Taylor Hall should listen to his mom.

- Posted in Epic Fail, Randomness

Attention hockey players,

Behold reason 2,369,067 to wear a helmet.

Warning! Warning!  This may make you queasy.

Taylor Frankenhall

 

You are begging….nay –  PLEADING with you all.  Please, for the love of Dear Lord Baby Jesus and Tim Tebow – wear your freakin’ helmets!  We don’t care that it is just warm-up.  We don’t care that it might mess up your luxurious hockey flow.

Do you want this to happen to you?  Do you want to have railroad tracks on your melon?

No.  I didn’t think so.

We just can’t take injuries like this.  When you hurt, we hurt.

So, please listen to your mother.  Wear your helmet.

Taylor didn’t listen to his mom.

Look at how that turned out.

A Lesson from the Professor

- Posted in Chuck Loves, Like a Boss

Last night, Patrice Bergeron gave a lesson on how to play like a boss.

Granted, he’s always exceptional in my opinion, but last night vs. the Panthers, #37 really was the #1 star of the game.

He scored both goals during regulation for the Bruins – this wrister on a sicky no-look pass from Pouliot and this tip-in on a beauty on a pass from Tyler “Teen Wolf” Seguin.

EH OH! That's a good looking goal, eh?

And as if that wasn’t enough, he scored the crucial goal in the shootout to keep the Bruins’ chances alive, allowing David Krecji to score the SO Winner.

Most of the time, Bergeron’s play isn’t fancy or stuff that is going to make it on NHL on the Fly, but what it is, is solid, consistent and smart.

And with a nickname like “The Professor”, would you really expect anything less?

Sometimes, when you win, it ain’t so pretty.  It’s okay.  It doesn’t have to be.  A win is a win, but this one was sorta ooglay.  Bruins, for some reason, have struggled against the teams in the Southeast division this season but managed to pull out a win and 2 points thanks to the skill of their assistant captain.  [ Check out Bergy’s Post-game presser here. ]

Tonight, Bruins take on the Lightning.  Normally this match-up would have us more excited, but TB is struuuugling.  Like Buttercup and Wesley in the Fire Swamp quicksand.

They are 17-23-4 and  on a 3 game losing streak.  We want them to be better because we adore Stamkos and Squishy and Matt Gilroy (Go BU!), but things just aren’t looking good for the Bolts – despite Stamkos being 2nd in the league in points (50) and leading the league in goals (30).

Tampa Bay, we have a problem.

But at least they are purty to look at.

Moves Like Mc Swagger

- Posted in Dawn Loves, Hot Like Fire, Newsies, Randomness

Ovi can rap as good as he can play hockey! He guests on Russian rapper Sasha Belyi’s song and appears in the video. Check it out … it’s HILARIOUS but he lay it down. He might not be able to dance and you probably won’t see me on the dance floor with him – at least not admitting to it. But it may be the only award he’ll be winning this season – oh, did I just say that?

The video and the partial translation is courtesy of The Russian Machine Never Breaks:

Alumni of Dynamo
8 on the back.
In the All-Star game all attention is on me.

On the NatTeam since 17
Scored 100 points in a season
Gold medal in Canada in ’08

Among the ten best players of the decade,
Stick in my hands, Rap in my headphones,
Saying hello from Washington,
Together with Sanya Belyi,
For every champion

[And then a bizarre sound that sounds like the English words “Look out!”]

Look out is right! Let’s hope that means he’ll be bringing it for the second half of the season. Waiting …. BOOM!

Foxy Friday: Jonathan Ericsson

- Posted in Chuck Loves, Foxy Friday, Hot Like Fire, Well OBVIOUSLY.

We’ll be the first to admit that our coverage of the players in the Western Conference is limited.

Our Foxy Fridays tend to have a more…shall we say, biased skew.  But you can’t really fault us when our favorite teams are in the East Coast, that tends to happen.

You can imagine our delight when one of our twitter followers (@elishajaffer all the way from Dar es Saalam, Tanzania!) suggested Jonathan Ericsson as a potential Foxy Friday.  Perfect!  A chance to expand our horizons and troll the Western Conference team for individuals worthy of such an honor.

