The Bruins misunderstood something this week. I didn’t say, “Seguin. Trade.”
I said, “Seguin. Cake!”
Only because I couldn’t find a cake big enough to put Rick Nash in.
Don’t worry, Chuck. We’ll think of something. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Yesterday was America’s birthday. There were barbecues, patriotic music, fireworks, waving flags…and one very big trade.
Yesterday, the Bruins decided to have their own pyrotechnic display when they traded former 1st round draft pick Tyler Seguin, Rich Peverley, and prospect Ryan Button to the Dallas Stars for Loui Eriksson and three prospects – Joe Morrow, Reilly Smith, and Matt Fraser.
Yea, girl. That’s exactly what I said.
At first, I was confused and perplexed. Did the Bruins really just give up their #2 draft pick and ship him off to the Lone Star State?
During the recent NHL Draft, I had a feeling that something might be brewing. After Bruins’ GM Peter Chiarelli called him out, you could tell that the organization wasn’t feeling Seguin and his utterly disappointing post-season performance.
Chiarelli called into question Seguin’s professionalism and work ethic – but what he was essentially saying is Tyler Seguin needed to stop being Tyler Seguin and start being more like Patrice Bergeron.
But no way did I actually think that the Bruins would trade away one of their most popular players so quickly. I thought for sure that they give him a year to get his ish together, grow up a bit, and then go from there.
okay…so maybe I take that back…
After the initial shock wore off and the eyebrow crinkling ceased, I took to the interwebs to obtain the knowledge I needed to fully understand why something like this might happen.
What I’ve concluded is simple – it’s all about the benjamins.
Seguin is set to begin a six-year, $34.5 million contract next season. Peverley is in the midst of a contract that carries an average annual value of $3.25 million through the end of the 2014-15 season. Eriksson’s contract runs through end of 2015-16 season and has an average annual value of $4.25 million.
You know that WUYS don’t do no math but basically what I’ve been able to deduce using my fingers, toes, and abacus, is that the Bruins will save around $4 million in cap space. With the salary cap decreasing next season, the Bruins needed to reduce salary to re-sign Tuukka and Bergeron, which let’s face it are a more integral part of the team’s success than Seguin. Bruins also are in need of a winger with the departure of Horton and Jagr. With this trade, they now have about $9 million to work with.
Even with addition of the 27 year-old Eriksson, the Bruins are still way light at wing. I’d bet good money they use some of that $9 mil surplus to sign a winger off of the free agent market. Just a few names up for grabs – Ignila, Clarkson, Ryder, Clowe, Cleary. It will just be a matter of finding the best fit, both financially and organizationally. To play on this team, you have to be a certain kind of player.
Now while I understand why something like this happened, it doesn’t mean that particularly thrilled about it. I feel like it is the Joe Thornton Conundrum all over again.
I like Seguin and I think he’s enormously talented, if a bit undisciplined. Maturity takes time to develop. Not all players are Bergeron and Landeskog who come into the league already acting like they’re 30. I kind of have this feeling that Bruins are abandoning Seguin at a time when all he really might need is a swift kick in the ass and a dressing down by Cam Neely. Then maybe he’s wake up and pull it together.
On the other hand, maybe they have given Seguin that dressing down. Maybe they have given him that chance and still nothing changed. As fans, we may never know the truth.
So for now, I wish Seguin the best of luck in Dallas and look forward to the first instagram photo of him wearing a cowboy hat.
Holy Hannah. Every time I refresh Twitter, someone has been given a zillion dollars! Since we have all summer to look at the crazy things NHL teams are doing, let’s start with our own favorites.
Ladies and gentlemen, the Pittsburgh Penguins:
While I enjoy a gleeful shopping binge every once in a while, the bill always comes. Death and taxes, you know. Except not taxes – at least not luxury taxes on the salary cap because that’s not allowed in the NHL. So where are the Penguins putting their money, and will there be any left for lunch?
Kris Letang – 8 years, $58 million
Okay handsome. We see you back there on the blue line, looking fabulous… while not holding the blue line. That is a problem for which the remedy had better be $7.25 million/year. Kris tied for the lead in points by a defenseman last season (38). He was 10th in the entire League in points-per-game at 1.09 [link]. Offensive defensemen – yay!
But also you must be defensemen! QB-ing a power play, to mix sports metaphors, is a requirement. Malkin’s not gonna do it. There were times this year, both on the power play and in the defensive zone, when I was screaming for a line change to give me Brooks Orpik. Those days, I don’t know why Letang is making more than $5 million/year. Other days I see Kris’ play and I want to make it rain. I shall expect a handsomely convincing display of his renewed defensive prowess in October.
