Back when we listed the most common playoff beard types, you may recall we included the “Maybe Don’t” category. This is the circular file where well-intentioned and enthusiastic efforts are stored until perfect attendance awards are handed out. ‘A’ for effort and all that. Since then we have admired the burgeoning beauty of many beards.
Now that the playoffs are three weeks old, it’s time to show cards on a few manscapes that are struggling to make the cut.
When John Carlson scores a goal, I get irrationally happy. When that goal is assisted by Karl Alzner, I yell, “Apples to Apples!” and jump around the room. Can we get this guy a clear mouth guard?
Sadly iCarly’s goal was not enough as the Caps lost an epic triple-overtime game to the Rangers. I have a new downstairs neighbor (bad timing!) and will probably get an angry call from my landlord today (don’t care!) about the noise. And the language. But I don’t plan to settle down anytime soon.
You all thought this was in, right? I threw my arms up… and Mr. Pants ended up wearing some wine. Oops.
By the end of the second overtime, I was emotionally exhausted. I can’t imagine how the players on either team felt, dragging around like anchors on a ship. They never cease to amaze me – no one who went down for a shot block decided to take a nap or curled up against Nicky B and closed their eyes. I know most of you were thinking about it.
This Caps team looks confident, strong and, as they have since the playoffs started, they look like a TEAM. Even Mike Green loved us back last night with five shots on goal. Bring on Saturday! Give us more of Braden Holtby’s adorable parents in the stands!
I have to say the Rangers also played a heck of a game, of course. Ryan McDonagh had over 53 minutes. WOW. Ginger Staal had 49-plus. Bless their hearts if they can even get out of bed today.
Paulina Gretzky did male hockey fans a favor by getting frisky all over Instagram this week. If you heard DC’s Elliot in the Morning today, it was a gem. But it’s a little unfair, don’t you think? They get bikinis and we get beards?
Ladies, don’t worry. Sweden never lets us down.
No really, they help everybody.
We would much rather see this face in the playoffs, but I’m coping much better with the Blackhawks off-season by knowing that Viktor Stalberg must have a cameo in Marvel’s The Avengers. I bet he’s defeating evil and restoring justice to a world where everyone has access to whitening toothpaste.
Check out which of your favorite NHL players have joined their national teams for the IIHF World Championships here. The tournament competition starts May 4 and you can follow it here.
Whatever you’re doing right now, it’s not as much fun as watching Viktor Stalberg speak Swedish [video]. I need him (or Hammer, below) to teach me to correctly pronounce all the names in The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest.
WHEW! With a must-watch hockey game every night, how is everyone doing? I’m skipping the gym and am way behind on Game of Thrones. Poor Chuck is trying to graduate from grad school! We must remember to revel in it now because when it’s over, it’s over. Then you can get a tan, learn Swedish, run Tough Mudder and whatever else I’m you’re doing this summer.
(Hahaha, sorry but I had to!)
Meanwhile, back in the playoffs…
These jerks again! I hate and fear the Flyers in equal measure right now. And every time I see Danny Briere’s face… everyone cover him! But that would leave no one to cover the playoffs leading point-scorer (Giroux) or Philly’s season leading goal-scorer (Hartnell)! Game 1 was great – a strong sign for the Devils who had about 10 minutes off between rounds 1 and 2. Still, this is exactly how the Pittsburgh series started. Tonight we’ll see what the Devils bring in game 2.
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The screaming. The newly-coined 4 letter words. The way Mike Green refuses my love and plays WORSE than before! Last night was solid, physical, frantic. The Rangers were using Green as a bounce house and Mike Knuble was winning footraces. Ovi played for the blink of an eye (read the decoy theory here and here) but scored the GWG. For a crash-course in this series, check out a great piece from Puck Daddy. At least I’m burning a lot of calories watching this stuff. Game 3 in DC tomorrow night.
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I enjoy a series where both mascots are clearly defined (What is a Capital, exactly? A Ranger?) and have fangs. Phoenix won game 1 in OT, but weren’t thrilled with their 24-shot performance. Coyotes’ hot-glove goalie Mike Smith stopped 39 of 42 shots. So they came back in game 2 with a 39-shot effort that yielded 5 goals. Give Smith that kind of support and he may be unbeatable. Chuck is all for the Predators, but they’re going to need a big game when the series moves to Nashville on Wednesday night.