We did a google search.  And a new love was born.

Even with this watermark on my face, you still cannot resist the sexy time.

“Hello!” I exclaimed.  “Where have you been all my life?”

He sort of has this Kris Letang thing going on and you know how we feel about that…especially Dawn.

We are very much enjoying the flavor of your Kool-Aid, Mr. Ericsson.

Ladies, let us celebrate this amazing honor with awkwardly long hugs.

So what makes this Detroit Red Wing so foxy?

  • He’s Swedish.  You all know how we feel about Swedish hockey players.  They breed them goooood over there.  Two words – Henrik Lundqvist.
  • He’s a 6’4″, 218 lbs defenseman for an Original Six hockey franchise.
  • He started his career at center but after playing one game on defense for his junior team, a Red Wings scout convinced him to play defense.  The team then drafted him that summer in the 2002 Entry Draft.
  • Speaking of drafts, he was the LAST player selected in 2002.  Dead. Freaking. Last.  Nothing motivates a player more than being picked last.  Just ask Phil Kessel.
  • In 2011, he signed a fatty of a contract with the Wings – three-years, $9.75 million.  He’s making in rain up in hurrrrr.

But you know what really makes him Foxy?

This face.  

It’s pretty much perfect.

Sort of like a young Andrew Shue from Melrose Place. Only hotter. And Swedish. And a hockey player.

Nicky. Twitter. YES.

- Posted in Bromance, Dawn Loves, Newsies, Pants Loves

To everyone who saw this last night and thought of us, thanks!  Nicky Backstrom joined Twitter and the DC-area power gird promptly failed as fangirls crashed the mainframe.  I think Nicky joined now because he has the best profile photo of any Washington Capital.

Or it could be because I got my Backstrom shirt in the mail yesterday, and I was listening to Robyn in the car.  Obviously.

I may have sent a series of texts that looked like: “Gator, Nicky joined Twitter.  GATOR, HE JOINED TWITTER!!!”  Then I calmed down, and laughed because NB was following 5 people and Mike wasn’t one of them.  To his defense, neither were Ovi, Carlson, Knuble or Alzner.  But still.

So far, Nicky is winning the grammatical battle for my heart.  Anyone who uses that many exclamation points is going to fit in around here.

Now, the next time any sort of adult beverage is within reach, someone please take my phone away.  “Don’t Drink and Hockey” really means “Don’t Drink and Tweet at Hockey Players.”

We’ve been planning a post about players on Twitter, but the list grows so fast I can’t keep up.  There’s an NHLPA “Player Tracker” app that supposedly runs all their Tweets but I don’t think it’s current.  Anyone have suggestions?

Hey, Over Here!

- Posted in Randomness

Thank Heaven for something to save me from last night’s Penguins game.  In a blatant attempt to distract, Captain Frankentoews challenged himself to see how many stitched cuts one can have on the left side of the face. [video]  He got a 2-for-1 last night with a puck to the helmet that cut his forehead:

Only Toews' scars would line up perfectly.

But the real story was Viktor Stalberg’s hat trick.  The first goal (Kane and Toews to Stalberg) made us a little weak in the knees.  Could that be better-looking than the Kane-Toews-Sharp line?  We need #10 back to try Stalberg-Toews-Sharp.  The Earth may not survive that impact, but it’s worth a shot.

Only Jan. 10 and they're making a bid for Derp of the Year.

Stalberg completed his hat trick with an empty-netter and the Hawks won 5-2.  Viktor has 12 goals this season – 7 of those against Columbus.  In just 3 games.  As if the Jackets weren’t having a tough enough time.

All the goals [video] and Stalberg’s post-game interview [video].

He smiled at the puck and it fainted right into the net.

While the Blackhawks are arguably the best-looking team in the NHL, they also have a penchant for the best-looking girls.  If you don’t watch them a lot, you’re probably not familiar with the intermission puck shot contest.  It’s the typical “fan shoots from center ice” game, but the contestants are ALWAYS a man, a kid and a blond.  A hot blond in boots.  I can’t remember if I’ve ever even see a hot brunette try the shot.  Maybe the Hawks already hired them all:

For those of you who follow other teams, who else does this?  I know a lot of teams have Ice Girls, but I think the Hawks girls wear the smallest outfits.  In DC, it’s old guys in track suits.  In Anaheim at least the girls wear pants.  Anyone else? I find it hilarious.  It’s like TV Timeout Vegas every night at the Madhouse.

