Get Right

- Posted in Newsies, Pants Loves, Playoffs

I’m not into reality TV (besides sports), but may I suggest a new program?

Penguins Bachelor Auction – Talent Competition

Episode One: Sidney Crosby’s sex hair vs. James Neal’s ginger beard

sid1 Somewhere, Pierre weeps.

neal1 Neal’s Strategy: Curls for the girls.

I’m just saying – NBC Sports Network is showing cycling reruns when there is money to be made.

Last night’s Penguins game really saved an otherwise desolate day.  Anything that makes Evgeni Malkin this happy is bound to have the same effect on me.

Pittsburgh Penguins' Evgeni Malkin (R) celebrates a goal by teammate Chris Kunitz (L) and Sidney Crosby against the Ottawa Senators during the first period of Game 1 of their NHL Eastern Conference semi-final hockey game in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania May 14, 2013. REUTERS/Jason Cohn (UNITED STATES - Tags: SPORT ICE HOCKEY) - RTXZMR7

As we said in our Round 2 Playoff Prognostications on Puck Daddy:

Remember when smart girls were into slacker guys, like in Knocked Up? That’s Pants and the Penguins. If the Pens don’t get their act together and do the damned dishes in Round 2, they’re sleeping on the couch all summer.  

belle

They did it!  At least for now!  Game 1 was a bit mad in the early going, but settled into a steady Penguins onslaught.  The Senators got chances and second chances – we owe you, Vokoun, now lock up those rebounds.  The Pens scored 2 of 4 power play chances and even once on the penalty kill (Duper!).  Strong from start to finish, that’s what girls love.

Sidney Crosby, Jean-Gabriel Pageau

Game 2 of this series isn’t until Friday, but there’s no rest for hockey fans.  The Kings won last night and the Blackhawks/Red Wings start tonight.  Let’s go Hawks… I’ll be saying from inside the theater where I’m watching Star Trek.

Trust you guys can hold it down for tonight?

Just Give Me a Reason

- Posted in Newsies, Pants Loves, Playoffs

As you many remember, I fought the Caps love for a long time before finally caving in.  In just three years as a Capitals’ fan, our relationship has gotten very serious (obsessed, codependent – semantics).

As such, I’ve allowed myself until Noon today to wallow in last night’s Capitals. With actual shock I admit that I might not need that long.

hermione3

Look, Caps.

Get beaten.  Lose, even.  That’s hockey.  But don’t you give up.

caps2

Last night, it felt like you threw in the towel after the Rangers’ third goal.   That’s when I got mad.  I’d get mad at myself, my friends or my non-existent kids if we acted that way and you are not exempt.  This is a family, damn it.  Calling you out doesn’t make me a fairweather fan.  I wouldn’t get mad if I didn’t f&!%ing love you.  I’m not saying sink the whole team in the Potomac and start again.  I’m saying COME TO PLAY and we will COME TO SEE.  You have to hold up your end of this bargain.  I don’t expect wins every night but I expect heart, and  I’ve seen yours before.  I know it’s in there.

caps4

*sigh*

Still, they lost.  No one feels worse about it than the Caps (which is saying something, considering how bad I feel).  You can watch the post-mortem locker room interviews if you’re a glutton for punishment.  Me, I’m trying to move on.

new girl2

Here’s the post I wrote last season when the Caps lost to the Rangers.  While this is a trend I could certainly do without, it reveals a calmer, more admirable side of my pain that I’d pretty much forgotten I had.

Mikey Monday: Love & Memories (Caps Lose 2012)

Things I said last year that are still true now:

  • I won’t get down on the Caps for their game seven performance because it’s not what I want to remember all summer.  (Okay, I did a little but it was very cathartic.)

NHL: Stanley Cup Playoffs-New York Rangers at Washington Capitals

  • Thanks, Caps, for a season that was better for me than it was on the score sheet: more fun, more memorable, possibly more frustrating than any game recap could recall.

mike1

  • Now “there’s always next year,” and the year after that.  But what I’ll really miss is what can never quite be repeated – the ecstatic, hilarious, infuriating magic that is a single season, with a single team, and almost always ends too soon.

Let me add two things for this year:

  • I appreciate Ovechkin.  That’s new for me, but he earned it.
  • Plus something I hope I don’t have to refer back to it in 2014:  LET’S NOT PLAY THE RANGERS, OKAY?

And so, I forgive the Caps for last night’s game.  I put my anger at the bottom of a bucket and drown it with all the Capitals-related fun I had this year.  To the players, I offer hugs and help packing suitcases.  Have a great summer, get tan, go to Stampede and waterfronts and post many ridiculous photos.

nicky b

We will miss you and when you come back, we’ll do it all over again.  Because that’s love – and we’re family.

caps playground

Get It Together

- Posted in Epic Fail, Playoffs

An open letter to the Boston Bruins….

 

Hey guys –

Chuck here.  I know you have a Game 7 tonight so I just wanted to give you a few words of encouragement.

Don’t F**K it up.

Seriously.

You had this  series.  You HAD it.

You were up 3-1 in the series.  The Maple Leafs team is good good, but not THAT good.

You started off with domination…then have slowly disintegrated like the Death Star after Luke and Rogue Squadron had at it.

Every time James Reimer saves yet another Tyler Seguin shot, I feel this.

Whenever you don’t take that shot when you clearly have the opportunity, I feel this.

I’m over it, Bruins.  Time to man up and make this happen.

Give me what I want!

