The last couple of days have been crazy. Slammed at work. Prepping huge event. Plus 6-day work trip to Seattle.
Just when I think that it is all too much, I see this photo and feel instantly better.
photo courtesy of boston.com & Jessica Deitsch
Thanks, Tyler Seguin, for just being you.
We appreciate you so very very much.
Read the full story about this most awesome of photo bombs [here].
Last night the Flyers and Sabres each played their 24th games, marking the halfway point of the 2013 regular season. The rest of the teams will cross that number shortly. Can you believe it’s halfway over?
After missing hockey for so long, this season has run me over like a truck. During the lockout I dreamed of idly watching Panthers vs. Maple Leafs games and blissfully not caring about the score.
Now I’m lucky to catch most of the Caps and Penguins games. Forget anyone else. I put the GCL game audio on my phone and use it like a car radio. I watch old games online – entire games, not highlights.
You can find me in front of the TV eating an avocado with a spoon because, like last night, there’s no time to make dinner.
I’m completely stressed over missing 99% of the Blackhawks incredible run, the Flyers struggling, Teemu Selanne’s (maybe?) last season, JStaal and Intern Jeff Skinner magic, the Schultz/Yakupov rookie year… and whatever else I haven’t seen! I must look like:
I don’t know if Rick Nash fits in with the Rangers. I don’t know if the Flyers will trade Briere so I can stop hiding this love. I don’t know how Jeff Carter has 15 goals! Or what happened to Phil Kessel’s scoring?!
I can barely squeeze out minutes to write anything smart, or funny, or at all. The NHL season reminds me it’s not easy being…
So help a girl out. What has surprised you this season? What has disappointed?
Give me your best…
and your worst…
Your smiles…
and frowns…
Your fist bumps…
squats…
and stumbles.
All right down the middle, and we’ll see how it unfolds over the second half. Tell me what to watch, so I don’t miss it all before it’s over.
Mike’s hurt again. Or he was never really better.
He missed three games in late February after aggravating last season’s groin injury, then came back for two matches. All was not well – he did not practice Friday or make the weekend trip to Winnipeg for the Caps’ 3-0 win on Saturday.
Perhaps afraid this look would not pass airport security.
What else is there to say?
There is currently no timetable for Mike’s return. My depression is multiplied by the fact that everyone knew this would happen – and only 30 minutes into the movie season.
What? Too dramatic? (Insert haircut joke here.)
After losing 6 of their first 7 games, the Caps are mounting a little comeback. They’ve won 6 of 10 – 5 of those against Southeast Division opponents. It doesn’t hurt that the Southeast is still the worst division in the NHL. The Caps play Boston and Florida at home this week, then spend the weekend against the Islanders and Rangers.
At this point, it’s not a question of “Can the Caps win without Mike?” It’s a matter of figuring out a reliable, practiced backup plan for replacing him whenever he’s out. One that (please) is not Jeff Schultz. Increasing the role of rookie D Thomas Kundratek [link] and workload of Tom Poti are fine stopgaps, but not solutions. Just as Ovi seems to find his mojo and teams above them get hot (Winnipeg won 5 of 7, Carolina won 4 of 5), the Caps can’t afford to lose a big on offense or defense.
But hey, we’re winning some games, right? On the subject of Caps D, let’s love on iCarly for a minute. After an abysmal start to the season, John’s got 8 points including 1 G/1A last week vs. Carolina – a game in which he had 6 shots. See what happens when you cut your hair?! And help a kid?
So maybe it’s not that bad. For the sake of optimism, enjoy Bleacher Report’s Washington Capitals: 3 Bold Predictions for the Final 2 Months of the Season, including:
I’m trying to keep my Capitals glass half-full… of beer.
Everyone says do-overs don’t count, but that’s only when you’re calling your ex-boyfriend for a date to the wedding of a girl you hate.
Here at #TeamEbs Campaign Headquarters, it’s Friday and this is Foxy, so enjoy our new recruiting video.
Don’t be shy, just bask in it.
This is the same gym Mike Green trains in the off-season. Do the maids know they’ve cornered the market on second-hand sweaty towels?