(For the record, I’d do it.  Sign me up.  Nothing at all against Ice Girls, cheerleaders, etc.  Except that they look good and I’d definitely fall on my ass.)

Shawn Thornton for President

- Posted in Chuck Loves, Like a Boss, Newsies

Not of the US or Canada.  But for the United Nations of Bad Ass Mutha F——

I said, "No. New. Taxes."

Last night, Boston Bruin (and Foxy Friday honoree) Shawn Thornton had one hell of a game vs. the Winnipeg Jets.

Not only did he beat up on the Jets’ Mark Stuart like he stole his lunch money, but he also scored this BEAUTY of a shorthanded goal…and on a penalty shot, no less.  Watch it [here].

Did I mention this guy is a 4th line grinder?  4th LINE!  Sick mitts, ya’ll.

Ain't no thang, but a chicken wing.

That goal came on Thorty’s FIRST ever attempt at a penalty shot in his career.  He put the extra spicy sauce on that thing. 

Even Timmeh loves it.

FREE HUGS!!

In the locker room after the Bruins’ 5-3 win, he was joking with reporters that that is a move that he’s been practicing with Tuukka Rask during practice for a while. [Video]

 

Well, Mr. Thornton.  Looks like all that practice paid off.

Without a doubt, ST22 is one of the most affable and popular players on the Bruins.  The fans and the city love him and I think that he loves them right back.

And isn’t that what you want in your President?

Decision 2012 - Thornton for President

 

James Neal for MVP

- Posted in Hot Like Fire, Newsies, Pants Loves

What was that???

HOW? Because he’s magical and sparkly. Also, his foot was broken about 20 years ago.  That healed fracture showed on his x-rays following the injury, but a further MRI showed it wasn’t a current break [link].  So Nealmobile’s got a bruise that probably hurts like the devil, but he’s tough.  And he knows this team really needs him.  Video of James acting like’s it no big deal is here.

Here are JamesNeal.com (seriously, why isn’t there a JamesNeal.com?) we are beside ourselves with excitement.  Pantspocalypse is on hold (for now).  Now, back to debating whether or not to attend tomorrow night’s Pens/Caps game.  Anyone want to be my date?

Shanabanned: Brad Marchand

- Posted in Shanabanned, Well OBVIOUSLY.

Let’s face it people.

This was bound to happen.

Twas only a matter of time until the “Lil’ Ball of Hate” aka “Squirrel” aka “Marshamont” did a bad, bad thing and got himself Shanabanned.

Brad Marchand - You've been SHANABANNED!

Marchand has been suspended for five games and will forfeit $152,439.02 for clipping Vancouver Canucks defenseman Sami Salo during  Saturday’s game.  Marchand will miss games vs. Winnipeg, Montreal (GAH!),  Carolina,  Florida and Tampa Bay.

Check out the Shanabanned explanation here.

Marchand, who also received a two-game suspension in March 2011, has been classified as a repeat offender (for shame!) under the terms of the Collective Bargaining Agreement.

SQUIRREL ANGRY!!

The thing about Marchand is that he’s like a little kid, constantly pushing his boundaries just to the limit.  It’s like “how far can I go and how many times can I annoy my parents before I get grounded and sent to my room with no supper”?

Marchand is young, aggressive, and he chirps ALOT.  He has the skill and speed to back it up, but that also leaves him a little bit undisciplined at times and prone to take some bad penalties, like the one against Salo.

Obviously this is a blow to the Bruins, as Marchand brings a certain level of intensity and a deft scoring touch, it by no means hurts the team’s chance to win those 5 games without him.

The Bruins are a deeeeeeeeeeeep team (especially at forward) and will shuffle the lines accordingly.   Beniot Pouliot will take Marchand’s place on the 2nd line with the Professor and Teen Wolf.  He’s filled in for Marchand before and has done an excellent job.   Zach Hamill will be called up from Providence and will center the 3rd line with Chris Kelly and Rich Peverley.

