It’s true…at least according to the video voice over.
WARNING! Swooning will occur.
Duncan Keith is cooler than you.
And stronger.
With better hair.
And pectoral muscles.
Ladies, ask and ye shall receive.
This one’s for Lindsay and Carter, for no reason other than it’s Friday. And they got pretty excited last night. Something about “holding five puppies.”
Only kidding. But that’s a pretty epic derpface.
Jonathan, however, is not amused by my mockery.
He’s very busy wearing the shit out of that shirt. And this one:
Sam Kasan’s reports from Penguins practices are daily gold and you should never miss them. But today, it’s truly special [link].
In honor of Crosby being cleared for contact, he dedicates Weezer’s cover of Britney’s “(Hit Me) Baby… One More Time.” (Warning: it sounds a lot like the time I sang it, in costume, at a BU Halloween Party). And the James Neal caption below couldn’t have been better if we’d written it ourselves.
Word on the street is that Flower recently got engaged. Can we get an “awwwwwww?” Can he have all Pens groomsmen and swear at them as they approach the receiving line, like in the 24/7 shootout?
Can I carry the rings? No. Flowers. No. Can I have the bridesmaids? Maybe.
Please take a moment to enjoy the titles of NHL.com’s highlight reel from last night’s Penguins/Capitals game. Intentional or unintentional innuendo hilarity?
Since I’m sure you all heard me screaming, you know the Nealmobile scored two goals. The second on request – I literally said, “Please score!” and he did. Immediately. I like a man who knows how to listen. Post-game interview here.
Not to get too excited, but James Neal leads the NHL in goals. NBD.
Things got nasty when Jay Beagle popped Letang’s helmet off and earned himself a faceful of Aaron Asham’s fist. Beagle went down in two punches and a pool of blood (broken visor?), clearly stunned. Asham skated away mocking Beagle by miming he was “out” and feigning sleep. Asham apologized after the game for his “classless” grandstanding [link]. It was pretty gross – you’re a fighter, when you beat a guy, act like you’ve been there before. Beagle was helped off by Carlzner, and appeared to regain his senses on the way. No update on his condition yet.
The Caps killed a lot of penalties, plus Ovi got his first of the season. Two assists for Backstrom, who is still looking for his first goal. (He hasn’t scored in regular or post-season play since March 22.) I’m telling you, he’s going to bust out soon. Please don’t let this be the thing I’m wrong about!
In the end, the Caps won on a sweet OT goal from my fantasy teamer Dennis Wideman. Caps post-game interviews here and the hardhat…
Real or not real? Sidney Crosby cleared for full contact. I have tears in my eyes. Intern Jeff Skinner is wearing frequency-cancelling headphones but can still hear the screaming. My birthday continues unabated.
I’m wearing my Pens socks and had my Pens hat on this morning, but I should have just gone for the full jersey today.
You can read and watch here [link] but this is all you need to see:
And this is me, right now (click for real-time Pants impression).
I’ll contain the whooping for a moment. Sid’s not going to do anything bananas like play tonight against Washington – he’s obviously not there yet. But full contact practice and then see how things go… sorry, I just have to WHOOOOOOP!
Last night before the Pens home opener, look who got interviewed? My birthday indeed.
The Nealmobile also had a goal, along with Dupuis, Cooke and Park in the Pens 4-1 win over Florida. Tanger had another assist and leads the NHL in both points (6) and assists (5). And hair. Flower leads the League with 3 wins.
Duck, duck, goose.
Sid and Geno were introduced along with the rest of the players. The orange is a bold choice, but perhaps Geno really enjoys Halloween. He’s day-to-day with a lower body injury but Disco Dan does not seem worried.
Sid has a doctor’s appointment tomorrow (what am I, his mom?) and people are legit freaking out that he might get cleared for contact. He says the visit is routine but look at this smile. Crosby’s got game face but I think he might be a terrible liar [link].
Did I mention the Pens are atop the NHL with 7 points? What, is it too early to get excited? Here’s a Pens video about kids hockey that will make you tear up [link]. And the cover of the new Fourth Period magazine (out in a few weeks) to get you pumped:
Happy 26th Birthday, Mike Green! People born between October 11 & 12 are especially awesome, wouldn’t you agree? We should get today off work in DC, since we had to work Columbus Day.
Alleged discovery of North American continent? Who cares.
Obvious location of Mike Green World Domination HQ? Approved.
We could post the Cribs where Mikey talks about pickles, one of the may shots Mike blocked with his head, a slap-fight, a nude-colored belt or a Geico commercial. But personally, I prefer this all-time MG52 best video:
Ah, my favorite NHL bromance. In honor of this season’s first road trip to Pittsburgh, Caps Breakaway asked which player would be chosen first in a “Best Roommate” draft. Watch how much Mikey loves Nicky [link].
Here’s hoping that 26 bring Mike a return to the points total of two seasons ago, another Norris Trophy nomination and maybe even something past the second round of the playoffs.
