What is this gif? I’ve been watching it for 20 mins and I’m crying.

HI GUYS! Remember me? I was wondering if after all these years you’d like to meet and go over half a season of hockey that I’ve mostly missed. How does this happen? My life is like space in Interstellar, where time barely passes, while hockey and this blog remain on Earth, getting 80 years older every day without me.

So, All-Star Game?

Is anyone watching this? I kinda sorta almost totally forgot about it until someone mentioned John  Tavares’ pants.

@JennMJones531 to the rescue.

That will get my attention, even from space.

Mixing space movie metaphors!! (Spends five hours looking at Matt Damon gifs.)

So, Crosby didn’t get invited. That’s old news. I wrote a mental blog post called “10 Things Sid Can Do Instead of the ASG”, which was quite funny.  You should read it sometime when you develop mind-reading powers.  Or tomorrow, if I get around to posting it.

The newer news is Ovi and Toews are hurt/sick and also suspended. The NHL sure knows how to cry when the whole class doesn’t come to their party.

Truth hurts, ASG.

Alas, with no drunken draft, most of the fun is gone from the weekend anyway. The NHL has realized this too late and made some replacement efforts to attract our attention:

1) Made John Tavares captain. He probably suggested this Footloose-inspired sobriety nonsense, for fear a real charitable organization might think Ovi was actually poor and needed a new car. The paperwork on that tax headache!  But it does mean more camera time for Captain T and the Pleated Pants.

Does this data come in a pie chart?

2) Dierks Bentley. HOLLER. I love country music, and Dierks is a big Preds fan, and everybody likes tight jeans. He’ll be one of the celeb coaches at the game.

We would get drunk on this plane.

3) All the Foxy Fridays. Damn if they didn’t replace Toews with James Neal. The NHL knew I wasn’t paying attention and just waved a red ginger flag in my face.

endsmile

Add that to Pekka Rinne, Shea Weber and all-time FF fave, Roman Josi, and the home team is, um, well represented.  Other Foxy Fridays on the roster: Jamie Benn, Matt Duchene, Patrick Kane, Tyler Seguin, Jonathan Quick, Patrice Bergeron, Ryan O’Reilly, Ben Bishop, Claude Giroux, holy crap are we there yet?, Evgeni Malkin, the aforementioned John Tavares, CPA, His Disney Highness Kris Letang, Ryan McDonaugh and Braden Holtby.

Answer: Making Pants hate herself.

Note: Stamkos, #TeamHall and Nicky Backstrom have never been Foxy Fridays. This blog is a sham. Shut it down.

What kind of irresponsible journalism is this?!

4) 3-on-3 Format. I won’t pretend to have an opinion on this, as I’ve watched approximately one OT period all season, but it sounds exciting. Top players + more open ice = more goals, right? But hasn’t the All-Star Game always ended in some Hobbit score of twelveses to eleventy anyway? Maybe the “last place in the draft” prize can be repurposed to the only player who doesn’t score a hat trick on Sunday.

Ovi wasn’t last, but someone did give him a car to donate to charity.

5) The John Scott story. Voted into the ASG by fans, then traded and assigned to the AHL, the saga of whether or not John Scott would appear in the ASG has been ongoing news. Yesterday, Scott published this first person account in The Player’s Tribune. In it, he explains how someone from the NHL encouraged him, even now, not to attend this weekend’s events.

SCREW YOU, NHL. Wrong, bad, stupid, and also, WHY? John Scott may be the only player who actually cares about this game, and you think he should stay home? Do you think the fans who voted him in should not watch? Oh no, you want them. You NEED them.

She’ll be proud.

Read the Player’s Tribune story. It will make you want to buy a John Scott jersey and stand up in your living room when he takes the ice on Sunday. I hope every player shows up wearing his name. You may not like Scott’s brand of hockey, but it is part of hockey. Scott may not be an elite player, but he is a player. Was a player? Will be an NHL player again? Who knows. But if you love the game, you have to love it’s scars.

So, see you guys tomorrow night on the Twitters to techno-judge the real skills at Skills Competition: hair, beard, sass? Our trifecta of All-Star Weekend talents.

Meet my friend Jess. Isn’t she pretty? With her red coat and red hair, she could be the Caps mascot… except they already have one (more on this later).