Like any true Bruins fan, I will defend my team till the death, but I’m totally okay with the league’s decision.  Do the crime.  Do the time.

5 Games. You feel shame.

Birthday Boy: John Carlson

- Posted in Birthday Boy, Dawn Loves, Pants Loves

Happy Birthday, iCarly!  John is 22 today.

(Shamelessly recycling this post for John’s 23 birthday.)

iCarly was born outside of Boston (represent!) and grew up in New Jersey.  We can’t explain the math but this makes us love him even more.  In the 2010 World Junior Championship vs. Canada, John had two goals including the OT winner to give America the gold.  He used to wear 11, but it wasn’t available on the Caps so he chose 74 because 7+4 = 11.  Admit it, that’s cute.  

John has 5 G /17 A this season, which is the last season on his NHL Entry Contract.  He most often plays the blue line with his one true love and defensive partner, Karl Alzner.

If they played on any other team, they’d win Best Bromance.

John’s favorite animal is a monkey and he used to have every birthday party at the Rainforest Cafe.  (I would absolutely make that up if it wasn’t true.)  Off the ice he can be found contemplating the value of oriental rugs:

Training to beat Gator in a wicked round of Apples to Apples [video]:

Representing the Red, White & Blue as his alter-ego, Captain America:

We obviously love iCarly around here.  He strangely resembles both Mena Suvari and Anton Yelchin at the same time.  He wears his helmet tipped back and is forever looking out from underneath the visor, as if it weren’t see-through.  It’s a constant source of amusement for me and Gator.

Mostly we love him because he’s scrappy and plays with a ton of energy.  And he falls down pretty often.  Plus Gator’s mom is going to love him when he shows up to take her to the prom.

For more adorbs, follow John on Twitter: @JohnCarlson74

Around The League In Milestone Minutes

- Posted in Breakin' It Down, Dawn Loves, Fight Club, Hot Like Fire, Newsies

 It was a banner weekend ladies as many of our men made history and milestones: chillin in the dome with Jerome: Iggy got his 500th goal.

 Teemu got his 651st goal by the end of the night.

 Little Danny Briere put on his big boy pants and got in his third ever fight and had a hat trick to boot.

Shane Doan got his first hat trick EVER with .o1 to go – YES and the Coyotes have really needed SOMETHING to get their party started.

And faster than you can say “Excuse me but does this stick in the face make me look fat?” the PA put the hammer down on the realignment and the Blue Jackets have fired their coach. Whew. There was a crap load of exciting hockey happening this weekend and I didn’t even cover Corey Perry’s hat trick  – wait I just did.

So if you missed any of it, I suggest you watch the above because it was pure hockey magic. A banner weekend of nuggeted hockey gold wrapped tightly like a firecracker that exploded a little late for the new year but we’ll take it any way!

Terrible Outbreak of Shpilkis in the Genechtagazoink.

- Posted in Epic Fail, Randomness

Scott Arniel is the latest NHL coach to catch a case of the shpilkis.

He’s out at Blue Jackets head coach.  Todd Richards is in.

Exit...Stage Right...

This morning the Blue Jackets announced that assistant coach Todd Richards will be taking over coaching duties of the struggling team (on an interim basis) for the rest of the season.  Richards joined the team as an assistant in June of 2011 and will make his head coaching debut on Tuesday when the club takes on the Chicago Blackhawks.

Scott Arniel now joins the every increasing list of fired NHL coaches this season – Davis Payne (Blues), Paul Maurice (Hurricanes), Bruce Boudreau (Captials), Randy Carlyle (Ducks), Jacques Martin (Canadians), and Terry Murray (Kings) – and we feel sort of bad for him.  He had a rough start to the season without James Wisniewski and a grip of players out with injuries.  They seemed to pick it up in Nov/Dec but have floundered as of late, essential sending Arniel off to collect unemployment.  Columbus is in dead-last place in the NHL, with just 27 points and 20 points out of a playoff spot.