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Chuck’s adopted 2012 team is the LA Kings (she’s with Dawn), who had a goal-splosion last night to win game 2 by a score of 5-2. Mike Richards rang the bell just 31 seconds in, then LA got 3 in the last 6 minutes of the first period. More points for everyone named Dustin! Jonathan Quick doesn’t care what seed you are, world. The Kings take their 2-0 series lead back to LA Thursday night with the best momentum of any team still playing.
I can’t make any honest Round 3 predictions with a team still in the race, but I’d love to hear yours. What are you most impressed with, what scares you most? Who have you come to love or hate? (Or both, and you can’t say Giroux because that’s my answer!)
The Blame Mike Green Train has left the station with all NBC announcers aboard. I hope it derails (off a bridge) and only Liam McHugh’s career survives.
Don't hate him because he's...
Mike had a rough day Saturday. He was -2 with no points and only 1 shot. He fanned on a couple of power play set-ups from the point. His defense was the worst part – Anisimov danced around him for the first goal, then a turnover caught Mike on a line change and he chased Kreider like that chick in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade who falls to her death trying to reach the Holy Grail.
Criticism is warranted. Mike has not been a factor (1 G, 1 A, both in losses) in these playoffs. But when Mike Milbury rips on someone I get the urge to punch a cartoon character. Jeremy Roenick and Keith Jones were on about it again Sunday during intermissions. They also seemed shocked that Sasha Fierce took two bad penalties. That one made me laugh out loud.
'You too, buddy?'
I understand they can’t watch every team all season. I also hope Caps fans don’t take their word for it and forget to have a little faith. Hell, we’ve been living off it all season! Green has not been great. Neither have Ovi, Wideman or half a dozen other players. We got by Boston in a true team effort, but we’ll need a little showstopper action to beat New York. Pooh Bear, Piglet and Co. better find their way out of the Hundred Acre Wood. I expect more and hope to see it tonight in Game 2.
It's like a glorious bird's nest. I also love the beard.
Ugh, I’m so optimistic! I even like Ovi’s goatee for heaven’s sake. One good series and I feel like we can take on the world. Caps, please don’t let me be the only one!
Photos courtesy of the lovely & talented Sonia Jin (@lihui815) and there are more here. Thank you!
Captain Fill-in-the-Blank, fearless leader of the Chicago Blackhawks, is celebrating a birthday. Do you think he eats cake? I think he does today. A whole cake, in front of the TV, yelling at the Flyers/Devils game sounds about right. I might do the same – you know, in solidarity. Then we can go to the gym.
The Toews Fan Club meets here every time I post about him, so there’s not much else to say. Stanley Cup, Conn Smythe, Gold Medal, a lake named after him… he’s had a good 23 years, 365 days. The Hawks season is over (*sniff*) but Jon and his team will be back in October t0 go again. Here’s this year’s Last Day of School interview [link].
I know it’s sad, but hopeful too. It’s the Stalberg one that nearly made me cry (talk about cake…). Now chin up, y’all. Once you get past the loss, summer is not so bad…
Last year’s Birthday Boy: Jonathan Toews post, just for fun (and more photos).
It’s astonishing that we’ve never Foxy Friday-ed Zach Parise before. He is the epitome of what your mother hopes you bring home someday – handsome, talented, and he can read. Seriously, he does charity work for the NJ library system. To dislike Zach Parise is to hate reading, and your mother would be very disappointed.
You already know that Zach is American, because he scored the gold medal game-tying goal at the 2010 Olympics in Vancouver. Remember that game all your friends were watching, screaming at the TV and saying “hockey is so great!”? You resisted throwing Doritos and politely reminded them you’ve been saying this for twenty years.
Well, that’s how I remember it.
No doubt you heard a hundred thousand hockey fans collapse from exhaustion just after midnight when the Devils finally scored in double OT to beat the Florida Panthers and advance to the second round. I couldn’t watch the game, but you guys were stressing me out just via Twitter. I’m sorry I missed it!
Celebrating the singe-OT winner in Game 6.