The Moore Sisters (no relation)

I recently won a Caps Ultimate Fan Experience, and took Jess as my date. The package consists of watching warm-ups from the penalty box, plus two lower-level seats. Which, after watching warm-ups from the penalty box, seem like they’re in the parking lot.

You can buy these ticket packages here. They come with a jersey and run $250+ depending on the game you want. The Stars game was lowest tier. Obviously that schedule was made last season! For a special occasion, or if you wanted to impress your hockey blogger wife (ahem), it’s pretty darned cool.

Queen of All She Surveys

How are we ever going to watch warm-ups from anywhere else? Would we ever get used to pucks pinging off the glass non-stop in front of our faces? Maybe if I’d been looking at the Caps’ side, I’d have seen those pucks coming. But Jamie Benn was right there.

Dramatic reenactment

After acting like we owned the place/team/universe, and taking a sneaky photo with Caps’ announcer Wes Johnson…

Excuse me sir, would you record my outgoing voicemail?

We moved to our excellent 7th row seats right at the goal line where the Stars shot twice. Now, we were definitely rooting for the Caps, but the Stars have some high-powered offense and it was fun to watch Benn & Seguin connect for a goal up close. If I could teleport, I would have revealed my power to the world when I popped into the middle of their hug.

Not the actual hug, but I am not picky.

Our Tweet was even featured on the Jumbotron, which I then included in a Tweet about the Jumbotron. It was all very meta.

I can see the nachos from here.

The already epic night held two more highlights in store. First, I had the pleasure of meeting Erin (@ErinMIHaley) and Jen (@jhro_jhro), and talking some hockey in real life with people I talk to on the Twitters all the time. I love this. If you ever come to Verizon, say the word and we’ll meet by the Dunkin’ Donuts. (Which no longer has iced tea, so maybe we’ll meet somewhere else.)

Interweb friends

The second shiny object was literally one for the record books. Ovechkin scored career goal number 484, passing Sergei Federov and claiming the title of most goals by a Russian-born player in NHL history.

I do miss him on Twitter: @ovi8

Ovi has never been my favorite, but I’ve seen quite a few of those goals in person and this was a pretty fantastic moment, both for him and the Caps’ faithful.

Bald is beautiful

To round out the night – and maybe because he was afraid of Jess taking his job – Slapshot came down and paid us a visit. The Caps didn’t win the game, but we definitely had a winner of a night.

Sir, I can’t see over your plumage.

Since losing this game to Dallas, the Caps have won 5 straight and jumped over the NYR (whoop!) for first in the Metro Division. Now if only the Penguins could stop losing in OT and get those second points….

Firing squad awaits the cannon

Thanks to the players who really came to play – not play like they do in competition every day, but the fun kind where the fans get to play along.  Specifically, thank you because:

You looked great.

You should see my shoes.

Really great.

No, they’re my shoes.

Like “This Foxy Friday will be used against you in a court of law” great.

18 and counting

You made new friends.

No one can resist the plaid jacket.

You saw old friends.

First rule of red carpets: Don’t arrive right after Seguin.

And trolled them.

“Hi Chuck.” “No – Hello Chuck.”

You talked a lot of trash.

No one at NHL had a real notebook.

You took a selfie.

Do you see something behind me?

You got drunk.

It was this guy.

You forgot your new friend’s name.

Also, I don’t know where Long Island is.

He forgave you. Mostly.

:: internal eye roll ::

You took more selfies.

Just add kids!

You didn’t win a car.

Because you didn’t pass the sobriety test.

Then you did win a car! But you weren’t the only one.

#RNHAllStarStud

Either way, you won our hearts.

Right in the ovaries.

Even if just for a moment.

My hatred is no match for this moment of perfection.

Even if you weren’t the MVP.

We would never get your name wrong.

Most of all you made us forget all the guys who weren’t there, from the Subban-type snubs to the Crosby-esque casualites. Maybe the weekend could have been even better… but we didn’t miss them.  So thanks for this weekend, and see you next year in Nashville.

The NHL Awards are tonight – on a Tuesday.  Let that sink in… Tuesday.  Rock and roll.  We’ll take it, of course, desperate and starved as we are.  But not to overload Tuesday, hockey festivities began yesterday in two cities.

