October, you beauty. We wait all year, and usually you arrive with a terrifying array of fresh mug shots or ransom photos calling themselves roster head shots. But this year, you have arrived in style.
Take this in: Sidney Crosby woke up on roster photo day and did not shave. Good gosh. He probably ironed the folds in his living room curtains, ate a PB&J at exactly 8:07 AM, put his clothes on in order of threadcount, but he did not shave. Crazy, right?
No. Because everyone’s doing it.
Literally everyone. John Tavares, who are you? Is that a kinda-beard? For someone who doesn’t know what hipsters are, you’re looking pretty… pretty. Like a pumpkin spice latte wrapped in a houndstooth scarf that insists on riding its bike until the first snow falls. Gotta get to that middle school science class you’re teaching!
Please let scruff be this season’s thing. We’ve had long hair and tattoos creeping toward necks-slash-featuring graveyards and… #ScruffWatch2015, please. A season-long build up to BeardWatch could be just the inspiration we all need!
Here are links if you’re the type to enjoy a HUGE version of Sid’s photo. Just give up, everyone else. (There appear to be a few pixels missing right under his nose. Clearly a Flyers fan Photoshop hack, yes?) Here’s the entire Penguins headshot gallery.
Also enjoy the Islanders roster, looking monochromatically dramatic.
These pictures are gigantic. You could make a life-sized cardboard cutout of John Tavares… and marry it. (I say “you” because I am already married. Is it polygamy to marry a photo? What if it just rides shotgun while I drive in the carpool lane?)
[Note: I can’t find a single .gif of Princess Unikitty from The Lego Movie saying, “Marry a marshmallow!” and my despair nearly derailed this whole post.]
For heaven’s sake, even Kessel is rocking a gingerbeard, because he reads important news sources like this blog. Let the makeover begin.
Tags: john tavares, New York Islanders, phil kessel, Pittsburgh Penguins, Sidney Crosby