Foxy Friday: Tristan Harper

47 feet of snow on the ground. People jumping off their roofs into snow banks.  Wind chills of -20F.

While I suffer through this historic Boston winter, I got a little something to warm me (and you) up.

(full disclosure: I am writing this post after a copious amount of sake. I am not responsible for my actions. #BuzzedBloggin)

Foxy Friday: Tristan Harper


Remember that movie Weird Science?  Well if Pants and I starred in the Hollywood remake, this might be the perfect boy we’d create.




Tristan Harper is a hockey player for the Braehead Clan in Glasgow, Scotland of the EIHL. I didn’t even know they played hockey in Scotland.

But I do now.

I’ve been to Scotland.  Had I know they had men like this that also played hockey – I never would have come back.  I would have sold everything I own, purchased a Scottish hockey club (and a sheepdog), and live happily ever after.

My morning meetings would consist of tea and jammie dodgers and player development meetings would be beard grooming lessons and highland games.

Wonder of what's under that kilt...

Wonder of what’s under that kilt…


He’s a NHL-worth 6’2″, with a beard that proves that a well-groomed can increase a man’s hotness power ranking exponentially.

His beard – it’s impeccable.  Never did I imagine that a beard would exists that could compete with the best but it seems that Zetterbeard may have some serious competition for my pogonophilic admiration.

Harper, Tristan - BW

Wanna stroke it like a cat.

Oh and his name is Tristan.  You remember the first time that you fell in love with a Tristan?

I do.

Howdy. (from

While my new love isn’t exactly tearing it up in the points department (6 pts in 45 games), he does have 62 PIM and his team is in 1st play in the league, so he’s got that going for him.

Also going for him – this.

And this…



Oh and let’s not forget this…

Scottish boyfriend sweaters are just as hot as the Canadian ones.

Scottish boyfriend sweaters are just as hot as the Canadian ones.


You can follow Tristan at @harpoon26 and check him out on Instagram.

I will warn you though – his IG feed does cause side effects – heart palpitations, swooning and/or fainting, dizziness, lightheadedness, the “feels”, the “schwings”, ovarian aches, or Lady Gaga YAAAASSSSSing.  Verklepmtion lasting longer than four hours required immediate medical attention.

And if you didn’t think beards make any guy hotter, check this.

Boom. Instahottie.

Boom. Instahottie.

(Thanks to the multiple people who brought this man to my attention.  You know my type and you are true gems of humanity.)


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Leave a Reply

  1. BKNY1999 Reply

    YAAAASSSS!!! *THUD* Dead on the floor……. Stroke it like a cat is right. Thanks Chuck! I needed something to warm me up after my frigid commute this morning.

  2. DEAD. Cancel my appointments, call work and tell them I’ve called in horny and will be taking the first flight straight to Scotland.

    His beard is what other beards aspire to be…and fail miserably.

    Oh, and I love that you have the ability to blog after that much sake and still use words like “pognophilic”!

    • Like so many great writers, I’m better when I’m buzzed.

  3. Is there video of him speaking with his hot Scottish accent??? Please tell me there is and where I can find it. Like, NOW.

    I. Cannot. Even.

    • BKNY1999 Reply

      • Amazing how what he says is pretty much what the NHLers say…just with a Scottish accent.

        • BKNY1999 Reply

          In honor of Tristan’s heritage, it will have to be “scotch”. 😉

          • There’s a place in downtown NYC that has flights of Scotch.

  4. *Trisssssstaaaannn…..*

    Apparently not only does Scotland have hockey, they also have dude ranches. Just sayin…

      • Cassy Reply

        So what you’re saying is stand by, everyone’s coming to visit? I’ll locate the sleeping bags…

  5. Kate Reply

    BeardHairSweaterJeansBeardAbsChestHair(!)BEARD. My brain has short circuited.

  6. Kate Reply

    Also, do you think Jordie Benn is aware of Tristan Harper’s existence and is aspiring to be him while also sadly willing his beard to grow back?

    • God, I hope Jordie Benn brings his beard back. Then he should do a photo shoot with Tristan and the entire internet would EXPLODE.

  7. Fatema Reply

    Damn what’s with Scotts and their ginger beard?

  8. Giroux5ever Reply

    Yes, thank you. Its just what I always wanted. Moving to Scotland ASAP!

  9. Cassy Reply

    Hang on a minute…. You didn’t know we have hockey in Scotland? I thought you and I had established this, over pints in many bars in Boston? You mean, we never had the discussion about me seeing my first hockey player, aged six and thinking HOLEEEEEEEE SHEEEEEEEEEEET?

    My friend Sanna (Braehead fan, sitting beside me, who is flabbergasted you picked one of her boys for this honour) and her man (both just back from their first Beantown visit) will take you to a game next time you’re here. And you can stay with me in Edinburgh. Also in Scotland.