Foxy Friday: The Future

- Posted in Foxy Friday, Hot Like Fire, We Love, Well OBVIOUSLY.

With the NHL lockout looming over us like that creepy guy at work always looking over your shoulder at your computer, we’re starting to worry.

A large part of our anxiety is that if the NHL does lockout, we will be denied a new shiny batch of Foxy Fridays to choose from.  And that is just not fair.

For this week’s feature, we look at some rookies & top NHL draft picks looking to make it into the esteemed and exclusive Foxy Friday Fraternity.

Nail Yakupov – Edmonton Oilers

The new Russian Machine?

Brady Skjei – New York Rangers

Like this team needs any more reasons to get foxier.  The last name along is worthy.  Also, is it just me, or does he looks suspiciously like Ethan Embry’s little brother?

Henrik Samuelsson – Phoenix Coyotes

Swedish. Again, we say – what is in the water?!!??

Ryan Murray – Columbus Blue Jackets

The departure of Rick Nash has seriously depleted the foxy in Columbus. Enter Ryan Murray to save the day.

Cody Ceci – Ottawa Senators

Hmmmm…shoulders….

Filip Forsberg – Washington Capitals

Seriously, Sweden!  WHAT IS GOING ON IN YOUR COUNTRY?

Justin Courtnall – Boston Bruins

Those eyes are peering into my soul…and I like it.

Tom Wilson – Washington Capitals

The hair. The face. The hair, again.

Look out, Mike Green.

So, who do you think deserves consideration as a future Foxy Friday? Any other rookies or draft picks you think we should include on this list?

Landeskog for President

- Posted in Chuck Loves, Hot Like Fire, Like a Boss, Newsies, Off-Season Projects, We Believe, We Love, Well OBVIOUSLY.

Oh wait…

He was born in Sweden.

Since that won’t work, I guess we’ll just have to settle for “Captain.”

 This is my Captain face.

Today, the Avalanche made history by making the 19-year-old the youngest captain in NHL history.

Take that, Sidney Crosby.

Landeskog is 19 year, 286 days old – 11 days younger that Captain Awkward Pockets who was 19 years, 297 days old when he was given the “C” waaaaaaaaaaaaay back in May 2007.

This move to make Landeskog the captain comes after Milan Hejduk announced that he was giving up his role as the Avalanche’s captain.  He will continue to serve as an alternate captain, along with Paul “Bang Bang Bang” Stastny.

Landeskog will be just the 4th captain in Avalanche history, the 11th captain in Avs/Nordiques history, and only the third European born player to serve as captain.

Who’s got thumbs and is the youngest captain in the NHL?
THIS GUY!

It’s no secret that Foppa 2.0 is a huge favorite here at WUYS.

He’s just so darn awesome that we can’t contain ourselves.

somuchlandeskoging.

 

He’s been named a Foxy Friday.

We adore his twitter wikkid hahd corah.

And we lauded his feats of super-human hockey strength.

He possesses all the qualties that a future NHL superstar should have – talent, bucket loads of charisma, excellent camera presence, and a face that could launch a thousand ships.

We are card-carrying members of the Gabriel Landeskog fan club and today’s announcement makes us really happy.

Now if we can only sort out that whole NHL vs. NHLPA business…

Peep this, ladies.

 

 

 

 

Birthday Boy: James Neal

- Posted in Birthday Boy, Pants Loves

HAPPY 25TH BIRTHDAY, NEALMOBILE!

It’s definitely been JamesNeal.com around here lately – we just can’t help ourselves.  Here’s James at the Altoona Curve game last week, talking labor disputes and lockouts:

Warning: The video is as shaky as if I were filming this.

And what James is doing with the rest of his summer:

The boys are looking pretty banged up, perhaps there was rafting while drinking?  I’ve been there.  Also, notice his right arm is down… so we will never see that tattoo.

Mikey Monday: Labor Day

- Posted in Mikey Monday, Off-Season Projects, Pants Loves

Labor Day is “dedicated to the social and economic achievements of American workers,” according to the US Government.  To celebrate manual labor and capitalism, some of us have signed up for this:

Mike and Nicky and Brooks?  Oh my.  And playgrounds don’t have lockouts so this is really the best Plan B: Bonus in the world.  Registration is closed now, but if you’ve signed up please let me know!

A huge thanks to Robin (@rockinredbirdie) for making sure I didn’t miss this.  Also to Rae and Josie (who I hope signed up) and my friend Jen who only knows Nicky because she calls him Hanson and said, ” You had me at Mmmbop.”  Based on the entire house she’s renovating, she’ll have this locked up in an hour and we can all go for breakfast.

