I went to work early this morning and put the Calder Trophy on Pants’ desk.  It’s really shiny.  Then I drew a (second) mustache on her Logan Couture poster and now I’m buying myself a huge breakfast on the corporate card.

I’m not bragging, but I did win.  And Vegas was really fun, even if Tyler Seguin never returned my calls about how to go out dancing when you’re clearly underage, or what the point is of wearing a belt.

In case you didn’t see my speech, I was kinda nervous.  Okay super nervous.  It was like prom times a hundred and I hope all the Seventeen readers (and WUYS girls) were pleased with the suit they chose.  I thanked everyone I could think of – I mean everyone – but I forgot to mention Pants.  I felt so terrible that I made Couture drunk dial her and sing the Jaws theme song from the pool party.

If only they’d done the Calder at the end of the show, I’d have felt better.  It was all awkward all the time and at least I didn’t have to hug the Real Housewives!  I mean, girls make me nervous enough already.

Now that I am an award-winner, I might have to ask for a raise.  Or an allowance.  The girls know I work hard and I’m really good at organizing the ponytail holders they leave around the office (thin for everyday, thick for the gym).  They could pay me Canadian minimum wage, and I could do yard work.  Gotta stay in shape so I can win more awards next season.