Late last night, the NHL’s Board of Governors approved a radical realignment plan that will completely reshape the busted up, crooked nose, missing teeth face of the NHL.

Normally, things like this don’t confuse us.  We consider ourselves pretty sharp ladies with excellent hockey acumen (uh, we DID go to BU after all), especially when it comes to the inner workings of the NHL…but frankly this one is going to take a bit to wrap our heads around.

Okay…emergency WUYS staff meeting!  While Intern Jeff Skinner sets up the whiteboard and organizes all our colorful markers, allow us to break it down for you like “Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo”.

• Goodbye, two conference, six division setup.  Hello, four-conference set up based on geography.  Two conferences will have 8 teams, the other two will have 7.  But can someone explain to us how Florida and Tampa Bay ended up in a conference with Boston, Buffalo, and Ottawa?  Did the NHL even bother to look at a map?
• Green light still needed from the Players.  NHLPA will get the chance to weigh in on the proposal, but the new structure should go into effect starting next season.  But we don’t see this not passing.  Highly doubt the league would have approved it if they did not feel that they would get support from the players.
• Air travel makes the Sedin Twins Grumpy.  The new four-conference set up was drawn up because several of the Western Conference teams were unhappy with all the travel between one, two, sometimes even three time zones.  Also some of those teams says that the late start of road games in PST (10pm on East Coast) were affecting fan interest.  Uh, we’re kinda guilty here.  Hey, we love to watch the Sharks but we have things to do.  Like sleep.  How else do you think we maintain our beauty and youthful appearances?
• NHL focuses their chi. Finds balance.  New alignment will allow the NHL to create a schedule where all teams (yes, ALL TEAMS) will play each other at least twice every season (one at home, one on the road).  This, we like. A lot.  It means that the fans will get to see every team and every superstar in the league, at least once.  We want to kiss the man who came up with this brilliant idea.
• Our new Powerball numbers: 7-6-3-3-8-5-6-3-6-4-5.  In the seven-team conference, teams would play 6 times (3 @ home, 3 away).  In eight-team conference, teams would play either 5 or 6 times in a season, on a rotating basis (3 teams play each other 6 times, 4 teams play each other 5 times).  Uh, we don’t like this.  Too much math. Our brains hurt.
• Stanley Cup Playoffs will become Steel Cage Death Match.  Only the top 4 teams in each conference would qualify for SCP.  1st vs. 4th, 2nd vs 3rd.  Four conference champs would meet in 3rd round of playoffs, with winners playing for the ultimate hardware.  So no more #8 seed upsetting the #1 seed.  *sadface* But those games were SO MUCH FUN!

Conferences are yet unnamed, but we really hope the NHL doesn’t go with something lame like North, Atlantic, Midwest, and West.  Actually, we’ve been brainstorming some awesome ones ourselves.

Quick, Jeffy – toss me that purple marker!

This is what we’ve come up with so far…

• Adams Conference
• Patrick Conference
• Norris Conference
• Smythe Conference
• Campbell Conference
• Wales Conference
• Tim Thomas Conference
• Panda Conference

What about you?  What would you name these four new conferences?

Right now, this radical realignment of our beloved NHL has yet to fully sink in.  Give us some caffeine and a hot minute.

Check in with us next season to see how we truly feel about the whole thing.

You know we’re going to have something hilariously clever to say.