Parise has played seven seasons for the Devils. He missed most of ’10-’11 with a knee injury then signed a one-year contract in July 2011 to avoid salary arbitration. In October he was named team captain, but has not signed a long-term deal and would become an unrestricted free agent on July 1.
The team has openly said that signing Zach is their top off-season priority, while right now everyone is focused on winning [New York Times]. It’s a tough situation when every win only makes Parise more attractive to other teams – teams with salary cap space and early-ended playoff dreams of their own, like Ottawa and Florida [BleacherReport.com].
“He’s the heartbeat of our team,” head coach Pete DeBoer said. “When your captain is your hardest-working player, he drags people with him, and that’s a great situation to be in as a coach.” [NJ.com]
Off the ice, Zach enjoys golf (we enjoy driving the cart) and cribbage (don’t know what that is, willing to learn) His favorite movie is The Count of Monte Cristo, and we assume he’s also read the book. Just watch this interview… but don’t show it to your mom. You will never hear the end of, “When is that nice Zach boy coming over for dinner?”
I’m sorry, but ‘Press Your Luck?!’ The Gravitron?! I haven’t been thrown up on in one of those since day camp. Come on, my mom will drive us to the fair!
Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Your Last Name Here, it's so nice to meet you.
The Devils open their series vs. the Flyers on Sunday at 3 PM. After what happened in round one, you can guess what I would like Zach & Co. to do to Philadelphia.
I wish you guys could have seen me last night. In a bar with twelve tables, eleven were filled with Bruins fans. My dad and I, in my Backstrom shirt, were at the other. The waiter didn’t bother to ask, he just kept the beers coming.
When Joel Ward scored, I jumped out of my chair and shrieked like we were at Verizon Center. Me, on my feet and screaming, in a room of forty Bruins fans. I wasn’t rubbing it in. I was honest-to-God losing my mind.
I want to ask this team where they have been all season. I want to know what Hunter says (or doesn’t say) to Ovi when he only plays 16:25. I want to hug every one of them, starting with Mike Knuble and then Matt Hendricks.
This post-game interview says it all. Ward hasn’t had a great season. Hey buddy, who has?! When it counts the Capitals are suddenly consistent and committed. [Video]
And to anyone that felt a racist comment was the right reaction to Ward’s game winning goal, you can go straight to hell. [link] I don’t care what team you root for because no one wants your disgusting behavior acted out in their name.
Back to the party. Thank you, Capitals, for finally believing the way your fans have believed all season. Nothing worth having is ever easy, and you sure put us all through the wringer. This series, and that goal, and this goalie…. thanks for making everything worth it.
Here we come, Round Two!!
PS: Sorry to Chuck, and all our Bruins fan friends. We know how you feel. It was a such a great series that I will hate the Bruins with a new passion for the rest of my life. Funny how that works, eh? Think of all the fun we’ll have next year because you hate the Caps just as much.
Happy Birthday - Kris Letang! It's all Pants' fault!
Since Pants loves to blame her Caps obsession on me, I can only return the favor by blaming my Kris Letang obsession on her. I would have NEVER known about ANY Pittsburgh Penguin EVER if she hadn’t e-mail bombed me relentlessly photos of Kris Letang. And now I am helpless, helpless I tell you.
Um ... did I just see what I thought I saw?
So a WUYS HAPPY 25th BIRTHDAY to truly one of Hockey’s greatest, foxiest, sexiest, most awesome players of the game.He never let’s us down. He’s dependable, hard-working, comes through in a clutch (game scoring OT winner with a concussion and broken nose – anyone?)
He’ll drop the gloves and go toe to toe. Although we don’t want that beautiful face to suffer – please – but I have to admit, a black eye is a little hot! Pittsburgh proved they can win without Sid but they can’t without Letang. He’s earned his spot on the roster the old fashion way – hard work.
Seriously ... how does anyone resist ALL THIS?
So while I honestly do wish they were still playing, here’s to Tanger taking a long, HOT summer vacation because that means more shirtless photos! And hopefully another work out video!
If you insist, I'll vacation somewhere warm - again. Just for you.
Happy birthday sex hair! And thanks for not cutting it this year. I was a little worried there.
So the Kings making it past Vancouver was like this happening …
But my friends once in a blue moon dreams do come true! So taste the rainbow Kings fans!