Side note: Kris’ contract does not have a no-trade clause. Instead he gets to pick 12 teams to which he would NOT accept a trade [Post-Gazette]. The rest are fair game. That’s an interesting plus should Letang become a hole in Shero’s boat.
Pascal Dupuis – 4 years, $15 million
DEAL. Did you know Dupuis made $1.5 million last year? And the year before that? $1.5 million is what the Islanders will pay Rick DiPietro NOT to play hockey every year for the next 16 years. I can’t even.
Yes, Duper is 34, but his .79 PPG average last year was a career high (up from .72 in ’11-’12). He scored 20 goals plus 11 points in the playoffs [stats]. He could have taken his show on the UFA road and made more than $4 million next season. Luckily for me, and Crosby, and James Neal’s hair, Pascal wanted to stay in Pittsburgh.
Chris Kunitz – 3 years, $11.55 million
It is a crime that no one remembers The Monchichis because this is what I think of every time I see Chris Kunitz.
Kunitz is well worth $3.85 mil/yr because he fits everywhere – in ’11-’12 it was on the Neal/Malkin line that generated 40 goals for Neal and the Art Ross Trophy for Geno. Last season, Chris finished 8th in goals and 7th in points (his career best) alongside Crosby/Dupuis. Crosby missed a month and that was still the top-scoring line in the NHL.
The Pens top lines fight over #14, and the loser suffers on the scoreboard [great Pensburgh feature]. Kunitz may not be a marquee name, but he makes them happen.
Side note: Career years at the age of 33 for Dupuis and Kunitz. Who else was 33 last season? Superman, according to Man of Steel, and some girls with a hockey blog. 33 is the new black.
The Penguins already have a load of big-time contracts:
That means in ’12-13, the Penguins will commit $43.375 million to just 8 players, including Letang, Dupuis and Kunitz (Letang and Kunitz’s raises don’t kick in until ’14-15).
The salary cap for 2013-14 is projected to be $63.4 million [ESPN.com]. Currently the Pens stand at $60 million spent [CapGeek.com] – on 19 players. They need at least 20 on their roster, and can have no more than 23 active. Currently unsigned from last season: Iginla, Morrow, Jeffrey, Cooke, Adams, Bortuzzo, Murray and Eaton. So that last $3.4 million is going to have to go a very long way for Pittsburgh.
The light at the end of the tunnel? Since the salary cap is based on League revenue from the previous season, the cap is expected to increase significantly for the ’14-15 season. And it better, because the Penguins have already spent some of that money.
What better way to celebrate Canada Day than with the Stanley Cup Champion Chicago Blackhawks? Since we cannot keep up with these kids, here are ten great photos from the festivities of the last week.
Whatever you expected from a Patrick Kane party, you were underestimating.
SWEDES, you have passed us!! (photo by @jstefanc)
Police barricades can’t stop this cute at the Hawks parade. (also by @jstefanc)
Drunk Toews getting off the drunk bus by holding onto the stripper pole.
Kaner letting a guy with this mustache get all up on his trunk.
Corey Crawford, heavyweight f-bomb champion of the day.
Patrick Kane doing exactly that I’d do with the Cup AGAIN – take it to see Jimmy Buffett and Mac McAnally!
All these people who had more fun than we did on Friday.
Babies with the Cup.
And finally, this photo of Viktor Stalberg’s girlfriend that explains life, the universe and everything.
We’re with you, honey.
OMG! is reporting that actors Tom Hardy Logan Marshall-Green and Wyatt Russell are finalizing deals to play Derek Sanderson and Bobby Orr in the indie flick “Turk”.
Logan Marshall-Green as Derek Sanderson
Wyatt Russell as Bobby Orr
The film will be based on the book “Crossing the Line”, which details the self-destructive, downward spiral of Boston Bruin Derek Sanderson and his ultimate redemption with the help of his superstar teammate Bobby Orr. Production is supposed to start in the fall in Boston.
Marshall-Green is currently training on ice to prep for the role, but Russell isn’t going to have to prep that much. He played collegiate hockey at University of Alabama-Huntsville and pro hockey in Canada and Europe.
Oh and if his name looks familiar, it should. He’s also the son of Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn, brother to Kate & Oliver Hudson.
So WUYS, what do you think of the casting choices?
