland.

The 23-year-old Swiss went pro in 2006 with his hometown team, Schlittschuh Club Bern.  In 2008, the 6’1″ defensemen was selected by the Predators in the 2nd round (38th overall) in the NHL Entry Draft.  

While he is fairly new to the NHL season (only having made his debut in 2011), Josi has represented Switzerland in number of international competitions, including the 2010 Olympics and the 2013 Hockey World Championships, where he was named MVP.

This season, Roman has 12 points.  He is also -14, but when you look this good, does it really matter?  With this visage, I really don’t want him taking any unnecessary pucks to the face.

Besides the glaringly obvious, what else makes Roman Josi worthy of this Foxy Friday honor?

He likes long walks on the beach, followed by meditation while staring off in the middle distance.

His best friend can beat up your best friend.

Couple of years in Nashville and already he’s turning into a cowboy.

Euro Cowboy

His cornhole game is as tight as his pants.

Josi, Roman - cornhole

Are those cornhold bags in your pockets, or are you just happy to see me?

 He wears a deep v like it meant to be.

Josi, Roman - deep v shirt

No man like this should ever be alone in a photo booth. EVER.  I volunteer!

Josi, Roman - photo booth

I bet this is what he looks like on Sunday mornings, after he’s made you breakfast in bed. A bowl of muesli with some yogurt, fresh fruit, and French-press coffee, natch.)

Josi, Roman - thumbs up

Roman Josi is undeniably and unapologetically foxy.  And unapologetically Swiss.   

Moooooo hmmmmm

Moooooo hmmmmm

On this Let’s just take a pause for a moment to appreciate the masculine beauty of this man.

No, he is not a figment of your imagination or some sexy hallucination.

This is a real life, flesh and blood human being.

Roman Josi, people.

Straight Up Life Ruiner.

 You can follow Roman on the twitter at @rjosi90

 

Candid Canada

- Posted in Breakin' It Down, Olympics

I hope you made a New Year’s resolution to watch more hockey, if that’s possible.  Not in my house. While the US announced their Olympic roster after the Winter Classic, Canada found another way to fill their hockey quota.

can10

Video: CBC – Defending Gold: Inside the Making of Canada’s Team

It’s thirty minutes inside the minds and meetings of Team Canada’s architects as they deliberate who’ll wear the red and white in Sochi just over a month from now. The Honorable Stevie Y presiding.

Showing these kids how it's done.

Showing these kids how it’s done.

From Olympic camp back in August, let’s talk about something that’s more awkward that Lucic’s face in this shot – Phanuef’s cardigan.  No, I’m kidding.  I cover my anguish with humor, people!  It’s how I cope.

I’m talking about Mike Green.

can1

Mike is not going to Russia.  There are days when I’m surprised they even let Mike go to Caps games.   His exclusion from the 2010 Canada roster was considered by many a huge snub, a year in which he had 76 points (holy shit) and got his second straight Norris nomination.  Critics pegged Mike as “too offensive” – as in point-scoring, not bothersome – when CAN needed stay-at-home blueliners.  Well compared to 2010, this season is roadkill so I think we can just look away (from my broken heart).

Don’t despair for long.  Team Canada will not lack things to make me happy.

can2

Gah, there is a polo shirt shop in heaven and I’d like to work there.

Most of our cast of The Bachelorette (Part 1, Part 2) are here, method-acting out the roles we assigned for our show:

The Quarterback, gazing into the distance at his achievable dreams with complete disregard for that ladder’s feelings.

can3

The Kid practicing his cursive for writing notes in study hall.

can4

The Class Clown making it all look fun.  (PK might lose this grin when he hears them debating him later in the show.)

can5

The Hot One, rakishly ignoring the photo of his own crazy face in the background while testing the structural integrity of yet another folding chair.

can6

The Quiet One and other French guys being French and quiet.

can8

The Bromance being exclusive.

can9

Fine, you make a better screencap.

Not lost on me was this moment of foreshadowing.  I believe this is the look Crosby and Kunitz gave Neal after a certain incident involving a knee and a head and the desire to make this team.

pensstare

#disapprovingPenguinstare

The look inside Yzerman’s war room is fascinating, talking about pressure, second-guessing and the chemistry required to put together not only the best team, but the right team.  I got a little nervous when they talked about specific guys: Nash, #TeamEbs, Stammer’s injury.  “They will see this!  They’ll hear you!”  It makes no difference though; on January 7, Yzerman and Co. will have us on the edge of our seats.

