I know it is not Tuesday but it’s still a day that starts with T, so this post will totally work.
If you know anything about me, but know that I love beards and I love tattoos. Each one on their own is fantastic, but together?
Best Kind of Sandwich
Now go in and add hockey to the mix….
O.M.G.
Perfection. And thy name is Tyler Seguin.
#Beard
#Tats
As if that wasn’t enough, Seguin is tearing it up right now, leading the NHL in goals with 14 and third in overall points with 24. At the rate he is going, he might just win the scoring title for the Stars.
But guess who is hot on his heels?
#Lumbersexual
Beard? Check. Tats? Not sure.
But I gladly volunteer to find out.
Are you also into beards and tats? Check out @beardsandtats. It’s a personal fave.
Top to bottom, fade from brown to orange to yellow.
The second best part, right after his face, is how much James hates doing this interview. He doesn’t get sassy, drones through cliches like I nap through episodes of Boardwalk Empire and says nothing. Repeatedly.
He’s basically ombre.
It’s almost as if he’s testing to see if they’ll keep asking questions we’ll keep watching.
Please. I paused it to make popcorn and come back.
Damn, he was trying to start a new trend.
The Pens’ only counter to this rakish hair-times-gingerbeard-equals-destruction is to mess with Neal’s car on their recent trip to Nashville. [In the Ropm: S4, E2]
Don’t leave Flower, Letang and Geno unsupervised.
It’s funny, of course, but we all know you tease the one you like the most.
The Preds have a new episode of Beneath the Ice up, in which James was apparently learning to cook. Rich Clune, humanitarian. Before Clune’s waivers/AHL assignment, hopefully James learned a few survival skills – like that Lamborghini is ridiculous and I will always make fun of it. (Correction from Alison: It’s a Ferrari. Apparently I never recovered from Mike Green’s white Lambo and confused the sleeve-tattooed, bearded drivers and their white chariots of overcompensation.)
My car has no backseat! Wait a minute…
In the next episode, James gets the A. From Peter Laviolette. Maybe we should have seen it coming? Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy hated each other basically right up until it started raining.
Pants, that is so 2012.
James is leading Nashville with 9 G, and tied for second with 14 points. The Preds are second in their division, one point behind St. Louis, and third overall in the West. They play tonight in Toronto, where you know all the Ontario boys love to show off in front of their family and friends.
We are halfway through November, and that means halfway to getting these mustaches off everyone’s faces! Just kidding – we love Movember and applaud the many men’s health concerns for which it raises awareness and funds. Just don’t wear a mustache home to meet our parents on Thanksgiving.
#sorryhesnotsorry
This year I donated on the promise that Mr. Pants would spare us all from his attempt. [Donate here] Ever the joiners, some of our favorite hockey players could not be persuaded by the same argument.
Does this mustache make my jersey look 80s?
The Sidstache continues its bi-annual tradition of failing to ruin Crosby’s face.
Twitter is our confessional.
For a guy I’m willing to guarantee has never seen an adult film, John Tavares’ mustache is alarmingly licentious. Give it a week to darken and a glass of scotch, it’ll be straight off Paul Rudd’s face in Anchorman.
Sex Panther (Yes, I really typed that.)
Like our favorite season – playoff beards – Movember is a time when any hockey player can shine. The enthusiasm is fueled by charity, rivalry and selfies taken up one’s own nose.
crashzoom
Winnik’s mustache is pretty spectacular, but Komarov is no slouch. Did we say get these mustaches off? Rescind. Let these babies grow.
It’s so heavy, he can’t stand up.
Chuck wanted to hire Eddie Lack as our new intern, then Intern Jeff Skinner saw his Movember face and sighed with relief. This does not work for free.
Time for a trim, Eddie.
She’d have had better luck with Montreal’s Brendan Gallagher, who could get a dollar for every hair in this mustache and still need to borrow five bucks for lunch.
Soul patches may result in disqualification
But it’s not the result that count. It’s the effort and collective knowledge that no one, in any year, can ever really win Movember. Because let’s face it, not even 2014 Beard of the Year and Stanley Cup winner Jeff Carter can really rock a mustache. He’s just standing in this hallway, waiting for D’Artagnan to arrive for their duel.
This week’s Foxy Friday suggestion came to us from one of our twitter followers, Ellie (aka @hockeyfied)
#AllGrownsUp
Besides the obvious (#Sweden), I honestly had no idea who Elias Lindholm was.
But I do now.
Bless you, Ellie, for enlightening me.
Everyone meet Elias Viktor Zebulon Lindholm.
You can ring my bell.
Yes, that it is actually his name, and yes, it is all kinds of awesome. Sort of makes him sound like a member of the Swedish Royal Family or something. Name me one girl on this planet that wouldn’t want a prince like this of her very own.
Elias is foxy because he understands the value of learning from the Master.
A Jedi and his young Padawan
Elias is also foxy because he kinda has a young Mike Modano thing happening. Or maybe it is a Mitchell Goosen thing.
Either way, we dig….hardcore.
“You hockey warrior! Hockey Nintendo!”
Elias is foxy because of this hair. It’s fantastic. But would you really expect anything less from a man from the land of perfect hockey players.
He woke up like this.
Seriously. The flow – spectacular spectaular. WUYS Approved!
You lace the track. I’ll rock the flow.
Now, are we SURE he is only 19? Because this is not the face, nor the beard of a 19-year-old.