Enjoy a real Greener highlight reel, including all 8 goals he scored into break the NHL record for consecutive games with goals by a defenseman (which he still holds).
Thanks for the birthday wishes and to Chuck for the birthday, er… show. Another great birthday show was was last night at the Capitals/Lightning game!
Points for all – except the big names. Each team had 10 players on the score sheet, without contributions from Ovi, Backstrom, Green, Semin (until the shootout), Stamkos, St. Louis or Lecavalier. (In his defense, Nicky B was everywhere – he’s going to bust out with a ton of goals any minute now.) But Tomas Vokoun couldn’t stop a mail cart coming through the crease and Roloson was only slightly better. It went to overtime at 5-5 where the Capitals took an incredibly dumb too-many-men bench minor ever – during overtime! WTH?! We were on the edge of our seats.
But just then, Vokoun figured out the secret of life. He stopped 4 Stamkos slapshots inside of a minute and Gator was losing her mind in the upper deck. The Caps killed the penalty, went to a shootout and won on goals from Hendricks and Sasha Fierce. I thought the Verizon Center was going to come down around us. It’s only October! People are that excited!
Sasha, so excited after his shoot-out ender…
In the post-game, Vokoun said the team “won without goaltending.” That’s pretty fresh. I’d rather you make some saves but at least you’re candid. It wasn’t pretty but it sure was exciting. And the Caps are in Pittsburgh on Thursday night… my couch, 7 PM.
From your partner-in-crime.
Stammer, Tazer, Greener, Sid, and Nealmobile have choreographed something very special for you.
You’re welcome.
I have decided that if the Blackhawks have Tazer Cats, the Capitals are going to have the “Cat-ipals” and who else to better represent them as a mascat than MARU. In Japanese, his name means circle and that is exactly what the Capitals will be running around their opponents this year so in honor of their opening win, my birthday and for sh%ts and giggles, and because I also think he looks a little like both Mike Green and Nicklas Backstrom, I give you the opening line of the Cat-ipals:
mesmerizing - huh? just like Ovi, he just keeps coming.
Is that a good enough reason to post? Gator says she can’t learn more about hockey if that’s all I ever talk about. So the Nealmobile is helping me out – while he did in fact cut his hair, he is also playing like a BEAST so I can demonstrate the importance of statistics. He’s such a helpful guy. Post-game interview from last night’s loss in EDM: link
Game Notes for Nealer on my fantasy team:
RW James Neal, although he was unable to score, continued his terrific two-way play. Neal took a team-high 12 shots, four of them reaching the net. He hit the post twice, scored in the shootout and was generally a menace, using his strong skating to create a number of turnovers in Edmonton territory.
– Yahoo! Sports
Nealer had the only Pens goal in the shootout, and has scored 4-of-5 shootout goals as a Penguin (including the one Chuck & I saw in Pittsburgh, christening the Nealmobile). So while the Pens didn’t win last night, but A for effort. And for helmet hair.
Gator and I had the best time ever at the Caps Home Opener on Saturday.
First of all, the warm-up skate. Mike Green, no helmet, cruising around like the Fresh Prince in Summertime – “Two miles an hour so everybody sees you.” Yes, he’s fresh from the barber shop and basketball courts in the summer got girls there. I am telling you this guy does his hair with a mascara wand.
Bonus Round: Troy Brouwer. Gator might be trading in both halves of Carlzer for the new guy. Welcome to DC!
And the Hurricanes. As I Tweeted, Eric Staal in person is a MAJOR AWARD. Carolina, you are now at the top of the WUYS Road Trip List.
And Intern Jeff Skinner is… such an intern. He can’t stop moving (not for a second) and just runs around the ice like a puppy who ate a whole birthday cake, grinning from ear to ear. We might have to start paying him for being so adorbs.
Then the game. EStaal gave my fantasy team 2 goals and 1 assist, and Intern Jeff Skinner had 3 assists. Show off! It wasn’t enough though because every Capital had a point. Sasha Fierce scored on this sick breakaway pass from iCarly [link]:
Brooks scored on a wrister from Ovi & Nicky [link], and Nicky had a couple of big hits in the game. Everyone was on the board and I said to Gator, “All we need now is a Mike to score on a pass from Nicky!” Right?! This whole “I control the universe” thing is getting a little out of control. The Canes tied the game with just 1:19 to play and then in overtime, this happened:
From stam-bam-thankyou-maam.tumblr.com
Yes, that’s Mike with the OT winner from Nicky just like I ordered. And Wideman for the fantasy team bonus!. In real life it looked like:
I tackled Gator. It was pandemonium and Mike was First Star AGAIN. That’s two games in a row! GAME OVER, thank you very much. Mikey post-game interview here. Post game Pants & Gator:
Tonight, it’s Stammertime. We won’t even know which way to look.
This whole grad school business is going to seriously cut into my hockey watching time.
Class this semester is on Thursdays, which means that I’m going to have to tape alot of games this year, only to watch them when I get home at 9:30pm.
Chuck no likey.