Mikey Monday: Game Seven

- Posted in Mikey Monday, Pants Loves, Playoffs

It’s Game 7 time.  Heart in mouth, prayer in mind, lucky clothes on body time.  Every superstition, every trick, every measure of defiance will be in use tonight like it’s the Battle for Hogwarts all over again.

potter

Whether you’re watching Rangers/Caps or Leafs/Bruins, I defy you to make it through the post with your blood pressure intact.

Play this song:

 

fort minor

Then play this song:

 

macklemore

Then play them again.  I can hardly sit still.

caps5Mr. Pants is gonna have to hold me down.

Before the Caps Game 5 win, Mike posted this photo.  Are you still standing?  LIAR.  Here’s hoping it works again.

mikePets and cuddling and selfies?  Lookout, Landeskog.

See you tonight, hockey fans.

Barely Breathing

- Posted in Newsies, Pants Loves, Playoffs

The Penguins have won Round One.

pens

It wasn’t easy.  It wasn’t even pretty.  Well, maybe Game One, but otherwise the Penguins generally had their asses handed to them by the 8th seed upstart Islanders.  At times the Pens beat themselves, but as the series went on the Islanders were winning.  Fair and square they were beating the Penguins for long stretches of time that included nearly all of Game Six.

In the end, a win is a win.  It’s not about who “deserved” to win, because maybe that was the Islanders.  At least if this were a Disney movie.  They played more than good hockey, they played their hearts out.  The Penguins didn’t, but they fought hard against their own issues and still brought it to OT.

enough

Hopefully the Penguins learned and when Round Two starts against Ottawa, we’ll see the team we’ve seen all year.  The team they can really be.

bridesmaids

And we’ll see this.  It’s already twice what it was last season… somebody’s getting jealous of #BeardWatch2013.

sidstache

Nealmobile’s ginger beard, on the other hand, is mesmerizing.  I’ll find a picture for you then you’ll have to cancel all your plans.

Foxy Friday: David Krejci

- Posted in Chuck Loves, Foxy Friday, Hot Like Fire, Playoffs

Boston Bruins center David Krejci is a Clark Kent.

During the regular season, he is just this mild-mannered guy, playing good hockey.  He’s not particularly flashy.   In fact, some times you don’t even realize he is there.

Then playoffs come around.

And he becomes this.

In just four games this post season, Krejci has 10 points.

10 POINTS!

That’s an average of 2.5 points a game (!).  In 46 games in the regular season, he had 33 points (10 goals, 23 assists.)

He has scored 5 goals and 3 of those game on Wednesday, when DK46 lit up the Leafs and helped the Bruins take a 3-1 series lead.

 

No affects of kryptonite here, people.

His Superhero hockey powers no doubt make him worthy of this Foxy Friday honor, but there are plenty of other reasons why he is so deserving.

So who exactly is #46 in the Black and Gold?

  • He is the love child of Mike Modano and Napoleon Dynamite.

  • He rocks camo way better than those guys from Duck Dynasty. (Except maybe Jace.)

  • He is the creamy vanilla middle of this black and gold Oreo.

  • Proper hydration is very important to him.

  • If this blog has taught you anything, it is that we appreciate a man that can rock the plaid.

  • He loves Tyler Seguin.  So do we. So…Do…We.

Bruins can close out the series with the Leafs on home ice today and move onto the 2nd round.

I, for one, can’t wait.  I might even sing about it.

Beard Watch 2013

- Posted in Playoffs, Puck Daddy

It’s time for our weekly look at playoff beards on Puck Daddy!

This week, we’re checking out who’s got the fuzz to take their team all the way in our: Stanley Cup Beard Watch: Power Rankings

caps

 

On Optimism

- Posted in Hall of Shame, Newsies, Playoffs

I got home last night and Mr. Pants asked how the Penguins game went.

cersei

After a withering glare, and admitting to the 2-2 series score, he asked if I thought the Penguins would still win.

new girl2

Yes, I do.  Of course I do.  They’re my team.

pens

My optimism took a beating last night, and I couldn’t even see the game.  You know what shit sounds like on the radio?  Shit.  I won’t be using the DVR either, preferring to pretend it never happened and the Penguins aren’t doing the walk of shame back to Pittbsurgh in a stolen t-shirt with one broken high heel.

I also don’t want to see the fracas at the end.  A seething pool of frustrated rage still boils in my core over last season’s face plant first round loss to Philadelphia. If we are approaching that low, I’d rather just close my eyes and crash.

sid1

Regardless of these last three games, I believe in my team.  I believe they can turn this around.  The Islanders are playing very well, and much credit to them.  They never say die.  But the Pens are playing very poorly.

If the Isles’ best can still only manage goal-for-goal shitshows against the Penguins’ worst, then all we need is not their worst.  Right?  Anyone, math?

pens isles

So, what is it that keeps up hanging on when things look bad?  Is it the knowledge that anyone can win any game on any day?  Do the agony and ecstasy of competition make this ancient struggle poetic?

Yes and no.  I don’t want to be epic, I just want to win.  For me, optimism is a mix of believing my team is better (than they’re playing now) and some Stage 5 cocktail of denial and dependency, spiked with stubbornness and a paper umbrella.  Tell the bartender to keep ’em coming.

lucy

Of course the Islanders fans believe as much as Penguins fans – probably more, and they deserve it.  I’m insanely jealous of the fun they are having.  Still, optimism doesn’t care who is at the other end of the seesaw trying to toss me off.

I’m holding on for dear life.  Or Vokoun.

vokoun

Seriously – VOKOUN.  We can believe in Fleury after we believe in winning this series.  Bylsma, the whole team is a hot mess but you’re getting one goal leads.  Give the guys a chance to make them stick!