#BeardWatch2015
But probably Elias’ best and most endearing attribute – his bromance with Intern Jeff Skinner.
Hey, bro. Let me copy your answers.
Rutti Tutti, Fresh and Fruity
Grumpy Cat & Travel Gnome
We love Intern Jeff Skinner. If Intern Jeff Skinner thinks that Elias is good people, well then, that is good enough for us.
—-
Note: There is a distinct possibility that I will be meeting some of the Carolina players after their game with Boston on Saturday, so I’ll let you know if he’s cuter in person. Stay tuned to WUYS twitter feed for updates!
I’ve had late-night work events followed by early mornings all week, haven’t even been home in three days and I started this post at 8 AM. Still nothing – nothing! – shall keep me from a Foxy Friday that is 10 months, two dinners and one KISS costume in the making.
You may recall that when Lindsay, Alison, Emma and I went to Pittsburgh in March, Borts was the mayor. We saw him at dinner the first night. Two days and two games later, not only did Borts show up at dinner again, he brought Crosby with him. And made sure we saw Brandon Sutter. And almost made Alison drop her drink. Okay, that was me. If he’d shaken our hands and asked for a campaign donation, I would have given him my whole purse. We learned that Pittsburgh is a wonderful place and there are Penguins in every restaurant.
Vote Bortuzzo.
Is this heaven? No, it’s Thunder Bay.
Tall, dark and handsomely bearded, Robert Bortuzzo has quite the foxy competition on a team full of dorks in boyfriend shirts. Yet I’d say he has cornered both markets.
That pullover counts every time.
Borts – who I really want to call “Rob” but it’ll never stick – and Beau Bennett spend all their free time visiting patients in hospitals. There are so many pictures they really must go every day. What a pair.
And the Red Sox hat? He also loves waffles and The Sandlot.
I mean, come on.
Despite all those talents, Rob is really best – and we mean best – at reaction faces. There’s no feeling you can’t express in a Bortuzzo internet jpeg. Try it.
When your boss is explaining something completely wrong:
I am surrounded by idiots.
When this isn’t where you parked your car:
But I went in through Nordstrom…
When that just really happened holycrapyouguys!
I hope someone Snapchatted that.
When you get the last deluxe copy of the new Taylor Swift at Target:
No bonus tracks for you suckers!
When you think you’re not the prettiest person in the room (but you really are):
Keeping up with the Kardashians
When Hockey Twitter is talking shit:
I thought I unfollowed Rossi!
When the 2014-15 schedule says you don’t come to DC until late January:
My expression right now.
Borts is recently back from injury and we’ve been holding on this Foxy Friday for his return. He had a fight last night vs. Blake Wheeler, involving a lot of very long arms and a possible misunderstanding of velocity physics:
In his 77 NHL-game career, Bortuzzo has 2 goals, 13 assists and 108 penalty minutes. That’s one goal for every time we saw him in Pittsburgh. Want more offense from your defense, Penguins? The solution is obvious and we’ll work for tickets.
Waiting to see his name on the scoreboard.
If we may make a suggestion based on past levels of costume commitment, Rob looks a little like Sacha Baron Cohen (especially here). It’s never too early to plan next Halloween.
We apologize in advance if this happens.
Our reaction shot is ready to go:
:: speechless ::
Follow Borts on Twitter @rbontuzzo21. Happy Friday!
As you well know, Pants and I have a true, strong, and real appreciation for men’s facial hair. We’ve been blogging about it for years now and like to think that we’ve become experts on the topics. It sustains us, like manna from heaven. We are all about the beards but this month, we’re all about the mo.
Movember – A special time of year when men everywhere, including a number of NHL players, attempt to grow moustaches to raise money and awareness for men’s health.
Some are successful and grow glorious, perfect, masculine facial follies that make us swoon. And then there are those that try, oh so valiantly, but come up just short.
The Masters.
Uhhhhh…
This year, I’ve made the decision to support men everywhere and participate in this charitable movement as a Mo Sista. And I want you to join my team!
Pugstache
It doesn’t matter if you’re a Mo Bro or a Mo Sista, I want you on my team!
Guys, sign up to grow a moustache, or ladies, sign up to support the men in your life. It’s going to be a great journey. It might get a little “hairy”, but it’ll be totally worth it.
Today, we’re featuring a guy with one of the coolest names in hockey – Nino Niederreiter.
Say that five times fast.
But who exactly IS Nino Niederreiter?
Nino is part of the youth movement in Minnesota, part of a core group of players which are poised to be an integral part of the Wild’s climb in the very difficult Central Division.
He was born in 1992 in Switzerland, land of Ricola and neutrality. One might not think of Switzerland as a hockey powerhouse, but over the last few years, there has been an emergence of Swiss talent joining the NHL ranks.
Roman Josi. Damien Brunner. Yannick Weber. All Swiss. All love chocolate.
Mister…Randy…Watson!
Niederreiter, AKA El Nino, was drafted 5th overall by the Islanders in the 2010 Entry Draft, making him the highest drafted Swiss player in NHL History. At the 2013 Entry Draft, he was traded to the Wild in exchange for Cal Clutterbuck and a 3rd round pick. He’s 6’2″, 210 lbs, shoots left and this season, he has 2 G and 2A in 9 games.
Also, his eyebrows are working for us.
My eyebrows are up here, ladies.
In last year’s playoff game 7 verses the Avalanche, Nino had two goals and an assist including the OT game-winner to advance his team to the second round, earning his forever place in the hearts of Wild fans everywhere.
