Who’s Scruffy Looking?

October, you beauty. We wait all year, and usually you arrive with a terrifying array of fresh mug shots or ransom photos calling themselves roster head shots. But this year, you have arrived in style.

sid roster

I have high hopes for a pirate Halloween costume.


Take this in: Sidney Crosby woke up on roster photo day and did not shave. Good gosh. He probably ironed the folds in his living room curtains, ate a PB&J at exactly 8:07 AM, put his clothes on in order of threadcount, but he did not shave. Crazy, right?

No. Because everyone’s doing it.

jt roster

And for JT, I’m thinking Indiana Jones for Halloween.


Literally everyone. John Tavares, who are you? Is that a kinda-beard? For someone who doesn’t know what hipsters are, you’re looking pretty… pretty. Like a pumpkin spice latte wrapped in a houndstooth scarf that insists on riding its bike until the first snow falls. Gotta get to that middle school science class you’re teaching!

jt roster 2

You know, Indiana Jones was a kind of science teacher.


Please let scruff be this season’s thing. We’ve had long hair and tattoos creeping toward necks-slash-featuring graveyards and… #ScruffWatch2015, please. A season-long build up to BeardWatch could be just the inspiration we all need!

han scruffy

Right guy, wrong movie.


Here are links if you’re the type to enjoy a HUGE version of Sid’s photo. Just give up, everyone else. (There appear to be a few pixels missing right under his nose. Clearly a Flyers fan Photoshop hack, yes?)  Here’s the entire Penguins headshot gallery.

Also enjoy the Islanders roster, looking monochromatically dramatic.

These pictures are gigantic. You could make a life-sized cardboard cutout of John Tavares… and marry it. (I say “you” because I am already married. Is it polygamy to marry a photo? What if it just rides shotgun while I drive in the carpool lane?)

tina fey

“Listen up Fives, a Ten is speaking.”


[Note: I can’t find a single .gif of Princess Unikitty from The Lego Movie saying, “Marry a marshmallow!” and my despair nearly derailed this whole post.]

As promised.

As promised.


For heaven’s sake, even Kessel is rocking a gingerbeard, because he reads important news sources like this blog. Let the makeover begin.

phil roster

Make that a Pittsburgh Ten


Tags: , , , ,

Leave a Reply

  1. Kate Reply

    Phil’s gingerbeard is a nice homage to the gingerbeards that have come and gone (Paul Martin! I’m going to try to stay up late for you!) but it’s a bit too much neckbeard? Still, I’m just so happy he’s here–he can do whatever he’d like.


    I’ll say it again, Pants – guaranteed a woman organized those shots of the Islanders. When else would black and white, gritty photography and dewy skin be the go-to for headshots? (Bless her, whomever she is)

    And I’ve saved that pic of Sid on every device, every computer I access. Bless YOU, Pants!

  3. hotstovebb Reply

    Check out Nick Leddy!!! Holy Schnikey! That is one nice yearbook headshot.

  4. Hnggg inappropriate thoughts abound. 87 & 81 meee-owww

  5. Jean-Sebastien Dea ❤❤❤ yee-ikes… and who is the dude next to Malkin?? And can they both tuck their sexy away because I am an unaffected intelligent hockey fan who just happens to be female and they don’t at all make me want to immediately start catcalling