Oooh, I’m getting psyched again thinking about it.  Come on, Game 5!

sid gif 4

Just Like a Circus

- Posted in Breakin' It Down, Newsies, Playoffs

And now, a dramatic reenactment of Games 1-3 in the Penguins/Islanders series.

By Britney Spears

britney 3 coverNot exactly what Britney meant.

Game 1: Penguins 5, Islanders 0

Oh yeah.  Everything they say about me is true, look how unstoppably hot/young/talented/perfect I am.

britney 1

Sid: Are you talking about us?

sid3Remember Flower’s wedding?

Game 2: Penguins 3, Islanders 4

Waaaaahhhhhhhhaaaattt do you mean Justin dumped me and I’m fat and tone deaf and I forgot to wear pants to this TV interview?

britney 2

Sid: I can hear you, you know.

sid4

Game 3: Penguins 5, Islanders 4 (OT)

I have no idea what I’m doing maybe this will work RRRRAAAAAHHHHHH oh hey I feel better now.

britney 3

Sid: You take that back.

sid6

The Isles deserve a ton of credit for the great hockey they have played in bursts through the last two games.  How about their crowd yesterday?   I think the Penguins should still have this in the bag if they can just even out their game.  The Islanders have been very good, but anything less than spectacular and it’s the Penguins beating themselves.

Bets on what Tuesday night’s game will look like?

new girl

Mikey Monday: ASDFGHJKL!!

- Posted in Hot Like Fire, Mikey Monday, Newsies, Pants Loves, Playoffs

Caps/Rangers Game 3 was incredible.  The kind of game that makes new hockey fans.  The kind of game that nearly kills the rest of us.

 

Is there anything to say or think or even feel that that isn’t breathlessly captured in these photos by clydeorama from Jasper’s Rink?

Green Scored in Overtime

Ribeiro and Ovechkin About to Hug Green

Hugging Green For Overtime Win

Anything else you want to hug?  How about a giant adorable dog?

mike instagramfrom Mike’s Instagram

How about Mike’s NHL Network CISCO Arena Cam interview?

mike arena cam

Or perhaps the most exuberant Tweet of my entire life (so far)?

mike tweet 1

It was Mike’s 18th career GWG, including 8 in OT.  That’s why he’s GAME OVER Green.

mike tweet 2

Somebody make sure I’m okay before tonight’s game.

neville

Foxy Friday: Matt Martin

- Posted in Foxy Friday

Our Foxy Friday selections have a habit of playing really well immediately after being crowned.  I hope that trick does not work today (or this series) for purely selfish reasons, but I would never let that stand in the way of a Friday.

Foxy Friday: Matt Martin

matin3

When considering this Foxy Friday, I had the following conversation with myself.  I’ll let you guess if it was out loud.

Me: “Ooh, he’s cute.”

martin

Other Me: “That’s Matt Martin.”

Me: “You mean Matt Damon?”

matt damon

Other me: “No, but close.”

Me: “Right, cause I’m pretty sure that’s the guy from Fun.”

fun

Other Me: “No, but close again.”

Matt is a winger for the Islanders, and if you haven’t watched any NYI games this season then at least you’re watching the playoffs.  Right?  It’s not like the Islanders make it every year, so they need you to focus.

martin9Happy early birthday, Matt!

Matt has been with the Isles since 2009 and, like many of his teammates, this is his first trip to the post-season.

martin8

He doesn’t score a lot of points (career high: 14 in 80 G), but his role lies elsewhere for the Isles.  He has 37 fights in parts of 4 regular NHL seasons.  According to HockeyFights.com, he scored 3 wins and 3 draws (1 loss) in bouts this year.  One of those wins was in April, where he knocked a guy out.

 

Obviously not his intention, you can see at the :51 mark that Matt immediately waved for a Devils trainer when he realized what happened.

Like someone immediately waved for a pair of scissors when they saw this hair:

martin2Still makes an excellent pirate Halloween costume.

Matt holds the NHL record for hits in a single season, recording 374 in ’11-’12… after which the Islanders signed him to a 4-year contract.  He led the League in hits again this season with 234 in 48 games.

martin4

Matt’s off-ice work included the Defending the Blue Line program, a charity that brings local military personnel and their families to hockey games.

martin5

In 2012, Matt won the Islanders’ Bob Nystrom Trophy as the player who best displays “leadership, hustle and dedication.” [link]  Very foxy qualities.  The award is fan-selected, and Matt edged out former Foxy Friday John Tavares by just 20 votes.

martin6

Word has it that Matt is dating Boomber Esiason’s daughter Sydney.  I would not normally point this out…

Unless she turned down Tyler Seguin for all the world to see.

seguin ONE lonely punctuation mark between them.  ONE.

And that is how you know Matt Martin is seriously foxy.

Follow Matt on Twitter: @mattymarts17

(Now back to your regularly schedule program: GO PENS!)

Stanley Cup #BeardWatch2013: Cheaters

- Posted in Bearded and Beautiful, Playoffs, Puck Daddy, We Love, Well OBVIOUSLY.

Once again, we’ll be writing about playoff beards for the one, the only Puck Daddy.

Check out our articles each Thursday!

Love,

C & P

 

Stanley Cup Beard Watch: Exposing the NHL’s playoff scruff cheaters

The old adage says that “cheaters never win. ”

Maybe. But when it comes to hockey players with beards, everyone is a winner in our book … even these grifters.

They might have gotten a jump start on the competition, but we ain’t mad, bro.

We still appreciate and admire them all the same.

If you spy any other cheaters, or impressive playoff beards, tweet them at #BeardWatch2013.

