#CAMP may be over, but camps are just beginning. Invitees for Team Canada’s Olympic camp were arriving in Calgary all weekend, as documented by this airport employee:
There is a space for volunteers. AND IT IS BLANK.
Alas, the enterprise of TSN is not to be underestimated. They were live on the scene with camera equipment, like any good reality-based programming would be. To honor their commitment, we present Team Canada hopefuls in…
If you don’t watch The Bachelorette… well neither do I. But I enjoy the scathing wit and hilarious nicknames of BachCap on lostangelesblog.com. In that spirit, we bring you this season’s contestants [full video]. At first there are so many, you can only categorize them as:
The Hot One
Too obvious? No. One guy is always really, really ridiculously good looking. Out of the girl’s league. Out of everyone’s league. You kind of hate him until you find out he rescues puppies and shovels snow for old ladies and reads iambic pentameter to goldfish. Then you just wonder what on Earth kind of moisturizer Sidney Crosby uses.
The Married Guy
One contestant always looks like a fake. Like he told his wife he’d be in Shanghai on business for two weeks and will only confess/divorce to being on The Bachelorette if he doesn’t get kicked off in the first episode. To cement the role, Duncan Keith obviously has a newborn child at home.
The Confidence Guy
We don’t mean “con man” in this sense, we mean the guy who walks into a room and instantly makes everyone feel like they skipped a shower and borrowed Mom’s favorite cat sweatshirt on laundry day. You look at this guy and wonder why you even try. Then Confidence Guy brings you a beer, asks about your favorite book and the entire TV audience is in love with Steven Stamkos before the Bachelorette even comes down the stairs.
The Bachelorette’s first words will be, “He’s too young for me.” Then she’ll gush – and we mean GUSH – about how energetic, enthusiastic and positive he is, how he has less baggage and his whole outlook is rosy. Because this chick didn’t become the Bachelorette by having a series of great relationships. Basically the last Bachelor liked her soooooooo much that he almost just barely didn’t ask some other girl to marry him. After that, Taylor Hall looks like freshly fallen snow. In a Lululemon pullover.
He’s cute. He’s nice. There’s an embarrassing on camera moment, during a pontoon boat-and-private island luau group date where she forgets his name. He’s completely adequate in every unchallenging way, which is why suddenly there are only three roses left and this guy’s still in the room. The he busts out his guitar for an a capella, “You don’t know you’re beautiful… That’s What Makes You Beautiful!” and BAM. The Hot Guy’s crying the back of a limo and Corey Crawford’s on the cover of People Magazine.
Any date involving motorcycle rides, surfing or the general blowing of a fair breeze and the camera will zoom in for a slow motion hair flip that no girl could pull of so coquettishly. You may not remember Braden’s name, but calling him The Dread Pirate Roberts will be the highlight of your Monday night.
Not to be mistaken for The Kid, The Freshman is old enough to play the game. In fact he memorized the rule book, the strategy guide, the bylaws and did ALL the homework before he was dressed a half an hour early for the limo pickup. He’s more ready for this than the Bachelorette herself. Just wait till the Hometown date – every mom in TV land has been screaming for the Bachelorette to pick John Tavares.
The Quiet One
A lot of guys make a lot of noise. The Quiet One waits it out, a bashful smile here and there, and a smart Bachelorette takes the bait. When this guy gets the first one-on-one date, none of the other contestants can even remember what Patrice looks like. But we know.
The Bad Boy
Let’s be honest, Bachelorette. James Neal is not going to call you back. John Tavares will call you 57 times before James even reads the text you sent. You’ll only answer John’s call in case that’s the very moment James calls and gets voicemail. What if he doesn’t leave a message? Will your phone show a missed call? James is the first guy the Bachelorette is making out with – and no one knows that better than he does.
There’s SO much more from camp already:
- Hockey Canada Press Conference video – Sid, Shea Weber, Roberto Luongo, Bergeron, Rick Nash at the 39 minute mark
- Team Canada ball hockey scrimmage with photo gallery.
- This picture of John Tavares.
- All in their uniforms, on their way to
- Everybody in shorts. I mean everybody. (More contestants to be introduced as The Bachelorette continues.)
- Crosby at golf. Full length. Oh, Stammer‘s there too.
- We are still #TeamEbs.
I could go on all day. Thanks to Lindsay and Alison for 100% legwork on these photos. There will be new guys, nicknames and a few will even be voted off, but you must wait until the next episode of The Bachelorette.Tags: Braden Holtby, corey crawford, duncan keith, james neal, john tavares, Patrice Bergeron, Sidney Crosby, steven stamkos, taylor hall, Team Canada
As a surprise to neither Pants nor Alison, I cannot decide between the Confidence Guy and the Bad Boy. But that photo of Tavares??? SCREAMING. I’m lucky to still be employed after today, and it’ll be a miracle if I am after Wednesday. I guess my excuse will be “Team Canada…here in Calgary?” I haven’t even seen the Sportscentre footage that Alison has been RAVING over. #deadonthecoldhardfloor
You tried to KILL ME today with this picture: https://t.co/IojaIf8gWn
I only have one thing to say: AAUUUGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Like Alison said, we did very important work today. Patriotic work. Team Canada work. And you’re right, Amanda. I did try to kill you, and I’ll do it again, starting tomorrow. If Alison and I are going down, we’re taking you with us.
While we maybe didn’t do much real work today, Lindsay.. we did very important work.
Everyone should go watch all the videos on TSN.ca IMMEDIATELY.
Best. Ball hockey game. Ever.
I’m all about The Sleeper.
Also, shame on America for not having even a quarter of the coverage Canada did. We could all use a dose of Zach Parise, mmmkay?
That’s because America doesn’t care about hockey.
Here’s your dose of ZP, “Muricah-style. http://24.media.tumblr.com/fc85c75d19f0622d631573e1cf4bf991/tumblr_ms5rakrnNP1ruolzmo1_500.jpg
And a little BRizzy too – http://instagram.com/p/dfVnLXxthU/
Damn it, Team Canada! This is SO not fair. Way to stack the deck.
I call a penalty. Two minutes for unsportsmanlike conduct!
I’m still salivating over the thought of:
I do not envy you and the cuts you will have to make, Mike Babcock and rest of the coaching staff. Team Canada has talent for dayssssss.
That picture of James Neal is just begging for the Ryan Gosling/Hey Girl treatment.
Also – can we change JToews nickname to Captain Calves?
The sad thing is that Giroux is not there and therefore no time for him and Crosby to make-up and so-call bond with each other during these few days. I confess I am a Giroux hater but would like them both to put it under the bridge for the sake of the Olympics.
AHHHH! I just watched the highlights on SportsCentre. How friggin’ adorable is the ball hockey? They are all such happy puppies!
I’ll be in the library with the Quiet One.
… studying French?
Don’t be ridiculous.
Studying French Comparative Literature.
Aaand BOOM. Panty soup.
Clearly I also need to have drinks with Cassy, because she is obviously my kind of girl.
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