Birthday Boy: John Tavares

Everyone’s favorite hot middle school science teacher and un-ironic wearer of khaki pants turns 23 today.


johntavares from mistfarer, tagged #boyfriendfilter

Yes, 23.

Our love for John is not new – he was Foxy Friday back in March 2012 – but we have been a bit, er, cult-ish lately.  He had a big summer!  What else are we supposed to do?


John was named captain of the Islanders, made a sex workout tape, and out-styled the NYR with his amazing hair – which was promptly ruined in literal and figurative form by a NY Yankees hat.  We even did a whole post about his pants (cross reference: tucked-in polo, belt).

We learned that if/WHEN he’s named to Team Canada 2014, he won’t wear #91 which really puts me and @linzerellak in a jam over t-shirt shopping.


Last season, John was nominated robbed, admit it for the Hart Trophy and finished 3rd in goals (including 9 PPG + 5 GWG) with a career-high .58 GPG.  He figured in 35% of goals the NYI scored.  He came way too close for comfort (closer than history will reflect) to eliminating the Penguins from the playoffs.


Chuck mentioned he’s half-Polish, right?  At top volume?

John talked to Athletes Quarterly about his favorite off-ice things, and shot an arrow through our hearts with:


Read that feature.  The first person who brings us video of John Tavares singing Green Day at karaoke gets… Lord, you can have Intern Jeff Skinner.  (For a week.  Don’t get crazy.)


The Fourth Period (and everyone else) has praised John’s diplomacy and wisdom beyond his years.

fourthperiod Don’t worry John, that’s what I’m here for.

John got a little nervous talking to Alyonka Larianov, and joked that he hopes to look “half decent” when his knocked-out teeth are replaced.  She told him he’s “doing all right.”  Amen, sister.


Smoother than this time he straight up told Kathryn Tappen he was single.

john9 3:24 of John struggling not to giggle.

Endless adorkableness.  This season, we are bringing it all to you.

john10I could be Dauntless.  I would jump right onto this moving train.

So while we contemplate getting one of these for the office:


You guys wish John a happy birthday and get ready for a whole new season of awkward videos and tucked-in shirts!


The Isles host the Devils tomorrow in the first hockey game ever played at their future home, Barclays Center in Brooklyn.  It will be the smallest arena in hockey (around 14,500 seats).  You can read about the strange, off-center seating arrangement here and see a map of tickets available for tomorrow night’s game here.  It’ll be interesting to see how this goes!

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  1. Sabrina Reply

    Once again, this made my morning!

    You girls should write an actual column for a magazine/newspaper.

  2. Scarlett Reply

    Alternate theory: the NHL is enforcing the jersey tuck rule in order to break him of tucking in every shirt he owns.

  3. Marissa Reply

    So happy to seeing an Islander getting so much love. I am going to the game at Barclays tomorrow…will report back on how it is set up!

  4. Caitlin Reply

    You forgot to mention his great, deep, soothing voice. I’d buy an audio book narrated by him, even if it was on photosynthesis.

  5. Caitlin Reply

    Also: “I’ve even tried to get into Broadway” – love it! I’ll take in Mamma Mia with you, John!

  6. Dear god: I haven’t read the Fourth Period article yet, but after looking at the headline, I’m not sure I should read it at work: “Smooth Operator: Islanders wunderkind John Tavares proves his tongue is just as golden as his game.” *fans self*

    • Quote: “There’s the Portuguese side, which brings to mind the slick, creative style of a footballer from Coimbra. But there’s also the Polish side — his mom’s — the one that speaks of brute strength, doggedness and shoulders broader than the Chicago River.”

      I just fell off my chair. WHAT IS THIS ARTICLE EVAN LIPS???

      HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAPTAIN JOHN. And thanks to Pants and Alison, for showing me the light – again. Here’s to a whole new year of responsible footwear and sound stock market investments! And of course, THAT HAIR.

  7. Marlene Reply

    Although he was born many years later than me, we do share this day as are birthday. Finally, I can share it with someone I can respect. My sister also has my birthday, Crispin Glover and a random America’s Next Top Model contestant (this is on the famous birthday website).
    By the way Scarlett, I loved your comment about trying to break him from tucking in every shirt he owns.

    • Scarlett Reply

      It’s a serious problem. Although, it does emphasize the ass to waist ratio, so really, what do we know?

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