Read the rest of our article [here]

Una Noche

- Posted in Uncategorized

One night of the 2013 NHL Playoffs is in the books.  Everybody still with us?

Blackhawks vs. Wild

The Hawks didn’t play their best, but they squeaked one out vs. the Wild.  As the regular clock wound down and overtime became imminent, we all did this:

hawks2

Every damned time.  In last year’s first round, 5 of 6 Chicago games went to overtime.  I cannot handle that again.  Still this series could be better than we expected – apparently the Wild didn’t read anything that anyone wrote.  Good for them, if not for me ever getting to bed before midnight.

Danica Patrick was on hand in a Patrick Sharp jersey.  She proved herself a Blackhawks fan not by making the first of three goal shots during intermission, but by derping as well as we’ve ever seen a derp.

This face should come with a free #19 jersey.

hawks1

In the most impressive story of the night, Wild #1 goaltender Nicklas (not Nicky) Backstrom was injured during warmups and replaced by Josh Harding.  Harding played just 5 games this season, after being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis sometime last fall [link].  Asked about all the adversity, Josh said “No comment” over and over until reporters asked him about last night’s game instead [link].

Josh Harding, Patrick Kane

That’s bad ass, Josh.  We want the Hawks to win, but you make them earn it.

Blues vs. Kings

OT was also required in St. Loius, where the Blues won the game on a goal that makes me want to throw up.  Not out of displeasure, just nerves.

Off all the things to happen…

It was scored by Alex Steen, who had the Blues only other goal of the game.  In Jonathan Quick’s defense, did you see last year’s playoffs?  He’s not worried.  He kept the Kings in this game while they were outshot 42-29 and he will do the same again tomorrow.

kings

Ducks vs. Red Wings

Finally, Anaheim vs. Detroit happened in the middle of the damned night.  Of course it was Teemu Selanne with the Ducks eventual game-winning goal just into the third period.

ducks

Back in ’07, 36-year old Selanne eliminated the Red Wings from the Western Conference Final with an OT goal.  At 42, he’s still:

The Red Wings had only 11 shots through two periods, then another 11 in the third but they couldn’t get the tie.  The Ducks notched an empty netter at 19:37 to put this one away.

How did you hold up?  Not well judging by some of your Tweets.  Any tossable items broken, binge drinking or declarations of eternal love/hate yet?  I’m pretty concerned for my well being tonight during the Penguins game.  Tomorrow’s Capitals vs. Rangers opener will be even worse.  Already…

audrey

Playoff Prognostications

- Posted in Breakin' It Down, Playoffs, We Believe

Maybe our pre-season predictions weren’t perfect, but we’re hoping for more luck with these.  If we picked our own teams to advance it’s because we feel they can.  We know they will.  Nothing else is acceptable, RIGHT?

psych2

Yet we remind ourselves, and you, these are the Stanley Cup Playoffs.  No team is safe.  Not even the #1 seed.

Pittsburgh (1) vs. NY Islanders (8)

Chuck: Penguins

Let’s be honest here – can anyone beat the Pens right now? It’ll be nigh impossible to stop the Pens on their quest for the Cup.  We’re delighted that they Isles made the big show and excited that our favorite middle school science teacher, John Tavares, finally has the chance to show off his exceptional skill in the post-season.  He could break out but this series is all Pens.

Pants:  Penguins

This is too tough a 1st round draw for the Isles.  The Penguins drop players like kids drop crayons – they can still make a picture, but one color always seems to be missing.  Now it’s: Avengers, ASSEMBLE.  Expect Crosby to be unlike we’ve ever seen him.  There is nothing he (and I) would like better than to take his injuries, time missed and all the shit-talk and shove it down every other team’s throat until they choke.  Whew… I need to calm down.  Is it Wednesday yet?

pens

Montreal (2) vs. Ottawa (7)

Chuck:

Apparently, Erik Karlsson has Wolverine X-Men-like healing ability and boy are the Senators glad to have him back.  His return to the lineup will no doubt lift the Senators’ game. He makes all around him better and that is what his team needs to challenge the Habs.   So goes Carey Price, so go the Habs. He’ll need to be stellar this series for the Canadiens to advance.

Pants: Canadiens

Or alternatively: I don’t care about this series.  If the East sees an upset I think this would be it.

habs sens

Washington Capitals (3) vs. New York Rangers (6)

Chuck: Rangers

Good looks can only get you so far and Rangers are going to have their hands full with one of the NHL’s hottest teams.  Caps’ PP is en fuego and Ovechkin has poured it on in the last few weeks (14 goals in April!).  But the Rangers have Lundqvist and a solid defensive corps.  Look for the McDonough/Ovechkin match up alot this series.  I’m glad that our friendship is strong and based on more than just hockey because this series will put it to the test.

Pants: Capitals

I believe in the Caps.  Hell, I even believe in Ovi for the last two months.  He is right now the unstoppable, force-of-nature player of years past.  Like then, he brings Nicky and Mikey right up with him.  Add in scrappy players who rise to playoff occasion – Chimera, Hendricks, Beagle, Ward – and it’s talent on top off tenacity.  I think feel hope know it’s going to happen.  The red is ready to rock.

caps rags

Boston Bruins (4) vs. Toronto Maple Leafs (5)

Chuck:  Bruins

Original Six Match-Up! Bring it on! Bruins won the season series 3-1, but have slumped in the last dozen games.  Leafs have been a better team than they have in the past –  Kessel, Lupul, Van Riemsdyk, and the emergence of Kadri have lifted the Leafs to the #5 seed.  If Bruins want to win this series, they need to play “their game” – physical, punishing, bear-like.  Lucic, Horton, and Marchand need to step up.  Tuukka has played well in the net and it’s his time to shine as the Bruins #1.