Hockey is a taskmaster. It does not care that we’ve put off our lives for the last six months. It has no sympathy for my split ends, ragged cuticles or pile of overdue library books. Hockey doesn’t pause just because Jonathan Toews is on a bender and I want to watch the Blackhawks parade.
Patrick Kane, two track mind. Hockey and…
I need a break.
But hockey stops for no Pants.
Over the last few days some important things have happened. It’s our job to keep you informed, and keep you from from turning on the TV in October and shouting, “What the hell, Vinny Lecavalier is a Dallas Star?!”
Lecavalier Buy Out
In 2009, the Lightning signed Vinny to an 11-year, $85 million contract. Now in 2013, they are returning him to the store for a 33% refund. Should’ve bought that at Nordstrom, they’re famous for buying back old tires.
Vinny’s offensive output has steadily declined over the past few years [stats] as injuries have mounted. With 7 years left on his deal, the Lightning will have to pay him 2/3 of the remaining $45 million (or $29.7 million), plus guaranteed signing bonuses totaling $8 million [Cap Geek]. Yes – they’re still paying signing bonuses on this deal. Good lord. What the Bolts get back is $15+ million in salary plus the clean wipe of $7.727 million/year off their salary cap.
(Math admittedly done by Pants. Corrections anyone?)
Stevie Y explained the move [story]. He failed to confirm if they’re investing the saved money in a cryogenic chamber for Marty St. Louis to sleep in all summer.
Alex Tanguay Back in Colorado
File Under: Things Only Pants Cares About
Not true! This trade sent David Jones and Shane O’Brien to CGY for Alex and Cory Sarich. Avs fans, do you love this?! [These guys say yes!]
If you’re new to my mad ramblings, here’s a recap: Alex Tanguay is my lobster. My LTHR (Long-Term Hockey Relationship). I had a shirt that just says TANGUAY made off some website in 2000. In ’04 I scheduled an entire cross-country drive with my dad around seeing a game in Denver… and Alex didn’t even play!! I have never seen him play, in fact. Love don’t need a reason, y’all.
Why would I be excited about seeing a player I love traded to the second-worst team in the NHL (last season)? Nostalgia, really. The way Alex played in Colorado. Plus he came from Calgary and they weren’t doing much anyway. Forsberg should’ve saved his brief comeback for this because reuniting the AMP line would have put me over the edge.
Also, I now feel less bad about rejoicing when Iginla went to the Penguins.
People Who Have Dumped Alex Tanguay for Sidney Crosby:
Sorry, Tangs. Welcome home.
Danny Briere Still Needs a Team
Nothing can happen until July 5, when Danny (and Bryz and Vinny) officially become free agents. Until then, I’m just saying:
I’m an excellent tour guide.
Kris Letang Turns Down $54 million for 8 Years
And so the huge contracts catch up with everyone.
Don’t get me wrong, I love Letang. I love him on defense when it’s not this year in the playoffs. This offer is a bargain compared to Shea Weber’s 14-year/$110 million contract and Ryan Suter’s $13-year/$98 million deal.
But read that Vinny Lecavalier part again. Think about Luongo and Bryz and almost Ovechkin there for a second when it looked like $9.5 million a year was buying 35 goals. Of course Kris wants a huge, long-term contract. Right now, every team in the League sees these contracts as bricks being thrown through very expensive windows. (Note: Per the new CBA, eight years is the max contract length for a player re-signing with his current team. Seven years for a new team. [link] Thanks Lindsay and Alison, who are reading the CBA for fun.)
“Fabulous Harry, I love the feathers.”
Mark Messier Leaves the Rangers
I was home in NY two weeks ago, reading a full page cover story on Mark Messier interviewing for the Rangers head coaching position. The next day, Alain Vigneault got the job. I laughed, because the timing was embarrassing and I hate the Rangers. But I don’t hate Mark Messier. He will join the team to build the Kingsbridge National Ice Center in the Bronx, NY, which will be the largest indoor ice complex in the world and boast nine skating rinks [link].
Sounds to me like a place they could have put the Islanders, if Brooklyn didn’t beat them to it.
The Coyotes Could Actually Move
Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme….
No, no, really! The City of Glendale, AZ will vote July 2 on a lease agreement for the Coyotes Arena (Jobing.com Arena). If they okay the lease, the NHL can sell the team to an outfit that would keep it in AZ [story]. If they don’t, Bettman says there’s time to move the team before the start of next season. That’s a 3 month window, without training camp. They’ll be packing like a breakup, tossing everything out the window onto the lawn. Leave the gun, take the cannoli.