As for me, I’ve done a playground build, a deck and helped put an edition on my house.  Toolbelt and everything.  But that was with my dad.  Should we be taking bets on whether I’m able to operate simple tools in this company?

Your Moment of Zen

- Posted in Dawn Loves, Randomness, We're Mental

A funny thing happened at the Seahawks game last night. Yes, I said Seahawks, as in football.

Why would I be at  football game? Free tickets. Other than that? THIS!

But first, I did not know it was mascot night until there he was, in all his fin-tabulous glory, floundering away on the jumbotron.

Of course, I hotfooted it down to where he was, as any good hockey fan at a football game would.

And just as Mr. Cherrie was about to take the photo, a football shot through the frame …

Fin was there for half-time hijinks! If I wanted to spend the night in jail, I would have run down on the field, tackled him and dry-humped him silly! I can only say the lack of hockey made me go completely insane for anything hockey related. 

Luckily, there was security and I was only allowed to get to this close to him.

Who would have thought I would have had a hockey experience at a Seahawks game! Ya just never know!

And THAT is your moment of zen …

 

 

Foxy Friday: Workout Videos

- Posted in Foxy Friday, Summer Lovin', We Love

Suddenly there is a deluge of proof that hockey players believe this season will happen.  Every time a bell rings, Intern Jeff Skinner does a squat.  Oh wait, everyone does squats.  It’s a Foxy Friday party in the gym.

Video: Intern Jeff Skinner has great legs (bonus: James Neal)

This is my serious face.

There’s a moment where Gary Roberts says, “We don’t lay down much in our workouts.”, but he looks like no fun at all so I’ll just bite my tongue.

My first thought is that Jeff has a surprisingly deep voice to go with those gams.

Second thought: If James Neal sat behind me, I’d work a lot harder too.

There’s a glimpse of Nealmobile’s mystery tattoo in this video (inside right bicep).   I know it says PANTS, but I want to see it!  The first person who gets a picture will receive a case of Mexicolas delivered by Intern Jeff.

After watching that, don’t you want to hit it?  (I mean the gym, pervs.)  Run around the block or something?  I do.  Then I watched this:

Video: James Neal and Jeff Skinner demonstrate my inadequacy

A race consisting of one pull up, one push up, then again, with no stops for throwing up on your sneakers.

I’ve been training hard all summer for a Tough Mudder race (Sept 8!) and I still cannot do one single pull up.  I can run 12 miles but cannot lift my body weight.  Intern Jeff Skinner does them one-handed while taking phone messages in the office.  UGH!

This would be very disheartening if you didn’t notice that Nealer is cheating.

Those are some girly push-ups, James.  Twice he gets called out on it.  Gary Roberts is so mesmerized by Jeff’s quads he doesn’t see James staying six inches off the floor.  We’re on to you, Neal (and thanks).

Not to be outdone during Stamkos Takeover Week here at WUYS…

Video: Steven Stamkos can jump freakishly high

Not for nothing, but that is CRAZY.  He’s 6′ 1″, so he’s jumping well over 3 feet.  I just measured my desk – 29″ – and started cracking up.  No freaking way.

 .gifs from h33nrik.tumblr.com

That last one… why do I even bother trying to say coherent things?

Next up – Video: John Tavares, hot middle school science teacher

It’s the hair.  Something about it says Izod polo shirts and boat shoes.

He’s about to start discussing sedimentary rock strata while I doodle on my Trapper Keeper and debate which would be more fun: detention or extra credit.

Also, JT91 looks like he sort of hates this.  He’s obviously very motivated… to finish this working and go do something else.  We applaud his efforts.

And finally, someone who tells it like it is.

Video: PK Subban knows it’s tight t-shirt season

Listed at 206 pounds, that means PK is lifting 306 lbs here.  He looks like he could lift my car.  He goes on to say he works out 8-9 times a week.  Somewhere, John Tavares just passed out.

Last year when we started talking about workout videos, the universe delivered.  This seasons it seems to have anticipated our request.

Quick someone ask for something else…

Just a Feeling

- Posted in Pants Loves

If there are two people I like more in hockey… well, there aren’t.

 

Tell me again why Cabbie doesn’t host the NHL Awards?  Or even present?

Oh Steven.

Camp BioSteel: Day 3

- Posted in Newsies, Off-Season Projects, Summer Lovin', We Love, Well OBVIOUSLY.

