NHL MAN MADNESS 2016 WINNER: SIDNEY CROSBY

That shirt voted for Sid

66% of the vote went to Sid. He wold clearly have preferred 87%, but this is a higher percentage than he got in wins over Letang, Ekblad and Price. What can I say? We Eastern Conference girls have a lot to choose from.

Click for a larger version

So, you like Sid. Hey, me too! I didn’t even vote, that’s how fair I wanted this to be. Now that I know you’re right ( smile), what does that say about you/us? We also like:

• superstitions
• peanut butter & jelly sandwiches
• dogs

:: hearts ::

Things you don’t like:

• referees
• Flyers
• selfies

Of course, you are also fans of:

Are you getting my best side?

I mean athleticism, guys! From the greatest player in the game!

I went to work like this.

Oh, you are no help. If you don’t think Crosby’s the best player in the game, well, everyone’s entitled to be wrong sometimes. (jk)

Took him 10 years to get the roster photo right.

But I think most people can appreciate his… bonus features.

You thought I was going to say “assets.”

There are gold medals and a Stanley Cup and trophies all over the place, not to mention the Penguins hot streak of late. Sid was NHL 1st Star for the month of March.

Currently 3rd in points this season

And his 600th career assist, notched this weekend.

gif from wearelookingathestars.tumblr.com

You all know how I feel about Sid, and now you know how the majority of other people (who voted in this poll) feel too. I could go on for… the 5 1/2 years this blog has existed, in fact. But this is the .gif I have bookmarked in my browser, probably my favorite go-to Sid of all time.

Right in the feels.

If you’re a Pens fan, you’re really enjoying the games right now. And maybe a little extra in-game. Let’s hope we get to enjoy that all the way till June.

gif by maljic.tumblr.com

And if you’re not a Pens fan, there ‘s still plenty of off-ice Crosby to keep you, um, occupied.

gif from puckducky.tumblr.com

So congratulations to Sidney Crosby, NHL Man Madness 2016 Winner. The competition where we all win.

A+ Captain

PS: Super thanks to all those whose gifs are included here. Visit their sites, y’all. But only if you have nothing to do for about a week.

Took him 10 years to get the roster photo right.

Here we are, at four. That’s fewer names than you’re allowed on your “island”, your “celebrity five” or your “get out of monogamy free card”, whatever you call it. (Unless you are me. I’ve been know that say, “Sid is the list.”)

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Carey Price v Sidney Crosby

You love Carey Price. I don’t get it – or I’ve never really tried – so this one will remain a mystery to me! Stamkos fared slightly better than Bergeron, Faulk or Ericksson, which is to say that he got more than 35% of the vote. And so Price moves on confidently.

I think he can hear me blogging.

If Sidney Crosby hadn’t won, I would have tampered with these election results. Trust me, I am not above a little espionage to keep things right with the world! Luckily, while twenty-nothing-year old Aaron Ekblad made a surprisingly strong show (39%!), Crosby won this fair and square.

It’s all the things.

Now, you must choose. I won’t tell you what to do…

Subliminal messaging

Or who to vote for…

It’s not my fault he looks like this.

But I trust you’ll do the right thing.

Be his wingman any day.

KIDDING! Well, not really, but here are some Carey Price gifs to balance the universe and deter charges of election tampering.

He does look like a nice guy.

I mean, the man can wear a scarf.

Who’d probably bring you coffee.

And not every guy looks good in a belt buckle.

Yeehaw.

Tyler Seguin v Jamie Benn

It was always coming down to this. Entire fictional/aspirational lives are built on just such a conundrum – Peeta v Gale, Edward v Jacob, Ron v Harry, and presumably a great many that exist outside young adult books, but not with this kind of angst. I mean, they’re BEST FRIENDS. They are a set. And they’re possibly more in love with each other than they could ever be with you.

They can’t make us choose.

Tyler faced a worthy opponent in Zach Parise, who got a whopping 44% of the vote. I am shocked! But only one winning smile can win the day. Jamie struggled early, but ended up beating Gabe the Babe with 64%.

Now, by choosing only one of Tyler or Jamie, you could choose none – because they’d likely choose each other. Or you could destroy this fanfic-worthy bromance and ruin everything. That’s right, with just one click.

Life is hard.

So, Tyler?

He knows who he’d choose. Or does he?

Or Jamie?

Come on, just a little?

Left?

All about that bass (layer) – or not.

Or Right?

Need a ride home?

Cake?

Dessert-related. We’re not picky.

Or Death?

Not quite the same.

Man, that is tough. Seguin is a human gif-machine but Benn is so adorkable. Either way, can you really lose?

VOTE HERE: NHL Man Madness Final Four

The poll will be open until Noon EST Friday. As they say: vote early, vote awesome!

]]> http://whatsupyasieve.com/2016/03/30/nhl-man-madness-final-four/feed/ 2 http://whatsupyasieve.com/2016/03/28/nhl-man-madness-round-2-vote-on/ http://whatsupyasieve.com/2016/03/28/nhl-man-madness-round-2-vote-on/#comments Mon, 28 Mar 2016 16:02:01 +0000 http://whatsupyasieve.com/?p=22748 Well that was a lot of nothing. Sorry, Professor Perfect Bergeron fans, but Carey Price dismantled him in the run-off category.

Nnnnnot that close.

So we proceed as before – NHL Man Madness 2016 Quarterfinal: VOTE HERE

Click for a larger version

To aid in these decisions, here’s a helpful visual guide.

Carey Price v Steven Stamkos

The Goalie and the Natural

I’ve never paid much any attention to Carey Price, but y’all love him. And I use “y’all” to demonstrate the one thing I know about Carey Price – he’s a cowboy. He can do horse-related things and also survival, which according to many Twitter comments would make his useful in case of zombie apocalypse. (No one suggested he compete on “Naked and Afraid” which frankly calls into question this whole bracket challenge.)

Judo chop!

I submit to you that as living off the land and shooting-while-running are exceptional skills, Stamkos is not without off-ice talents of his own.

You decide what’s more likely. The Walking Dead Reality Show or a young adult fiction series-turned-Hollywood blockbuster series starring a 60-goal scorer.

Sidney Crosby v Aaron Ekblad

Hate to see you leave but love to see you walk away.