In Vancouver, Hockey Canada hosted an Olympic Gala and distributed rings.  Sid was there, opting for a brown t-shirt because he saw how excited we all got about mint green the other day.  Of course he was with Matt Duchene, who is turning turning into a country singer before our eyes.  (No complaints.)  PK puts everyone’s wardrobe to shame with zero effort.

Especially Dan Hamhuis.  That color combination is so bad you can feel Pietrangelo and Weber begging for help as they stare into the camera.  Jame Benn (Short hair, don’t care!) had to look away.

The next photo comes in two versions.

#1: THE CHUCK – Bergy and Nash being cool, hanging in the back, looking all cheekbones about it.

Chuck’s reaction:

#2: THE PANTS – Front and center but you probably missed it on first glance…

Live shot of me:

Tavares in a t-shirt, ace jeans and a backwards ball cap?  Casual Monday-slash-I am dead.  Just don’t let this be the end of pleated khakis, polos and belts, John.  Don’t get too cool on me now.

Not to be forgotten, Sid’s shirt is okay too.

And then, his suit.

I swear he owns two suits and five shirts.  When future generations of WUYS readers use the internet built into their brains to crack open the Crosby photo file, they won’t be able to tell one year from another.  His whole career is “circa navy suit.”

Last night culminated in the Hockey Canada Gala.  PK did that thing again with his wardrobe and Carey Price loved his beard as much as we do.

There’s John, almost appearing again.  I don’t see a single photo of him in what I presume was a suit… not one.  Who goes an entire pride-of-the-nation event wearing a shiny new Olympic ring and does not get photographed a single time?  John Tavares, folks.

Meanwhile in Vegas…

At NHL Awards 2014, media availability, Tazer discussed contract extensions, his lifelong commitment to Patrick Kane and he even almost smiled one time [video].

Maybe he was thinking about his pink shorts.

Giroux was there too – I tell ya, this guy could make a girl forget she hates the Flyer.  Whew.  So much so that I didn’t look at the video title and see SCOTT HARTNELL WAS TRADED [video].  Nine hours elapsed before I found this out!  If that’s not the truest sign of summer, take back my margarita.

It figures that Hartnell was only traded as far as Columbus, after the time they gave the Pens these past playoffs.  Why can’t people get traded to the KHL?  At least it was a swap for RJ Umberger (what I say when I think about calories for two seconds then order what I want anyway) and not Dubinsky.  That would be from bad to worse.

Claude also discussed his Hart nomination [video], which I hope he loses.

Ovi spent the week in Vegas posting drunken Instagrams, then spoke about the Caps new coach [video].  I wonder how much of the second thing had to do with so much of the first. Of course I screen capped a rather smug moment.

The NHL Awards broadcast tonight at 7 PM.  I am debating watching in real time or waiting until fast forward becomes an option.  My “I can’t watch The Office, it’s too awkward!”-phobia is at DEFCON ONE during these shows.  Either way, if I survive I will post tomorrow.  With some actual hockey content.

The Caps and Islanders hosted casino nights last night.  The events benefit wonderful charities, but “Crush on Mike Green” is not a deductible category on my taxes.  At least not when “Married, Filing Jointly.”  Perhaps in Canada you can claim “Pretending I Can Count While John Tavares Deals Blackjack.”

I hope John’s a slow dealer, because hockey + cocktails is already more math than I can handle.  Read about the event here and see more photos here.  If there’s video later, I’ll post it.

Unrelated to casino night but very related to things we love, here’s the Winnipeg Sun story about John sending a signed jersey to an 11-year old Isles fan who was bullied at a Winnipeg Jets game.  Perfect guy is perfect.

The Caps don’t have a story or photos up yet.  They must’ve partied harder and the web team is sleeping it off.  Their Instagram managed a few photos:

How many drinks before I say, “Mike Green, your hair is too short!”?

But luckily the DC news was up early – Fox 5 TV – Caps Casino Night.

The event featured Ovi’s blue jacket:

Underage gamblers:

And the Brouwer Rangers modifying their suits into Power Tuxes.  Helmets and all.  No offense NYI, but this looks more like our kind of party.

Hoping for a more in-depth analysis of Mike Green’s hair in tonight’s broadcast.