Yesterday, I taped the Bruins game (natch) and couldn’t race home fast enough to watch my beloved Killer Bs raise their championship banner.
Two words. Goose. Bumps.
I’m not an overly sentimental person (except at Pants’ wedding when she danced with her dad. Me = hot mess), but last night, I was all dewy-eyed and loved up over the Bruins’ banner ceremony.
The old generation (1972 Bruins) passing the proverbial torch to the new generation (2011 Bruins). 93 year old yet spritely Milt Schmidt arm-in-arm with Bobby Orr just made me all happy.
It was a well-done, exhilarating, and classy production.
Legendary.
Pants and I couldn’t have done it better ourselves.
Enough with the lovefest! Let’s play some HOCKEY!
And play we did.
Despite the loss, the fact is that there are 81 games left. Still a lot of season left to play.
Five other facts from last night’s Bruins/Flyers match up.
1) Timmy’s smile is infectious. Like ebola.
2) Pierre Maguire looks like a muppet.
meep meep meep
3) Brad Marchand shall now be known as Squirrel. He’s right squirrely that one. Quick. Nimble. Darting in and out of the Flyers’ defense. Collecting hockey pucks like acorns.
SQUIRREL!
4) Jaromir Jagr has been in the NHL since he was a fetus (okay, since he was 18), but dude can still play. Jagr + Giroux + van Reemsdyk could be a nasty combination this season. Flyers coach said that Jagr will come back to the rink AFTER having already practiced that day to work out again. Really? Way to make everyone else in the hockey world look straight up lazy.
Toews, Letang, Nash ain't got nothing on my workout videos.
5) Our boy Tyler Seguin looked very mature on the ice. Making breaks, smart plays, crisp passes to his BFF Marchand. But he’s only 20. Still plenty more of this yet to come.
…
Did the sky fall?
I know what you’re thinking – there’s some kind of Upstate NY voodoo hypnosis going on or Kaner figured out how to roofie via Twitter. But I’m going to go ahead and say it: Damn, Patrick. Best use of off-season.
Kaner had wrist surgery in July and is back on the ice, possibly playing 2nd line center. He was the #1 overall draft pick in ’07 and won the Calder for Rookie of the Year in ’08 (beating out Toews and you know he brings it up every day). Patrick also scored the Stanley Cup-winning goal in ’10 and for a hot second was the only person in the world who knew the Hawks had won.
He’s from Buffalo, has a lot of sisters (okay 3), has been in trouble with the law (don’t Google it, please) and falls somewhere on the height chart just between me & Chuck. It’s okay – I like to wear flats.
The Hawks posted a PKane workout video, in which he borrows the longjohns I wear under my ski pants (I was looking for those!). Ignore his Rivera reference because the Yankees lost… mwhahaha.
So I submit this all-inclusive Kaner video into evidence: adorable, cheesy, working hard in leggings. What more proof do you need?
You knew it was coming. Captain Serious cannot be outdone in any category (especially his own category) – he was just saving the best for last. Taking a (really too obvious but keep doing squats and we don’t care) page from 24/7, Blackhawks TV once again brings you the best hockey programming around. Carter, Lindsay and you (yes, you) – enjoy:
Blackhawks Fitness Testing Video [link]
Blackhawks Stretching & Weights Routine[link]
Of course JT isn’t the only one working hard. Hammer can be my Field Day partner – check out that one-legged long jump distance. Duncan Keith’s quad is the size of my waist:
Seabrook’s hair is a World Wonder:
And Kaner owns this balance measure… he once used it as a sobriety test.
We see you, lady at the table. Eyes on his feet!
The Hawks kick off the season tonight in Dallas. The game is on NHL Center Ice, so if you want to come over just bring pizza.
My pretty pony comes up with the shoot out score!
I told Mr. Cherrie, the Penguins have won because everyone knows Lou goes down. And even Kevin Weeks is in love with Kris Letang – “He’s silky…” WTF? Does he know something we don’t? Oh well, I’ll share him.
Dawn isn’t Asian.
NEALMOBILE for the first goal of the Penguins season! Get it, baby. It’s going to be a great year.
"Pants was Tweeting about you before you scored." "That's so nice! She's great."
"She thinks she controls the universe." "I hope she's right, since she likes me."
"It's a little more serious - she named her car after you." "Oh. Now this is awkward."
Stop, you can’t even! James Neal is trending WORLDWIDE. How many Tweets did I write?!?!
As the new season kicks off, there will be no shortage of times we say BEST. THING. EVER. So I’m making it a category, in case you want to keep track of the little things that don’t require much except a moment to appreciate their tiny spectacularity (yes, I’m making up words too).
Random Favorite Thing #1
Stamkos and the double exclamation point:
Go ahead, check the Twitter. There are so many more.
He’s back…and he’s ready for some puck, ya’ll.
Pre-game meal.
Check out his new video, co-starring Brad “Motoscooter” Marchand here.
Also, notice what is on top of Bear’s “Cup”.
That ain’t no colander…