Snipe.
Some other important things you should know about the newest member of the Foxy Friday Fraternity –
He loves slides.
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
And Pictionary.
Boo.
His favorite mode of transportation are of the two-wheeled variety.
They see me rollin’…they hatin’
Beep! Beep! Who got the keys to the Jeep?
In his spare time, he enjoys knitting/wearing amazing boyfriend cardigans.
Knit 2, Purl 1
“If you want to destroy my sweateerrrrrrrrrrrr”
Perfecting his model look into middle distance. (it’s alot harder than it looks, people.)
Le Tigre
Channeling Sidney Crosby and his #AwkwardPockets.
#awkwardpockets
After his hockey career ends, we think he’d have a great future as a lumberjack.
You could do worse than to launch your new season and new show with James Neal’s face. The Preds’ “Beneath the Ice” series debuted the other night with 6-plus minutes of what James is good at off the ice.
1. Sitting like a boy.
Lean back.
(Remember when John Tavares was the only one with media training, and that was at 14? This is Exhibit A.)
2. Politely discussing that time Pittsburgh dumped him via Post-It Note.
Aspiring Gingerbeard
Wait, James isn’t good with media! Who is this guy? Maybe he didn’t need to be trained this time around. Someone still shouldn’t let him sit like Homer Simpson.
3. Asking to have his roster photo retaken. Hey, if he doesn’t critique it, someone (around here) will! And for the record, it looks great.
“Have you ever wondered if there was more to life, other than being really, really, ridiculously good looking?”
4. Wearing a shirt that’s too small.
Does this jersey makes my arms look long?
5. Being unfamiliar with imperfect hair. Push it back? Are these bangs or curtains?
Do you have any product?
So, is this grown-up James Neal starting over? Nashville is a promising market with a new coach and new system. It’s a chance to prove himself on the ice, to let his talent speak and shut his temper down. Hockey media, not without reason, are skeptical – though I thought the word “castoff” in this Puck Daddy piece was harsh. Turns out I’m protective (and only I’m allowed to give James shit for being an idiot!). Nashville press seem to have embraced the potential, and it will be up to James what they have to say about him.
Impressing the new boss.
We got our Rich Clune Foxy Friday posted just in time: he was placed on waivers by Nashville. Rich’s mom RT’d the Foxy Friday, which is the highest honor in the land and we can now retire. Luckily for Neal, Clune cleared waivers and was assigned to Milwaukee. Let’s hope Rich left a stocked fridge for Nealer and gets recalled to the Preds soon.
We need more of this:
In the next episode of Beneath the Ice, James drives a car and asks for directions. Lost and boring. It was filmed prior to Clune’s departure but this better not be what James turns into with Rich gone. Don’t get too nice, buddy.
Nah, we can’t leave it there! Here’s James’ hat trick from last week:
It’s that special time of the year again when all of our favorite hockey players dress up in hilarious and sometimes ridiculously tiny, costumes, for our entertainment. Most of the time, it is to bring joy and smiles to sick kids. But sometimes it is strictly for our enjoyment.
TURTLE POWER! Seguin as Raphael? Benn as Leonardo? If you know anything about TMNT, you know how supremely perfect this is.
Our love for Beguin is real and true, but this year’s Candy Bowl goes to Matt Fraser, Dougie Hamilton, Kevan Miller, Matt Bartkowski, Torey Krug, and Seth “Stewie” Griffith from the Boston Bruins.
Couple of years ago, we had Zee Bunny. This year, we get Dougi-Elsa.
We applaud these men for completely letting go of their ego (and their dignity) to don these costumes to cheer up a bunch of sick kids.
Krug totally loves warms hugs. Griffith’s Hans wig gives new meaning to the term hockey hair. And Matt Fraser, bless his heart) looks like a ‘roided out Pippi Longstocking.
But let’s be honest – Matt Bartkowski is everything. If there was anyone on the Bruins roster that could pull off that look, it was Bart. The Sven the Reindeer costume look absolutely perfect on him. When he come to the WUYS Fancy Dress Party as my date, I want him to wear that.
I love it and I love him. Be my boyfriend.
“Who’s the funky looking donkey over there?” “Oh that’s Sven.”
I’m sure the Bruins weren’t the only team to dress up and have a good time, but boy, did they do it with some flair.
You should know we didn’t discover Rich Clune when James Neal got traded to the Predators. Any NHL player who is sassy on Twitter piques our interest pretty early. But standing next to – or taking in – one of our favorites certainly brings the light.
Even Puck Daddy has a piece about Neal & Clune today – “James Neal in Nashville: Happy, dumb and dumber.” In a good way, of course. Remember “Dumb and Dumber” once referred to Neal and Malkin, but this is a different level.
And this gem of an outtake from yesterday’s post: Beneath the Ice.
Clune was drafted in the third round in 2005 (71st overall), but didn’t make his NHL debut until 2009-’10, when he played just 14 games for the Kings. He wouldn’t see NHL ice again until 2012, after he was waived by the Kings post-lockout and picked up by the Predators.
During that time, and for a long time leading up to it, Clune battled alcoholism. He spoke about it with ESPN in March 2013. Reading the story, Rich sounds like a much older guy telling the story of a troubled youth. Perhaps that life-change is why he’s still in the League today.
