Five Minutes

I picked up the January issue of Men’s Health in the dentist’s office this morning (because Matt Damon was on the cover) and found this inside:


Hey there, Captain Zach!


I can’t find this image large enough to read text, so let me tell you what it says:

  • Zach Parise can hold a lunge for five minutes.
  • Over the course of the particular training program mentioned, he barfed three times.
  • Barfing does not at all deter from the attractiveness of a man who can hold a lunge for five minutes.
  • Wait, I said that last part.

I try to picture myself holding a lunge for five minutes – at the one minute mark I’d fall over and lay frozen on the gym floor, laughing hysterically at my own rigor mortis.


More on Parise’s workout routine from Sports Illustrated, with video in which he looks suitably miserable.  That’s our kind of tough guy.  Zach gets an open invitation to join our next Tough Mudder team.


Hockey in no sleeves = skiing in jeans.

We won’t tell chocolate milk if he drinks that free beer at the end.


Five minutes.  Shut up.

Tags: ,

Leave a Reply

  1. MattyD Reply

    I can totally hold a lunge for five minutes…Please.

  2. jana Reply

    Every time his Chobani commercial ran during the Olympics, I stopped to watch–just for the very last moment when Zach turns to the camera as he’s closing the door.

    Dead. On the floor. Every time.

    • Casey Reply

      I would shush my boyfriend if he was talking during the commercial and I would sigh every time Captain Zach’s face would appear… My boyfriend was like, pftt it’s just Zach Parise. I’m like you shut your mouth right now. That’s perfect Zach – lunging for 5 minutes straight looking beautiful as ever, and being perfect. Ugh. I love him so much it hurts! Then my boyfriend would look at me as if I’m crazy, and was like you love him more than me? Well – I thought that was obvious 🙂 (haha – just kidding… sort of..).

  3. If I drank chocolate milk before, during, or after a workout, I’d barf 3 times, too

  4. “Skiing in jeans” – I just snarfed on my lunch. At least it’s salad….right?