More on the deal, including a clause that would let the new owners end & move the Coyotes in 5 years anyway, from Phoenix Business Journal.
What else is new? I’m surely missing something, blogging on half-screen while watching the Blackhawks parade. And that first Patrick Kane gif….
Did that really just happen? I keep waiting to wake up and find that it was all just some horrible nightmare. I’m Leo Dicaprio, spinning that totem, waiting for it to keep spinning to let me know that this is some cruel inception.
But unfortunately it is not.
Game 6 really did happen.
The Bruins really did lose.
That stupid totem fell over.
What happened on Monday night was like a punch to the solar plexus. All your air expelled from your body so rapidly, leaving you desperate to catch your breath while your lungs burn and struggle.
Since that night, I’ve taken the time to reflect on it all and I’m now at a point where I can talk about it without getting all teary-eyed. The melancholy has faded and been replaced by an overwhelming sense of pride in my hockey club.
Despite the horrible way that it all ended, I still love this Bruins team. In fact, I love them even more than I did at the start of the season. They showed a grit, determination, and unity of which they, their fans, and the city of Boston should be exceptionally proud. They bared their heart and souls and laid everything out there on the line. They got their chance at the Cup. But it just wasn’t meant to be.
Thank you, Patrice Bergeron, for just being amazing and perfect. Seriously. Even Pants (who hates the Bruins with the fire of a thousand suns) will admit that she respects #37. His man is without a doubt the heart and soul of this Bruins team. Patrice Bergeron is the sun, the rest of the Bruins, the planets which orbit in his golden glow.
Bergeron is not the flashiest player, nor is his visage is not posted in the windows of the NHL store.
But there is no denying that he is one of the fiercest competitor in the NHL. He played Game 6 with a separated shoulder, a broken rib, AND torn rib cartilage.
Do you know what a broken rib feels like? Imagine that every time you take a deep breathe in or out, it feels like you are being stabbed with a knife.
So, ya…that’s fun.
In countless post game interviews, the Bruins players talked about how much they loved each other and what it was to play together. We joke about the Seguin/Marchand bromance, but it seems as though the whole Bruins team was just one big collective bromance.
This is a team that was virtually unchanged since their 2011 Stanley Cup win. That run a mere two years ago solidified this unbreakable bond. I imagine that the Bruins are much like a band of brothers who in war time would give their heart, soul, and lay down their lives for each other. Just look at Gregory Campbell.
I can’t take anything away from what the Hawks did in this lockout shortened season. From the get-go, the Hawks were the best team in the league. If anyone deserved to win, it was them.
Their history making win streak to start the season set a pace and expectation that the Hawks ultimately lived up to. They stumbled a bit, had some hard-fought playoff series wins, and while it wasn’t perfect, the shiny fruit of their labor is all that really matters.
As much as I want to hate the Hawks, I can’t. They are an exceptional hockey club and it would be foolish of me as a hockey fan to deride them and their obvious talent simply because they beat my beloved Bruins.
I think what makes it all so heart-wrenching is how it all went down. With so little time left and the Bruins within reach of forcing a game 7, the Hawks came in like some magicians and swiped that tablecloth from right underneath my good china. It all went crashing to the floor, shattering into a million little pieces.
I’m starting to glue the pieces back together, but it is going to take me some time. Like all summer.
The post-game interviews…I still can’t watch. The thought of teary-eyed Tyler Seguin and sad panda face Patrice Bergeron is all too much. I just want to reach through the screen and pull them in for a great big hug.
If only game 6 had been 58 minutes instead of 60 – what would have happened then?
Maybe game 7 would led the Bruins to the Cup or maybe the outcome would have been exactly the same. It is impossible to know.
What I do know is that this is a Bruins team that is something truly special. We’ll have to see what the off-season has in store for us. Who will come and who will go?
But come October, you know where to find me. Decked out in my Black and Gold, ready for another run at the Cup.
So ends the 2013 season. One lockout. Zero Winter Classics, 24/7 episodes, All-Star Games or NHL Awards ceremonies. One Stanley Cup.
credit: sportsmockery
I’m sure Chuck will do a post about the Bruins when she’s ready. For now we send her and our other Bruins fan friends love. We’ve all had teams lose before, but not everyone’s team has lost in the Cup Final. Mine has. It’s worse than anything. So even if you hate the Bruins, hug a Bruins fan today.
Since hockey stops for no one, here are a few of my thoughts on last night’s game. I promise to be gentle.