It could also be why he’s so open. His secrets are out, he’s a 4th line guy, what are people going to say about him? He wants, both desperately and to the point of comedy, to stay and play. In July, Rich published a 30-minute online radio program about his recovery. He called it the “debut show,” but so far it’s the only one. Over the summer, Clune spoke to Puck Daddy about being a reluctant role model.
For a guy with such a serious side, Clune certainly rebounds with energy. When James Neal was traded to Nashville, he moved in with Clune – they were drafted the same year, by the same team. The budding bromance puts a lot of pressure on the Preds web content folks to deliver! (Cliff notes: Dude Perfect.)
Rich uses social media the way it should be used: often, if you’re funny. Contract negotiations? He has a few ideas.
Soccer? No thanks.
Don’t let the arms distract you from this outfit, a color and pattern combination worthy of Mr. Pants and thus my heart.
Rich plays the guitar (shirtless, of course), hosts taco night because he probably read online Neal can’t feed himself and did the ice bucket challenge in possibly the #2 outfit of all time (behind Toews’ Spanx). He has a lot of tattoos, since some of you are into that, and almost as many pictures of his feet in Summer Skates flip-flops.
Clune’s NHL career includes 120 games, 11 points and 305 PIMs. He has 32 regular season fights in just three regular seasons.
We love a good redemption story, and Rich Clune has survived with style and humor. He’s proven he can take care of himself – we appreciate him looking out for Nealer too. As for the Predators, atop their division and with a host of Foxy Fridays on their roster, well they are taking care of business.
In fact, James Neal cut his hair a week ago and I didn’t even notice. How does this happen? Am I so fickle when someone departs my team? I basically wrote, “Friends forever!” in his yearbook back in June, then went to college and forgot about him. A few kind, attentive readers mentioned the haircut, worried about my reaction to his season opening, trade-rebellion-mullet, but I did not look up a photo until now.
It was worth the wait.
No one helped me when I had a mullet.
This is excellent. It’s almost modest, a pre-Pittsburgh, Stars-era James. Maybe the Preds equipment guys don’t provide the players’ favorite hair products in both home and away locker rooms, like Pens’ Dana Heinze.
Any new haircut needs to grow just a bit, but we are back in business.
I guess she likes my haircut too.
Photos from David Yurman in-store event, October 14. This is a second, do-over haircut after the one Rich Clune treated us to on Twitter (resulting in the aforementioned mullet).
Some assembly required.
Nealer is featured on the Predators main page at the moment (in the acceptable pre-haircut days). Does this mean he’s fitting in down in Nashville? Ehhh, not quite yet – at least on the ice. He’s got just two goals in six games and my fantasy team is not happy. But the Preds are first in their division and second in the Western Conf (10 points), still undefeated in regulation and James’ short hair can only mean better days are on the way.
Cover guy
Here’s another teaser of the Preds’ Beneath the Ice series that kicks off with a James episode on October 25. It’s not quite Dude Perfect, but there is potential for season-long reality bromance programming.
One more in which James says “roundabout” and nothing else happens. At all.
As you know, hockey does not often make American airwaves.
I sometimes wonder what percentage of our population could identify Wayne Gretzky, forget Gordie Howe or Crosby or Intern Jeff Skinner. It would be a killer round on “Celebrity Name Game,” after so few of my countrymen recognize Bill Gates but everybody knows Jared from Subway.
Imagine my excited double take when I saw this Gatorade ad (over the summer) featuring our favorite meerkat, Patrick Kane.
I may have fist-pumped in the gym. Patrick Kane on TV with Bryce Harper? With Dwyane Wade, from basketball, who is not Dwayne Wayne from “A Different World?” And that football guy I don’t know, but he’s in a lot of commercials so he’s probably a Kardashian?! I thought, “Go Kaner!” and “Yes, his hair looks pretty good in this.”
Can’t be looking a mess when you finally make your break.
** I INTERRUPT THIS POST TO BRING YOU THE GREATEST THING EVER. **
I want you to join the US Dance Team.
Go here: Gatorade Kane Locker Tour. Click the headphones. Click everything, and between everything click the headphones again. How on Earth has this existed since July and we’ve never seen it?
Now, back to your regularly scheduled programming.
Recently, another beloved tradition returned – McDonald’s Monopoly. It’s the quintessential learning tool for American kids: throwaway money, shiny cars and that one time you went to jail but it wasn’t a big deal. On Sunday, Mr. Pants and I hit the drive-thru. Only his soda cup had Monopoly pieces, and he didn’t notice. I didn’t really care. Then five hours later, at home, the Monopoly commercial came on.
Mr. Pants, looking around as if we keep old cups on the table: “It’s Monopoly time?”
Me, running toward kitchen, “YOU CAN WIN PATRICK KANE??”
Lebron, yes, But a race car driver? America loves race car drivers!
Let me tell you, I went into the garbage. I didn’t even hear what the Kaner-related prize was but I flung aside hours of moving debris just in case this was my chance to strike it Patrick. I didn’t dig through trash to win money or Beats by Dre headphones or whatever, only for Patrick Kane.
This was just the change in my pocket.
Turns out the prize is – I still don’t know. Hawks tickets probably. That’s worth a dumpster dive. Our cup yielded nothing, not even a free soda in another cup with which to continue this cycle. The truth is: you never win, unless you actually are Patrick Kane. Multiple Stanley Cups and most valuable-type trophies? Side prizes. He is standings next to wheelbarrow full of cash on the Monopoly board while it rains McChickens, all broadcast on TV. That, folks, is the American Dream.