Does Alberta have eBay?
We’ve re-named this video:
Jordan Eberle Demonstrates the Emotional Range of a Girl Watching this Video
…and called in a doctor to identify what you’re feeling.
1) Seeing that it’s 16 minutes long results in complete preemptive shut down of all systems, to avoid permanent damage.
“I poked one, it was dead.” – Flight of the Conchords
2) You may struggle to stand up straight.
One of his arms is shorter, but that side of his shorts is longer. Even-Stevens.
3) As you try to pull yourself out of it, you feel unusually heavy.
What is with guys from this gym and nude-colored belts, Mike Green?
4) An increased pressure on your chest may indicate a heart attack.
#TeamEbs Recruiting Poster – Rough Draft
Any questions so far? “Wait, Doc. What are you saying?”
5) Symptoms include labored breathing, possible sweats.
Kick from the Official Spice Girls Workout on AOL
6) Hysterical giggling at inappropriate time.
He’s thinking about the Taylor Swift-sung-by-a-goat video.
7) The Earth moving under your feet.
8) And the eventual loss of previously noted ability to stay upright by oneself, resulting in the need for professional help.
Diagnosis: The rest of your day is going to be a struggle.
Signed: Oh shoot. We knew there was something wrong with that doctor.
Treatment: Your move, #TeamHall. Or #TeamSchultz, #TeamCorey and if anyone wants, #TeamRNH and #TeamGagne are available.
Today, we have a new lunchtime poll.
Don’t be jealous of our shoulderpads.
Where is the line between sass and being an ass when it comes to a team’s official Twitter account?
From last night’s game
You all know that during last year’s playoff run, the Kings Twitter feed was better than a lot of hockey being played by anyone who was not the Kings. Snark, hilarity and gleeful schadenfreude by a team on the way to it’s first Stanley Cup. We loved it.
Picture and story from Puck Daddy, of course.
Still, this is an official mouthpiece of the team. Twitter is increasingly the only media format fans see, especially in real-time, and the only one designed specifically for engaging with those fans.
At what point does team-sanctioned chirping become poor sportsmanship? Does self-deprecation make it less obnoxious?
After last night’s game
The Kings are on a little roll – they’ve won 5 games straight and moved into 5th in the West. But it’s not like they’re the Blackhawks, and this isn’t the playoffs. Do they need to slow their roll, or is this exactly the time to keep it going?
The Kings Twitter-splosion came at the magic moment – right before the Cup – giving them the unparalleled chance to make their brand of banter stick. A lot of the casual and bandwagon fans that any championship brings must have been thrilled to find so unique a voice. The Twitter account grew the Kings fan base just like winning did, and hopefully it held them through the lockout.
A few teams have tried it, most are wise enough not to because they can’t really pull it off. It’s a delicate balance. LA’s Twitter feed ranks 12th among teams in number of followers, even with all the hype (thankfully CapGeek.com charts this). They’re doing their thing at 194,000 followers, while the Canadiens, ranked #1, have almost 369,000.
Generally I think the LA Twitter feed is great, but last night they lost me with this particular comment. It’s cheap, lame and not even funny. God knows I don’t like the Wings either, but every team and fan has been on the backside of this equation in a game. And it will happen again.
Remember that, and don’t be a sore winner.
Imagine the Penguins posted that during the Flyers game. The Twitter birds would be lifting the state of Pennsylvania instead of a whale as we all rage-abbreviated into 140 characters. It would be momentarily fun but ultimately gross, like the games at the end of last year. Laviolette and Granato would be duking it out in Pierre’s dunk tank for sure.
Do those jackets have fight straps?
As a publicist in my real-job, there’s always the fear that once something is posted, it can’t be taken back. It’s a double-edged sword. I love the fresh fearlessness of the Kings Twitter, but shudder at the rolling snowball effect of being unable to rein people in who speak on your behalf. Kids learn from their parents, right?
Sometimes it’s better to say nothing at all, even if this is also true:
He’s not on Twitter to spell things right.
I’m no advocate for censoring teams or players, but playing dirty is possible off-ice too. A little media training wouldn’t hurt.
