The Night Before

Allow me to present the Day 6 update as an autobiographical look at my catastrophic emotional instability.


Penguins: 4, Blue Jackets 3 [Pens lead series 2-1]

This game started and an instant later the Jackets had scored two goals.  Okay, maybe it took 3:18, but it felt like a heartbeat.  The Penguins were not ready, not willing and not at all able while I just watched like:

tornado cow

It continued into the second period.  Pittsburgh shot total multiplied exponentially but nothing got past Bobrovsky.  They had 257 power plays – alright 6; the CBJ were throwing themselves into the box – but converted on zero.  This from the NHL’s #1 regular season PP!  When I tell you I yelled, “The next person who blows a drop pass coming into the zone gets my foot up his ass!” I mean I was loud.


Finally Brooks Orpik (ofallpeopleexceptLetangmewlingdeath!!) scored in the last gasp of the 2nd period.


And of course, the Jackets got it right back to start the third.


Only I didn’t leave.  I sent my Patronus away so it wouldn’t have to watch but I am not strong enough to resist.  Then the Penguins scored.


1:10 later they scored again.


1:03 after that they scored again.


I was freaking out and faith-healed and curled into a weird knot on my living room floor.  Three goals on three shots in 2:13.



Then they won.  And this was me, for a solid two hours after:


It’s only Game 3.  Crosby, Kunitz, Malkin and Neal have no goals – only Geno even has a point.  So many wasted man advantages.  Flower stayed confident despite a messy start.  Alison & I both performed mid-game costume changes to what we wore for Game 1 and it worked.  I’m exhausted.  I might be overreacting.  Maybe everything is going to be okay.

Right, Sid?


GAH.  That’s what you always say.

Blackhawks: 2; Blues: 0 [Blues lead series 2-1]

Well no one died, which makes it a model of restraint after last game’s dirty hit/suspension/general abhorrence.  Instead the Hawks set the pace early when Captain I’m Fun Now put a gimmie through the wickets on Ryan Miller.  Corey Crawford pitched a shutout and the Hawks staved off an almost certain death – for now.


Wild: 1; Avalanche: 0 [Avs lead series 2-1]

Zero goals until 5:08 of overtime.  After a combined 9 G in Game 1 and 6 G in Game 2, this match was locked down.  The Avs managed on 22 shots on Darcy Kuemper in his playoff debut, while Minnesota threw 46 shots on Varlamov.  Matt Cookie hit Tyson Barrie knee-on-knee and will likely (deservedly) be the second player suspended this post-season.  See it here.  I don’t want to watch it again.  Instead watch Mikael Granlund’s holy moly game-winner:


Stars: 3; Ducks: 0

I was only half-watching this game after the emotional trauma of the Pens’ game, but I know the DuckTales theme when I hear it!  The Stars in-game staff played it during a third period timeout.  If you were sleeping, search ‘DucksTales’ on Twitter.  Harmless fun and who doesn’t want to hear that song?  [The Albany River Rats used to play “Even the Losers (Get Lucky Sometimes)” when the opposing team scored.  I laughed even when we were losing.]

Jamie Benn had a goal and the post-game interview, but you should be tuning in for Jordie Benn’s megabeard.  Someone find me a picture of that!


Tonight, tonight it’s Montreal with the chance to give Tampa Bay the first playoff exit of the year.  The Bruins/Red Wings and Rangers/Flyers all try to gain the edge in tied series and late night, the Sharks will attempt to go up 3-0 over the Kings.  The first two games have each seen 9 total goals scored.  Sounds exciting – if only we could stay awake!

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  1. I know people need to sell newspapers, get page clicks, and make their TV “analysis” all dramatic and such, but Sid has 4A and Geno has 3A, so this “they aren’t producing so the Pens can’t win” narrative is eye-roll inducing to me. They’re getting chances. Eventually, the puck is going to start going in the net for them. And the PP can’t stay dry forever. But until then, I’m happy for Nisky, BSutts, Brian Gibbons (get well soon!), random defensemen to be scoring. All season: “THE PENS NEED MORE SECONDARY SCORING!” — now that they have it: “SID AND GENO NEED TO BE BETTER!”

    Also, general shout out to MAF for being awesome and giving them a chance to win every game.

    It’s quite amazing the clarity and calm that comes with a good night’s sleep, isn’t it?

    • Pants Reply

      AMEN. I spin wildly between “Score a hat trick and shut these jerks up!” to “Who cares if Sid scores we just need to winnnnnnnnnnnn!” Only louder and with more flailing.

      • ALSO. That Crosby gif and Jamie Benn photo. You always know how to make Tuesdays better, Pants.

  2. Maddie Reply

    Yes to EVERYTHING Alison said. (And my husband thought I was weird when I did my costume change! Ha!)

  3. Kate Reply

    I was so wound up after the Pens game that I ended up watching the end of the Blackhawks-Blues game AND the Stars-Ducks game, which meant I was up waaay past my bedtime. Pants and Alison, please continue wearing the game 1 outfit. Please.

    When Nealer was getting feisty last night, I was shouting “Remember Matt Cooke!!!” at my computer. And then I find out during the intermission that Matt Cooke is back to his old ways. So disappointing.

    I find the discrepancy between the Brothers Benn’s beards (alliteration!) hilarious and amazing.

  4. Dorothy Reply

    Oh, Pants… You could not have better described the freakin roller coaster the Pens took me on yesterday. And if you can get Sid to say anything different, PLEASE clue in the media. I’m tired of the dumb-ass questions they ask him!