Another day.  Another video from Camp BioSteel.

Nealmobile!

FINALLY!  We were beginning to wonder about him….

He looks like he just woke up and hasn’t had his Paul Martin omelet yet.

Get that boy a bagel, stat.

BTW – Love that guy’s stank face on the right. It’s as if he realizes he’ll never be as good as Nail Yakupov.

This video, while not nearly exciting as Day 1 or Day 2, does have hot guys sprinting.

Obviously, they are participating in some hockey version of “The Hunger Games”, sprinting all out for the cornucopia and that backpack.

Our money is on Tyler Seguin.  He’s got that look of a Career Tribute.

For us personally, we’d like to see more working out in these videos.

More Steven Stamkos leaping tall buildings in a single bound.

More Tyler Seguin tossing medicine balls like they are nerf balls.

More shirtless massage montages.

And less of this.

His body is bangin’ for sure, but this caterpillar of a mustache just totally ruins it for us.

Especially when it makes him look like Luigi from Super Mario Brothers.

 

 

Camp Biosteel: Day 2

- Posted in Off-Season Projects, Summer Lovin', We Love

Maybe I got a little too excited about Stamkos yesterday, because Camp Biosteel’s Day 2 video is the Tyler Seguin Show.

For the record, I’m not complaining.

But where is Marshall? I was promised a puppy.

Oh jeez.  Okay.  Fair trade.

Stop. I surrender.

Sorry to Segs, but he’s not the true highlight of this video.

Behold the exact photo definition of WUYS:

AMIRIGHT?

There’s hockey, a hot guy who plays hockey, some form of exercise and a damsel in cardiac distress over the entire tableau.

This picture says a thousand words and most of them are “UNF.”

I don’t know why it’s happening, but I guarantee this girl had no idea it would happen to her .  A close proximity shirtless push-up from Biznasty is not a ‘messy bun’ occasion.  She’d much rather faint in stiletto cage sandals and a sparkly dress.  Happens to us all the time.

Shameless.  Hallelujah.

Now, back to your regularly scheduled programming.

Behold Stammer’s secret message inviting me over for movie night, where I get to eat all the ketchup chips since he can’t do that during training camp.

We’ll obviously watch Attack the Block, because he knows I love that movie.

And he knows how we much we appreciate this look. I’m giving him the tag #shorthairdontcare this season.

Still no James Neal.  There is one shot of Intern Jeff Skinner – the equivalent of a note from his coach about why he’s not here to get me a candy bar.  I’m heartened by all these guys training hard because they obviously intend to start playing any day now, and keep doing so all season.  No lockout.  No excuses.

Until tomorrow…

(Thanks Amanda, photo-finder extraordinaire.)

Camp Biosteel: Day 1

- Posted in Hot Like Fire, Intern Jeff Skinner, Off-Season Projects, We Love

I’ve been sitting here for 15 minutes trying to think a safe-for-work way to describe this.

The best I could do is a photo play-by-play of me, earlier today.  Enjoy.

Someone posts that a Camp Biosteel video is up:

The video opens with Steven Stamkos doing something so extraordinary that it can only be described as walking.

Then turning. While still walking. God, he’s amazing.

I had to pause the video for a second and just:

Guest appearance by Intern Jeff Skinner, showing off his two best skills: lifting heavy things and running away (from girls).  Make that three skills – skipping work!

Cut to Stamkos.  He doesn’t just walk, he jogs.  Someone hold me.

(Pale white guys with their socks pulled up?  Apparently yes.)

Oh, it’s not over. Look at him turn…

… and do this until I’m yelling,  “LEFT JUSTIFY!  Get out of the way!”

Some other people appear in this video, none of which are James Neal.  SCANDAL AND OUTRAGE.  Tyler Seguin doesn’t even have his puppy and Biznasty is never actually seen doing anything but talking.  Hmmm, real life?   There’s also actual hockey, shootout-style, which gives me a stomach pain of longing and fear.  I keep going back to the beginning.

Paging Intern Jeff Skinner

- Posted in Intern Jeff Skinner

Where is Intern Jeff Skinner right now?  At Biosteel Camp slacking off when he should be forwarding our collective resume for this job?

Talented, witty, personable with a communications degree… sounds like some people around here.  (I left off the part about the criminal background check, which probably include a Google search and then ZIP, there go our chances.)

Yes it’s real (nhl.com) and yes, you’re qualified.  We are available for reference letter writing, in exchange for tickets.