And it was all because of the guy with the most AWESOME hair this side of the Mississippi! And I can attest from seeing it in person. HOLY CRAP! It deserves a post of its own – hell, it deserves a facebook page of its own. Le-swoon. Plus, who knew Jarret Stoll was snaggin’ hotties under the radar like this?
yes, that's super model Rachel Hunter with the newly dubbed, west coast - 'bigboy hair'
But what’s really important is what he does on the ice which is this:
But I’ll be honest, it’s nice that under all that is this too :
For a few days after something bad happens, you don’t want to be cheered up. You want to drown in a cocktail shaker or eat an entire wedding cake. If you’re me, you picked a bright orange heavy bag and kickboxed the crap out of it a la Captain America.
Then life goes on. Other teams win and lose, and to keep me from slipping out of reach after last night’s Blackhawks loss, I need a moment to thank the Penguins for a great season.
Prom Night 2012. They obviously tried to take the photo before Letang showed up, but no such luck. The man even looks good in a ponytail.
The waiting was the hardest part. I held my breath a lot, exhaling mostly in the form of cheers for for Malkin and Neal and all those beautiful points. When Crosby was finally back for good, all I could do was sigh.
At the end, the Penguins went a little haywire. Their top-of-the-line hardware should run like a fighter jet, but somewhere in the programming the machine became human. Their system fell apart in the first three games vs. Philly and couldn’t recover. But like the computer you’re on right now, you don’t throw it away when it malfunctions. You smack it and threaten to chuck it out the window, but really you just shut down, wait a minute and reboot.
Or you go on summer vacation.
To send the Pens off, here are a few things we demand to see this summer.
We Want: James Neal in Glasses
Nealmobile once came a contact lense away from a career-ending eye injury [link]. He could have been finger painting like Doug Dorsey! Thank God for small miracles. Where there are contacts, there are glasses, and some super sleuth found them in NHL36:
The old adage “boys don’t make passes at girls who wear glasses” is not at all true for girls. We LOVE your glasses (without ever seeing you wear them). In fact, how dare you deprive us? Mike Green would never do that. Since it’s only April and you’re gone, at least give us this.
We Want: Geno’s T-Shirt Collection
We didn’t get enough hilarity out of Geno’s wardrobe this year. The man alternately shops at Charlotte Russe and the Hustler Store, which can only mean one thing: we can’t wait to see what he’s wearing at the high-roller table in Vegas when he picks up that Hart Trophy.
We Want: Niskanen and Sullivan
Matt Niskanen’s (RFA) middle name is Norman for heaven’s sake. Sullivan (UFA) fits in on any line and plays like he’s in his twenties. Sign them now.
We Want: Workout Videos
Show us how hard you’re working, how dedicated you are to the new season. That’s what these videos are about, right? Last year we posted Kris Letang’s [link] and you guys all disappeared for a week. Maybe this year, James Neal won’t be ignored in the Camp Biosteel videos.
I think that’s everything we need for the next five months. Players eat their Wheaties and do their squats while we save up cash for tickets and merch. See you all in Septemb… hahahaha. RIGHT.
We Want:
Crosby, where are the rest of these pictures?
Caption removed for inadequacy.
And even this.
Neal's going to need a lot of help putting on that SPF 75.
I was at the Universal Studios Orlando theme park today and in the Dr. Seuss store, I found this:
Coincidence? Or the only explanation for this:
Mike scored a goal yesterday, for the first time since October 22. I yelled something inappropriate while watching the game with my dad. He just laughed. It didn’t matter in the end, which made me yell something even more inappropriate. Game seven is Wednesday. Do or die, nothing else to say.
After this weekend, the heat intensified over how Brendan Shanahan decides suspensions and disciplinary action. But for us women, there’s no secret. After the Campbell empire of nepotism and favoritism crumbled there was hope for a clean start. But after almost a year in the position it looks like The Plastics are back with 2.0 edition.