Hahahaha, kidding. I’m kidding! That is so unfair.

The Kid and the actual kid

Tyler Seguin v Zach Parise

The Bad Boy and the Good Guy

That’s really fair, though, right? Finding a photo of Seguin with a shirt (and pants) on is not that easy. But don’t rule Zach out – he did take down Toews, after all.

Smile. People will wonder what you’re up to.

I’m just not sure anyone can stand up to Tyler.

He just couldn’t reach a towel. In a room full of towels.

Gabriel Landeskog v Jamie Benn

This bracket is the toughest for me by a mile. They’re both so… it’s impossible. Gabe refuses to wear a shirt, even while making you breakfast. Jamie can’t not be a dork. Not even for a second. Not even with his shirt off! It’s Kryptonite.

The Surprise and the Sure Thing

To assist myself, we enter this evidence before the court:

The Swedish Chef

The “I Can’t Be Sure it’s an Innuendo because it’s Jamie Benn”

Guess I’ll have to spend all day looking Google Image searching them to aid in my decision making (aka just continue what I’ve been doing all morning).

VOTE HERE: NHL Man Madness 2016 – Quarterfinal

Go on, take your time. Research these decisions. Quarterfinal voting will end Wednesday, March 30 at Noon Eastern.

]]> http://whatsupyasieve.com/2016/03/28/nhl-man-madness-round-2-vote-on/feed/ 3 http://whatsupyasieve.com/2016/03/20/nhl-man-madness-2016/ http://whatsupyasieve.com/2016/03/20/nhl-man-madness-2016/#comments Mon, 21 Mar 2016 00:28:10 +0000 http://whatsupyasieve.com/?p=22709 The last – and only – time I gave a rat’s ass about NCAA March Madness basketball was a) when Sidney Crosby was at the next table and b) I was lying. But this important bracket challenge had me excited: BarDown: Pretty Hockey Player Madness 2016

Vote in the Bardown Bracket HERE.

Until I tried it. And the problems began.

• Josi vs Gabe the Babe in the first round?! Can I just win the loser and go home happy?
• I don’t know 60% of the Pacific Division contenders. They play hockey past my bedtime.
• Tyler Seguin vs. Patrick Sharp? Like, you’re teammates on the train to the Capital, but once you hit the arena, it’s every handsome man for himself? I hope they refuse at the end and hold hands.
• Paul Martin made the bracket? Hey San Jose!
• Sidney Crosby vs. Jared Boll. Prince Charming vs. the Wicked Queen’s eyebrows.
• And then it was over. NO STAMKOS? NO TAVARES? What kind of rigged crap is this?

Much love for Uncle Joe.

So, I created a real, better bracket for us. With the help of everyone on Twitter during the Pens/Caps game last night, we present to you…

WUYS NHL Man Madness 2016

Now, it’s not perfect. I had to pick someone from every team, which meant only a few teams could send multiple handsome faces. Many competed, few made the bracket. I divided East vs West and used a random generator to seed the players.  The rest, as they say, is up to you.

VOTE HERE: WUYS NHL Man Madness 2016 Bracket Challenge (You don’t have to enter your email. Just hit Begin.)

UPDATE: If you voted before 10PM EST on Sunday night, I forgot to include Jamie Benn vs. Jordan Eberle. Probably because that’s like choosing cake or a different cake. I mean, how can you want just one? You can try here, in Oops, Jamie Benn vs Jordan Eberle.

You have until Wednesday night to vote, and we’ll move into the Semifinals on Thursday!

You jump, I… stay on this door and survive.

To keep looking like this:

Some of our 100+ Stamkos posts have been pretty legendary, including those times he:

… was so cute at 20 that I said, “Call me when you don’t need a fake ID.’

.. turned 21. Then 22, and then 23. (He’s 25 now.)

… shoveled snow in shorts.

… wore, and I mean wore, blue pants to play golf. The white pants were good too.

… and James Neal cried laughing at Intern Jeff Skinner‘s mortal humiliation.

… scored 50 goals. Then made it 60 goals.

… did this:

… pretended to forget his skates while Jordan Eberle pretended to be mean in a Coke Zero commerical.

… and Neal, Tavares and Jeff Carter had an imaginary argument about the scoring race.

… Tweeted a photo of his busted face.

… jumped freakishly high. Which is probably all the time.

… cut/didn’t cut his hair.

… poured water of himself in the name of charity.

… went to the wire on a contract deal. No, the other time.

Curls for the girls

It’s been 4 years, 7 months and 22 days since Steven’s first mention on WUYS. That means he’s gone 1697 days without being Foxy Friday! Criminal! Finally, we correct this error of 242.5 weeks. (And on a day that Steven and the Bolts play Pittsburgh. I waited 5 years to probably shoot myself in the foot and cost my team their whole season. Yay,)

In honor of Steven finally being named, we’re bringing you ALL NEW (to this blog, mostly, we think) Steven Stamkos content! Skinny legs and all.

getouthere @NikeTraining pic.twitter.com/5PfNtGSAaU

— Steven Stamkos (@RealStamkos91) November 6, 2015

When Steven is on the ice, he is:

When he’s not on the ice, you can find him being cute with a puppy:

I don’t need any treats, I’m good here.

And with many puppies:

My actual dream come true.

And with his own puppy:

Some people are obsessed with their dogs, okay? Gosh.

Also with children:

High school is going to be rough with these standards.

Cabbie:

or product placement:

I would pay $1000 for this shirt.

You’ll find him hanging with his related Tumblr searches:

I’ve got friends in Southern Ontario places…

Notice that “Hand” is the only thing capitalized.

And most importantly, doing activities:

I play Frisbee every day with my dog, I could coach this. Will work for everyone’s shirts.

I could go on all day (or for the past five years). Stammer’s contract is up at the end of this season, and the drama is already at peak hysteria. The Lightning have said it’s their “number one priority” – well, duh. Steven has said little other than he loves playing in Tampa. We’ve heard guys say that and take reasonable contracts to stay put, or shout is as they’re rolling toward a new team in an armored truck full of cash. My bet is on Stamkos staying with the Lightning.

If you’re not already following him on twitter (@RealStamkos91), you’re doing it wrong. The guy knows what we want! It’s almost as good as the Steven Stamkos Tumblr feed.