What do you think? Is this a rare and refreshing example of someone in sports actually saying something? Or would you prefer to see teams take the high(er) road, at least in print?
So remember that time, way back in Dec. 2011 BL (Before Lockout) when the NHL proposed a realignment plan that never actually happened?
Well, it’s deja vu all over again.
In a detailed memo sent to League teams on Tuesday, the NHL again proposed a new realignment plan. This new plan would see the League go from six divisions to four and introduce a form of divisional playoffs instead of the current conference system.
Again, the plan needs approval from the NHLPA and Board of Governors. If ratified, the plan would take effect for the 2013-14 regular season.
Under this new plan, the conferences would be re-aligned, albeit unevenly. Columbus and Detroit would move into the Eastern Conference, leaving the Western Conference with only 14 teams. Teams in the “Blue” and “Green” would be the East and “Yellow” and “Orange” would be West.
The schedule would see each team play teams in the other conference, both at home and away.
In the divisions with 7 teams (Yellow, Orange), the teams would play intraconference opponents three times per season and 5 of the 6 intradivision opponents five times a season. The 6th opponent within the division would be played four times.
In the division with 8 team (Blue and Green), teams would play intraconference three times and intradivision either four or five times per season.
With the obvious imbalance between the conference, the League has proposed introducing a wild-card to the Stanley Cup Playoffs.
I guess if it works for the NFL and MLB, it could work for hockey?
Under this new system, the top 3 teams in each of the four divisions would qualify for the postseason. The final four spots would go to the two teams in each conference with the next-best records. In theory, 5 teams from one division and just 3 from the other in each conference could make the post season.
Doesn’t the NHL know that we don’t do no math? This is too many numbers for us to handle.
Obviously, this plan is not set in stone and who’s to say that it’ll even get approved.
But hypothetically, if it did get approved, how would you feel about it?
Love? Hate? Bored Indifference?
“Suite & Tie” has not grown on me the way “SexyBack” did, where I decided it was the best song since “Bye Bye Bye” and played it ten thousand times.
That’s about to change.
While I’m bringing back 2006 dance jams, can I resurrect SWAG for a second? (Then kill it again immediately?)
What I really need is a .gif of Bryz (:50 mark) suiting up like it’s Awkward Family Christmas Photo time.
Or maybe Danny putting on his socks (one foot at a time!) all lonely-like next to this chair.
OhmygodIcan’t. Cry/laugh/gasp, so undignified at work.
Bless Pam (@sunnyinnj), who is both my Flyers enabler and sponsor. And bless Always Sunny Ariana for this compilation. It would take me a month to make, with regular visits to my cardiologist and liquor store.
How can a hockey game be better than a hockey game?
When there’s tailgating.
Us on a nicer day (next time).
The fantastic folks of @Section328 invited me and my friends to their pre-game party on our Raleigh Road Trip. Rainy, cold weather could not stop them from setting up the tent and busting out the Chicken & Waffles potato chips.
Surprisingly good, but not as good as the pork tacos.
As promised, there was a game of cornhole… at which I was bad. Roberto Luongo on a bad night bad. No one made fun of me (out loud), which is like no one laughing at Jennifer Lawrence for falling up the Oscar stairs. So polite.
@MattyDTX trying to coach me.
Leigh showing Michelle (and everyone) how Raleigh girls do it right.
“Little Baby” Intern Jeff Skinner did not make an appearance at our party, but that’s just because he couldn’t have dessert – alcoholic chocolate pudding. Perfect for the school lunchbox. (Patron XO in the pudding, Baileys in the whipped cream.)
It’s so good you might want to hog it all, no matter how gross that looks.
Derek at last call.
We eventually did make it inside, I promise. PNC Arena is really nice and we had great seats for the game – perfectly situated between center ice and the nearest stand for $1 hot dog night.
Too bad Intern Jeff Skinner accidentally texted Stamkos instead of Staal (they’re right next to each other in his Contacts) to say we’d be there, watching and cheering.
The message was definitely received, because Steven scored this goal. That could be me behind the glass, flipping my hair and thinking, “Don’t look, don’t look, just be cool” while inside you’re in the front row at a 1D concert.