I like goals and winning and the Caps need some of both very badly tonight. They’re winless in 5 games, including two shootout losses.  Ovi is a game-time decision vs. Ottawa, a game I’ll miss because I’m snowed in at home.  I will wear my Caps pajama pants though – they never get to go to games.  Or have nachos.

Ovi was on The Today Show yesterday, talking with Carson Daly about his starring role in the Sochi Olympics.  Most of you are probably not old or American enough to remember Carson Daly on Total Request Live but let me tell you: Chuck & I would have fit right in back in the day.

Turtleneck sweaters and pineapple hair and true love.

I understand Carson now hosts a reality competition show that I don’t watch. Good for him – he survived all those shrieking teens for something.  As for interviews, he and Ovi both say “excited” as convincingly as John Tavares does, but we believe them.

Video: Alex Ovechkin on NBC’s Today Show – Jan 20, 2014

Carson’s hair – part Elvis, part Robbie Williams

What you should really watch – and we wish had made national TV! – is this behind-the-scenes video from Caps Red Line.  Alex, you’re fun.  You say “excited” like you mean it and decline that makeup like a guy who makes $9 million a year and is engaged to a sassy fox.  (Side note: @mkirilenko, let’s be friends.)  This is the Ovi that even I cannot resist.

Also, Today Show anchors do a lot of hitting guests with paper – is that a thing? Just with athletes maybe.  Ovi’s into it.

He did however miss a prime opportunity to razz this dude in the Rick Nash shirt.

Gah, the end of the BTS video is so cute I don’t even know who I am anymore!

Get well Ovi, as in right now for tonight, and let’s get some Caps wins on the board.  Whatever happens in Sochi, and whether or not Crosby steals your Rocket Richard trophy (mwahahaha), please don’t make me look past the Rangers and Flyers to see you down there.

Video: Happy Holidays from Your Washington Capitals 

This year, remember that Christmas isn’t just about onesie pajamas and Joel Ward cracking up from the very first frame.  There is a deeper meaning.  Like when Ovi says, “Hey guys, I need some backup here!” – he is not just talking about musical accompaniment.

Not you, Nicky.  Capitals Hockey Santa has you on his NICE list.

Remember when the Caps were about the Young Guns “Rocking the Red?”

Even if the trade-off is guyliner for tattoos, I must say the boys have grown old(er) quite nicely.

Canuckles is right, I am remiss in not sharing the link to the Canucks ugly Christmas sweater photo.  It’s glorious and features a level of commitment to cardigans heretofore unseen in life.

That would be 18 penalty minutes in under 12 minutes of game time.  Mike Green: Time Turner.  Making time out of time that hasn’t happened yet because he has that many penalties.

If you have Game Center Live, you can go back and watch this.  I do not recommend the first period, as this was my reaction:

Instead, read this Russian Machine Never Breaks recap which softens the blow with gifs.  Or just laugh with the girl whose fiance scored 4 goals in the game.

That is one fewer than Mike Green took penalties, so there.  Nicky B had 5 points, because he and Mike always have to be matchy matchy.

Now no more of this, Mike.  The Caps have won 3 in a row and moved to 2nd in the Metropolitan Division… which is a bit like a Perfect Attendance Award, at 36 points overall, but there is still time to get hot and stay hot or just be Ovechkin.  Damn, he has a lot of goals.

That’s almost – almost! –  as good as holding a dog like an awkward baby.

After this awful hockey weekend, not even Mike Green getting 5 penalties in less time than it takes to make macaroni & cheese can get me down.  We love you, Mike.  We even love Ovi right now.  That was a sick performance but a man so gleefully parenthetical.  Four goal games make me want to madly punctuate things in place of emoticons.

Movember is over!  Hockey players can now walk past schools without drawing police attention.

Don’t be shy about watching him drink that water twice.

Intern Jeff Skinner’s in the office first every day.

And when I’m not around, he gets mad and has 3-point games to beat the Caps.

John Tavares is popping his collar, proving that not even John Tavares can pull off a popped collar.  (Just when he’s getting the pants right!)

Alex Steen is still wondering why we have no idea who Alex Steen is.  Foxy Friday, check.  2nd in goals.  Sleeve tattoo, yes.  What does a guy have to do?