Blackhawks Win
I’m so happy for them. If you’re around here a lot you know I like the Hawks quite a bit – they’re my Western Conference team and rank #3 among my hockey favorites.
That said, holy shit do I wish last night had been the Penguins. Or the Capitals. In that order. You can bet your socks I would have run screaming through my neighborhood, onto the highway and not stopped until I reached whatever city my team was hoisting the Cup in. Watching another team win is like watching someone else get in your boyfriend’s car and drive off. Even if you like the girl. That’s YOUR prize.
Speaking of prizes… almost!
So while I enjoyed last night’s win – and predictably burst into tears at the final buzzer – it wasn’t quite everything it could have been for me.
Plenty of everything for these folks.
For our Hawks fan friends – congratulations. You, Chuck and I all know what that feels like from recent years. Enjoy it.
The Bruins
Chuck will surely say something eloquent and heartfelt about her team and how proud she is. Let me, who does not like the Bruins at all (not even a little), say this: Well done. I wouldn’t hate you if you weren’t worth hating, and for that you must be good and strong and fast and so fucking frustrating. You deserved to be in the Final and you earned my renewed hatred with some incredible hockey.
Patrice Bergeron – You, sir, can stay. You can be Chuck’s boyfriend anytime. Playing Game 6 with a broken rib, torn cartilage and a separated shoulder, no tape or stitches – that’s holding it together with your heart. I am not sitting with Marchand at the wedding, though. Put me between Seguin and the bar.
The Blackhawks
You guys know I get the Crosby-level prideweep over Jonathan Toews. Back in April 2012, I wrote:
If I were ever on a sinking ship, I’d want to look across the deck and see Jonathan Toews in charge of the lifeboats because you know everyone is getting to safety in a single file line holding their toothbrush and enough money to call home. [link]
Still true. Toews has the heart of a lion and apparently… a sense of humor. No! Stop! Okay, dance.
Puck Daddy: Toews does the Moonwalk
from sheercompulsion.tumblr.com
If you were writing this for a sports movie, Andrew Shaw would take a puck to the face and bleed through the whole game. A rivulet of blood would trickle down his cheek as he lifted the Cup. I hope your movie was Rated R for how many f-bombs Shawzer dropped on national TV.
Last but not least, Kaner with the Conn Smythe. Do you agree? What about Crawford? I could (and did) argue both ways. Who cares, since they got the Cup? Patrick Kane, pride of Upstate NY. We’re going to see this mullet every year in the playoffs now – it’s a powerful weapon.
In the playoffs there are heroes everywhere. Gregory Campbell. Brian Bickell. Everyone did their part. Congratulations to the Blackhawks on their win. Congratulations to the Bruins for doing what 28 other teams could not do.
Now summer is here – thank heaven for all the very attractive Cup celebration photos coming our way.
Is it October yet?
Let’s start our first Mikey Monday in a while by hoping everyone in Mike’s hometown of Calgary is safe and well. We’ve seen a lot of photos this weekend, like the Saddledome underwater, and we’re thinking of you guys.
Mike is still in DC, Tweeting about car shows and country concerts (ah, summer). He recently shot a commercial for local Michael & Son plumbing and heating service. The Caps have had some fantastically awkward TV spots in the past, here’s hoping this one takes the cake.
From http://www.michaelandson.com/
Confirmation: Still no neck tattoos. Yes.
These two pics from Mike’s website
Speaking of Mike’s website – it’s very new and shiny: mikegreen52.com. We love the idea, the layout, and especially the plethora of cool shirt designs in the online store.
Note to other players: Do your own shirts! Please. Make them different, put things on the back, price them at $25. We can only stand to own so many t-shirts that look the same. Everything about this is great, including the way they’re arriving in cute packaging with autographs.
It feels like a hundred years since the Caps’ season ended, doesn’t it? At least we know (so far) Mike is making good use of his off season!
The last Friday of the 2013 NHL season is upon us. Proving that they are foxy to the end, we have featured so many Hawks and Bruins over the last few years that almost none are left! Off-season, bring us reinforcements.
Foxy Fridays have a way of coming true on the ice. More than once we’ve karmically hurt our own teams by nominating an opposing player. In the quest to use our powers for good over evil, and since Chuck is not here to defend herself, I will not feature a Blackhawks while the Stanley Cup final is 2-2.
Who else are we going to miss from now until hockey season returns?
Foxy Friday: Liam McHugh
Being a hockey broadcaster sounds like a lot more fun than most jobs. You’d probably apply. Do you think they put “work with with Milbury” in the job description? Is there hazard pay when it’s Milbury and Roenick?