Here is Shanahan and Bettman at a press conference discussing the recent Torres suspension:
This is what it must be like behind closed doors when they are deciding on disciplinary action. “Well Brendan, you have the physique of a 20 year old Zack Parise shooting down the cold freshly zambonied ice on a winter classic day with a crazed Shea Weber chasing you trying to smash you head into the boards.”
shanahan simply calls it in
“Oh it’s Shea Weber? He’s popular and cute, did he hurt any one? Not really? Oh shiny objects …What were we talking about again? How manly I am? Yes. I am pretty Bad Ass. Fine him. Next. Make-up! Make sure I’m not shiny like that last video. And my hair – PLEASE!”
ask henrik if this was worth $2,500 bowl full of crazy
“Who? Bits? P-iddy? My kids love him. I went to his White party in the Hampton’s. Really – Bitzs – Oh. don’t care. West coast? SRSLY. Two games and no video and just copy what ever I said last time this happened. Rinse-n-repeat.”
My point is, discipline should be like justice, blind, fair and across the board. A hit should be judged on its own. Not if someone is hurt, not if someone is a popular or famous player, but as a stand alone on its own merits – as it were. This is simply not happening. I realize people are human but come on.
And don’t use Matt Cooke is the poster boy for this system – it was the Penguins who sat him down and said it’s your job or you’re out. That was the reason he change, NOT Shanahan or the new system.
Chuck and I are not talking about the Bruins/Caps series. At all.
It’s actually working out, as we restrict ourselves to screaming at televisions and telling our problems to bartenders, strangers and anyone unlucky enough to gchat us. I have discovered a hatred for the Bruins that I never knew existed, and I can only assume she feels the same about the Capitals. Good thing we don’t have to care about each others’ teams like this in the regular season.
I’m on vacation in Florida and by the third period of yesterday’s game, my entire family was inside yelling at the TV. Even my mom, who asked, ‘What inning is it?”, declared that Holtby was playing really well and she enjoys all the hugging. I think she and Joel Ward would get along famously (seriously, in this photo gallery he is hugging everyone).
Yesterday’s game gave me fits, because at times it looked like the Caps of January and February – blown lead, spotty defense, a llama in ice skates where Ovechkin should be. But they held on hard and got the late lead with this bullet:
Brouwer scores, assist from iCarly, and we call an ambulance to check on Gator.
So here we stand. The Capitals are up 3-2 with the chance to clinch today in DC. I’d be there if I could, but instead I’ll be at the pool bar, Backstrom shirt over my bathing suit, enjoying the discount beer refills and trying to keep my four-letter words to a minimum. Not too bad, right? Now I just hope I have to find someone to hug.
If I were ever on a sinking ship, I’d want to look across the deck and see Jonathan Toews in charge of the lifeboats because you know everyone is getting to safety in a single file line holding their toothbrush and enough money to call home.
"Toes the Day? I don't get it."
I do go on about Tazer, particularly the game seven-tying goal against Vancouver in the first round last year. I can’t help it if he scores this by sheer force of will! The Blackhawks didn’t even win, but aside from Parise’s gold medal game-tying goal, I can’t remember being so impressed in a losing effort.
The Hawks and Coyotes went to OT for the fifth straight game last night, tying the NHL record [link]. Between the stress and the lack of sleep these games are causing, I may need to be hospitalized for exhaustion. If you fell asleep before the game-winning goal, well…
Hold on, Pants is going to post this.
This goal is not the singular heroic physical effort of last year, but it finds the back of the net because Toews has patience. Two strides, one look, puck in the net. Game six in Chicago on Monday night.
The moral of the story is: never, ever count Jonathan Toews out. Sometimes he just seems to decide the Hawks won’t lose [post-game interview]. Of all the current NHL captains, he’s the one I’d want for my team – or my ship.
Side note: Stalberggeddon
Viktor Stalberg, WTF? He took all four of the Hawks penalties last night. Luckily the only thing worse than Stalberg’s game was the Phoenix power play, and it didn’t cost Chicago any goals. The Hawks are short-handed up front in the absence of Marian Hossa, but I was still surprised to see Quenville putting Stalberg back out there every few shifts. Luckily he got the sole assist on the Toews OT goal. Stalberg had 10 points in the last 12 regular-season games and the Hawks could really use that now. Come on, Foxy Friday!
Everyone knows I LOVE GOALIES! And one who gets kisses from Drew Doughty on a regular basis would be high on my list!
Care for a three-some guys?!
But this ain’t the only reason he’s FOXY!