Tampa Bay won the game 5-2. There was a lot of mismatched-size hugging while Eric made this face:
Good thing we always have fun even if we lose (or I’d never make it as a Caps fan). If you’re ever in Carolina or planning a hockey road trip, hit up Section 328’s party. They will not let you down. Until then, read their blog for all your “informative hockey snark” needs.
Leigh, Derek, me, Mike. I think we were saying “Skinner!”
It’s Canes vs. Caps tonight, and the DC return of Alex Seminsssnnnooorrre. I could not care less. I’d like to see the Staals again, but I have to work. And there’s no one to spike my dessert.
Thank you, @Section328!
Mullets. Eyebrows. Fights.
Three things we love and post about probably more often than is normal. But we can’t help it.
And when you have all three AT THE SAME TIME – well, we’re just smitten. We must honor you with our most prestigious award.
This week’s Foxy Friday is Adam McQuaid of the Boston Bruins
This 6’5″ defencemen from Prince Edward Island might not be known to many outside of Boston but we’re out to change all that.
He’s so adorably Canadian, using words like “o-fence” and “eh”. With eyebrows like his and a full mane of luxurious hair, all the world shall know the name “McQuaid.”
McQuaid is perhaps most famous for his hair, a riotous accumulation of dark curls like no other. It just won’t quit.
Seriously, it’s amazing. I’m obsessed with it.
And apparently so is Adam.
Even in mullet form, his coif is pretty spectacular, while at the same time delightfully hilarious.
It takes a very special, confident man to wear this hair. His hair alone is worthy of this Foxy Friday honor.
In addition to the hair, he has also got some sweet eyebrows. Look out, Zach Bogosian and Ryan Nugent-Hopkins Molly Ringwald. You’ve been put on notice.
McQuaid is a classic defencemen – big, physical, and not afraid to mix it up when needed. Like when he beat down Raffi Torres.
And Inigo Montoya.
Or this Canuck.
Now one must keep in top physical form in order to beat opposing players to a pulp. Also, when Zdeno Chara freak of nature is your team mate, you best be hitting that gym wicked hahd. (God Bless the interweb and tumblr)
Squats.
Crazy legs.
Arms.
Walking.
Running.
Only adding to his legend is his nickname – Darth Quaider. It might be one of the best EVER. For Star Wars nerds like us, this is just beyond perfect!
from daysofyorr.com
If you’re ever find yourself lost in the woods with only a bag full of hockey sticks, some inner tubes, and a plank of wood, he’s a good friend to have. You might even survive.
Besides all of these things, he’s just really freaking adorable.
Hope you enjoyed this week’s Foxy Friday, Mr. Adam McQuaid. I know we certainly have.
“Oh what’s that you say? You want to take me out on a date?”
Well, if you insist.
Is everyone up in Edmonton drunk? Or do they come up with (and execute) ideas like this while sober? Either way, I think Edmonton is my heart’s true home. “Oilers Got Talent” has the boys demonstrating some questionable skills that, to be honest, are about what we’d have to offer any pageant that wasn’t an eating contest or doing The Dougie.
First, Hallsy plays the recorder like he did back in grade school. Apparently, “The girls used to love it.” Sure thing. That is, any girl who knew that 15 years later you’d be sitting like that.
Ebs does a pretty decent magic trick, if you can get past the video frame “randomly” chosen by a perverted/brilliant female intern at YouTube who will always have a job here:
In case you can’t, he gives you not one but TWO suggestive eyebrow raises at the end. That’s Canadian Sign Language for “Go back and watch it again.”
Molly Ringwald RNH manages to be both the most committed and least interested Oiler. He’s wearing a headband for heaven’s sake! It accentuates his eyebrows! Give the kid a hall pass.
Standing also accentuates how skinny and bow-legged RNH is. He should’ve been a cowboy.
Now you heard from Cabbie’s “To Do” list segment that Justin Schultz is looking for a girlfriend. In case aaaaalllllll his points didn’t tell you, his talent is reminding you that he’s got really good hands.