Who will get a rose and who will be crying in limo?  Most importantly, what are we going to buy?

canada

Now it’s your turn: give us your thoughts, surprising snubs and bets on Superman Stamkos getting the nod.  If Stammer and Tavares make the team, Tavares won’t wear 91.  My purchase decision anxiety mounts.

Side note: It’s nice to know Canadians suffer the same trials as Americans when it comes to online/in demand TV – being forced to watch the same commercials ad nauseum.

America. Heck Yeah.

- Posted in Newsies, Olympics

Or something like that.

Allow me to share my unpopular American opinion: I am pro-Canada when it comes to Olympic men’s hockey.  I don’t care if the NSA turns their cell phone recorders on me, but my heart goes with my favorite players on their biggest stage.  We Americans win a lot in every Olympics.  This one time I am okay with sharing.

us canada

That said, I’d like to see the US win silver every time or gold if Canada’s out.  I am excited to see which Americans will represent our country in Russia – it makes me want to watch 80’s action movies (or Miracle).  The Team USA roster was announced yesterday after the longest Winter Classic in the history of long things.  Chuck and I, miles apart and minutes from starvation, implored them to hurry.  Then they trotted out the kids in the jerseys and we were stuck.  Kids, they get us every time!

kids

I can’t find video yet, but one kid almost fell.  You knew that was coming.  Then one kid was a girl and  I wasn’t expecting that.

Here’s the roster (alphabetically, not as line predictions):

roster

Plus the worst-kept secret in hockey this week, the USA goalies:

roster2

NHL Network Analysis of the roster with bonus cold-weather fashion “do’s” featuring Kathryn Tappen.

 

My thoughts:

NOBOBBYRYANBOOOOO.  Cats of Instagram are wailing pitifully in alleys across America tonight.  No more jokes about finishing second, or at all.

bobbyryan

Any combination of Parise-Kesler-Kane will henceforth be known as the SAS(S) Line, for Smile-Abs-Smile.

sass line

All-Pens defense pairings give me the squees.  And I think they know the coach.

NHL: Carolina Hurricanes at Pittsburgh Penguins

Of course we have to give it up for Shattenkirk on D, pride of Boston University.

kshat

Finally, someone please explain Phil Kessel to me.  I am going to start nominating him for makeover reality TV shows – the sure way to get Americans interested in something, it could be a blistering marketing idea for Team USA. We already have  “before” photo:

USA Hockey 2014 Olympic Portraits

AMERICA.  For shame!  Why would you release this photo?  For something that looked worse than your jerseys?  You need a publicist.  I will work for tax breaks, Columbus Day off and your continued overlooking of my crush on Canada.

kessel2

Phil seems like a really nice, shy guy – he overcame cancer for heaven’s sake!  He should be able to overcome these image issues.  In October he bought a suite, brought 24 child cancer patients to the game and SCORED THEM A HAT TRICK.  Take that, walkathons!  I am convinced that hiding behind this terrible haircut and penchant for wearing the same colorless suit to everything is a guy we could Foxy Friday.  There are 34 days until Sochi.  Let me at him and I’ll bring you the next American Express Olympics tear-jerker commercial icon.

kessel

Best of 2013

- Posted in Deep Thoughts, We Love You, Well OBVIOUSLY.

Happy New Year’s Eve, everyone!  Before we bust out our glittery heels and fake eyelashes for tonight, allow us a moment to celebrate the year that was in 2013.

We spent a staggering about of energy, effort and time (usually at work) on WUYS this year but it’s really nothing without you guys.  Chuck and I started this blog to make each other laugh because we were doing it over gchat all day anyway.  We had no idea there were so many people like us out there.

hockey

By popular demand, and with our thanks…

WUYS’ MOST POPULAR POSTS OF 2013

10) Awkward Family Photos (January 17) – Was there a single moment this year more glorious than when the lockout ended?  I woke up early for a trip, checked my phone and screamed.  Everything we loved was returning and it would look so… special.  From best (Stamkos) to worst (Mike Green) to this guy, the 2013 roster photos brought hockey back with a bang.

10

9) Foxy Friday: Erik Gudbranson (February 15) – Possibly helped by being chosen Top Foxy Friday of 2013 last week, this picspam post made the year’s Top 10 overall.  Just like Erik Gudbranson is a 10.  Maybe an 11.  What’s that in Celsius?

9

8) Foxy Friday: Rump Shaker (January 4) – From the dark days of the lockout, a Foxy Friday that is basically about hockey player’s fantastic backsides.  You guys are gross.  Wait, who wrote this?

