The Island of Misfit Boys

Here you are in your Team Whatever jersey, wearing patriotic mittens, when you find out one (or more) of your favorite NHL players didn’t make their respective Olympic team.  Don’t worry, you’re not alone.

For two solid weeks in February, you’re invited to our party.

project x

Okay, it’s probably going to look more like this:

cougar town 2

But the guest list is epic.  It’s  comprised of every Olympic snub – and there are some bold-faced names here.  To make sure our party lives up to the Russian’s, we’ve put our guests in charge of bringing a few key ingredients.  Consider it a gift registry without the wedding, and you don’t have to travel 16,000 miles to get to this reception.

Beer: Staal Brothers


It was a long shot for Jordan to make it, but we expected Eric to be defending Canada’s honor.  Since he can’t do it in Russia, he’ll make sure we do it here. They’ll book the jet they chartered home to Thunder Bay for Christmas, load it up and land it close.  Hope you guys like Labatts, Molson and sod because that’s all they’re bringing.

Liquor (except vodka): James Neal


Beer isn’t going to cut it for Nealmobile.  Neither, apparently, are more assists than Rick Nash has points, plus 16 goals, in fewer games.  Or better numbers since 2008.  No doubt James’ recent on-ice immaturity played a part, but growing up will have to come later.  For this we need to break out the (you thought I was going to say ‘big guns,’ right?) good stuff, skip the shot glasses and just go for it.  (He can bring his regular glasses, though.)

Vodka (and lots of it): Alex Semin


I don’t like Sasha – didn’t like him on the Caps, don’t care about him now – but getting left off the roster in your home country is awful.  Especially when he’s got a long history of representing Russia in international events.  Maybe it was due to his concussion earlier this season, but even I’ll drink to the fact it was a shame he got snubbed.  The Ovi & Sasha Reunion Show would’ve been a hit.

Games: Claude Giroux


Gingeroux thought he had this.  Normally the suffering of any Flyer makes me giddy as a Disney villain, but leaving him off Team Canada was just fickle and redheads are always welcome at our shindigs.  Based on his ability to play beer pong and cornhole with two casted, post-surgery wrists, we’re going to bet Colde can find a way to shoot around the pieces of his broken heart.  Heck, we’ll even crank the heat and make it #shirstoptional.

$5 Cover Charge: Intern Jeff Skinner


NHL’s First Star of the Week?  Good for 66.15 points to my fantasy team in just seven days, more than double what anyone else produced?  Hat tricks all over the place are awesome, but he’s still not getting in for free.

Fake IDs: #TeamEbs and #TeamHallsy


We know they’re both of age, but @amandalitty is bouncing and she just wants to know where #TeamHallsy lives, okay?  Plus we are not falling for that matching outfit, ‘No really, I’m Jordan Eberle’ trick that Nugent-Hopkins pulled the last time.

His phone: Jack Johnson

jack johnson

We’re prank calling Crosby all night – which will be 9 hours later there and he’ll probably answer until he blocks us and we leave amazing messages complete with singing.  These are the best kinds of messages.

Darkness: Brent Seabrook


Resident widow’s peak and most likely vampire, Seabs ain’t coming out till the sun goes down.  He slept all day, so he’s in charge of last call.

Selena Gomez CD: Logan Couture


This was his chance, you know?  Everyone watches the Olympics and there was bound to be a hockey clip during ice dancing, which people love once every 4 years.  If Logan could’ve been that highlight then Selena would have seen him and POW.  We’d be hired to promote their starring roles in The Cutting Edge 4: Ice Castles in the Ice coming out next Christmas.

His laptop: Bobby Ryan

bobby ryan

Team USA’s biggest snub is in charge of Tweeting, Instagramming and live-blogging this party as it goes down.  Cats are allowed but absolutely nothing silver: no Coors Silver Bullet, no Patron Silver tequila, no games of quarters.

Not this shirt: Joe Thornton


The last time we partied like we were in college… well, we were in college.  We might have overlooked this shirt back then but the era of poor decision-making and Ed Hardy clothing has passed.   For heaven’s sake, there is a design on your jeans!  Give us your wallet, go tell Logan that Selena & Beiber are not back together and we’ll take care of this on

Not any shirt: Victor Hedman

Victor Hedman

Does this party have a pool?  Victor Hedman is probably tan in February and we need a lifeguard – all these numbers that say Hedman should have been chosen make our heads swim.

Recycling Bags: Marty St. Louis


What the crap, right?  Marty may scowl disapprovingly at the pile of beer cans JStaal has crushed on his forehead, but that’s because he knows when the morning comes (or say, a 38th birthday), he’ll still be here showing these kids how it’s done.  Marty is the Last Dad Standing, so he’s on clean up.

UPDATE – Marshall: Tyler Seguin


How could I forget this?  All puppies are invited but especially if they bring Tyler Seguin.  And Tyler Seguin brings his dance moves.  (Thanks Jess!)

Jerseys, mittens, hats and flags: You 


Of course this hockey party will have hockey, and plenty of it, at all hours of the night and day.  If you saved vacation time, use it now.  While not all of our favorite players made it to Sochi, everyone from home to Russia will be supporting their country loudly and proudly.  And in some cases, other countries near their countries (maybe that’s just me).

If I didn’t pick your snubbed favorite, feel free to invite him.  We welcome anyone who brings snacks or is qualified to drive a Zamboni.

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Leave a Reply

  1. Casey Reply

    Did I miss him? Because I am pretty sure I did not read Mike Richards on the Canadian team for Sochi, but Jeff Carter is on it? How can you separate a bromance as tight as theirs?

  2. I have ample vacation time and I’ve always wanted to party with Brent Seabrook so I’m in! Is Tyler Seguin not invited to this party? Tyler Seguin IS the party. He can bring… Texas things? Or his wardrobe from the ESPN Body Issue photoshoot?

    Also Viktor Hedman not bringing any shirt is a fantastic idea but CLEARLY he should also bring the karaoke machine:

    • That clip was hilarious! So down for this party. I think that we also need puppies for James Neal to awkwardly hold and cats for Bobby Ryan and Kris LeTang to cuddle. Tyler Seguin can bring Marshall too

    • SadBoltsFan Reply

      Yes. This.

  3. SadBoltsFan Reply

    Marty. Ugh. Victor. Ugh. And don’t forget Bishop! There’s some serious tension and many WTF’s in the air here in Tampa, especially over the Marty snub, with Yzerman being our GM and all. I’ve already offered to host a NOlympics party at my house with our Lightning snubees, but your party looks decent too 🙂

  4. Kathy Reply

    Can Claude bring grilled cheese, too? If so, I am there. 🙂

  5. Vanessa Reply

    Seabs says he ain’t bringing the party without Crow, who should totally have a shot at the net. And after all, who knows what liquor he’ll bring, but it’ll mostly likely be good. He can curse at the refs through the television.

  6. Yo, Puck Daddy, I’mma let you finish pontificating on snubs, but Chuck & Pants just uploaded the GREATEST Olympic snub post OF ALL TIME.

    Seriously, ladies, this might be my favorite thing on any blog ever. How do we get this to actually happen? I volunteer to process all of the visa applications.