The wide angle also reminds you he’s wearing brown shoes with a black shirt. But how do you feel about shaved heads?
Schultz, Yakupov and teammates shave heads in cancer fundraiser [video]
I think they look great!!
There are other Oilers on this team (Nonsense!), one of whom can actually, HELLO! Hi there American over six feet tall closing in on 30 years of age. Have you met Chuck? She likes California wines and ‘Firefly’ reruns. Call her.
Corey Potter promptly puts himself in harm’s way to help a friend, in case his juggling didn’t convince you. This Smid guy’s kinda cute too – what is going on up north? Does Edmonton get a preview on new toys from Santa’s Workshop?
Last but not least, Hemsky and Jones are rock stars, complete with autotune. They’re just missing a piano key necktie.
You can enter the contest here – I’m guessing you have to be an Alberta resident, which pins all our hopes on Lindsay. She won’t hesitate to ask for talent demonstrations in person. Pack your salt shaker, babe.
This news is a little old, but I was waiting for Toews’ black eye to look like guyliner before I posted a photo of him.
It’s so late-90’s Rob Thomas, if y’all were even alive back then.
Tazer got the shiner, of course, fighting Chuck’s LT boyfriend Joe Thornton on Friday. I looked up from my computer, saw this going down on mute and threw my laptop across the room. By the time I found the remote it was almost over, which is why Al Gore invented DVRs and rewinding.
Tazer’s scrapping so hard – even took a boarding call – that you know Thornton said something mean about Kaner. Then Jon called him old. Thornton dared Toews to grow half a beard. Toews said ‘Win a Cup!’ Joey said he’d get something better than a lake named after him, then Jon threw off his earrings and press-on nails and went right after a bitch in the high school cafeteria.
Mind you, Joe Thornton doesn’t have a black eye because he won this fight.
.gif by michaeldelzotto.tumblr.com
At the 1:08 mark of this video, Thornton says, “He asked me to fight and I was kinda shocked, and I said ‘sure.'” And he laughs, because it was pretty funny.
Toews didn’t make a fool of himself or anything – I’ve seen worse fights this week. But Jon has 3 career fights (all losses/link) and Thornton has 26. Of the last 15, Joey won 13, lost 1 (to Eric Lindros!) and had one draw. He’s been around so long HockeyFights.com doesn’t even list winners back then.
I always like to see star players, especially captains, standing up for themselves. The two have a history of rough stuff – a couple of head shots from Thornton were blamed for the belated concussion that sat Toews for 22 games last year.
That said, the Hawks have plenty of get up (what with their undefeated streak) and plenty of guys who’ll drop the gloves. This was a pretty unnecessary risk. When Patrick Kane starts being the smart one in this relationship [link], you need to pause. Then save your sass for the scoreboard.
You can see the shiner in action here, as Toews talks about a fantastic Blackhawks veteran’s outreach program that’ll make you tear right up.
Side note: Auto-life-blog-ban for talking about Toews’ girlfriend, the lucky duck. Not that you would, but save it for Tumblr.
Flyers vs. Penguins tonight! And that is why Wednesday is called Hump Day.
I’ve got work(ing out) to do. Enjoy the game!
This really isn’t funny.
When we hire interns, we expect them to work. When I drive all the way to Raleigh for the Bolts vs. Canes game on Saturday, 2/23, I expect Intern Jeff Skinner to play.
Jeff is out of the Canes lineup with an undisclosed “upper body injury.” Don’t look at us like we made him lift too many heavy things. He works for tips, okay?
But seriously, this big hit sent Skins headfirst into the boards last week vs. Toronto. He finished the game and practiced the next day, but did not practice Sunday. [link] Last season he missed 16 games with a concussion, so everybody hope this is a minor thing and not a time machine.
Just look at him!
The frown when he drops it… I’ve been laughing for a week.
Jeff has 7 goals on the season, which (he keeps reminding me) currently ties him with Crosby and Toews. Well let’s have Bring A Guy Who Also Has 7 Goals to Work Day, shall we?
Read the article here.
