As you know, hockey does not often make American airwaves.
I sometimes wonder what percentage of our population could identify Wayne Gretzky, forget Gordie Howe or Crosby or Intern Jeff Skinner. It would be a killer round on “Celebrity Name Game,” after so few of my countrymen recognize Bill Gates but everybody knows Jared from Subway.
Imagine my excited double take when I saw this Gatorade ad (over the summer) featuring our favorite meerkat, Patrick Kane.
I may have fist-pumped in the gym. Patrick Kane on TV with Bryce Harper? With Dwyane Wade, from basketball, who is not Dwayne Wayne from “A Different World?” And that football guy I don’t know, but he’s in a lot of commercials so he’s probably a Kardashian?! I thought, “Go Kaner!” and “Yes, his hair looks pretty good in this.”
** I INTERRUPT THIS POST TO BRING YOU THE GREATEST THING EVER. **
Go here: Gatorade Kane Locker Tour. Click the headphones. Click everything, and between everything click the headphones again. How on Earth has this existed since July and we’ve never seen it?
Now, back to your regularly scheduled programming.
Recently, another beloved tradition returned – McDonald’s Monopoly. It’s the quintessential learning tool for American kids: throwaway money, shiny cars and that one time you went to jail but it wasn’t a big deal. On Sunday, Mr. Pants and I hit the drive-thru. Only his soda cup had Monopoly pieces, and he didn’t notice. I didn’t really care. Then five hours later, at home, the Monopoly commercial came on.
Mr. Pants, looking around as if we keep old cups on the table: “It’s Monopoly time?”
Me, running toward kitchen, “YOU CAN WIN PATRICK KANE??”
Let me tell you, I went into the garbage. I didn’t even hear what the Kaner-related prize was but I flung aside hours of moving debris just in case this was my chance to strike it Patrick. I didn’t dig through trash to win money or Beats by Dre headphones or whatever, only for Patrick Kane.
Turns out the prize is – I still don’t know. Hawks tickets probably. That’s worth a dumpster dive. Our cup yielded nothing, not even a free soda in another cup with which to continue this cycle. The truth is: you never win, unless you actually are Patrick Kane. Multiple Stanley Cups and most valuable-type trophies? Side prizes. He is standings next to wheelbarrow full of cash on the Monopoly board while it rains McChickens, all broadcast on TV. That, folks, is the American Dream.
His hair doesn’t look as good in this ad, though.Tags: Chicago Blackhawks, patrick kane