Oh No You Didn’t

This news is a little old, but I was waiting for Toews’ black eye to look like guyliner before I posted a photo of him.


It’s so late-90’s Rob Thomas, if y’all were even alive back then.


Tazer got the shiner, of course, fighting Chuck’s LT boyfriend Joe Thornton on Friday.  I looked up from my computer, saw this going down on mute and threw my laptop across the room.  By the time I found the remote it was almost over, which is why Al Gore invented DVRs and rewinding.

Tazer’s scrapping so hard – even took a boarding call – that you know Thornton said something mean about Kaner.  Then Jon called him old.  Thornton dared Toews to grow half a beard.  Toews said ‘Win a Cup!’  Joey said he’d get something better than a lake named after him, then Jon threw off his earrings and press-on nails and went right after a bitch in the high school cafeteria.


Mind you, Joe Thornton doesn’t have a black eye because he won this fight.

toews gif .gif by michaeldelzotto.tumblr.com

At the 1:08 mark of this video, Thornton says, “He asked me to fight and I was kinda shocked, and I said ‘sure.'”  And he laughs, because it was pretty funny.


Toews didn’t make a fool of himself or anything – I’ve seen worse fights this week.  But Jon has 3 career fights (all losses/link) and Thornton has 26.  Of the last 15, Joey won 13, lost 1 (to Eric Lindros!) and had one draw.  He’s been around so long HockeyFights.com doesn’t even list winners back then.


I always like to see star players, especially captains, standing up for themselves.  The two have a history of rough stuff – a couple of head shots from Thornton were blamed for the belated concussion that sat Toews for 22 games last year.

toews thornton

That said, the Hawks have plenty of get up (what with their undefeated streak) and plenty of guys who’ll drop the gloves.  This was a pretty unnecessary risk.  When Patrick Kane starts being the smart one in this relationship [link], you need to pause.  Then save your sass for the scoreboard.


You can see the shiner in action here, as Toews talks about a fantastic Blackhawks veteran’s outreach program that’ll make you tear right up.


Side note: Auto-life-blog-ban for talking about Toews’ girlfriend, the lucky duck.  Not that you would, but save it for Tumblr.

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Leave a Reply

  1. Bailey Reply

    I love Tazer, but you don’t mess with Jumbo. Silly boy. It’s a hard game to watch when your 2 favorite teams play each other…. And AGAIN tomorrow night.

  2. Feels. All of them. So many. I cannot.

  3. Can’t stop laughing! This is exactly what I needed to read after just getting home from a long day at work! Tazer is my #1 hockey boyfriend, and I loved seeing him stand up for himself. However, I must admit that my favorite part of this post is that Kane gif, it’s amazing!

  4. My boyfriend can totally beat up your boyfriend.

    • Pants Reply

      True. But my boyfriend’s win streak is longer than your boyfriend’s win streak.