Halloween has arrived a little early for a few of our favorite teams. In the world of the 24 hour Tumblr news cycle, these guys came to party.
Geno’s pal Max Ivanov, Kris Letang, some guy I don’t know and Evgeni Malkin.
Letang is always going for it on Halloween, though we must point out the Mad Hatter is not a prince. Disney, yes (so close!), but next year, let there be an Aladdin costume with his name on it. Geno went to the School of Vampire Standing, and I bet his English sounds the same with those teeth in.
Sid is dressed as Rocky, apparently. I haven’t seen that movie in 15 years, but he’s said before it’s his favorite film. Imagine if his favorite movie were, say:
TROY
That gladiator costume a few years back was not even close.
TOP GUN
Still waiting for a photo of Sid & BSutts as Maverick & Goose from last year.
FIREFLY?!
Best Halloween nerdjoke of all time.
Okay, I’m getting carried away. Here is your reference for Sid’s costume, and I’ll go on assuming that it’s some kind of challenge issued to the Flyers.
Which way to the stairs?
All in all, Rocky has nothing on the real costume winners of the evening:
Paul Martin, Beau Bennett, Geno, Robert Bortuzzo and Nick Spaling.
So many thoughts fighting to be my first thought! Borts shaved his beard nooooooooooooo! but it’ll be back by lunch tomorrow. Should guys like Borts & Beau, so oft-injured, really be wearing platform shoes? How is this not in their player contracts? I have no idea what Nick Spaling’s face looks like, but we’ll know him now by a sliver of side-thigh. Tough luck if you’re in Pittsburgh and needed white face paint for your costume – it’s sold out. Also, how does anyone go to the bathroom?
Please say they watched Role Models over and over to prepare:
Mentor this.
Thanks to @Jrho for pointing us toward Max Ivanov’s Instagram for more photos. Can we please give Chris Kunitz a 100-year contract so we have 99 more Halloweens to look forward to? Last year, sock monkey. This year when he scores a hat trick, everyone throw scotch on the ice.
Boy, that escalated quickly.
The Blackhawks always have the best couples costumes – see last year for reference. This year they continued to raise the bar.
Bryan Bickell’s rabbit isn’t quite white, but we get what he means. (No, I didn’t get it at all, but Vanessa did! He’s the March Hare and I need a refresh on some of these films.)
Andrew Shaw and his girlfriend must know that I am going as Peter Pan this year, they wanted to make me feel cool. If only my photos could have an incredible, awkward, derp-perfect photobomb by RoboToews.
I. Am. Fun. Now. Binary Solo!
I wish for one day the Hawks website would make that Toews’ roster photo.
Shiny pants, Jon.
Send us more Halloween photos when you see them, including yours if they are hockey-themed! We’ll be here working on the candy corn.
Not Kate Middleton gossip, remembering Ryan Reynolds is Canadian or even Angelina being honored with an extra “u” from the Queen. I mean the important stuff.
Up to the top.
You are reading that right. Thanks to @tobelerone for seeing this first!
I still don’t see it.
This is a real story. IN A MAGAZINE. It’s teased on the cover! I love Canada. You’d have to run out of divorces, Duck Dynasties, Duggars (not possible) and basically all forms of life on Earth before an American gossip magazine would run a hockey story.
Next week’s issue
I want to be in the pitch meeting where ranking attractive hockey players gets discussed on a regular basis.
Ooh, I hope it’s a PowerPoint.
I bet the voting process starts with the NHL Awards.
Jeff Carter gets engaged and then married within about an hour of winning the Cup and ruins everything.
And with the beard!
They brainstorm all summer, counting on shirtless boat-selfies as campaign strategy. There are heated debates, anonymous picspam sabotage attempts and pitch calls to Dude Perfect. The entire office is covered in photos and notes, like a live-action Tumblr feed.
:: slides down wall ::
The problem is: if you do this list right, it’s predictable. Maybe even boring – if you’re bored by things like Sidney Crosby. Or this blog. I assume Hello! Canada will pick 10 Canadian players, but perhaps there’s room on this list for a Swede (or a Star) or two.
This took some thought.
We can’t see the whole list online – who’s going to tell us which eight other players make the cut? More importantly, what are your guesses?
If asked for two words to describe Tyler Seguin, Chuck would use “dude” and “perfect.” She is sedated after seeing this on vacation, so allow me….
First of all, Dude Perfect is – as advertised – a group of five guys and a panda. One guy has a gingerbeard. Before we even get to Jamie & Tyler, we know this is going to be right up our alley.
The ensuing competition of ridiculous challenges confirms what Dallas Stars World Domination HQ has been shilling for months: Tyler and Jamie are more talented, more fun and better looking than your team.
This actually came on TV as I was writing.
And they know it. We see you, Obviously Rhetorical Question answered silently by Tyler’s expression:
These two giggle more on camera than you will watching and they shamelessly hug everyone within arm’s reach . Tyler bounces a rubber duck off his skate blade. Jamie scores a diving goal with a pumpkin. Can I buy this at Starbucks?
Obviously each drill was completed flawlessly on the first take, including the Despicable Me Minion Fart Blaster duel (I have one of this in my office for serious occasions). No editing or magic of Hollywood needed here.
Jamie wins the competition, even with a one point deduction for how slowly he realizes that balancing the ball on the cup is the point of that game. Tyler isn’t really trying – he just assumes there are bonus points for how often he manages to flash his abs.