If Jeff can’t play Saturday, he can at least come tailgating with @Section328 (but not drink) and sing us an Ed Sheeran song. This ‘upper body’ injury is not to his hands. Then he couldn’t play cornhole either and I’ve seen the Canes commercials: cornhole is the best part of tailgating. (Except that it’s called ‘cornhole’ which makes me really uncomfortable and now I’ve said it fifty times.)
Even without Intern Jeff Skinner I still get t0 see JStaaaaaaaaal for the first time in aaaaaaaaaages.
But I was really hoping to witness one of these as well:
Yes, the game is vs. Tampa Bay so of course Stamkos will also be there. There are few days in my life when having Steven in the building is not an ideal situation. Carolina currently leads the Southeast Division with 17 points, while Tampa Bay has 15. Saturday will be a big game for both teams – BOTH TEAMS I LIKE. Why do I let this keep happening? I might wear my Bolts shirt for the car ride, but I’m rooting for the Canes this time. My life is so hard.
There is nothing funny to say today.
I’m the one person who hates ‘Groundhog Day.’
Mike Green is hurt. A “lower body injury” kept him out of last night’s 2-1 loss to the New York Rangers. It likely happened late in the Valentine’s Day victory over the Tampa Bay.
By then I’d already eaten all the chocolate and drank all the wine I would’ve used to drown my feelings.
Be honest, 14 games was a long time for Mike to play without getting hurt.
The Caps next game isn’t until Thursday, at home vs. NJ, and Coach Oates has said he hopes Mike will be back in that lineup. They won’t comment on the nature of the injury. It’s extra-scary because of the groin problem that plagued Mike last year and resulted in sports hernia surgery.
Mike’s having a solid season – 2G/5A and 7th overall in the NHL for ice time, averaging 26:33/game. He’s been one of the Caps best players… which isn’t saying much, mind. The least brown banana. But desperate times call for desperately clinging to shreds of formerly glorious hopes.
The Caps had won 3 straight prior to last night – scoring 15 goals in the process and leaving us all shouting, “Wings! Pizza! Don’t use them all up now!”
They managed to climb out of last in the NHL rankings. A little hot streak now could distance them from some of these teams and really get them moving up the standings.
It’s worth nothing the Southeast Division has the League’s lowest win totals. Carolina leads with 17 points. That can/will help the Caps as their play hopefully continues to improve. NJ is the most frustrating team in hockey to play (or watch someone play) against, so Thursday will be a real test.
You don’t want to see this. David Clarkson has 10 G in 15 games.
Let’s hope it includes Mike back on the blueline.
It appears to be Friday again, or as it’s becoming known around this office: “Underage Boyfriend Day.”
Foxy Friday: Erik Gudbranson
My, how big your hands are…
Erik is a 21-year old defenseman for the Floria Panthers. (I accidentally typed 12-year old defenseman. My brain loves Damn You, Autocorrect!)
I think he should also be their mascot, because tickets to Saturday’s game vs. Tampa Bay are $11 on StubHub. That’s $11 to see this:
Though he’ll probably wear a shirt. Is there a $15 ticket package where he doesn’t? I will mail you $5 – you can tuck the last dollar into his hockey shorts.
If you were going to choose a place to professionally play your favorite sport, you could do worse than Florida. Yesterday I had to scrape the ice off my car door with a credit card just to get to the ice scraper inside.
Erik doesn’t have that problem. He probably drives a Jeep with no doors on it while wearing flip flops and a really tan left arm.
Erik made his sophomore season debut with the Panthers just last week. He missed the first 9 games of the year recovering from a September wakeboarding crash, which he admitted to his team.
Since the injury was non-hockey related, he was suspended – and thus unpaid – for the duration of the lockout. His honesty about the event seems to have gone a long way with his teammates and the press [link].
Honest, charming… go ahead and sigh.
Does that make you want to give him a hug?
Now Erik is back in the lineup and earning his way to full ice time [link]. Last season he had 2G/6A in 72 games.
Gudbranson was selected 3rd overall in the 2010 NHL Entry Draft. I couldn’t see him over the screaming for Taylor Hall (#1) and Tyler Seguin (#2), so it’s taken me a while to get to Erik. Still not sure how this escaped my attention.