Pants: Bruins

The Bruins are bigger and badder – and if they lose this series, it will be because they beat themselves.  Nice to see the Leafs make the dance, though.

bs leafs

Chicago (1) vs. Minnesota (8)

Chuck: Blackhawks

Hop on board the Blackhawks Train! Choo Choo! This team has been on-point from Day 1 of the season and honestly, the Western Conference is theirs to lose.  The Wild just squeaked into the #8 slot by winning their last regular season game. Suter has played well as of late after a rocky start in Minnesota and of course, there is Parise, but it is going to be hard to get past Crawford and Company.

Pants: Blackhawks

Remember in 2010, when you felt like you were watching magic happen?  That’s been going on since January, and it ain’t over yet.  There is almost no one I’d rather watch in the playoffs than Jonathan Toews – he is the epitome of a competitor and a captain.  That game-tying, short handed, under 2 minutes left goal to send Game 7 to OT vs Vancouver in the first round of 2011 still rips out my beating heart like we’re in the Temple of Doom.

hawks wild

Anaheim (2) vs. Detroit (7)

Chuck: Ducks

The Ducks are a team that have flown under the radar all season.  (Flown.  The Ducks. See what I did there?)  Detroit has made the playoffs for the 22nd straight season.  Ducks have a great goaltending tandem with Fasth and Hiller.  Detroit has a phalanx of talented forwards.  Series should be fun to watch but I think Anaheim comes out on top.  I weep at the thought of no Zetterberg playoff beard. WEEP.

Pants: Ducks

I don’t think the Ducks have been under the radar, just far away.  They won all but 2 games in February, so right away they were good and loud about it.  This is the Ducks team we should have seen last year, plus I miss Bruce Boudreau’s red, screaming face.  And Teemu Selanne cannot actually play forever, despite appearances.  Getcha some Haagen-Dazs for this one.

ducsk wigns

Vancouver (3) vs. San Jose (6)

Chuck: Sharks

If the Canucks are to have any chance on winning this series, Cory Schneider & Ryan Kesler need to be healthy.  Sharks won season series 3-0, have a proven Stanley Cup goalie and a boat-load of forwards led by Joe Thornton, Joe Pavelski, and our favorite caveman, Brent Burns.

Pants: Sharks

San Jose, the NHL’s streakiest team.  Remember how hot they were to begin the season?  If they can find the winning formula again, it’ll be the Conference Final before anyone knows what hit ’em.  Then the Sharks will choke, because that’s how they do in playoffs.  At least they’ll have taken Vancouver out first.

sharks canucks

St. Louis (4) vs. Los Angeles (5)

Chuck: Kings

No way the defending Stanley Cup Champs are going down without a fight and I still think they’ll take the series, but if Backes steps up, this series could go either way.  Sure, the Blues may have lost to the Kings 8 times in a row but like the Black Eyed Peas – I got a feeling.  The Blues do have a shot.  Both teams play a similar game but Blues’ goaltending has been slightly better, so you can see my dilemma.

Pants: Blues

The more I think about it, the more I like the Blues here.  They’re pissed LA swept them out last season.  They’ve won 12 of 15 in April, and 10 of those by 1 or 2 goals.  That’s a lot of hard-scrabble 60 minute hockey, perfectly timed for this time of year.

kings blues

We’re Psychic… Sort of.

- Posted in Breakin' It Down, Newsies, We Love

At the beginning of this lockout-shortened season, we made predictions for how the NHL standings would shake out come April 29th.  Some of them were spot on. Others, not so much.  (Thanks for nothing, Flyers!)

Eastern Conference

#1 – Chuck said Rangers, Pants said Penguins.

Actual: Penguins

Sidney Crosby, Nancy Morrison Hands out of pockets – Sid is excited!

AND HOW.  This season was a different than expected, but great nonetheless.  Kunitz and Dupuis and Sutter?  Neal getting to 21 if a little slowly? Throw in Iginla, Morrow and Jokinen at the end and whew, it is hot in here!  Pants is sad Crosby will miss some indie awards, but more happy his face is okay and back for the playoffs.

#2 – Chuck said Bruins, Pants said Rangers.

Actual: Canadiens.

Buffalo Sabres v Montreal CanadiensIt’s not the size of the boat…

The race for top of the Northeast Division was tough all season, with Bruins and Habs jockeying for position.  Bruins almost had the 2nd seed locked but faltered in their last few games of the season.  And their arch-rival was there to pounce all over it.

#3 – Chuck said Penguins, Pants said Capitals.

Actual: Capitals

Mike Green, Nicklas Backstrom, Alex Ovechkin Not so young, but they’ve still got guns.

Pants didn’t think it would be so damned hard either, or that Ovi would show up to drive this train.  Mike Green leading defensemen in goals?  She probably called that.

#4 – Chuck said Capitals, Pants said Bruins.

Actual: Bruins

bruins#BostonStrong

Please hold while Pants auditions to join Shawn and Gus on Psych.

#5 – Chuck said Flyers. Pants said Hurricanes.

Actual: Maple Leafs

We’re sorry, we misheard.  We thought you said MAPLE LEAFS.

leafsCartman is so happy!

#6 – Chuck said Lightning. Pants said Flyers.

Actual: Rangers

rangersBlue Shirt Beauty Parlor

Again with the teams that missed entirely!  St. Louis & Stamkos did finish 1-2 in scoring, but that just ain’t gonna cut it.  The Rangers finished just low enough to rematch vs. the Caps and give Pants a stomach ache.

