Birthday Boy: John Tavares

Is everyone excited?  Training camp has begun, the season is nearly upon us and it’s time to party like John Tavares.


TWO scoops of ice cream.  Go crazy.

John turns 35 today… kidding, he’s 24.  Yes, in human years.  This clearly demonstrates why the Prime Minister of Canada only has to be 18, while President of the United States must be 35.  We just don’t make ’em like John down here.

Chris Kunitz, John Tavares, Sidney Crosby

Sid looks jealous.

Way back in March 2012, we featured John as Foxy Friday.  We dig the ‘hot middle school science teacher’ vibe, and let’s be honest – we need someone to file our taxes. Since then, we’ve spent many a post discussing tucked-in shirts, how nervous John gets when interviewed by a woman and that time he was selected Islanders Captain and said “heck” in his speech.


This is me being cool.

John is the perfect blend of awkward and awesome, of boy-next-door and we-grew-up-in-the-wrong-town.  If we ever go back to school, we’ll just print this blog out and hand it in as our senior thesis on John’s choice of pants.



He’d appreciate our use of the Scientific Method.



Editor’s note to self for next blog: it’s tough to search posts about “pants” when you call yourself “Pants.”  But all talk of pants is good.


How you doin’?

Since being hurt in Sochi last year, John missed the end of a very promising season.  We can’t wait for him to come back in all his dorky glory, hair sticking out the top of his helmet, and give Crosby a run for the Hart.


That’s right, I said it.

May this be the season when Googling “John Tavares gif”:


This guy.

Gives you only John and no other hockey players.


What about me?

Because he’s worth it.


Beat it, it’s MY birthday!

So Happy Birthday, John Tavares and happy almost-hockey season to us!


We can’t keep a straight face either.

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Leave a Reply

  1. Scarlett Reply

    In honor of all the men who make us dream of sweater vests, happy birthday Professor Tavares.

  2. I’d bet my next paycheck he’s got a dark (ok, semi-dark) side. I mean, Jamie Benn got a graveyard skull tattoo – who saw that coming? I’m betting JT has a crush on Dita Von Teese or dreams of getting something pierced. It’s the most outwardly tightly-wound ones who go the craziest when they finally let loose. 😉

  3. Vivian Reply

    Amazing post Pants. Love the last gif…
    And congrats to John!

  4. Kate Reply

    Everything I know and love about John Tavares comes from this blog. Happy Birthday John! Hope it was fun as heck!