Nothing to say for himself.

 

Mikey Monday: Miss This

- Posted in Mikey Monday, Pants Loves

On Saturday afternoon, NHL Network replayed the Caps’ triple-OT loss to the Rangers in Game 3 of last season’s playoffs.  I turned it on halfway through the third period… and proceeded to watch over 60 minutes of hockey knowing a) nothing happens and b) when something finally does, it’s horrible.

That’s how much I miss it.

These were taken by Pam (@sunnyinnj) on a day that she invited me to Caps practice and I had to work. That’s a mistake in priorities.

(Thanks, Pam!)

Doughty’s Day with me, I mean the Cup …

- Posted in Dawn Loves, Hot Like Fire, Off-Season Projects, Playoffs, Stanley Cup Champs

So I’ve scoured the internet and there is like a BLIP one DD’s day with destiny. If it were, er, um, other hockey players day with Lord Stanley’s cup we’d get a minute by minute count down on what he did while out saving babies and evidently puppies.

So I’ve decided to give the only real account of Drew’s day with the cup and it went as follows because I was there – TRUE STORY – to blog ‘boot it.

First he took me on a romantic tracker drive, just us and the cup after we picked it from the local airport. Love the rolled up jeans and tennies. Totes dreamy!

 Then we took in a showing of an interpretive dance, “How Oxmusk bay in mid-day in yonder meadow”. It was fabulous but honestly, I spent most of the time glaring at the cup because it was starting to seriously come between Drew and I. I mean really! Who does that whore think she is? I… I .. ah. Oh. Yeah. It’s THE CUP.

Well, I did get jealous because bitch pulled this move at dinner and the gloves came off!

 So my drunk ugly crying face came out like the girls on Bachelor pad because a girl just can’t complete between THE CUP and Stanley Cup winning hockey players attention on his big day. So I wished Drew the best and left him with his shiny toy.

BEST. DAY. EVER! F-YEAH!

GO KINGS! And congrats again on your Stanley Cup winning, record-breaking season! Loved ya in Vancouver!

<3  Dawn~

Eskimo Kisses

- Posted in Bromance, Chuck Loves, College Hockey, Randomness, Things We Learned on Twitter

With a NHL lockout looming, we have a feeling that we’re going to be watching a lot more college hockey this season.

I’ve been a BU season ticket holder for years now, so I’ve always been a big fan of the college game.  There are so many great reasons to watch college hockey (especially BU), but if you don’t believe me, just watch this video.

Two words for you: Eskimo Kisses.

This bromance between Ben Rosen (twitter: @brosen8) and Sean Escobedo (twitter: @seanesco21) might be the most epic in college hockey.  And you all know how we feel about bromances here at WUYS.

Not only do Ben and Sean (AKA Rosenbedo) give each other eskimo kisses but they sleep over each other’s houses, have every class together, know each other’s favorite snacks, and watch “The Office” together every Thursday. The list is endless.

Sean also reminds me of mini Brian Boyle (SANTA!), which we all know is not a bad thing.

The video is a little long (it’s a whole Newlyweds-style game show also feature former BU captain Chris Connolly and new team captain Wade Megan) but it totally worth watching if you want a good giggle.

There is something endearing to see future NHLers being completely hilarious and ridiculous.

Watch to the end and be rewarded.

Added bonus –  hockey players looking exceptionally fit in their t-shirts.

 

Foxy Friday: James Neal

- Posted in Foxy Friday, Pants Loves

Be honest.  At least once a week you look in the mirror and think about washing your hair.  It kind of needs it.  Like 60%.  You waver for a moment, then say forget it.  Because if James Neal doesn’t do it, you can go one more day.

Today is that day.

Someone pointed out last week that Nealer has never been a Foxy Friday.  Well he can’t have ALL the days!  But since it’s summer and Camp Biosteel is next week, I think it’s time to remind everyone that here are at JamesNeal.com, James Neal is mine, okay?  James Neal is foxy.

Let’s review.

He was a blossoming star in Dallas.

Even this one time he popped his collar.

James was acquired by the Penguins in February 2011, because Ray Shero and I have a deal in which he continually brings me gorgeous, talented gifts.

There was a tiny little, baby little hiccup when he didn’t actually score any goals.

Then he got a big one.  Consider the Nealmobile’s tires kicked.

Last summer, James worked really hard.

Biding his time, getting ready for the breakout.  Knowing he could teach the kids a thing or two about doing their hair.

Then, the 2011-2012 season arrived.  And with it, came everything.