Happy finally Foxy Friday, Steven. Try not to score too many again the Penguins tonight, yeah? Kthanksbye.

Campaign Strategy #1: Jamie Benn and Tyler Seguin have all the points.

All the points that are not Patrick Kane’s, that is.

Combined, Seguin & Benn have 44 points in 16 games. The calculator tells me that is 2.75 PPG. Common sense tells me that is a LOT.

Seguin is averaging 1.43 PPG through 16 games. Last season he played a 1.1 PPG pace all year, ending with 77 points. There’s still a long way to go, but when we think of Tyler, we think “performance.”

Silence Fives, a Ten is speaking.

Benn won the Art Ross Trophy last season in a mad finish line dash, scoring four points in the Stars’ last game, beating Tavares by one point and Crosby by three. Last season, Jamie had 5 G in the first 15 games, and ended with 35. So far, with 10 G in 16 games, we’re looking for a 70 G -ish season.

Okay, even he probably can’t do that. But his 0.673 GPG average this season would be 51 G. No problem, right?

Seguin’s Twitter is like Charlie the Unicorn Goes to Candy Mountain

Really, it’s all summed up in this photo from Shattered Lens Photography.

What does it feel like, waking up knowing you have exactly 5x more assists than the average NHL player?

This beard looks like a disguise to fool facial recognition software on The Blacklist.

Probably the same way it feels to wake up looking like this.

Bless the media section of Seguin’s website.

That’s Campaign Strategy #2: Jamie Benn World Takeover

At the Stars’ season ticket holder event, 10/1/15

Tyler Seguin’s no surprise – if you haven’t seen all his handsome rogue-ishness or heard “I Knew You Were Trouble” when he walked in, you’re not paying attention. Jamie Benn is the dark horse, the sleeper; warming to his role as not-so-sidekick with all the slow charm one expects of Texas. He’s tapped a natural resource and now we’re all getting rich.

Even if he doesn’t know much about Dallas… [Sportsnet video: Know Your City]

You play hockey, we’ll read books.

Not that we don’t still appreciate Tyler. He’s making kids happy, making rubber ducks blush (I mean really) and ruining the romantic futures of 16-year old girls.

She just broke up with Chip from homeroom on Facebook.

If she’s from Dallas, Tyler could use a tutor. [Sportsnet Video: Know Your City]

Got the one about the swingers’ club, though. Natch.

Campaign Strategy #3: Winning Often

It’s one thing for a top line to score. That team can still lose a lot of games. But the Stars currently sit in 3rd, with the same number of points as the 2nd place Rangers (who’ve won six in a row/barf). They’re 7-3-0 in their last 10 games and, so far this season, Dallas’ victories are by an average of 2.1 GPG. Benn & Seguin’s point totals account for only 15% of points recorded by the Stars this season – the love is spread around. (Their combined 19 G, though, equal 34% of the Stars offense.)

I see my team squeaking in there…

Campaign Strategy #4: Ticket Prices

Okay, no one campaigns for this. But the average lowest StubHub price for a ticket to the next 10 Stars games is $15.40. You can get in the door for less than the cost of a parking pass. You could see Intern Jeff Skinner from the 100-level on 12/8 for $37. The highest in-the-door cost is, sensibly, to see the NHL-leading Montreal Canadiens. At $25. There are expensive seats, of course, but if you’re only mildly interested in hockey (such people do exist), this could be your introduction. Parents can take their kids. Or, like when I was little, kids can take their parents!

I really hope people take advantage of these prices. It won’t last, not if the Stars’ success does, but it’s the perfect opportunity to grow the fan base while they’ve got something super to watch.  Something like…

Best Reddit reply to this video: “Just ask him out already!!! It’s like the last 10 minutes of a young adult novel.”

Now that would be Campaign Strategy #5, just sayin’.

UPDATE: Campaign Strategy #652, courtesy of @RunsonDuncan:

Please be real, please be real…

John Tavares, Prince of Khakis, may be second in perfection only to Cabbie, who seems to have a live feed of my inner monologue running in his comedy lair. He always knows exactly what everyone will find funny – the players, the fans, my inner teenybopper.

Hipsters are so hip they’re really not very hip at all anymore. Even beards are so ubiquitous they are becoming passe. While trends may come and go, one thing never changes: John Tavares.

First of all, he is wearing khakis. Witness him in his natural habitat:

Secondly, his teeth are PERFECT. Too perfect, and at a little fake, since we did see him pull a few out on TV that time. I haven’t been so dazzled since Hilary Duff got veneers.

In the interview, John claims he’s a good wingman. I bet this is true. He is profoundly handsome, the better for distract any girl’s friend(s), but – let’s be honest – not everyone wants to talk about compound interest with a guy who offers to buy them a white wine spritzer. (I do, though. I really do.)

But if you’re into middle school science teachers (::raises hand::), please note and praise that John is at least not wearing white socks. A lot of work goes into these outfits, people. And then there are his loafers.

Loafers. Dear Lord.

Photo from BarDown.com

A true gentleman, John is game for every joke fired at his gosh-darnedness. From the NHL Awards to this… if John were faking the nice guy act, he’d be an Oscar-winner. And now, the glasses:

Objection: We love glasses. [Exhibit A – Foxy Friday: Glasses] Cabbie gets a demerit for choosing terrible glasses that most hipsters wouldn’t even wear. Maybe he was worried John would look even more scholarly and Halloween sales of schoolgirl costumes in Canada would skyrocket. I happen to think a nice pair of rectangle frames would look great while John reads a textbook on sedimentary strata of the Cretaceous period.

Finally, because he had to, the man bun. Was this wig part of a hipster costume? It better resembles a samurai wig… or me every day right now on Sunday.

Thank God we can be sure John will never become a hipster. He may panic when he realizes not a single Brooklyn retailer has sold khakis since ’99, or, if the Isles play well, maybe khakis will become hip. Maybe polo shirts and the word “gosh” will pervade an ironic subculture. Either way, no one will pull it off as perfectly as John.

PS: John is sick, and missed both games this weekend. I imagine him weakly ripping up his spreadsheet on which calculated the usefulness of a flu shot. Get well soon! Try the wheatgrass-kale-cardamom latte with echinacea boost, it’s ayurvedic.