8

7) That’s a Little Close (October 3) – Cabbie asks the real questions, like how to make Sidney Crosby as uncomfortable as possible.  “Crosby Selfie” immediately went to the top of my bucket list.  Bonus close-up inspection of James Neal’s new sleeve tattoo, which is #2 on that bucket list.

7

6) Team Canada – Casting Call (August 26) – The only way to keep track of all the hopefuls at Team Canada Olympic Camp was to categorize them a la ‘The Bachelorette.’  Then stock up on roses and set every date near a hot tub.

6

5) Loosen Up My Buttons (March 13) – Jonathan Toews, Part Time Model, in a locker room with his shirt half-open.  This was perhaps the day Captain Serious became Captain Lookout, I Am Fun Now.

5

4) Birthday Boy: Tyler Seguin (January 31) – Tattoos, puppies and the day everyone’s underage boyfriend turned 21.  Imagine the party and lock up your daughters.

4

3) Foxy Friday: Adam McQuaid (February 22) – Whatreally?  Really.  Proof that hockey hair and a spectacular resistance running .gif transcend all.

3

2) Cosmo Ain’t Got Nothin’… (January 10) – Twice last year Cosmopolitan insisted on making their own lists of best looking hockey players, then suggested people like Ryan Suter over Zach Parise and Phil Kessel over Joffrey Lupul.  We – and many of you – suggested they leave the hard work to the experts.

2

1) Look at You (April 8) – Eeeeking out the top spot on this list (and in my heart!) is the day we madly posted this first photo of Sidney Crosby post-jaw break.  I got a lovely note from the girl in the photo (Candace) about how Sid is a great person.  Yes, the #1 post of the year proved yet again that I am always right.

1

So here’s to a new year of Best-Ofs, and the true best part of this blog: you.

Lethal Weapon

- Posted in Bromance, Dammit Geno, Hot Like Fire, Pants Loves

(Note: Lethan Weapon is one of the best bromance movies of all time. Bust out the VHS and watch it.)

If you can’t hold a puppy or a baby, the next best prop for maximum cuteness is Evgeni Malkin.  I swear, if I baked a cake and that cake took a shelter dog for a walk under a double rainbow if could not be more adorable than this:

 

Unless it was this – Malkin gives Neal one more hat .   And I am a chalk outline on the ground.

neal2

Is that a 71 GENO shirt? I want that.

Nealmobile had a good weekend.  He scored the OT GWG on Friday night [video], had a hat trick and  5-points last night, didn’t attack anyone, etc.  Geno, who’s sidelined with a knee injury, is also making excellent use of his time.

Here’s last night’s goal-fest:

 

It was Neal’s 4th career regular season hat trick (plus 1 vs. Ottawa, 2013 playoffs).  The girl who threw her bra on the ice after Taylor Hall’s 4th career trick was not in attendance, but I’d rather have Geno’s hat anyway.

neal3

While it’s true that the Pens PR team is killing it here, and James is obviously reading this blog for additional strategies to win back the hearts of fans, mostly he’s reminding Pens fans (read: me) what he does best: have great hair.

neal1

Intermission Hair of the Millennium

I’m kidding!  He scores goals.  He wins games. Helps a team that always seems to be down at least one superstar reach, and stay at, the top.

league

The Eastern Conference took so long getting ready for these standings that we almost cancelled our date.  Now the Pens are only 2 points out of first, the Bruins are right behind and even the Bolts, after 7 weeks without Stamkos, are in the top 10.  We may be late bloomers but we’re looking good today.

dirty dancing

More post-game from last night in which James tries not to be too excited over playing alongside Crosby, lest Geno get jealous.

 

In case you’re not sold on Malkin, allow us to present:

Evgeni Malkin takes a shower.

Translation & behind-the-scenes video at Puck Daddy.

Yes, that’s Evgeni Malkin, Part Time Model.

geno

Foxy Friday: Evgeni Malkin (Sept 2012).  During the lockout, I calculated it was 16,392 miles from my house to where Geno was playing in Russia.

And the coup de grâce: EvgeniMalkinwithAnimals.tumblr.com.

Since pretending to work is pointless today, enjoy some more Pens coverage. Hopefully you’re off tomorrow to see the 1 PM game.

  • Sid talking hockey after his GWG.  Zero antics, predictably. [video]
  • Poor Dan Potash.  If he’s not getting every interview interrupted by a crazy Russian Muppet, he’s getting taped to his camera guy by an enthusiastic French goalie. [video]
  • Newest episode of In the Room, where Neal is mic’d, he & Sid bicker and Geno makes nice (3:00 mark).

Happy almost 2014!