There is no doubt that all the teams who have lost coaches this season have talented players peppering their rosters, so how come they aren’t winning?  Are the coaches not motivating the players enough?  Is their style of coaching not suited to the caliber of players on the team? Are the players being lazy? Or are they just not as good as we think they are?  Has the management just not put the right pieces of the puzzle together to build a winning hockey team?

So with this recent firing, we want to pose a question to our WUYS readers.

When a team is struggling & not winning games, who’s really to blame?  The coach?  The players?  The management?

Mikey Monday: Ring the Alarm

- Posted in Mikey Monday, Newsies

Let’s just come right out and say it: What the hell is going on?!

Mike Green left Saturday’s game against San Jose about halfway through.  Coach Hunter said it was precautionary, resulting from “tightness” in his groin injury.  Yesterday the Caps held a practice before leaving for LA – and neither Mike nor Nicky participated.  The team won’t say anything official and damned time zones mean we have to wait a few extra hours today.  But it’s possible they’ll both be out tonight vs. the Kings.

The hit is right at the beginning of that video – he seems fine after, but apparently not.

“With Mike we’ve been dealing with that all season long, it sounds bad but that’s nothing new. We’re used to it almost,” Troy Brouwer said. “But Nicky is our best player, he controls the play when he’s on the ice he makes things happens. We’ve just got to find other ways around that.” [WashingtonPost.com/CapitalsInsider]

We’re staying positive, right?  About the season in general?  This could be a minor setback for both players, and at least they have each other (BFFs).   But it’s beginning to feel like the fates are against us right now.  The Penguins come to DC on Wednesday – no Crosby, Letang, Staal, Neal and maybe no Backstrom or Green?  PANTSPOCALYPSE!  What have I done to deserve this?!

Gator said I had a tough weekend, I can have a Snickers today.  She’s such a good friend.

Harder to Breathe

- Posted in Epic Fail, Newsies

I’d like to float the idea that we may have misunderstood the rapture.  It wasn’t coming for us, it was coming for hockey.  And it’s pretty much called up everyone from the Pittsburgh Penguins (I knew they were the best.)

James Neal out “weeks” with a broken foot.

Jordan Staal out 4-6 weeks with a knee injury.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

There are no words.  How can one team be so unlucky?  Is it me?  Should I just leave because of all the trouble I’ve caused?

Click for dramatic reenactment.

Bylsma discussed the injuries in this video [link] and talked about next steps for the Penguins.  What else can you do?  The Pens have played through some touch injury combinations over the past few seasons, but this one takes the cake.  I hope Geno’s arms are feeling really long.

Real time photo of Pants as Disco Dan was talking.

I’m trying to be hopeful.  Heck, I’m already crazy.  Crank up the “Don’t Stop Believing” and see where the season takes us.  4-6 weeks can sometimes be 2-3 weeks, and the rest of the Penguins squad is solid enough to pull of some miracles.  But today, if you need me, I’ll driving aimlessly in the Nealmobile in my Pens sweater and stopping at every drive-thru that sells ice cream.

(And because that’s not enough, in last night’s game vs. San Jose, Mike Green left halfway through because of returning “tightness” of his groin injury.  Hunter says they’re just being careful, letting him take it easy.  It wasn’t like they were going to win that shitslide anyway.  Hopefully he was brushing Nicky’s hair in the locker room and resting up.)

Because I Can

- Posted in Dawn Loves, Glamour Shots, Hot Like Fire, Pants Loves

It’s times like this I think Chuck wishes I didn’t have the password for this site.

Nicky’s got a snazzy new fansite [nicklasbackstrom.com] – thanks to Gemma Fagan for the heads-up.  I obviously haven’t made it past the homepage.  I may never.

Nicky's Day Off

- Posted in Randomness

Nicky is not in the Caps lineup tonight vs. San Jose. He has fully practiced since being elbowed in the mush by that cake-eater Rene Bourque and did make the trip to California.  As of yesterday he was feeling “pretty good”.

Here’s the cutest locker room interview ever [link], where Nicky talks some very polite smack about Sweden beating Russia in the WJC.  He was smart enough to make not bets with Ovi, but he gets in his digs.