I know. We have been everywhere except in front of our computers lately, or honestly in front of TVs watching hockey. Who vacations in the spring? Fools! I looked at my calendar and all of a sudden:

1. It’s almost April.
2. The Penguins have 9 games left.

I AM ALARMED.

It’s my own fault, except for the part that is the Penguins’ fault for losing 5 of 6 including one OT game. In March. I would have felt implosive rage except I was on the beach reading Eat, Pray, Love for the third time, so I trust you guys felt my share. Now, it’s time to…

Looking at the standings makes me want to barf. Trying to figure out who’s got in-conference games, games in hand, four-point games… someone hold my hair. I know it’s a selfish panic, because at least the Pens are currently in playoff standing. It could be worse.

I love Chuck, but man, I hate the Bruins so much and it’s every woman for herself down the stretch. I’m jumping over dead bodies like I need to beat a zombie to Terminus.

Note: The Bruins are not dead, but who the &$#@ thought Ottawa would win seven in a row? Sometimes, you just want to:

Anyway, I have my own problems, and they look like TWO MORE GAMES VS. THE FLYERS. That is high drama and TV ratings gold, but holy hell. My head might spin clean around. I can’t even comprehend the Rangers being first in the Metro – and by eight points! Islanders, you had one job!

That is not the job I’m talking about! GAH.

So here we go, down the stretch, with claws out and no mercy. Please let the Penguins pass the Isles, the Caps make the playoffs, the Rangers lose every remaining game, Crosby win the scoring race and Tavares need a hug afterward.

You guys with us?

Jeez, is anyone else hungry? I could stress-eat two who pizzas right now.

While my RLJ (real life job) has kept me pretty busy, fret not, my little leprechauns!

Today, I have the perfect Tyler-size pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

“Tell me ye like me glasses…”

Tyler Seguin is lucky charms, people.

Magically Delicious

P.S. If you want to find me tonight, I’ll be drinking some Irish whisky somewhere in Boston, listen to this song on repeat.

SLAINTE!

While I suffer through this historic Boston winter, I got a little something to warm me (and you) up.

(full disclosure: I am writing this post after a copious amount of sake. I am not responsible for my actions. #BuzzedBloggin)

Foxy Friday: Tristan Harper

Remember that movie Weird Science?  Well if Pants and I starred in the Hollywood remake, this might be the perfect boy we’d create.

HE HAS A GINGERBEARD FOR PETE’S SAKE!!!!

Tristan Harper is a hockey player for the Braehead Clan in Glasgow, Scotland of the EIHL. I didn’t even know they played hockey in Scotland.

But I do now.

I’ve been to Scotland.  Had I know they had men like this that also played hockey – I never would have come back.  I would have sold everything I own, purchased a Scottish hockey club (and a sheepdog), and live happily ever after.

My morning meetings would consist of tea and jammie dodgers and player development meetings would be beard grooming lessons and highland games.

Wonder of what’s under that kilt…

He’s a NHL-worth 6’2″, with a beard that proves that a well-groomed can increase a man’s hotness power ranking exponentially.

His beard – it’s impeccable.  Never did I imagine that a beard would exists that could compete with the best but it seems that Zetterbeard may have some serious competition for my pogonophilic admiration.

Wanna stroke it like a cat.

Oh and his name is Tristan.  You remember the first time that you fell in love with a Tristan?

I do.

Howdy. (from bellecs.tumblr.com)

While my new love isn’t exactly tearing it up in the points department (6 pts in 45 games), he does have 62 PIM and his team is in 1st play in the league, so he’s got that going for him.

Also going for him – this.

And this…

#NerdLikeUs

Oh and let’s not forget this…

Scottish boyfriend sweaters are just as hot as the Canadian ones.

You can follow Tristan at @harpoon26 and check him out on Instagram.

I will warn you though – his IG feed does cause side effects – heart palpitations, swooning and/or fainting, dizziness, lightheadedness, the “feels”, the “schwings”, ovarian aches, or Lady Gaga YAAAASSSSSing.  Verklepmtion lasting longer than four hours required immediate medical attention.

And if you didn’t think beards make any guy hotter, check this.

Boom. Instahottie.

(Thanks to the multiple people who brought this man to my attention.  You know my type and you are true gems of humanity.)

We here at WUYS hold a few truths to be self-evident:

1) Cabbie for President – of a made-up country we start because he can’t actually be our President, as a Canadian. This is in the fine print somewhere.

2) The Dallas Stars want to be your favorite team.

3) Tyler Seguin is an excellent liar. We assume he only uses this when necessary, but that boy could sell you a bridge.

4) Jamie Benn, not so much.

5) And finally, moms are the best. Every one, every time.

Feel free to cut the end off this video, play it for your own parents and announce, “Meet my fiance!”

But you haven’t actually met him, so…

Thank you to @charlieryan58 for sending this!

Enjoy a throwback Valentine: Cabbie and the Oilers PUPPIES with Actual Puppies

‘Cause, baby, now we got bad blood

Now, I could watch because I hate the Flyers. They always do just what I thought they would do. (Cue Zac Rinaldo.) But even being proven right gets old and I think I’m over it. The games are all reruns. My ragetank is full. What pours in now just overflows and runs onto the ground, a sad waste rather than a useful resource. I used to backhandedly relish every cheap shot and dirty hit by the Flyers, because they were always writing themselves as villains. Now I worry the Pens are one play, one lost cool, away from becoming that which I have always loved to hate.

Now we got problems

I could watch because rivalries generate high-stakes, hate-laced hockey simmering with the potential for glory and storylines that live in a fandom’s heart forever. The Penguins/Flyers are not that, not in a long time. Instead of reading like chapters in a book, their box scores read like rap sheets to be held against players in court.

And I don’t think we can solve them

A lot of people in our Twitter feed who were not watching said, “Sounds like I’m missing a good game!” They missed a wild one, for sure, but not good.  If you’ve ever been to Medieval Times and seen the jousting knights miss each other completely, only to “fall” theatrically off their horses as required by the script and rush into mock-battle, that’s what last night’s game looked like. Less mock in the battle, of course. But it was predictable, and even laughable at times.