.gif by stu-bickel.tumblr.com
He was the 2010 OHL Scholastic Player of the Year, for the athlete who “best combines high standards of play and academic excellence.” [link] If they had an award for holding babies, he’d have won that too.
Erik does a lot of charity work for cancer fundraising – even shaving his head to benefit St. Baldrick’s in February 2012 [video]. His youngest brother Dennis is a leukemia survivor.
The start:
The finish:
That’s pretty foxy… or literally Fox-y. Fox-esque?
Honestly, what are the chances you’re still reading the words on this page?
Here’s Erik talking junior hockey. Enjoy it while you plan the rest of your life around the Panthers schedule and following Erik on Twitter – @Guddy44.
PS: A while back, someone suggested Erik for Foxy Friday. I had *just* seen him in the Gongshow catalog the day before. Thanks to whoever that was for reminding me!
Last Valentine’s Day, we brought you a crash course in finding the perfect date. This year, Chuck is rewriting her Match.com profile and under “What You’re Looking For,” she’s including this:
Hey, they said be specific.
So for another round of the Hallmark Holiday, we’re talking about What a Girl Wants – NHL Edition. Get out your Franken-kit ’cause we’re building the perfect boyfriend.
Because heygirlimstevenstamkos.tumblr.com is better than Ryan Gosling.
Like anything you’re going to ride, you’ve gotta start with a good frame.
Chris Higgins makes even his own pants fall off.
Don’t be shy if you wanna kick the tires, make sure they’re sturdy.
What? He has great legs.
Moving up, make sure he’s equipped to literally sweep you off your feet.
Doing laundry, ripping the sleeves off every shirt.
Since you’ll be seeing this face a lot, it’s gotta be a good one.
Pick a smile you want to see all the time.
A real smile.
An all the way smile.
(Whew, I got a little carried away.)
Hair is important too – so many choices! Short and sweet? Dandy flop? Ginger curls in perfect Pantone color match to his team’s sweater?
Do you want a guy who spends more time in front of the mirror than you do?
Careful… consider the alternative.
As a secure, confident lady, just admit that some days Mr. Perfect is going to look better than you do. Handle it.
Okay, show us the wistful longing eyebrow raise…
Now that he’s built, your guy can’t just lie sit there and look pretty. He will of course be funny…
And smart…
That lady is straight reading over his shoulder.
Responsible too.
He will want a family…
With extra hair accessories.
And he’ll set a good example for them…
Stay classy, Philly.
Or at least make sure their signs are spelled right.
Or at least stay in school.
Add a little bit of serious…
But make sure he knows when to let loose.
Throw in more lover and a little bit of fighter…
Who just needs to cuddle sometimes, okay?
Brandon Prust vs. Lola – Snoring Contest
Give him a scoring touch.
Both kinds.
Mix in equal parts handsome…
And charming…
Plus a couple parts pure adorkableness…
And your brand new, NHL-edition boyfriend will be perfect(-ish).
Now go and enjoy your Valentine’s Day!
It’s not my fault I’ve seen this commercial a hundred times. It’s on during the break in every Canadian telecast! Canada, I love you.
Also, today is Max Talbot’s birthday. I forget about Max for stretches of time (blinded by the orange), but he deserves some birthday attention.
Why are John Tavares and Matt Duchene in the dark? Along with the hint that Matt was not fully dressed yet, you may want to leave that light off.
Max, why are you late? Tavares is never late for anything in his life… except, you know, winning because he’s stuck on the Islanders.
I bet he dreams of Rick Nash now.
.gifs by johnntavares.tumblr.com
What is this gym – a place where Dexter kills people? Why are workout videos these days all filmed on the set of CSI?
Alas, on to the good stuff. Pushing…
Pulling. Dropping.
If there’s something worse than burpees, I have not met it. Matty looks way too enthusiastic about this and his forearms are incredible. One pull-up takes the dork right out of him.
If I did a push up that low, it would only result in:
Tell me that smile doesn’t sum up everything about Max Talbot.
