Stars in 2016

It’s election time in the US – wait, not really. We have another year of this crap! But one hockey squad isn’t missing the chance to fast track their big campaign: The Dallas Stars really want to be your favorite team.

Campaign Strategy #1: Jamie Benn and Tyler Seguin have all the points.

seguin points

All the points that are not Patrick Kane’s, that is.


Combined, Seguin & Benn have 44 points in 16 games. The calculator tells me that is 2.75 PPG. Common sense tells me that is a LOT.

Seguin is averaging 1.43 PPG through 16 games. Last season he played a 1.1 PPG pace all year, ending with 77 points. There’s still a long way to go, but when we think of Tyler, we think “performance.”

benn goals

Silence Fives, a Ten is speaking.


Benn won the Art Ross Trophy last season in a mad finish line dash, scoring four points in the Stars’ last game, beating Tavares by one point and Crosby by three. Last season, Jamie had 5 G in the first 15 games, and ended with 35. So far, with 10 G in 16 games, we’re looking for a 70 G -ish season.

Okay, even he probably can’t do that. But his 0.673 GPG average this season would be 51 G. No problem, right?


Really, it’s all summed up in this photo from Shattered Lens Photography.

What does it feel like, waking up knowing you have exactly 5x more assists than the average NHL player?

seguin assts

This beard looks like a disguise to fool facial recognition software on The Blacklist.


Probably the same way it feels to wake up looking like this.

Bless the media section of Seguin's website.

Bless the media section of Seguin’s website.


That’s Campaign Strategy #2: Jamie Benn World Takeover


Tyler Seguin’s no surprise – if you haven’t seen all his handsome rogue-ishness or heard “I Knew You Were Trouble” when he walked in, you’re not paying attention. Jamie Benn is the dark horse, the sleeper; warming to his role as not-so-sidekick with all the slow charm one expects of Texas. He’s tapped a natural resource and now we’re all getting rich.

Even if he doesn’t know much about Dallas… [Sportsnet video: Know Your City]

You play hockey, we'll read books.

You play hockey, we’ll read books.


Not that we don’t still appreciate Tyler. He’s making kids happy, making rubber ducks blush (I mean really) and ruining the romantic futures of 16-year old girls.

Sorry, Chip from homeroom. You're out.

She just broke up with Chip from homeroom on Facebook.


If she’s from Dallas, Tyler could use a tutor. [Sportsnet Video: Know Your City]

Got the one about the swingers' club, though. Natch.

Got the one about the swingers’ club, though. Natch.


Campaign Strategy #3: Winning Often

It’s one thing for a top line to score. That team can still lose a lot of games. But the Stars currently sit in 3rd, with the same number of points as the 2nd place Rangers (who’ve won six in a row/barf). They’re 7-3-0 in their last 10 games and, so far this season, Dallas’ victories are by an average of 2.1 GPG. Benn & Seguin’s point totals account for only 15% of points recorded by the Stars this season – the love is spread around. (Their combined 19 G, though, equal 34% of the Stars offense.)


I see my team squeaking in there…


Campaign Strategy #4: Ticket Prices

Okay, no one campaigns for this. But the average lowest StubHub price for a ticket to the next 10 Stars games is $15.40. You can get in the door for less than the cost of a parking pass. You could see Intern Jeff Skinner from the 100-level on 12/8 for $37. The highest in-the-door cost is, sensibly, to see the NHL-leading Montreal Canadiens. At $25. There are expensive seats, of course, but if you’re only mildly interested in hockey (such people do exist), this could be your introduction. Parents can take their kids. Or, like when I was little, kids can take their parents!

I really hope people take advantage of these prices. It won’t last, not if the Stars’ success does, but it’s the perfect opportunity to grow the fan base while they’ve got something super to watch.  Something like…

Best Reddit reply to this video: “Just ask him out already!!! It’s like the last 10 minutes of a young adult novel.”

Now that would be Campaign Strategy #5, just sayin’.

UPDATE: Campaign Strategy #652, courtesy of @RunsonDuncan:

Please be real, please be real...

Please be real, please be real…

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Leave a Reply

  1. Cortland Reply

    Pittsburgh Penguins 4-Life…but Jamie & Tyler are just too damn handsome and too damn good to ignore! Thanks for this!

    • Well, when you break it down, the Stars are worth rooting for for the same reason the Penguins were a few years back (and to a lesser extent, still are, because their depth has suffered since). That’s because their uptempo style of play is hugely entertaining, even moreso when a team like that can roll four lines.

      Ultimately, these kinds of “fun to watch” teams are good for the sport as a whole. These are the teams you show friends who you’re trying to bring over to hockey fandom.

  2. My name is Lindsay and I endorse this campaign.

    • Man, you can tell that TSegs is NOT impressed with this chicka who’s doing the interview! “Pretty different,” he says. Hahahahahaha

  3. I am having a “get me a vodka and Xanax smoothie right now” kind of day, and then just like that, WUYS bestows this gift upon us. I’m so grateful I’m even willing to overlook that snide Rangers comment.

    My public service is to inform you that said calendar, which will benefit the Dallas Stars Foundation, will be available online on November 21st. I know this because I begged the foundation via Twitter to tell me how those of us who don’t live in Dallas could get one. You’re welcome.

    Seriously, though, this post is magnificent. Bless you.

  4. As always, this is high quality content ladies! The Stars are looking a lot like the Hawks did a few years ago, before 2010. Young talent, good free agent signings, a loose and committed locker room (funny video content included). It will be interesting to see if the equation produces results for the club, and in the meantime I will continue to enjoy what the Stars are selling. TS has been a favorite of mine for years, and he has really become quite the player and person.

  5. The BEST part about the 16 yr old girl’s Birthday??? She got to MEET TSegs after the game! That video was posted somewhere, too. Kudos to the Stars & Tyler for making her day even better!

  6. Fatema Reply

    Bennguin is lighting up the league… now if Kazer could do something better *sigh*