You made a really deep cut

My interest might hold if the Penguins ever won, or if they were playing better hockey of late. Yet they can always be counted on to come apart against Philly. I used to do the same. It used to bother me that we weren’t winning games 10-0 based simply on moral superiority. But we play our worst against them, and they play their worst against us (which is the same as their best, because Flyers). It’s not fun. If the Pens had won in OT last night, instead of taking extraordinarily timed back-to-back penalties, I would have enjoyed a short revenge. But it wears off quickly now, harkening back to the awful 2012 playoff series that made me ashamed of hockey in general. (Obligatory reminder that I am not over James Neal’s behavior in that series and I never will be. Every time I despise a Flyer, my conscience rightly whispers, “Hypocrite.”)

And, baby, now we got bad blood.

I realized last night: I want to hate the Flyers the way I used to, when the games were at least a little about hockey and not just about bloodlust. When being right felt smug instead of sickening, and what happened on the scoreboard meant as much as what happened on the ice. Now, regardless of the outcome, I just feel dirty. My fight for this fight is worn out.

If only the Penguins felt the same, maybe they could win one.

The title of Foxy Friday has occasionally been awarded to a collection of things (plaid suits, glasses) to great as to define the genre.  Today’s honorees take it to a whole new level.

San Jose Sharks “Holiday Sweater”

The Sharks have an amazing history of holiday videos, but they can stop now. There’s no topping this throwback karaoke masterpiece, complete with semi-choreographed white guy dancing and someone holding a block of cheese.

It goes on forever. Literally.  Make sure you stay for the scene after the credits, then check out this much-needed infographic.

How BU does it.

Capitals Holiday Video [that’s a link]

This dork-fest is gloriously unscripted and runs the ultimate test of improv comedy – who will laugh first, us or them?

Almost enough right to fix all this wrong.

A wink of the eye to how intentionally awful the whole thing is – the Caps tried to enter the NHL ugly sweater contest. What’s the prize? Is it Caps tickets?

Ecard versions – send ’em to your mom.

Penguins Holiday Video [also a link]

If I were going to re-enact a Christmas movie, it wouldn’t be Christmas Vacation (duh, Love Actually), and if I were going to have the Penguins remake a movie, it wouldn’t a Christmas movie (Newsies, anyone? Oh yes.).  But as commitment to awkwardness goes, this Penguins’ holiday video is a Best Picture nominee.

Beau should’ve worn the hat.

My movie would of course feature Beau and Borts in matching costumes.  I might even cover Crosby up to dampen his attractiveness – and fail, badly.

Is this a cowlneck shirt? Could this be worse?

There’s nothing in this, however, as good as the “Sieze the Day” sing-along going on in my mind.

Chicago Blackhawks All-Star Campaign Videos

Just as you’re having the happiest of holiday video viewing sessions, the Blackhawks show up to ruin it by, well… being the Blackhawks.  We should be used to it by now.  They’re not even promoting Christmas because nothing under your tree could be this good.

Ice Bucket challenge Spanx = no tanlines!

What the hell is happening here and how do I make it rule the Earth? Is that what we’re voting for? I’m pretty sure Chuck and I came up with this idea while a) drunk and b) watching that Crystal Light aerobics championship video set to Taylor Swift for the 900th time.  The Blackhawks must be reading our GChats.

You guys saw that, right? I didn’t hallucinate?

Toews is the original Canadian dream, which sounds like the tagline for an ice cream treat made with maple syrup, and it’s finally proven, scientifically, that he is fun now.  We have created a monster.

Players gonna…

It would appear there will be (already are?) videos promoting Bickell, Sharp, Keith, Kane and jazzercize.  The wait might actually kill me.

I’m getting this on a shirt.

And this on the back.

Good luck, next Friday, on coming anywhere close to this.

First off, can we talk about his legs? Now, I knew that he was bow legged and that they were kinda skinny for a hockey player, but in those white tights…I can’t look away.  Seriously, how does he stand on this twigs, let alone skate? Hockey player bodies just defy explanation.

Holly and Jolly.

On a side note – Just me, or has Jamie Benn gotten hotter?  Maybe it is just because we are noticing him more. Or maybe it is because some of Seguin’s swagger is rubbing off on him.  Or maybe he is just a late bloomer and only now coming into his own.  Whatever the cause for Jamie Benn’s metoric rise to hockey hotness, we”ll take it.

In other Tyler Tuesday news –

I love….goooooooooooals

‘Sup, ya’ll

Tyler is leading the NHL in points (38) as well as goals (23), five ahead of Rick Nash.  Despite launching himself into the hockey stratsophere this season and becoming a bonafide NHL star, Seguin and the Stars are still 6th in their division and 11th in the conference with a record of 11-13-5.   Seguin could very well win the league’s scoring title this year while his team fails to make the playoffs…again.

*deepsigh* from klingbergluvr.tumblr.com

Boston to Texas

Recently Tyler hung out with this guy…

Sober as birds.

You may be asking yourself “Who the hell is that?” Well, that guy is dancer/actor Kenny Wormald.  Not exactly a household name, but you might remember him from the recent Footloose remake (which was surprisingly enjoyable) and he has danced for Justin Timberlake and JLo to name but a few.

But what makes this photo especially exciting for me is that Kenny happens to be from my very small hometown in Massachusetts, he went to my high school and we danced at the same studio growing up.

One degree, people. One degree.

Players gonna play. Haters gonna hate.
In a recent interview for Stars Insider, intrepid reporter (and WUYS hero) Julie Dobbs (@julieanndobbs) sat down with Seguin for a little Q & A.  Pretty standard fare – favorite food, favorite movie, etc – until you get to this.

Now I know where to send his Christmas cookies.

Julie gets up close and personal with Tyler’s new and most favorite tattoo and we thank her.  We also applause her for keeping it strictly professional and for not gingerly resting her hand on his bicep and lingering awkwardly.  We’re not sure if we could resist when temptation is so near.

We also learn that Seguin is a Taylor Swift fan (but honestly, who isn’t?) and that loves “Shake It Off” just as much as the rest of the planet does.

from bennyandthestars.tumblr.com

from bennyandthestars.tumblr.com

One guilty + another guilty pleasure.  Suddenly we don’t feel as ashamed.  I don’t know if Julie wrote these interview questions but whomever did, we thank you.  Thank you from the bottom of our Seguinista hearts. You can watch the entire episode HERE.

sick. beats.