Arguably the face of NBC Sports Network, Liam covers the NHL as well as the Tour de France and college football and basketball. He was born in ’77, is married and he’s even more from NY than I am – grew up on Long Island, went to University of Buffalo undergrad and Syracuse University grad school. Way to represent, Liam!
Liam never rolls his eyes at Milbury or JR on camera (we do enough of it at home to compensate), so we award him points for decorum and patience. He also has an excellent collection of ties.
High school superlative – Liam McHugh: Best Dressed
When Liam is not around, this happens:
::shudder::
To help get you through the impending off-season, Liam is on Twitter (@liam_mchugh). And no, I did not choose him just because today he made a Space Balls reference. I would have though, that’s and the tie collection are enough.
Also, the way to any girl hockey blogger’s heart is to be there for her when her team plays. Back in March 2012, when faced with a Penguins/NHL on NBC broadcast sans Liam, I expressed my concern over being left with unsupervised former player-personnel all night [blog post]. Liam was there for me.
We think hockey doesn’t get enough national attention. We’d like to see it get more and we’d very much like Liam there when it happens. So here’s to seeing Liam in October, getting a full season of ties and maybe even some fashionable parkas at all these outdoor games.
It’s here… #BeardWatch2013’s Beard of the Year! I had to do this one solo, as Chuck is away, but I’m sure she will appreciate it from her European Vacation. There were so many possibilities this year – manly beards as far as the eye can see. An excellent problem to have.
Read it here: Yahoo Puck Daddy – Beard of the Year
Okay, you can have a hint…
Did I say yesterday that Game 4 would go to overtime? I was really proud of my predicition until I remembered almost every Blackhawks playoff game goes to overtime. And lately, Brent Seabrook’s been ending them.
Look at Seabs’ hair post-game. Was there a full moon last night? He’s about to chew through the table.
Overall, Game 4 was bananas.
Twice goals were scored about 1 minute apart, twice goals were scored about 2 minutes apart. You couldn’t look away. If you overestimated the post-goal TV timeout and tried to make dinner, you missed the next one. Oops. Saturday night I’m ordering in.
One of those two minute spans was a goal for each of these guys, and let Hawks fans tell you how good that feels:
Toews hasn’t scored in 13 games. It was just his 2nd goal in 22 playoff games this year. Now is his slump over? Can everyone stop talking about it? Poor guy looked like he was trying to levitate a feather in Charms class but couldn’t get “Wingardium Leviosa” quite right.
Shutup, Kaner.
I’d get excited that the Hawks cracked Tuuka Rask, who had only given up 5 goals all series, but Crawford got beaten too. At least it all happened on the same night. It’s a best of three now, which probably means a lot of late nights.
Stock up on hockey, it’s going fast.
It’s going to be a long summer of Tumblr and Instagram and whatever you guys send us, but doesn’t it make you happy to know that even in summer things are the same?
Somewhere in California, Sidney Crosby is assaulting pockets in a sports store where he never expected there to be a girl.
(Source: Instagram)
Somewhere in Pittsburgh, Paul Martin and James Neal are wearing matching shirts. James shrunk his in the dryer – or he bought it that way. Or we bought it for him.
Source: Instagram
Somewhere after baseball, James Neal is wearing plaid.
(Source: Instagram)
Somewhere on Twitter, #TeamEbs and #TeamHall are sassing each other.
Somewhere else on Twitter, Katy Perry knows what’s up. Gabe should’ve sent her a selfie.
Somewhere on the internet, the Blackhawks are giving us the best content.
Hawks All-Access: Travel Gallery
While somewhere in Boston, the Bruins Instagram is paying attention.
And somewhere in the future (of later today), Game 4 will probably go to overtime. I didn’t get to watch the last two games but I’ll be tuning in tonight, hoping it’s just me the Hawks need to get another win.
How are you guys holding up now that it’s summer?
Remember the NHL Awards? Cringe-inducing awkwardness and mispronunciation, doled out by people whose titles must precede their names for recognition? “… and actor (that guy who played Ed back in the day)….”
It turns out I really miss those.
The NHL handed out their awards over the weekend while I had no internet and no idea it was happening. Oh well. My campaign for a “make up for the lockout and no All-Star Game” program involving a swimsuit competition and push-up contest apparently fell on deaf ears.
We’ll always have this Blackhawks TV episode.