What, no prize for this?
The actual prize? Our hearts. Oh, and a six pound milkshake which 1) I have had and 2) can be purchased in Annapolis. Stop by on your victory tour, Benn.
I’d say more teams should invite Dude Perfect in, but I’m not sure they can all handle it. Perhaps Dude Perfect could just stick around to consult on the Stars’ multimedia efforts all season, since you’re halfway to buying a Jamie Benn jersey already.
Thanks to @J.Rho for pointing out that I forgot to include the BONUS FOOTAGE video. Probably because Mr. Pants & I actually joked about being PB&J for Halloween this year, and I know Tyler and Jamie would do it better.
On today’s episode of Extreme Diplomacy with Sidney Crosby, Strombo sits down with Sid:
Something about this video keeps breaking the link, try this if you can’t see it.
To discuss whatever they are talking about while this plays in my head:
If there’s a pseudo-boyband version of a song, I prefer it.
Sid does get all cute talking about MacKinnon, like he’s a Scout Troop leader. I guess it’s a relief from the usual business of deflecting questions: “Do you hate your boss?”, “Are you too old now?”, “What is taking so damned long?”
Pants, wake up, Pants. I’m about to smile.
As a publicist, we dream of guys like this: upload the script, read the script, act natural while saying exactly what I told you to. As a person, I may have dozed off during the interview. At least this chair looks up to the task for once. No way he could sit all the way forward without flipping it.
On a different channel, Captain Partypants himself, Jonathan Toews, is having more fun in 2:18 than we’ve had since wakeboarding.
He wears this shirt like it’s those shorts too.
I know Sid did the self-depriacting, hilarious Cabbie “selfie” interview. We loved it, and Crosby probably had to breathe into a bag afterward. Jon, on the other hand, has this whole “I’m fun now” thing on lock.
Hold up: waterslides. Please let that be the next charity participation trend.
So we make fun of “Captain Serious,” and Jon changes his tune. Then we make fun of his game face and Jon claims it looks like:
That’s about a hundred derps shy of a Hawks broadcast, but we’ll let it slide.
Waterslide.
The Penguins are off till Thursday, while the Hawks host the Flames on Wednesday. It’ll give Jon a chance to score his first goal of the season (0G, 2A in 2 games), and catch up a little with Sid’s 246 point pace (3G, 3A in 2 games).
Oh, Strombo. Who put these roundtable interview combinations together? Tavares, Giroux and Seguin at the same table? It’s awkward. It’s brilliant. It’s the cast of The 40-Year-Old Virgin.
Compared to Sid, Hank and Toews all doing the casual leanback, these guys are more nervous and eager. They’re all sitting forward, shoulders up – they even mimic each other’s postures with their hands. A therapist would have a field day with all the mutual admiration and trying to fit in going on here.
Is this a restaurant? Is this on the menu?
Of course their outfits match too, light button-downs all around. If this were a dinner, the waitress would be spilling water on everyone.
No kidding, that’s where I bought my shirt!
So, John’s teeth aren’t really fixed. Claude didn’t bother with his false tooth. Tyler is perfect, because he’s Tyler – and he’s really likable in this interview. It’s possible I never considered that before. Sorry other guys, but the Western Conference is taking top marks with only half the seats at these roundtables.
[Note from Chuck: Oh, Tyler. Tyler, Tyler, Tyler. I’m a sucker for a guy’s hands and the way that he was talking with them and resting them oh so casually on his biceps throughout the interview – killing me… killing me softly.]
Charming. Hide your wives and girlfriends.
John, of course, is so, so square. How can you not love this guy?! ‘Mild mannered’ doesn’t begin to describe it. No one on his team showboats. No play haunts him. According to Giroux, he is a terrible trash talker. He says “fustration” (no ‘r’) and takes any opening to dig at Giroux. He obviously combed his own hair for this interview and probably has a coat and tie in his bag just in case.
Focus on the sound of my voice.
Jana (@jstefanc) said it best: “It’s so weird to see a teacher outside of school.”
From the archives, a picture of 14-year old John in media training:
This’ll sound great on TV.
[Note from Chuck: No media training for Tyler? That explains so much. Did the Bruins not have one? Had I know, I totally would have Katniss-ed that.]
For all the ginger glory, Claude needs to decide what he’s doing with this hair. Long or parted. You can’t pick both, not on one head at the same time. We love the curls and the color but it’s time to commit.
Looks fine under a helmet!
The best part of this, the most revealing difference from the other interview, is how they all reach for the snacks the moment it’s over.
Cheetos for everyone.
Cheat day!!
We could go for more of these, if Strombo is free. Or he could join in the Google Hangouts that Lindsay, Alison and I do where we watch two hockey games a piece and all talk over each other in shouty caps.
At the NHL media tour, George Stroumboulopoulos (@strombo) hosted a series of roundtable discussions with some of our favorite players.
Up first: Sid, Hank and Tazer. This is a good interview. I had never seen Strombo before the NHL Awards and apparently he gets some flack for softball-ing questions, but I liked this. It’s funny, insightful and touches on some interesting, oft-unasked things. There’s enough room for a little personality to sneak in, elevating it just above sports cliche into a more natural conversation. Strombo for Commissioner.
Now forgive me while I take this respectable interview and evaluate it superficially. (Future subtitle of my autobiography.)
You say: Crosby, Lundqust, Toews. I say:
I may have had some sugar today.