Success.  Bromance.

Fame.

Money and Longevity.

Fashion sense.

Er, well… some days.

The year didn’t end the way we would have liked.

But summer has been restful, if not educational regarding the appropriate color shoes to match white shorts.

Now we’re ready for back-to-school shopping.

It’s time to get dressed.

Get foxy.

And get back out there.  Let’s make some dreams come true.

James Neal, officially Foxy Friday.  And every other day.  Keep your elbows down, darling, and aim for 41.

Fine. It’s Tyler Seguin Day.

- Posted in Hot Like Fire, PUPPIES!, Summer Lovin'

This post is from Pants, not Chuck.  That is nothing short of a miracle – a miracle that involves a hot guy baby-talking his puppy.

Damn it, Tyler Seguin!  That was my last line of defense.

Video: Tyler Seguin and his puppy ruin your life.

If you’re still alive after that, how about being jealous of a real-life girl?  Lovely WUYS pal Jana attended the Plymouth Whalers alumni game on August 4th.

She got to meet Tyler…

… and reports that he was very nice, if a little reserved, possibly due to his rabid female fanbase. (I raised my hand. Was that not a question?)  But once they started talking, he kept right on talking.

Because he’s cool, right?  Not just because Jana has an awesome, Pants-coveted haircut and strongly resembles Ashley Greene?

I swear they’re talking about what romantic restaurants will let them bring the puppy onto the patio during dinner.

Chuck’s been working to turn me into a Seguinista for years, but I’ve resisted.  So Jana had a back-up plan in case I was not yet jealous. A plan in which she also met James Neal.

Are you trying to kill me?!

I would have hurdled this table fast enough to qualify for the Olympics, people.

To sum up, my summer has consisted of zero puppies, zero hockey players and the Snickers I ate for breakfast.  Wah waaaaaaaaah.  Other people clearly have better plans/luck/haircuts and are making them count.

Thanks to Jana for sharing her pictures with us!  Keep ’em coming, of course.  Donations gratefully accepted.

Foxy Friday: Furry and Fabulous

- Posted in Foxy Friday, PUPPIES!, We Love, Well OBVIOUSLY.

We all know that hockey players are foxy.  I mean, why else would we devote an entire blog day to them?

Also foxy – the same hockey players with puppies.

Seriously.

I double dog dare you to find anything foxier. (Don’t even try.  Because you won’t.)

This week’s Foxy Friday is dedicated to those furry and fabulous canine companions of our most popular Foxy Friday honorees…and a few that were just to adorable not to mention.

Teemu Dog

Landeskog Dog

Sharp Dog

Crosby Dog

Keith Dog

Campbell Dog

Letang Dog

Tazer Dog.
(Come on, Jonathan.  It’s an adorable puppy. Why so serious?) 

Eberle Dog.

Neal Dog.

Lundqvist Dog.
(also, can we talk about those hips? King Henrik’s, not the dog’s)

SEGGY PUPPY!!!!

And the mutha of all…

Nash Dog!

 

Here are few that we just had to include.

Warning: Squeeee factor on these is about eleventy billion.

Nuge Dogs.

Colby Cohen Dog.

Parros and a very big puppy.

 

Swedish Meatball

- Posted in Bromance, Hot Like Fire, Next Generation, Off-Season Projects, Summer Lovin', Things We Learned on Twitter, We Love

With summertime and real-life work responsibilities and vacations, things have been a little slow around the WUYS office lately.

We’re running at like 50%, not able to post as much as we want and Intern Jeff Skinner is totally being a slacker.  He thinks he’s all hotshot with his new fancy contract.

We don’t care, Jeff.  You’re still our intern. Now fetch us some ice cold mexican coca colas!

Okay, now that he’s left the room, we have a confession to make.

We sort of feel bad for Jeff.  We’re making him work so hard this summer when he should be out enjoying his summer, just like Gabe Landeskog is.

Seriously. This kid is having the best summer ever.  And thanks to the wonder of the twitter, we all get to share it with him.

We love technology and hockey players who embrace it.

Here are some of our favorites….

 

Summer without hockey is really really hard, but Gabe the Babe is trying his hardest to cheer us up.

Thanks, buddy.

We’re feeling a much better now…

 

 

Foxy Friday: Steve Yzerman

- Posted in Chuck Loves, Foxy Friday, Hot Like Fire, We Love, Well OBVIOUSLY.