Deprived of suits, shiny toys and the potential of a Biz & Gingeroux Take Vegas Instagram-Fest, let’s discuss the winners.
Hart Trophy/League MVP – Alex Ovechkin
Is that a tray of watches and potato pancakes?
Mmmmmkay. I would have gone with Crosby, but research indicates I may be biased. Can you miss 1/4 of 1/2 of a season and still be MVP? Fine, I guess not – but Sid only lost by 4 votes. I did admit this was the first year I have appreciated Ovi. If this award inspires him to play like his three Hart-worthy seasons (instead of last season!) in the future, it’s cool by me.
John Tavares, what do you think?
Selke/Best Defensive Forward – Jonathan Toews
Approved. Chuck would say Bergy but with the season the Hawks had, seeing one of their lead offensive players (T-1st in team goals, 2nd in points) also be their best defensive forward is especially impressive. Why work that hard when you’re winning all the time anyway? Because it’s a huge part of how you win all the time.
Lady Byng/Sportsmanship – Marty St. Louis
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SQUISHY!! He’s 38 today. It’s easy to assume Squishy wins this award (almost) every year because he’s small. Not true. Brad Marchand is small. You with me? St. Louis also lead the NHL in points – at 37, he was the oldest player to ever do this. Score that much and be nice about it? Our moms are so proud.
Vezina/Best Goaltender – Segei Bobrovsky
In a world where Bobrovsky was traded and now the Flyers will buyout Bryzgalov’s monster contract, are you laughing a little? I’m laughing. I also applaud Bob’s gutsy choice of suit and tie. Gotta be sauve when you’re up against King Henrik.
Norris/Best Defenseman – PK Subban
I know voting only takes regular season into account, but if this went to Kris Letang after the Pens’ playoffs even I would have been ashamed. Maybe next year, Tanger. Maybe you need a ponytail holder. I don’t like Subban but I’d like him if he were on my team. All those chin-ups with the 100 lb. of extra weight have paid off.
Calder/Best Rookie – Jonathan Huberdeau
I saw maybe 3 Panthers games all year and Huberdeau scored in all of them so I’m on board with this. Jon also has the appropriately wry jawline and poufy hair potential to replace Matt Smith as Doctor Who, if they could tape only in summer.
Lindsay/Most Outstanding Player (by NHLPA) – Sidney Crosby
Being voted Most Outstanding by fellow players in pretty great. Sid would rather have the Cup, the Richard, the Hart… but this award is this season for Sid, especially with his injury. I’m not going to gush. Just sum up my feelings with the time Sid went to a Justin Beiber concert in the same week I went to a Justin Beiber concert. I love everything. Hold it together, girls.
Side note: The title of this post does not endorse the Nelly remix of Florida Georgia Line’s song. Yes I admitted to Bieber but even I have standards.
Remember me? I was visiting my parents last week and there are no interwebs in the woods. Also there is no NBC Sports Network so it’s a good thing I was at a Lady Antebellum show instead of trying to watch Game 2! The outcome was also much better.
Chuck is on vacation and I am not using my chance to revel in her absence during the Finals! Mwhahahahaha.
GO HAWKS.
Have Toews doing Squats. It’s on tonight.
PS: When you go away for a while, offseason pictures of your favorite funemployed hockey players really pile up. Tomorrow, tomorrow, you’ll love me tomorrow.
I love me a good montage and this one especially awesome.
Firstly because it all about the Bruins (natch).
And secondly because they use Russell Crowe to narrate.
I love me some Russell Crowe. Just ask Pants.
His voice + the Bruins…I’m having ALL the feels.
created by ‘trigger687’
Everyone knows that any nerd movie worth watching involves some sort of an epic quest – a quest for something so important, powerful, that it could forever change the course of human history.
Lord of the Rings. Star Wars. The Goonies.
Tonight at 8pm in the Madhouse on Madison, another quest will begin.
Warriors will unite and embark on a journey. The goal – the most coveted prize in professional hockey.
I guess you could say that this quest began back at the start of the regular season.
The Hawks got the jump on everyone. They got to the dock first, jumped on that speed boat, and never looked back.
See ya.
Left standing on the dock, the Bruins had to figure out another way to get the treasure.
They hopped in their black and yellow jeep with the racing stripe and took off along the winding, unpaved road toward the ancient temple and its treasure.
Luckily for them, they knew the way…and they had the map.
Along the way, their jeep broke down. Luckily for them, one of the villagers has a donkey. Their journey continued, albeit slowly. The donkey kept stopping so Chara and Seidenberg had to hop off and give him a shove.