Followed immediately by:
Everybody’s a critic
Meanwhile Sid looks like if he inhales deeply enough, that shirt will split. It’s also navy blue – dark, yes, but are those black pants? Oh boy.
Let’s talk about how great we are.
Henrik, in full custom couture (duh), puts on a handsome expression. Wait, that’s his only expression. It serves to mask the amateur hour he surely sees before him: dressed down and violating a cardinal contrast rule. Hank thinks about being helpful, then remembers who won the Art Ross Trophy and is now in his division. The King decides to let the Kid take a powder on this one.
You can never be overdressed or overly Swedish – er, close enough.
Having never heard Miranda Priestly’s speech on shades of blue, Sid doesn’t care. He’s thinking about the interview, specifically hoping Strombo doesn’t bring up superstitions. Which Strombo does. Look how perfectly still Crosby sits – he’s frozen, like a petrified tree. You can hear him thinking, “Don’t look at me, I’m not here.” AND THEY DON’T! What?! His publicist must have been off-stage threatening the director with a high heel to the face if he cut to SidCam at that moment.
I’m a perfectly normal kind of crazy.
Across the table, Toews just basks in his own open collar coolness. He’s laid-back, nursing the end of a tan and saying “heck” with no hint of awkwardness. If he’d been American, he’d be a star quarterback. It doesn’t even matter that Jon can’t shake the “Captain Serious” nickname, because all of his stories end in championships.
Over here in the Western Conference, with my Stanley Cups…
Notice how full the prop snack bowls remain throughout. No one even snuck a pumpernickel chip out of the Chex Mix before this thing started.
Weakness? Never heard of it.
Sensing the interview coming to an end, Sid does what Sid always does: he finds another gear. He makes those short-sleeved forearms count. Next year, everyone will be wearing a polo – except Henrik, of course.
Thinking about tiny pockets.
In all seriousness, I love their answers, especially Sid’s, on the You Can Play campaign question. No one over-explains. They just speak with quiet confidence as if it’s a non-issue nd anyone who has a problem with it will have to answer to these guys. It must be great comfort to a player, present or future, thinking about taking that step.
Next up: Giroux, Seguin and Tavares. Or a lion, a tiger and a baby otter.
Don’t listen to them, John! (Okay, maybe a little.)
It’s here, it’s here! The most exciting, heartbreaking, hair-tearing, curse-hurling, cheering, crying, social-life-cancelling time of the year!
Affirmative.
To celebrate the start of a new season, SportChek had Sidney Crosby list 39 hockey terms every fan should know:
I bet they wrote 38 terms and Sid threw “Geno” in there himself.
Assuming you’ve got most of those, and hoping we’re past the use of “celly,” you’re ready for a great year. To make sure you spend that time with us, here are a few more:
WUYS-tionary: Glossary of Terms
Intern Jeff Skinner – The pain of Jeff’s indefinite concussion recovery is fresh and Niskanaen – of all people! – should have been suspended for the hit. But we know Jeff will be back soon, flashing dimples and figure skating moves, fetching our Mexicolas while trying not to Hulk out of last season’s t-shirts. We can’t run this place without him.
#AlsoCleaningtheBathroom – This is a new one, accidentally coined by @kimmerbajimmer. It refers to a game you’re watching just for that one player who got traded there, while also multitasking with chores. Example: Sam Gagner/Phoenix Coyotes.
When the Coyotes play their howl, I start singing “Thriller.”
Foxy Friday – Weekly feature and highly-coveted award, we stop each Friday to appreciate one player’s off-ice “talents.” Warning: Foxy Friday has magical powers, as players tend to have a really good game/week immediately upon selection. Suggest names with caution.
“I understood that reference!”
PUPPIES! (see also: resident boyband, #TeamEbs, #TeamHallsy) – Anyone near the age of “half your age + 7” (appropriate boyfriend cutoff) who plays for the Edmonton Oilers. They all have group photos as Twitter banners, people.
At Canadian Country Music Awards. In case this lineup wasn’t enough.
Related entry: Molly Ringwald – Ryan Nugent-Hopkins. Possibly the most random nickname we’ve ever bestowed, it stems from this post. The perfection of his eyebrows makes me loopy, okay?
Plaid Suit – The best accessory for walking to the locker room in pre-game b-roll, or making us appreciate a Flyer. Guaranteed to get our attention, and usually get you out of detention.
Style, even in sadness.
Glasses – see: Plaid Suit. Glasses even got a Foxy Friday.
Mario was the only one not falling for this.
Mikey Monday – Unweekly feature that waits, sometimes months, for Mike Green to have a great game and/or ride a scooter. Remember the nude colored belt? Those were the days.
One of my ever-faves from Jen.
Bromance – Best friends forever and ever, until they turn into each other. Or until someone gets traded.
This @DudePerfect thing on Monday going to be major.
Related entry: Seguinista – A female fan of Tyler Seguin. Chuck for President.
Phil Kessel Makeover Project (aka: Everywhere You Go Has Valet) – Like the charitable effort undertaken by Cher and Dionne in Clueless, or even the self-serving transformation in She’s All That, we aspire to nothing if not a movie-style makeover of the NHL’s most unfortunately unfashionable. Call us, Phil. We have a plan.
America’s Nest Top Model
Sidstache – It’s almost Novemeber, prepare yourself. Maybe Crosby will start a goal-scoring streak tomorrow and get a jump start?
:: throws coins/dollars/ATM card into fountain ::
Had to pause the TV for this one.
Disney Prince – Result of exhaustive investigation to prove animators are Penguins fans. Refers primarily to Kris Letang, Exhibit A:
Also Prince Caspian, not Disney or even animated.
Secondary findings suggest support of Sidney Crosby, Exhibit B:
Live-action Charming to be played by Robb Stark. Tailor-mice unable to make custom pants.
Toewsface – The moment a great face is turned into an action gargoyle, captured forever by cameras. So named for the founder and CEO of Derpface Enterprises. It even has a Tumblr.
I made this look good um….
Related entry: “I’m fun now!” – Used whenever Grumpy Cat Jonathan Toews surprises us with personality and/or wakeboarding in Spanx.
Tiny Pockets – Born as regular pockets, they are no match for what Sidney Crosby is carrying. Once seen frequently in the wild, these pockets have become a rare sighting since Crosby let selfies into his life.
Where does he put his keys?
Boyfriend Material – What all of Steven Stamkos’ shirts are made from. Follow their adventures with @alexis_b82‘s brilliant blog: Hey Girl, I’m Steven Stamkos.
One size fits all.
Boyfriend Shirt – Not to be confused with the above, this broadly applies to anything zip-front, henley or raglan. Basically what you’d borrow then never return, and/or the entire contents of Robert Bortuzzo’s closet.
Get well soon!
Gingerbeard – The Holy Grail of facial hair. Occurs on redheads, brunettes and blonds alike, making every five o’clock shadow a potential masterpiece. A huge contender in our annual #BeardWatch tussle.
Just one glorious example.
NOT THE FACE! – Instruction to every puck, stick or fist flying around the ice. Often shouted in our best impression of Hermione disarming a Death Eater.
Followed by a frantic Tweet.
Prayer Circle – Forms upon an exclamation of “Not the face!” or other injury. Used liberally, I’d like to think they work.
BC Sucks – This is your daily reminder that we went to BU. I didn’t live in the minimum security of Warren Towers’ dorm rooms or spend all my dining points on 2 AM Domino’s delivery with Chuck to turn a blind eye on our biggest rival. You might graduate from there, and we’ll like you. Heck, play for our NHL team and we’ll cheer for you. But BC still sucks.
This new fundraising campaign is a success.
What other common WUYS-speak have I forgotten? We’re a bit rusty after all the months! I’m sure there are a few gems, and many more to be created by the euphoria and despair that begin tonight.
As we embark on another NHL season, remember the most important rules for hockey fans:
If you read this blog with any regularity you know that Pants and I love us some Boston University (#ScarletAndWhiteForLife) – we are proud alumnae after all – and for the last few years, I’ve been a BU Hockey season ticket holder. (Section 112, represent).
While the focus of this blog is primarily the NHL, I like try to mix it up and occasionally espouse the joys of college hockey – it is after all where some of the games best players get their start.
This weekend, the Boston University Terriers began their 2014-2015 season with a 12-1 drubbing of St. Thomas University (from New Brunswick).
Yes, you read that correctly. 12 to 1. The Terriers scored a dozen goals. Okay, so maybe the St. Thomas University Tommies (natch) were they most stellar of the teams, but still. The only time I’ve ever seen a dozen of anything in a hockey rink is that time Pants and I got fined a dozen donuts for skipping an intramural broomball game.
This weekend also marked the debut of wunderkid Jack Eichel. Never heard of him? Well you soon will. That’s because he is projected to be the #1 draft pick in this year’s NHL Draft. (Last time #1 pick was a BU kid was Rick Dipietro in 2000 and we all know how that ended.)
Since making his name with the USA Hockey development program and winning gold at last year’s World Junior Championships, hockey pundits and NHL scouts have been touting the 17 year old Jack Eichel as the new face of American hockey.
“He’s the next Patrick Kane,” they say.
“The next Evgeni Malkin,” they say.
“The next Bill S. Preston, Esquire,” I say.
I’m typically not one to buy into all the hype until I’ve actually seen someone play, but after seeing Eichel this weekend, I can totally see that they were talking about.
In his first game in the scarlet and white, Eichel skated on the 1st line and had 5 assists. Watching him play, you know that the kid has that something, that intangible, undefinable hockey “thing”.
His skill was excellent and his skating explosive. Two strides and he was past the defender. Two more strides and he was through the neutral zone, puck on his stick, then a quick dish to his linemate for the score.
At 6’2″ and about 195 lbs, Eichel has the size to be a NHL player. A couple of years playing in a prestigious program like BU and in what is arguably the most competitive league in the college hockey will situate Eichel to make that jump to the NHL.
But Eichel is just one piece of the puzzle. This weekend, the Terriers dressed 10 freshman. New coach cleaned house in the off-season to build a team that fit into his coaching style and his ideals of what a student-athlete should be.
The Terriers – and college hockey- is all about potential. It is about the potential that these young men have to fulfill their childhood dreams and make it to the NHL.
Some, like Jack Eichel, will make it. Some will not. Maybe they’ll become coaches. Or scouts. Or simply return to their hometowns and become beer-league all-stars. Maybe some walk away from the sport all together after their college playing days are over and get married and raise a family. Whatever their path might be, these young men will be better men for having played college hockey.
So I guess the moral of this post is that if you happen live in an area that has college hockey, go and watch some games. The games are seriously affordable and highly entertaining. I seriously doubt you’ll be disappointed.
And if you’re lucky, the rink will sell beer like mine does.