So that’s your Tyler Tuesday round up. I’m always on the lookout for more Tyler news, so feel free to email me at chuck@whatsupyasieve.com or hit me up on twitter at @WhatsUp_YaSieve.

Happy Tyler Tuesday, ya’ll!

from siriuslygoonerific.tumblr.com

At first, my friends did not understand my love for #19/91.  They couldn’t see “it”.  But slowly, over time, their resolve weakened and they willingly joined me on the dark side.  I’ve welcomed my Seguinista Sisters with open arms – and a fiercely fashionable Jedi cape.

Yet there are still those that resisted, but now I have a new weapon at my disposal.

I am the Empire and www.tylerseguin.com is my Death Star.

www.tylerseguin.com just launched this week and immediately became #1 on my internet search history.  Sure it has some frustrating typos ( it’s SPORTS Illustrated, not SPORT’S ), but I’m gonna let it slide because of photos like this.

Bookmark This.

I’m starting a petition that any and all future photos of Tyler Seguin only be taken in black and white.  Black and white photography = classic, mysterious, artistic.  Black and white photography + Tyler Seguin…well then just turn this mutha out.

The design of the site is clean and minimalist, which I love, and the TS logo works (even if it does kinda reminds me of fire department shield).  But we all can agree that the major draw of this site is going to be its media gallery.

They keep photo photos like this one and we’re going to get along juuuuuust fine.

#face #arms #eyebrows #face

I did sign up for the TS Newsletter, natch, because I am serious hockey journalist.

Ahhh, who am I kidding?

“…like my deep, passionate love for a girl named Chuck.”

If you know anything about me, but know that I love beards and I love tattoos.   Each one on their own is fantastic, but together?

Best Kind of Sandwich

Now go in and add hockey to the mix….

O.M.G.

Perfection.  And thy name is Tyler Seguin.

#Beard

#Tats

As if that wasn’t enough, Seguin is tearing it up right now, leading the NHL in goals with 14 and third in overall points with 24.  At the rate he is going, he might just win the scoring title for the Stars.

But guess who is hot on his heels?

#Lumbersexual

Beard? Check.  Tats? Not sure.

But I gladly volunteer to find out.

Are you also into beards and tats? Check out @beardsandtats. It’s a personal fave.

Cat got your caption?

You better believe I thought I’d shuffled off this mortal coil, right there in front of the bulk lentils.  I wondered how, in the distant future, when my husband met me in the afterlife I would explain that picture of Jonathan Toews that had done me in all those decades ago.

Alas, this is real.  Congratulations to us – no way we earned it, but we accept.

My thoughts, in order, as the Jonathan Toews ALS Ice Bucket Challenge video came into my life:

ShutupohmyGod.
This is because of that time I said Kane had become more attractive, isn’t it?

All

I didn’t mean that.
Really, it was crazy talk.

about

What kind of shorts are those?
Is he just surfing now?  How long can momentum last?  Oh the boat’s slowing down. This should be a science program.

that

Jon use to be boring and serious.  Now look.  Can we expect this from John Tavares in the future and exactly when will this occur because the calibrations on my time machine must be exact.
He’s got tan lines for these shorts.  He’s been wearing them all summer.

bass

I wish this were in hi-res.  Probably better it’s not though.  I’m barely over Benedict Cumberbatch’s “Ice Bucket in the Shower” video.
Am I still in the supermarket?  All these people are looking at me.  It’s only been 45 seconds.  They must think I’m comparing all these beans.

’bout that base

Is it over?  Don’t be over.
No, you keep the bucket.

no

One last shot.  The Blackhawks were right with Jon’s contract: he’s a 10.5

treble.

Wow.  I finally figured out what to tell my husband when we meet at the Pearly Gates. Remember when Rant Sports ranked 15 Pro Athletes Who Would Steal Your Girlfriend in a Heartbeat?

Toews is #1.  Told ya so.

Reminder: If you can, please donate to ALS research at www.alsa.org.  This campaign has raised a huge amount of money, but it’s important to remember that it’s not just about wakeboarding and hot pants.  Real people are benefiting from all this attention.

The Ice Bucket Challenge began in July in support of ALS research.  Read more about it here and hire Frates & Quinn for more marketing campaigns.  The movement has raised over $4 million, up nearly +$3 million over this period last year.  Everyone is doing it:  Justin Timberlake, Matt Lauer, even Chuck did it!  Now we joke around, but this is a great cause, funding important research.  If you’re able to donate, please visit www.alsa.org.

And if you’re going to start a trend, please let it involve most of the NHL in what amounts to a wet t-shirt contest.  (So you know – this took forever to compile.  I watched hours of videos.  It was grueling but I’m willing to work hard for you guys.)

Me: “No.  No way.  No way!”

Crosby Ice Bucket Challenge video. I first saw an Ice Bucket Challenge video on 8/7, when 87 accepted the dare on his birthday.  I wondered for a moment it was real, or if I’d woken up in a fanfic – A Connecticut Yankee in Sidney Crosby’s Driveway, maybe.

Now who needs a cold shower?

Since then, everywhere you look an NHL player is taking the plunge.  So here you have them, the very Best of the Ice Bucket Challenge videos.

The “This Looks Familiar”

Matt Duchene Ice Bucket Challenge video.  Does Sid’s video have two blue buckets, a shovel and a black SUV in the background?  Eagle-eyed Alison noticed this is the same spot.  Just two dudes, pouring water on themselves and videotaping it for the internet.

Matt could have at least brushed his hair for Sid’s party.

Matt woke up 4 minutes ago.

Bonus points to Matt for nominating country singer Thomas Rhett, one of my favorites (who was also nominated by Justin Moore – the singer, not my husband).

The Intern Project

We said Tavares should wear a tighter shirt – so we know Intern Jeff Skinner still reads this blog.  This t-shirt is left over from Jeff’s high school days, since we haven’t paid him for a day of work since then.  And white?!  What a flirt.  Remember when he didn’t want girls paying attention?

Team Tank Top

Lindsay informs me that ‘dude tank tops’ are very much the style in Canada.  I assume everyone there looks like an NHL player and so this has my full support.

Steven Stamkos Ice Bucket Challenge video.  Careful using your dog to up the ante here, Stammer.  You’re no slouch but he’s pretty freaking cute.