As they trudged along the road, they came upon a air field. On that air field was a curmudgeon old timer with a helicopter. They ditched the donkey and hopped in the helicopter, Tuukka Rask behind the control.
At last, the Bruins had reached the ancient temple deep in the heart of the Jungle.
But so had the Blackhawks.
Through the thicket of the jungle, they saw each other.
They looked at the temple with its shiny silver treasure hidden within.
They looked at each other.
They looked back at the temple.
Cue the John Williams score.
So that’s where we are in this story – both teams so close, the ultimate treasure within reach.
Bigger question now is…Who will get there first?
Please enjoy the hold photo while Pants deletes everything she previously wrote about disliking tattoos.
Better, whole photo courtesy of @Laurrrr_41. Not only did she survive this but she’s followed by The Backstreet Boys. The girl’s a hero.
Lindsay called for pictorial evidence (not pectoral, though that is also on display) that Neal’s tattoo is getting larger longer increasing in size okay, there’s no way to say it. But it’s true.
I also rescind my previously submitted decision on chains. I will allow this, but it’s borderline. Don’t push the Court, James.
Alas the Gingerbeard is gone, but that just reminds us that next season is another year, another hope of seeing the fully realized Gingerbeard kissing the Cup. Could he wear short sleeves when he lifts the Cup, maybe post-game? Could we get beard and tattoo and then just die happy?
Game 4 post-game interview. Really not fun to watch.
All the Breakup Day sads are here – Pens Player Interviews – full of half-frowns and dramatic sighs. It’s not a fun watch. Have something handy to hug, like a bottle of tequila or a tub of ice cream.
But honestly, why are people still talking about hockey? Call me on Wednesday. Until then, I want to talk about arms. And the fact that grungy, slightly hipster James Neal with the long hair and the tight jeans and now a burgeoning demi-sleeve is becoming…
The new Mike Green. Right?
Is it October yet?
Let me preface this by saying that I’m not typically a girl that goes to bars alone.
Mainly, because it makes me feel more acutely single than I already do and also because I try not to drink alone.
Last Friday, I set aside my rule and ventured out to my local in the pouring rain to watch Game 4 of the Eastern Conference Finals.
And when I mean pouring rain, I mean pouring, cats and dogs, Noah’s Ark type rain.
My roommate was away for the weekend. I didn’t feel like cooking. And I wasn’t about to watch the Bruins sweep the Penguins alone. I needed to be around my people.
For sixty minutes, I was just a cacophony of emotions. Elation. Joy. Fear. Anxiety.
Good thing I was in a place with an endless supply of alcohol.
So I get my drink, order me ups some delicious fish tacos, and get it going.
This was me for the the 1st and 2nd periods….
And then the duration of the 3rd…
Then the final buzzer sounded. I was all….
Then this happened…
And I was all….
And that is pretty much the way I felt the entire weekend.
I’m sure that Pens’ fans have some choice words to describe this series. As a Bruins fan, I have only one.
Domination.
From the drop of the puck in Game 1 till the final buzzer on Friday, the Bruins straight up dominated the Penguins. They managed to shut down the Penguins’ high powered offense and render Crosby, Malkin, and Neal virtually non existent.
The players that should have been factors for the Pens were not, thanks to an far superior Bruins’ defensive corps and a goaltender that was all sorts of bad-ass.
In the ECF, the Bruins gave a complete, standing-ovation performance. They played as one, collective Borg hockey unit. They were all in from the beginning.
No egos, no excuses. Just hockey.
Pants gets upset when people criticizes Crosby and blame him for his team’s loss. And justifiably so. One player does not a team make. There are 19 other guys on that Penguins bench.
Simple fact is that for those 4 games, the Bruins were better. They were the best team.
I’ve known from the beginning of the season that Bruins were a great team capable of winning the Stanley Cup again.
Now so does everyone else.
Bring on the Blackhawks.
I was going to write a whole Pens eulogy as soon as my emotions stop looking like splatter paint and just wash away. Some of that post would have been along the lines of, “Crosby is not the only player on the Penguins, everyone needs to get a freaking grip.”
Then Amanda sent us this.
That’s it. Sex hair’s gone (RIP), beard’s gone, teeth getting fixed tomorrow.
You want new and improved next season? You want to feel better right this instant? You want a birthday cake so you can wish to wake up tomorrow as this t-shirt? You got it.
In the meantime, Sid, I’m gonna need a sip of that water.
I mean. Holy hell.
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