As of this morning: “No, he’s not going to play,” Coach Dale Hunter said, when asked for an update on Backstrom’s status. “You’ve just got to be careful, he feels good but still got to be careful with it.” [WashingtonPost.com/CapitalsInsider]

We hope the Little Orphan Annie look means he’s really just taking his time and will be back soon.  The Caps next play Monday night in Los Angeles.

Six Degrees of Tyler Seguin

- Posted in Chuck Loves, Hot Like Fire, Like a Boss, We Love, Well OBVIOUSLY.

Last night, I went to the Boston University/Merrimack hockey game.

There I was, just minding my own business, on my way to get a beer.

And this happened….

Tyler says "Go BU! BC Sucks"

I never did get that beer…

P.S. We have excellent taste in hats.

P.P.S. That jacket is fierce.

P.P.P.S. BU won! Office dance party!

 

Foxy Friday: Joe Vitale

- Posted in Foxy Friday

Didn’t I *just* say this shouldn’t be all Pens and whatnot?  Well sometimes Foxy Friday writes itself.

26-year old Joe Vitale is from the Lou, and we assume he’s proud.  (That’s St. Louis for anyone who didn’t have kitchen dance parties with me and Chuck in 1999.)  He went to Northeastern University (hi Boston!) where he majored in journalist.  Joe, if you’re reading, we take guest bloggers. 😉

Joe plays Center and has 2 G/4 A in 32 games this season.  His current contract runs through the end of this season.  Joe has two NHL fights, and according to HockeyFights.com, he won them both.  Here’s one vs. the Bruins where he takes his helmet off for you [link].

The Pens need to get more interviews for Joe, but based off this old one [link], his favorite movie is Pirates of the Caribbean, he loves the Beatles and he eats a banana before every game.  That’s kind of a weird superstition, and Joe knows it.

Foxy Friday: A User's Guide

- Posted in Foxy Friday

A few weeks ago, there was Twitter outrage about a Calgary Herald feature on “Counting down 30 hottest hockey players of 2011” [link].  Turns out the writer is actually from the Vancouver Sun, which seemed to explain a lot to you guys.

We thought the start of 2012 should have a look back at WUYS Foxy Friday honorees of the past:

Now, we try to share the love around the NHL – it wouldn’t be much fun if every Foxy Friday were a Capital, Bruin, Blackhawk or Penguin.  (Be honest, they could fill a whole year.)  And this isn’t a “countdown” per se, just a random sampling of wares.  The Calgary Sun piece has some glaring omissions and weird rankings (Kris Letang is #11?  Unless #1-10 are all Crosby, you’re nuts.), but at least Mike Green made the list.  (Yes, I know he’s from Calgary.)

As we move through this year, Chuck and I sometimes have a little trouble selecting our weekly stud.  There’s no shortage, but we try to be diplomatic.  So keep the suggestions coming!

Smell Ya Later

- Posted in Newsies, Pants Loves

(Sorry, I tried not to make a Fresh Prince reference. My hands would not obey.)

The last time the Blackhawks played in Philly…

And they’ve been gearing up for their return:

Toews also had a smile on his face when asked about going back to Philly for the first time. Turns out he purchased replays of Game 5 and Game 6 of that series on iTunes and had a group of current Hawks watching it with him during a flight this season.

“There were a bunch of guys huddled around the seat watching on the plane, and even watching those last two games … you know the outcome ultimately, but it still makes you nervous to watch it a little bit,” the 23-year old Hawks captain said. “A lot of those cool feelings come rushing back and everything from the celebration on the ice and everything in the locker room, too. It’d be cool to think about that again.” [NHL.com]

Tazer’s still rocking those stitches in his lip.   It’s one time we were all, “NOT THE FACE!” the decided that we don’t really mind.

Gingeroux is still near the top of the NHL points card (46, one of the Sedinbots has 48).  Jonathan is tied for 2nd in goals scored (22, but Stammer’s opening up race with 27).  Dan Carcillo is out against his former team, which really sucks because he & Hartnell could go 12 rounds over who I hate more.

The Hawks and Flyers each have 52 points (Flyers have two games in hand) and lost their last match-ups.  Let’s see who wants to start a winning streak tonight.