#7 – Chuck said Senators. Pants said Panthers.

Actual: Senators.

sensHealed right up like the cheerleader from Heroes.

Chuck wins this one.  Panthers finished DFL (dead effing last) with only 36 points. What happened there?

#8 – Chuck said Sabres. Pants said Devils.

Actual: Islanders.

islesIf this girl’s #39 is a Travis Green jersey, I’ll die.

 If you say you predicted this, you’re either Chris Comando or you’re lying.

Western Conference

#1 – Chuck said Blues. Pants said Canucks.

Actual: Blackhawks

Did you really doubt us?

Pants’ prediction was based largely on the bad-assery of Ryan Kesler in past years.  He missed most of the season due to injury, and the Canucks missed him. Chuck’s prediction was apparently based off of David Backes’ puppies & Alex Pietrangelo’s face.

#2 – Chuck said Canucks. Pants said Blackhawks.

Actual:  Ducks

Teemu for President.

We couldn’t figure out why they weren’t better last year, so we didn’t pick them to be better this year.  Shows us.  Never doubt a 42 year old Finn.

#3 – Chuck said Kings.  Pants said Red Wings.

Actual: Canucks

#blergh

Given the Canucks’ goalie soap opera, we not surprised that they finished where they did.  Kesler’s injury didn’t help. Could the Canucks’ 3rd place finish be the start of their Western Conference decline?

#4 – Chuck said Blackhawks. Pants said St. Louis.

Actual: Kings

The Kings over-performed – by not finishing in 8th place.

#5 – Chuck said Predators. Pants said Oilers.

Actual: Blues

.

The obvious conclusion: We don’t watch a lot of Western Conference hockey.  And Pants really loves the Oilers who, in her defense, should be a lot better than they are.

#6 – Chuck said Red Wings.  Pants said Sharks.

Actual: Sharks

Sesame bagels for everyone!

Pants finally got one!  And Chuck was only 1 off!

#7 – Chuck said Sharks.  Pants said Wild.

Actual: Red Wings

Like always betting on black and doubling-down on 11, we learned to make odds in October of ’96 from watching Swingers. The Wings won the Cup that year, and the next.  We didn’t know how to bet against them.

#8 – Chuck said Stars.  Pants said Kings.

Actual: Wild.

Don’t worry, guys. I got this. 

Wild squeaked into the playoffs… by the hair on Zach Parise’s exceptionally chiseled chinny-chin-chin.

Overall, we more closely predicted rankings in the East, but chose more qualifying teams in the West.  Wishful thinking and the Ginger Power of the Flyers only got us so far!

What about you – any bulls-eyes or big misses in your crystal ball this season?

robin hood

Coming soon:

We’ll be predicting playoffs winners on Puck Daddy (and here) this week.

Birthday Boy: Jonathan Toews

- Posted in Birthday Boy

I’ve been collecting a folder of pics and gifs, for that day when the world just needs more Jonathan Toews.  Today is that day.

Happy 25th birthday, Tazer!

toews wink

We all know that Jonathan hates fun.

toewsface

He prefers to win, and win often.  Luckily the Blackhawks are pretty good at hockey and Toews himself is alright on the ice.

toews fall

Going into the playoffs with nearly every possible point, the Hawks are poised to make a run at the recapturing the Cup they won in 2010.  It’s safe to say that we know what Jon wants for his birthday:

toews1

toews3

Yes, exactly.  He wants the other part of this beard.

When he’s not derping, walking behind locker room cameras in his shorts or making fun of Patrick Kane, Jonathan Toews is being nice to strangers…

toews

… watching romantic comedies, avoiding cilantro and not vacuuming.  Sounds like a date night to us.

toewspage

He’s almost a full-time model by now, specializing in what you’d like your future husband to wear while meeting your parents at the venue for your wedding reception.

jt

So happy birthday to the Captain, Cup-winner and a guy who makes everyone over 25 feel bad for not accomplishing more.  He won’t have a party.  He’ll stay home and do squats…

toews-gift

While waiting for your team to try him in the playoffs.  Then he’ll hug you, when you’re ugly-crying after the Hawks run your team into the ground.

toews hug

Flashbacks:  Toews Turns 23, Toews Turns 24

Foxy Friday: Henrik Zetterberg

- Posted in Bearded and Beautiful, Foxy Friday, Hot Like Fire, Sweden We Love You, We Love

foxy friday

Well folks, it’s the final Friday of April, which means the final entry for the Foxy Friday Fan Challenge.

This week,  Brenda (@wishinonehand) wins again.  We swear it isn’t nepotism, but when you submit good stuff, we have to share it.

And this one is most defintely a keeper.

Sadly, we don’t get to watch much Red Wings hockey but next season we’re about to watch a WHOLE  lot more.

We definitively don’t mind seeing more of this guy.

Don’t mind at all.

[Chuck’s note:  His beard.  Good lord the beard. I’m swooning here. Quick! Someone get a me a chaise that I can swoon dramatically on to.]

How Swede It Is

In case it hasn’t been said before… thank you, Sweden.  You are so generous with your vast foxy fortunes.  You have given us:

Peter Forsberg

forsberg, peter

 Why yes, that IS a Norse god.

Nick Lidstrom

lidstrom, nic  He may have retired from hockey, but he will never retire from hotness.

Markus Naslund

Naslund, markus His foxiness even transcends a Canucks jersey. 

Andreas Lilja

lilja, andres This is the very definition of ruggedly handsome.

Henrik & Joel Lundqvist (Twinsies!)