Let me tuck my chain into my tank top first.

Taylor Hall Ice Bucket Challenge video.  #TeamHallsy starts his video off so seriously, you’d think he spent the summer doing Shakespeare in the Park.  It’s deceptively tall-seeming thespian work.

The world is mine oyster,
Which I, with stick, shall open.

Jordan Eberle Ice Bucket Challenge video. Uncceptable resolution for #TeamEbs.  He’s got to keep up with Taylor!  Zach Boychuck, get a new phone right this instant.  Adorable hair-fixing though, since Jordan knows we are watching.

Especially after this is Zack Boychuck’s video.  How is that fair?  His biceps are theatrically lit by the sun itself, giver of all life!

Also sporting the Official Boy Band Uniform is, of course, #TeamSchultzy.  Did they have a conference call about what to wear?  Or does matchy-matchiness come as naturally to them?

The “Dallas Stars Really Want to Be Your Favorite Team” 

Tyler Seguin never met a shirt he couldn’t take off.  Or something he couldn’t hit on.  I swear he just invited a charitable cause and a bucket of water back to his place, and don’t stop rolling that tape.

Jamie Benn’s Ice Bucket Challenge video.  Jamie would like to take this opportunity to remind you his hair is DEVASTATING and that he’s skinny now.  (Too skinny?  A little?)  Never mind that tattoo of a graveyard on his bicep – they needed a place to bury me anyway.

Benn-d and Snap

In case you don’t love Jamie, he Tweeted the “Girl in a Country Song” video.  This is everything that’s right with the world.

Also from the Stars, Rich Peverly apparently runs a daycare in the summer – and stuns them momentarily quiet with this challenge.  They are pretty sure their moms have said not to throw stuff.

The Other Birthday Boy

It’s a shame I’ll never see #TeamSam again, because I cannot add any more teams to my list nor can I stay up late enough to watch the Coyotes.  Sam Gagner did the Ice Bucket Challenge on his birthday, complete with a cake, a beard AND a white shirt. Presents for everyone.

The NSFMyLife

John Tavares Ice Bucket Challenge video.  There’s b-roll of John then his shirt off and jumping in the pool right?  That’ll be the deleted scene on the DVD?

Is this going to be on the test?

What I really can’t handle is his deep, teacher-y voice.  If he started talking about the Large Hadron Collider, I’d faint.

That Time Gabe Wore a Shirt

Gabriel Landeskog’s Ice Bucket Challenge video.  Perhaps the quaint, old-world and presumably Swedish setting calls for a top, but frankly we’re a bit disappointed in Gabe’s efforts to carry the shirtless-boat-selfie banner this summer. He gets named captain and suddenly it’s all business and no instructional pancake videos.

The US judges give this a 6.

He’s 21,  You Guys – I Swear

And that was not me at the end with the extra bucket of water.  Promise.

Guys Chuck Likes

The Bruins should hire Chuck to shoot their videos, because their Ice Bucket Challenges are astonishingly low-res.  Remember why you don’t watch hockey in standard def anymore?  Even dearest Patrice couldn’t get good production values:

Lucic is in focus – if that’s a good thing.  He looks like the unpopular kid at Camp Anawanna.  Stand up straight, man!

Kim Bauer Did It

Oh yeah, and her husband too.  The Phaneufs Ice Bucket Challenge video.  Alison loves these guys.  I just feel bad that 24 made Elisha get scared by a mountain lion and abducted by a loner in a bunker in the woods around LA.  Jack Bauer would disown that mess.

I think we’d all be friend with Elisha in real life.

The “Of Course Patrick Kane Has a Water Slide”

He probably has a slide from every single window of the house into that pool.  (This was a life plan action item for me and Gator.  Awaiting our invitations, Kaner.)  Toews is so much fun these days, where’s his bucket?

Coach Q is My Favorite Coach

Many coaches, front office staff and even mascots have gotten in on the Challenge, but Coach Q’s laugh is the best.

My Goalie is a Banana

What can I say?  I trust this man with my GAA.  They even gave the baby a bucket, in case she wanted to party.  Marc Andre Fleury Ice Bucket Challenge video

Just wait till you start dating, Baby Flower.  Dad is ready.

Which is Better than Mr. Potato Head

Oh Jordan, we miss you around the Penguins.

The Hot Dads

“Hey, if I’m doing this, we’re all doing it.  Then we’re going for ice cream.”

Chris Kunitz Ice Bucket Challenge video.  From the man who dressed as a sock monkey, of course.  Mrs. Kunitz challenged Paul Martin – thanks, girl.  (Paul Martin Ice Bucket Challenge video)

Little Miss Kunitz says she’ll just donate cash.

Pascal Dupuis Ice Bucket Challenge video.  Dear Universe, Please make the Dupuis Family into a TV show.  They’ve already created the poster:

No idea Duper had a half-sleeve, or that I’d like it so much.

Craig Adams Ice Bucket Challenge video.  Craig used a garbage can for his ice bucket and the family wore matching gubernatorial campaign shirts.  Just saying, that’s a Harvard man.  (The shirts are in honor of Anne’s father, former MA Governor Paul Cellucci, who died of ALS in 2013.  Thanks to Chuck and Anne for update.)

Vote early, vote often.

The Overachievers

Keith Yandle (who actually has a face under that beard) went pretty big – three buckets vs. white t-shirt.  His best move was calling out BizNasty, of course.  Talk about bigger.

You know Biz loves it when we say “bigger.”  He challenged some big names too, though we bet no one does it in their skivvies.  Read about Biz getting his friends to donate their time and money to put this together here.  And notice that TMZ covered a hockey player.

The Suits

Max Talbot Ice Bucket Challenge video.  Max is responsible now.  He has a wife and a baby and if he wants to pour ice water over his head in a suit and tie he will, damn it!  He’s like Frank the Tank, you can’t reign him in.

Business in the front, party in the shoes.

Robert Bortuzzo Ice Bucket Challenge video.  Borts, what is that tie?!  Is the inflatable duck to distract from the tie?  It’s not working.  Also the shades on the duck + the white button down – this is going Risky Business later, isn’t it?  We’re going to need the extended edition Blu-ray combo pack.

This yard wants to party, Project X-style.

