Welcome to the Land of Nothing Left to Talk About, where I dredge the internet for blog topics. Today, I got a kick out of these:
First of all, who researches these pants? Do they go around measuring hockey players? Or better yet, is there a back room and one of those tailor pedestals involved? Then we could get a squat-test and time how long it takes to get them off… like Field Day at camp, it’s Field Day with Pants. (See what I did there?)
All you need are some boots with the furrrrrrrr.
A liiiiiiiiiiiiiitle highher…
Secondly, I work for free. You should see the pillow I sewed in 7th grade Home Ec class! I’m resourceful too – in case I need to tie two tape measures together to get all the way around some of these boys.
Squats, squats, squats, squats, squats, squats…
“Hockey butt” is, of course, a real thing. In ski racing we call is “Alpine Ass.” With the popularity of backsides these days, perhaps I should have kept that up. The topic was recently featured on ESPN.com and has a Facebook page. Crosby’s custom jeans are legend. It perhaps surprises no one that Gingergoux’s backside has it’s own Tumblr.
Yeah, we get it.
Don’t forget the less famous guys who are dragging some serious wagons. In .gif form, you really have to wonder how iCarly even got these shorts on.
GAH, if only we could pause it! I can.
The phenomenon starts early. I can guarantee RNH did not buy these shorts in Okalahoma City.
My favorite rap lyric of all time is, “Is that your ass, or’s your mama half reindeer?” from ‘Shake Ya Tailfeather’ by Nelly. It’s been on my running mix since 2007. Today I really hope my work checks my internet search history. That’ll be a fun meeting.
The best part of these Gongshow pants is the inside. (Isn’t it always?) Check out the waistband:
But what does the fly say?! That’s your mission. First person to send me a photo of the first word gets a prize. Bonus points if it’s on a guy when you take it.
Extra bonus points if he can’t get them off.Tags: claude giroux, John Carlson, jonathan toews, ryan nugent-hopkins, Sidney Crosby