Lundqvist twins Don’t know what’s going on here.
Don’t much care, either.

Gabriel Landeskog

landeskog, gabe The young & the foxy.

Now that is an embarrassment of riches, right there.

But you, Sweden, you did not stop there.

You dug deep into your foxy reserves and also bestowed upon us…

Henrik Zetterberg (and a pug)

zetterberg, henrik - pug

All of a sudden I’m feeling very motivated to learn Swedish.   Do you think Rosetta Stone has rush shipping?

Wonder how you say “ridiculously hot”?  I’m going to go with “Henrik”.

The Cliff’s Notes on Henrik are as follows:

  • Born October 9, 1980. (perfectly age appropriate)
  • 6’1″ & 195
  • Wasn’t drafted until the seventh round (210th overall)

Zetterberg also has a pretty impressive resume and collection of hardware – a Stanley Cup, a Selke Trophy, Conn Smythe, a Olympic Gold Medal, and a whole host of others.

He has complied the sort of resume that makes GMs drool.  And also Wayne Gretzky apparently.  Gretzkey said “I think Zetterberg is the best player in the game (at his age)… he’s just very special. I think he’s the best Swedish player they’ve ever put into the National Hockey League, and there has been a lot of great ones.”  High praise from the greatest hockey player of all time ever.

And that is what we call ‘salty’

If this oh-so-foxy-face looks familiar to you, maybe it’s because this guy has not one but two famous doppelgangers:

Zetterberg, Henrik - Leto Doppelganger We love you, Jordan Catalano!

zetterberg, henrik - gyllenhaal doppelganger

Even when he’s trying to look mean, he melts your heart.

Henrik did his best to end the lockout this summer – by wearing it on his chest.

zetterberg - with seguin and lucic  Henrik Zetterberg: sartorial zen master and hero.

 Zetterberg is so foxy that he even inspired a web series a la “The Office”.

Ladies and Gentleman – meet Fake Zetterberg.

 

Before we go, how about a little word association?  I’ll name an adjective, and then Henrik will demonstrate it.

Sensitive

zetterberg - sun background

Lustrous (specifically, hair)

Just Baked

Smoldering

zetterberg - chest hair

Sophisticated

zetterberg - suit

Charming

 

Blush-inducing

 Let us all give thanks and praise to the almighty country of Sweden.

Oh, can we get a hug?

Many thanks to all that submitted your entries for our 1st Foxy Friday Fan Challenge!

We know it isn’t easy to write these so we appreciate your time and effort to share who you find foxiest with us.

As always, hit us up on twitter (@WhatsUp_YaSieve) with any suggestions of who you’d like to see featured.  Remember to hashtag #FoxyFriday.

Love!

~ C & P

Didn’t We Almost Have it Staal?

- Posted in Newsies, We Love

Sorry, I couldn’t resist.

staals3

Jared Staal will make his NHL debut tonight with the Hurricanes.  That means Eric, Jordan and Jared will all be on the ice!  Marc, who’s still recovering from an eye injury and the subsequent “I told you so!” of Mama Staal, made the trip with the Rangers.  Trust he’ll be looking all ginger in the press box.

staals2Your LL Bean Boyfriend just ran for the hills.

Jared has been playing for the AHL’s Charlotte Checkers.  he only has 3 G/3A in 37 games this season, but who cares?  The Canes aren’t making the playoffs and this is a much better story.  Put me in coach, I’m ready to play!

jared3

I have a sneaking suspicion he may be my Favorite Staal of All, based solely on these two graphics:

jared1

jared2

The real question: What is Jared going to wear on his jersey?  We already have a J. Staal.  Will he wear Ja. Staal?  J. Staal 2.0?  Jared wears #22 in Charlotte, but Zac Dalpe wears it in Raleigh.

Both 10 and 13 are open though – then he could line up numerically with his brothers and we’ll do a segment for Sesame Street, brought to you by sod.

Correction: 10 is retired by the Canes, as pointed out by @ericmac20.  As soon as he said it, I thought, “Ron Francis!” My mistake.  That I would forget a former Penguin from back-to-back Cup winning teams, who scored a Cup-clinching goal – sheesh.  It’s like 50 First Dates in here.  (Also, Jared will wear #34.  Thanks for nothing, kid.)

Staal BrothersHow Canada sells t-shirts.

I’m telling you, when aliens come to Earth and immediately try to contact the dominant species, they’re going right for the Staals.

staals4

Jared will need a nickname to join JStaal (Favorite Staal), EStaal (2nd Favorite Staal) and Ginger Stall (or Cinnamon Staal).  Who’s got suggestions?

staals4

Tearin’ Up My Heart

- Posted in Breakin' It Down, Deep Thoughts, Playoffs, We Love

Five days left left?  NHL ’13, we hardly knew ye!  Let’s be honest, though.

The 2013 season has not been kind to all those we love. Some teams, after these grueling months, could use a break, a tan and another go at it next year.  I’m not saying quit, of course.  Feel free to ruin someone’s playoff hopes on your way out the door! (I’m looking at you, Carolina, vs. NYR.)  You could score 3 goals, Stamkos, and maybe win yourself at least half a trophy!