Come on kids. Max is 29 now, you can’t let him outwork you!
Kudos to Max for being a jerk and leaving the Penguins, then having career-high everythings in Philadelphia. Now he’s even got an endorsement deal!
I’m proud of him. He’ll always be this guy in my book.
And this one.
During last night’s Capitals vs. Penguins game, the role of the Caps was played by Honey Boo Boo:
Or maybe she was playing me, and those pumpkins are my fumbled, oddly-shaped emotions.
The Capitals can juggle two things. Or two periods of hockey. It’s the third thing, usually the middle period, that falls apart and smacks them in the face.
My balancing act fails when my favorite team spanks my second favorite team so hard that I feel it two states away.
Last night the Caps took a 1-0 lead into the second period. Then this happened:
That’s 5 goals in the second period. And I loved every single one of them.
Pssst Ebs, consider a different color for your pants.
Malkin threading the top corner! Neal coming across the slot on the backhand like he’s putting his coat over a puddle so your new shoes don’t get wet on the way to dinner!
I even experimented with Things that Can be Done in Five Minutes:
1) I make a sandwich.
2) Crosby scores a goal. On order.
He wouldn’t take half your sandwich after. He’s that kind of guy.
But the second period was also my nightmare. I hate to see the Caps get embarrassed, especially now when their mental state (or is it mine?) is fragile and their confidence shot. I’ve started making outrageous bargains with the universe, like “If I found a magic lamp, I’d use one wish to help the Caps” and “If I give up bagels, the Caps will start winning.”
Shockingly, that hasn’t worked. The fates do not care what I eat for breakfast.
Is it panic time now? Everywhere you look, people are piling up kindling like they’re going to burn the Caps for the insurance money.
I can offer no remedies for the Caps except baked goods, and this situation is beyond even cupcakes. So I’ll just watch through my fingers and hope that somehow, someway, this turns around before all is lost for the Caps in 2013.
Frankly, I cannot risk depressed Mike Green getting any more tattoos. Mikey Monday could be on the line here, people. This is serious.
This week, we honor Viktor Fasth, goaltender for the Anaheim Ducks.
Fasth has burst onto the NHL scene in this shortened as the back-up to Jonas Hiller in Anaheim. Initially, Fasth wasn’t expected to play much but instead has dominated in a most unexpected way.
The Ducks are on a winning streak and the rookie goaltender is 4-0 as a starter. This week, he got his first NHL shut-out with a 3-0 blanking of the Colorado Avalanche.
Fasth leads the league with an infinitesimal GAA and impressive save percentage. In fact, he’s allowed only 4 goals this season and the Ducks are currently 1st in the Pacific Division and off to their best start since they won the Stanley Cup in 2007. This upsets my cousin Tom and WUYS Contributor, Aaron very much. (They are both Kings fans).
Coach Bruce Boudreau has a problem that every NHL coach would kill to have – two great goaltenders, playing well, and winning games.
No doubt that Fasth is a goalie to watch this season, but there are a few other reasons why he is deserving of this honor
The hair. The hair alone is worth the honor. He seems to have been diligently studying Mike Green and James Neal post game video clips (and this blog) in an effort to achieve that perfect “undone, yet perfectly done” look that we so admire. Mission Accomplished.
Well there you have it – Sweden wins again.
We love this beautiful country.
Not only for its affordable, yet slightly infuriating to assemble furniture, but more so for their ability to produce countless Foxy Fridays.
Keep ’em coming, Sweden.
Steven, how are you going to spend your 23rd birthday?
Staring down opponents?
Scoring 60?
Making sure your name is on the Rocket Richard trophy… twice?
Admiring goalies even as your ruin their GAAs?
Relaxing?
Pants-optional shoveling?
Jumping ridiculously high?
Reading WUYS?
Yeah, that’s the one. Happy birthday, Stammer!
The Lightning have more goals than any team this season (40). Steven has 7 of those goals (tied for 3rd overall) and 16 total points (2nd overall).
They take their 6-3 record into NJ tonight at 7 PM. Last year, Stamkos scored one goal on his birthday. This year, let’s wish bigger.
Memory Lane: