Foxy Friday: Robert Bortuzzo

I’ve had late-night work events followed by early mornings all week, haven’t even been home in three days and I started this post at 8 AM. Still nothing – nothing! – shall keep me from a Foxy Friday that is 10 months, two dinners and one KISS costume in the making.

Foxy Friday: Robert Bortuzzo


Photo by our favorite, Carmen Mandato!

You may recall that when Lindsay, Alison, Emma and I went to Pittsburgh in March, Borts was the mayor.  We saw him at dinner the first night.  Two days and two games later, not only did Borts show up at dinner again, he brought Crosby with him.  And made sure we saw Brandon Sutter.  And almost made Alison drop her drink.  Okay, that was me.  If he’d shaken our hands and asked for a campaign donation, I would have given him my whole purse.  We learned that Pittsburgh is a wonderful place and there are Penguins in every restaurant.  

Vote Bortuzzo.

borts stat

Is this heaven? No, it’s Thunder Bay.

Tall, dark and handsomely bearded, Robert Bortuzzo has quite the foxy competition on a team full of dorks in boyfriend shirts.  Yet I’d say he has cornered both markets.


That pullover counts every time.

Borts – who I really want to call “Rob” but it’ll never stick – and Beau Bennett spend all their free time visiting patients in hospitals. There are so many pictures they really must go every day.  What a pair.


Another of the many stories here.

Other areas where Robert Bortuzzo excels include charming children and babies [video]:

borts kids

Best babysitter ever

Holiday cross-dressing:

borts halloween1

Thigh-highs on 6’4″ Borts would be overalls on me.

Shirtless interviews (to highlight beard evolution, of course):


Videos from 10/20, 10/31 and 11/3 (is broken)



Just have him home by curfew.

Wearing a Red Sox hat:


We’re WUYS and we support this message.

Did I mention the hair/beard combo?


Curls for the girls

And the Red Sox hat?  He also loves waffles and The Sandlot.

 I mean, come on.

Despite all those talents, Rob is really best – and we mean best – at reaction faces. There’s no feeling you can’t express in a Bortuzzo internet jpeg.  Try it.

When your boss is explaining something completely wrong:

I am surrounded by idiots.

I am surrounded by idiots.

When this isn’t where you parked your car:

But I went in through Nordstrom, I swear.

But I went in through Nordstrom…

When that just really happened holycrapyouguys!

I hope someone Snapchatted that.

I hope someone Snapchatted that.

When you get the last deluxe copy of the new Taylor Swift at Target:

No bonus tracks for you suckers!

No bonus tracks for you suckers!

When you think you’re not the prettiest person in the room (but you really are):


Keeping up with the Kardashians

When Hockey Twitter is talking shit:

Amazing screencap from

I thought I unfollowed Rossi!

When the 2014-15 schedule says you don’t come to DC until late January:


My expression right now.

Borts is recently back from injury and we’ve been holding on this Foxy Friday for his return. He had a fight last night vs. Blake Wheeler, involving a lot of very long arms and a possible misunderstanding of velocity physics:


In his 77 NHL-game career, Bortuzzo has 2 goals, 13 assists and 108 penalty minutes. That’s one goal for every time we saw him in Pittsburgh.  Want more offense from your defense, Penguins?  The solution is obvious and we’ll work for tickets.


Waiting to see his name on the scoreboard.

If we may make a suggestion based on past levels of costume commitment, Rob looks a little like Sacha Baron Cohen (especially here).  It’s never too early to plan next Halloween.


We apologize in advance if this happens.

Our reaction shot is ready to go:


:: speechless ::

Follow Borts on Twitter @rbontuzzo21. Happy Friday!

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Leave a Reply

  1. Liz Reply

    I can’t seem to learn my lesson about reading WUYS posts during class. Absolutely lost it when I saw the Borts/Beau Playboy Bunny picture. ***awkward stares from everyone***

  2. “I thought I unfollowed Rossi” & “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” – DEAD!!! Your caption game has NO equal, Pants!!! 😀

  3. LauraPants Reply

    Oh he’s so precious. His face has been growing on me at a really significant rate lately, too.

  4. Randi Reply

    Sat next to the penalty box at a pens game last season and Borts spent most of his shifts in the sin bin. Not gonna lie it took every ounce of my being not to press my face against the glass.

  5. He stopped punching once he had Wheeler down, too, just held him there. Knowing when to stop is a good quality.

  6. I’m not normally a Penguins girl, but how you doin’, Borts?

    Good? Yea, because you look good.

  7. Babes Reply

    Not going to lie, if I watched hockey only for looks I would make demands that Borts rock no helmet and the camera stay on him. I have some ridiculous crush on him that causes me to become giddier than 10 year old me looking at Justin Timberlake.
    Now that I’ve expressed my love for his face, let me just say reaction faces for everything is so true.

    You guys are the best! This cheered me up tonight 🙂

  8. 1. That pic with the Nordstrom caption… *swoon*
    2. Clearly I need to watch the Sandlot, if Jamie Benn & Rob Bortuzzo are such big fans. Think they’d come over for movie night? I’ll get gourmet popcorn, boys.
    3. Must. Get. Summer place. In Thunder Bay. Dear lord, that is the land of milk and hotness, er, honey.

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