Jonathan Quick is a baby-face bad-ass! He’s a strong contender for this year’s Vezina Trophy, was a member of the USA’s Olympic Team who won a silver medal in the 2010 and is the ONE reason the LA Kings are in the play-offs this year.
He is the Merlin to the Kings’ royal court. HE IS PURE MAGIC.
Even the puck lives in fear of Quick.
YOU SHALL NOT PASS!
His wife is sister to NY Islanders’ Matt Moulson’s wife! Talk about six degrees of the Secret Lives of Hockey Wives! (BEST SHOW EVER/GUILTY PLEASURE! – get it on DVD – NOW!)
Say hello to your 'motha for me!
Quick was the Kings’ All-Star gift to the hockey gods.
How does this go on again?
He has confounded the Sedin-bot Twins in the play-offs and flummoxed Kesler. He kept his cool when Burrows was rifling shots at him and Edler was flopping on him like a seal sunbathing at high-noon!
oops - how'd I get in there?
A goalie is your last line of defense, your best penalty killer and as Obvious-Guy says, your best player or your biggest chump!
don't let that smile fool you, he won't let you score!
So as Steven Colbert believes in his “bump” here’s ours FOXY FRIDAY BUMP!
Check us out every Thursday through out the NHL Playoffs on Puck Daddy!
April 19, 2012 –This early in the Stanley Cup Playoffs, beards are like second-round berths and regulation wins – shiny hopes and dreams. It’s barely Week 2 and, at best, most players are sporting only peach fuzz or the beard equivalent of an off-season weekend bender.
Some have already grown all they’ll ever manage.
But a few prime specimens have begun to emerge as top contenders for the coveted Beard of the Year award. Can they go all the way? Or will they be forced, defeated and follicle-free, to the back nine before they have reached their full potential?
There are lots of things that I love about playoff hockey.
And although I’m a little disappointed with all the nasty play and dirty hits and the lack of respect that some players *coughraffitorres* have shown for their fellow players, there is something about this time of year that makes my heart just fill up with joy and excitement.
I love that I acutally have the opportunity to watch teams that I otherwise never get to see. Like the Nashville Predators, for instance.
For years, I’ve been indifferent to them. I didn’t hate them, nor did I love them. They were just there. Existing in a Western Conference world that I just never visited.
I respect Barry Trotz and his loyalty immensely. I give props to the organization being patient and slowly building an organization and a team that can compete with the big dogs of the NHL. I makes me happy to see that the fans in Nashville have embraced this team and the sport of hockey.
The Preds have made the playoffs 7 out of their 13 years of exsitance and last year, they even won their 1st ever playoffs series, defeating the Anaheim Ducks in the first round. Also that season, they had 16 regular season sell-outs and 6 sell-outs during the playoffs.
Well played, Music City.
We love hockey almost as much as we love country music!
Well, last night, I had the chance to watch the Preds take on the Wings in game 3 of their series. Although the Preds are seeded #4 to the Wings’ #5, you know this is going to be a tough series, but I’m really liking the Preds chances in this one.
Pekka Rinneis a freak of nature a la Zdeno Chara and should not be as atlethic and quick as he is.
He is 6’5″! He’s a goalie! It boggles the mind.
So very tall.
Martin Erat is playing well. Paul Gaustad and David Legwand are well over 50% in face-off wins. Shea Weber and Ryan Suter are doing a great job of shutting down Zetterberg, Datsyuk and all the other offensive talent that the Wings have. They are arguably one of the best defensive pairings in the NHL. (Chara & Seidenberg are the best. Sorry, I’m biased)
They have some great young players, especially Gabriel Bourque, who scored this beaut last night.
KNEE DROP. SNIPE.
It also helps that the Predators have two Boston University Terriers on their roster – Brandon Yip and Foxy Friday honoree, Colin Wilson. As a tried and true Terrier, my blood runs scarlet and white and seeing two very talented former college players from my alma mater get the chance to play in the NHL makes me appreciate this team even more.
So for the remainder of their playoff run, I’ll be rooting for the blue and gold, much to Gator’s dismay. She’s already mad at me because of the Bruins/Caps series and now this one, too.
What can I say? I’m digging the Predators.
Perhaps I’ll have to invest in NHL Center Ice next year, after all….
