I was going to do a “Happy Almost Holidays!” post this morning, but there isn’t really anything good to report.  Instead I’ll trye to motivate myself and see if I can do a post a day for 10 days, so we approach 2015 with momentum.

Don’t hold your breath.

Dallas Eakins got fired

Most bosses should be so lucky as to tread water for ages while their ship breaks in half and sinks beneath them like the Titanic.  The Oilers are in a special place we refer to as DFL – dead effing last.  They have 7 wins in 31 games for a total of 19 points.  (Intern Jeff Skinner just threw his juice box at me, because the Canes are in the same boat – literally.  At the bottom of the ocean.)

This would be post-worthy if only for the excuse to search “David Tennant sad” on Google Images.

Who will coach the puppies?  Perhaps Craig McTavish for a bit.  The man played his entire career with no helmet, so that’s apt.  If that doesn’t work, I’m always available. I’ve been training my puppy Blue and am happy to report 12 potty accident-free days!  He’s also mastered getting on the couch by himself and eating an entire cardboard box.  Free intermission entertainment.

Crosby got the mumps

What’s most surprising is not that the mumps still circulate after the vaccine was introduced in 1967.  Apparently even with a booster, that vaccine is only 88% effective (not 87%), so this isn’t an old-timey thing or bad karma from anti-vaxxers.  It could happen to you.  No, the surprising thing is that it happened to Sid.  It mostly spreads through saliva, and so I thought, “STOP KISSING COREY PERRY!” (I’m kidding.  Shudder.)  As someone who got mono in high school from kissing precisely no one, I assure you this isn’t funny.

The Penguins took some serious optimism supplements to let Crosby practice and do interviews looking as he did Friday. He was set to play in the weekend’s back-to-back games for a minute there.  He could have scored 10 goals because the other team refused to come near him.  They could have played “My Humps” as his goal song. (Sorry, but every time someone says “mumps,” I think it.)

Then I read this Puck Daddy post on mumps and how gross the on-ice game of hockey is, aside from practices and sharing meals and being locked inside a pressurized petri dish flying from city to city.  Now I’m swabbing my entire office with Clorox wipes while wearing a surgical mask leftover from a 28 Days Later promotion.

Beau Bennett has also been tested for mumps. If Sid’ got it and Beau’s got it, you know Borts is either next or immune like Hagrid is to stunning spells because he’s got giant’s blood.

Slava Voynov went to court

The Kings’ Slava Voynov has a very serious domestic violence charge against him, and the details of the alleged attack revealed in today’s preliminary hearing are awful [link].  He has plead not guilty and his wife requested he not be charged [link].  Voynov is on indefinite suspension from the NHL, including team activities – like practices, the violation of which cost the Kings $100k [link].

Tomas Vokoun retired

According the a report cited at NHL.com, Vokoun has decided to retire.  He was sidelined two seasons ago as a member of the Penguins with blood clots in his pelvis.  He also played for the Habs, Preds, Panthers and Caps, and always kind of reminded me of Jude Law.

EDIT: Just as I thought there was nothing upbeat to post, it’s Tyler Seguin to the rescue.  In tights and with mistletoe hanging above his head, of course, so I don’t even need to make a joke about sitting on someone’s lap.

Day 10 is a success.

Tags: beau bennet, Edmonton Oilers, Los Angeles Kings, Pittsburgh Penguins, Sidney Crosby, Tomas Vokoun