SCENE: Thursday, 1 A.M.  Too tired to sleep and still punch drunk from watching the Penguins in person, Pants scrolls through Instagram.

CUT TO: Point of view shot of Pants’ phone.

CUT TO: Reaction shot.  Hold for 20 minutes.

END SCENE.

Sometimes, I just lose it (ex: Matt Niskanen and That is Not a Turtle) and last night this set me off.  When I finally calmed down enough to Google and read, I saw that John Tavares got an endorsement deal.

BASED ON HIS FACE.

Okay, maybe 91% based on his face, 5% being great at hockey and trying to make Canada’s Olympic Team and 4% needing to shave this off:

But still.  His face.

John obviously should have endorsements based on hockey.  There’s the one with Reebok, sort of, shared with Talbot and Duchene.  Otherwise blame the combination of the Isles record, being third team in a market and hockey’s lack of overall American popularity for the reason you don’t see him in Modell’s or Under Armor or the random store by my house that has a Crosby Reezig display.

This Gillette deal?  It’s because:

From Business Wire:

Gillette Canada announced today that it is joining forces with Team Canada Olympic hopeful John Tavares to help Canadians get their ‘game face’ on in support of our hockey stars as they go for gold at the Sochi 2014 Olympic Winter Games.

Tavares is the new ‘face of Gillette’ in Canada and represents how both precise preparation rituals and the right equipment are essential when putting your ‘game face’ on. The 2013 Hart Trophy Finalist knows having his game face on is absolutely crucial for success – whether on or off the ice. Tavares is a two-time gold medalist at the World Junior Championships and a hopeful to make Team Canada’s roster for the Sochi 2014 Olympic Winter Games.

Next thing you know he’ll  be selling khakis for The Gap.  They are always trying to make khakis happen.

Of course, I’m kidding.  All accolades really ride on John’s incredible talent.  A #1 draft pick who earned his Hart Trophy nom (if not the trophy itself, Ovi you jerk) last season, he continues to carry his NHL team and aims to be a big part of Canada’s push to repeat for Olympic Gold.  Can you imagine a safer spokesperson for a brand?  He’s probably thanking them by restructuring the company’s 401k program before putting up  their Christmas decorations using environmentally friendly tape while baking gluten-free cookies.

John will also be part of Proctor and Gamble’s returning “Thank You Mom” campaign.  You Canadians will get to see all of this on actual TV but for once I’m okay sticking to online.  It means I can control when the inevitable happens:

John’s Gillette ad campaign will launch in December, presumably with the elimination of the Movember mustache .  Keep an eye out for his face in print, TV, online and the inside of my high school locker.

Tags: Adverts, john tavares, New York Islanders