Here’s to the teams we love, who still lost.  See you soon, boys.

hermione

Carolina Hurricanes

There is nothing more depressing than sad Intern Jeff Skinner.  He was so ready for this season – he grew his hair out, a girl sat on his lap, he was guaranteed more Staal-sposure.  Now he’s moping around the office, dragging his blue blankie and eating all the Whatchamacallits.

linus

After a hot start, the Canes have lost… and lost and lost, including 10 of 13 games in April.  Cam Ward has been out so long he’s a myth, like Encino Man.  Dejected Staals are everywhere and I feel for the Hurricanes fans who had every right to expect a big, shiny, blond year out of their team.  At least they have tailgating.

skinner

Get these boys a summer, get Jiri Tlusty for my fantasy team and no, I still don’t like Alex Semin.  So there.  Just look at the size of Jordan’s skull in relation to Eric’s and pray that when you have kids, they are not boys.

staals

More on the Canes season from the Raleigh News Observer.

Tampa Bay Lightning

If two hockey players leave the bench at the same time, and one is 23 and the other is 37, how many daisies does the mailman have when he reaches the train station?

bolts The Bolts look at this and say: What do we have to do?!

You know I’m desperate when I start doing math:

  • The Lightning offense is 3rd in the NHL, scoring 3.09 goals per game.
  • The Lightning defense is 26th in the NHL, giving up 3.07 goals per game.
  • A .02 goal differential will get you 2nd to last in your conference.

bolts

Marty St. Louis has 1.22 points-per-game this season.  That’s second best in his career, behind the 1.24 he notched in ’06-’07… when he was 31.  Stamkos has a career-high 1.20 points per game right now.  They account for 28% of the entire team’s points.  I’m tried of watching the epic performances of two of my favorite players go to waste.

sad doctor

More on the Lightning season, from The Tampa Tribune.

Edmonton Oilers

#TeamSad.  So much for my eternal optimism.  No number of gap-toothed smiles, puppy shelter visits, hilarious Cabbie videos or underage boyfriends is getting the Oilers into the playoffs this year.  We really tried though, with the collective power of our hoping.  Were we doing it wrong?

star wars

Did we not have enough matching golf outfits?  Or magic tricks?  It’s because Alison and Amanda never got their white board out to ask Schultz to the prom, isn’t it?

oilers

With absolute talent comes absolute frustration – and I could barely stay awake for an Edmonton game.  Now Molly Ringwald is having shoulder surgery.  Of all the teams not making the playoffs, I’ll miss the Oilers the most.

ebs1

More on the Oilers season from Edmonton Journal.

Colorado Avalanche

When I first moved to the West Coast, I watched a LOT of Avs hockey.  They were on TV in my new time zone and hey, they won the Cup!  How else would Alex Tanguay be my lobster?  This year I haven’t watched more than 20 minutes of an Avs game, but it can’t look any worse on paper.

avs

This is the 5th of 7 years the former Colorado powerhouse will not make the playoffs.  They rank 27th in attendance (85.2%), above just NYI, Phoenix and Columbus.  Pre-season expectations were not high, but last in the West?  Only 15 wins on the year?  They’re not gonna sell tickets off Landeskog’s Superman smile alone… at least not to anyone but us.

gabe

More on the Avs’ season from the Denver Post.

We will miss these teams and players, and hope they have better luck next season.  Also, consider this an open invitation to watch the playoffs from the WUYS office.  If Intern Jeff Skinner ‘s emotional eating leaves us any food.

Pants note: Most of these stats are from Monday, I didn’t get to post in time.

Asshole Day

- Posted in Hall of Shame, Newsies

asshole

I’m a publicist in real life, which generally leads me to desire a talking ban on everyone until their comments have been approved.  But that’s my dream world.

Last night, Duncan Keith made a probably sexist, definitely stupid remark to a female reporter after the Blackhawks loss to Vancouver.  From Puck Daddy:

  • Keith: “What did you see?”
  • Thomson: “Well, there it looked like there was a penalty that went undetected. You seemed a bit frustrated.”
  • Keith: “Oh, no. I don’t think there was. I think he scored a nice goal, and that’s what the ref saw. Maybe we should get you as a ref maybe, hey?
  • Thomson: “Yeah, maybe. Can’t skate though.”
  • Keith: “First female referee. Can’t probably play either, right? But you’re thinking the game, like you know it? Seeya.”

This woman has likely heard worse on her way from the car to the rink, and she even Tweeted jokingly about it renewing the rivalry.  While I don’t think Duncan Keith hates women or any such nonsense, the part about her gender is so intensely stupid, so conversationally desperate that it makes me see red.

keith

Also, in general it’s a good rule not to be a dick.  Sure, he’s frustrated.  The Hawks have only lost 6 games all year and he clearly has no idea how to handle the rampant devastation that results in crying himself to sleep on a giant fucking pile of money.  Since a single game loss is so eviscerating to DK, so obviously a sign that he cannot perform his job, then no wonder he thinks this woman can’t do any job at all.  Ridiculous, right?  Let’s be equal-opportunity jerks, at least.

Sarcasm – it’s for everyone!

Continuing this trend, Tyler Seguin used the phrase “no homo” in a Tweet yesterday.  Then he deleted it.  Hahaha – as if that ever worked. From SBNation:

seguin

He has since apologized for the reference.  It’s offensive, of course, but one of those phrases so widely used that I doubt he thought anything at the time.  He should have.  He wasn’t delivered by stork to the Bruins locker room yesterday, so he should know better than to put something in the kind of writing that you can never erase.  Just because he used a discriminatory term in a casual way doesn’t take away it’s meaning – even if that’s not what he meant.

segin2

Tyler Tweeted two apologies… I’m going out on a limb to say he only wrote one of them.  Left the period off the latest when cutting and pasting, for authenticity.

seguin2

Then there is Matt Cooke.  Increasingly demoted from true asshole status over the last few seasons, if this story from Puck Daddy is at all true, then he’s on the list today too.  The source is so suspect that I believe Matt gets a pass.