For this week’s edition of Foxy Friday, I decided to jump in the WUYS TARDIS and go back in time to honor one of the foxiest (and talented) NHLers of all time…

Steve Yzerman

The former Detroit Red Wing and current GM of the Tampa Bay Lightning is a legend.

Plain and simple.

And if anyone tries to disagree with us,  I will take off my giant bamboo earrings.  Pants will kick off her heels.

The reasons why Yzerman is deserving of this honor are endless.   The smile and the sexy crow’s-feet are enough to do us in.  But there is just more to this man than that…

  • He played his ENTIRE 23 year career with the Detroit Red Wings.

(Pretty sure that guy in the locker next to him is naked…)

  • He was named captain of the Red Wings in 1986 at the age of 21 and wore the “C” for over 1,300 games.  He is the longest-serving captain of any team in North American major league sports history.  Now if that doesn’t say something about how people feel about this man, then I don’t know what does.

 

  • 3 Stanley Cups.
  • Winner of the Pearson Award, Conn Smythe, the Selke, Lester Patrick, and the Masterson Trophy.
  • 10-time NHL All-Star.

 

  • His #19 jersey was retired in 2007.  As an additional honor the captain’s “C” was added to the corner of his banner to forever commemorate him as “The Captain”.
  • 6th in NHL history in points, 8th in goals, and 7th in assists.
  • 1, 514 games played. 692 goals. 1,063 assists. 1, 755 points.  924 minutes of shame.
  • He was inducted into the NHL Hall of Fame in 2009, in his 1st year of eligibility.  Also inducted into the Ottawa Sports Hall of Fame, Canada’s Sports Hall of Fame and Michigan Sports Hall of Fame.

In 2004, Yzerman was hit in the eye by a deflected slapshot.  His orbital bone was broken and his cornea was scratched.

My father broke his orbital bone once.  It was pretty gnarly.  But not nearly as gnarly as Yzerman’s injury.

I can’t post the photo here for fear of grossing everyone but you can easily find it on the interwebs.  Beware – it is TERRIFYING.   And strangely sexy.

After his NHL career ended, Yzerman joined the front office for the Red Wings and is now the GM for the Tampa Bay Lightning.  He was instrumental in TB’s continued improvement and for re-signing Steve Stamkos.

We also like to think of him as Stamkos’ sage mentor.

We picture them standing in at center ice in a darkened arena, contemplating life, career, and the future of the Lightning.

It’s all very Mr. Miaygi/Daniel-san.

I think you get the point.

Steve Yzerman is awesome.  Awesome and FOXY to the max.

 

 P.S.  I just had to post this photo.  Because it makes me laugh.

Intern Desk: Pay Day

- Posted in Intern Jeff Skinner, Newsies, Off-Season Projects, We Love

Intern Jeff Skinner here.  Jeez, I thought it was tough to get a word in during the regular season.  If Landeskog could keep his shirt on, maybe we’d have some bandwidth left!  Ahem, as I was trying to say…

I signed a $34.35 million, 6-year contract.

Not that anybody cares, because Crosby is doing something that used to require oxen.  Need I remind you that I have collected (almost) all the Staals?!   Pants even posted about it… and not a single picture of me, of course. (No, Pants. The sloth does not count.)

What does a guy have to do to get promoted around here?

I tried to add a photo, but she changed all the passwords.  Luckily Mike Green’s birthday was my third guess.

Let’s talk about my contract.  It keeps me in Carolina through 2018-2019 [link].  By then I’ll be 26.  You can’t still be an intern at 26, right?  It doesn’t even matter, because I’m pulling in $5.725 mill/year and I don’t need the WUYS money.  Not that there is any.  They’ve spent it all flying to Canada to enter that Crosby contest, which is why they’re staying with my parents.

To show them I’m ready to be promoted, I’ve spent my summer vacation doing important, grown-up things.  Like wearing ties and taking meetings.

I’m coaching too, as I’m very responsible.  Even if the kids are taller than I am.

Since I’m a big deal now, I’ve decided this is my best side for photos.

It’s a total resume builder.

I’m also improving my references.  Not only do I have Jordan, but I’ve been collecting Foxy Friday pals.  Just wait until “Bring Your Friends to Work Day” when I really impress the girls.

Or when someone steals my phone at the office Christmas party.

In case of emergency, I also made a workout video.  Now that I’ve seen Crosby’s, I may have to revise the weight on my barbell and my choice of socks.  Still, the balance board is killer.  If that’s not awkward enough for you, keep watching.

So, what do you guys think?  I’m going to make the playoffs get the job, right?