Almost everyone’s done the Ice Bucket Challenge.  I couldn’t include or even get close to watching them all.  Notable exceptions are Gingeroux, newly married Mike Green (yeah right, on that hair?) and James Neal.  I worry this means Nealmobile really had no friends, because no one has challenged him.  Though he is on this pretty definitive list of players who’ve supposedly participated (here).  Did I miss his video somewhere?

While we wait, check out the Tumblr dedicated to the Ice Bucket Challenge.

I don’t see my picture.

Normally an unfunny, bumblingly-hosted, C-list celebfest, last night’s show was most of those things again. But better, no? I confess to liberal use of the mute button, but overall there was improvement. Host George Strombopopolopolous, a stranger to us but appropriately a Canadian Treasure (credit: @jfrancesw), was great. He embraced the uneven flow, cracked wee jokes at everyone’s expense, kept a straight face during a break-dancing battle and deferred without envy to PK Subban as often as possible.

Bravo, new friend. May we see you again unless PK takes over full-time.

#iwanttolooktan

Since no actual hockey occurs, the Awards allow us to do what we do best: judge people’s outfits. Everyone’s healed-ish, spit-shined and suited up. The whole enterprise is sharpened by the vague, elusive promise that all these guys were shirtless at a swim-up pool bar just hours before this live televised event. We can judge swim trunks too, you know. And tans.

We’d lend you our last ponytail holder.

The order of the night was Crosby Won Everything and looked great. Or better than great. I am exercising considerable restraint here. This despite a small hair emergency on the red carpet, where the renegade curl of his bangs tried to claw free around his forehead. We’d tell him not to cut it so short, but honestly:

Hands in pockets. IN them!

Who cares?

Sid brought his sister Taylor as a date.  Cute cute cute.  We credit Taylor with fixing his hair before he hit the stage. She looked lovely – and I imagine big bro giving rookies the stink eye for noticing.

She’s thinking, “If you guys knew how dorky he is….”

Toews swapped his Nantucket pink shorts for a suit, then (as any good boyfriend should be) was upstaged on the red carpet by his girlfriend. @Linzerellak could not type “Valentino shoes!!!” quickly enough.  We have a lot style envy going on here.

Gold standard

Who else? Giroux went heavy on the gel, didn’t wear his fake tooth and still looked like high treason to a Penguins fan. I only caught one shot of his girlfriend, whose hair was so glorious it sent me running for a brush myself.

Gah, her shoes too!

Normally I would not endorse a shiny suit. I can’t even type it without thinking of Ben Stiller in Dodgeball. Bergeron though, always the exception to my rules about iridescence and Bruins.  His speeches were the prize: he only sounds French when he thanks his “brudder” and couldn’t be more endearing. His wife wore a formal ponytail: the goal of my life. It would take a team of sculptors to make that work on my head.

Not enough Aqua Net in the world.

Oh snap.  I just realized Mrs. Bergy and Toews’ girlfriend are wearing the same shoes.  The very ones our Lindsay was loving.  Is this a fashion emergency like Brenda and Kelly wearing the same dress to prom, or are these just the de rigueur stilettos this (off-)season?

Tears welled when Rich Peverley spoke about his recovery and Dominic Moore won the Masterson.  Both moments of real heart that remind you hockey people are awesome people.

It’s just raining on our faces.

Chuck flailed when Tuukka won the Vezina.  He said, “I’ve never been so nervous in my life.” – but that’s a lie, because he’s Tuukka Rask.  His speech was great.

This is what panic looks like.

And Tuukka was probably thinking, “At least I didn’t wear Varly’s suit.”  I cringed when Varly appeared on camera – yikes. Pinache, yes, but his outfit belonged backstage with the costumed Marilyn and Elvis impersonators.  Even Kathryn and Barry are trying not to look.

Playing showtunes in the piano bar later.

Nathan MacKinnon stole Intern Jeff Skinner’s title of youngest ever to win the Calder as Rookie of the Year. As consolation, Jeff cried into the new Ed Sheeran CD and said at least he doesn’t style his hair by wearing a hat till it dries. Really Nate, cut off that bit at the back if you don’t know what to do with it. Is Taylor Crosby available to help other Maritimers?

You wish you grew up here.

PK Subban stole the show, of course. Not just his melon-colored suit or late-game costume change into pale-pink-and-plaid. His backstage correspondence was really an audition to host next year. Crosby holding the Lindsay Award and edging fearfully toward PK to avoid touching a showgirl… highlight reel stuff.

Gif by so-hockey-eh.tumblr.com

The most desired date was there of course, the Stanley Cup teasing everyone. Kopitar and Brown looked so happy hauling it around that I threw a shoe at the TV. Kopi cleans up nicely, yeah?

Bailey may be the most fun mascot.

The overall celeb roster was meh – I’ve seen worse. The Kings fan contingent was in full force, so their win can be credited with doing something for us. No David and Haprer Beckham though – or Wil Wheaton. We’ll take Colin Hanks, and that Retta woman whose show I’ve never seen was sass. Hire her, Kings. If we were D-listers, you’d have to bag and drag us off that stage. We can break-dance! We can get hammered like Cuba Gooding, Jr. and demonstrate fifteen minutes of increasingly erratic behavior. Possibly with more break-dancing! If we made a video podcast I think we qualify as presenters, and we promise to pronounce names correctly.

How hard can it be to open a puck and say, “Crosby?”

Sid getting wild – taking his first selfie.

I wish more non-nominated players attended the show, just to be seen (on Tumblr partying in Vegas).  Now it’s back to hoping for boat selfies and golf tournaments.  Oh, and Smashball is coming soon.  If I missed anything good from last night, send it my way!

Three-piece plaid, always an award-winner.

You know what that means?

More of this!

And this!

And hopefully much MUCH more of this!

#SquatsSoHard

#HatTip to Tyler and Co. for even making the playoffs and for holding their own against the Ducks. I’m sure that Seguin would rather still be playing hockey, but I think that he’s gonna just fine.

Also fine (both literally and figuratively) – Jamie Benn.  Seguin’s life partner will no doubt be spending his summer making Pants I and fall more in love with him.

Bless your heart, Instagram.

We are girding our loins in preparation for what Mr. Seguin and social media holds for us this summer.

This is actual quote.

Judging by the photos above, I think we’re off to a great start.