Ovi leads the league with 21 goals.  He is also featured in Maxim Russia’s December issue dressed, I think, as Johnny 5 from Short Circuit.

From Japer’s Rink via Washington Post

After watching adorable otter footage, YouTube suggested I watch 11 more cute animal videos and 1 of Eric Staal giving a tour of his house.  How does it know?

Malkin is the NHL’s #1 Star of the Week AGAIN.  Geno, you’re going to become like those Bed, Bath & Beyonce 20% off coupons.  We get them so often they stop being… no they don’t.  I collect them.

Josh Harding has 3 shutouts plus a League-leading 1.45 GAA.  Did you know he also has Multiple sclerosis?  Right, you did.  The only person who doesn’t seem to know that is Josh Harding.  This guy is incredible.  Good goaltending is how a team ranked 21 in Goals For is 9th in the overall standings.

Meanwhile, the Minneapolis Star Tribune struggles with “Wild” as a plural.

The Blackhawks are the #1 team in the League.  They lost last night after winning 6 straight – a  little snag, that’s all.

The Sharks have also won 6 in a row.  Are wins free out west?  Where do all these points come from?  It’s not as of the Western Conf. is half undefeated and the other half never win.  The Oilers aren’t even the worst (or even 2nd-worst) team in the League!

With all the points and the Tweets, Selena Gomez please just call Logan Couture one time so he can move on.

Mike Green scored his first of the season last night!  I missed it and the Caps lost anyway, but still.  You’ve got to start somewhere.

Or not.

The city of New York continues to ruin our lives.  First this Jacoby Ellsbury stab, then the NYR re-sign Henrik for 7 years (avg. $8.5 m/yr), proving no one expects him to age – ever – or be beaten by the Caps in the playoffs.

Ugh, vampires.

Even hockey puns are making me laugh today:

That’s how you know that everything is working – mostly.  Those things that aren’t, well, there might be just enough time left for them to get better.

Perhaps in time for a February 6 game vs Toronto? [report]

Is he flexing his abs? That can’t be all the time.

Click for a much larger picture.

Read the preview here.  Note the Post has the Penguins winning the East, by 1 point over the Bruins.

Though the Caps lost their opener vs. Chicago last night, I saw a lot of things I liked.  The power play is still gorgeous – three goals!   The boys definitely played a full 60 minutes.  Add in some very pretty passing and it was a strong show against probably the toughest team in the NHL.  Ovi had 9 shots, Green 6 and he played 26:48.  Guess he’s well rested.

So far, things are looking good.

Well, mostly.

It turns out I really miss those.

The NHL handed out their awards over the weekend while I had no internet and no idea it was happening.  Oh well.  My campaign for a “make up for the lockout and no All-Star Game” program involving a swimsuit competition and push-up contest apparently fell on deaf ears.

We’ll always have this Blackhawks TV episode.

Deprived of suits, shiny toys and the potential of a Biz & Gingeroux Take Vegas Instagram-Fest, let’s discuss the winners.

Hart Trophy/League MVP – Alex Ovechkin

Is that a tray of watches and potato pancakes?

Mmmmmkay.  I would have gone with Crosby, but research indicates I may be biased.  Can you miss 1/4 of 1/2 of a season and still be MVP?  Fine, I guess not – but Sid only lost by 4 votes.  I did admit this was the first year I have appreciated Ovi.  If this award inspires him to play like his three Hart-worthy seasons (instead of last season!) in the future, it’s cool by me.

John Tavares, what do you think?

Selke/Best Defensive Forward – Jonathan Toews

Approved.  Chuck would say Bergy but with the season the Hawks had, seeing one of their lead offensive players (T-1st in team goals, 2nd in points) also be their best defensive forward is especially impressive.  Why work that hard when you’re winning all the time anyway?  Because it’s a huge part of how you win all the time.

Lady Byng/Sportsmanship – Marty St. Louis

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SQUISHY!!  He’s 38 today.  It’s easy to assume Squishy wins this award (almost) every year because he’s small.  Not true.  Brad Marchand is small.  You with me?  St. Louis also lead the NHL in points – at 37, he was the oldest player to ever do this.  Score that much and be nice about it? Our moms are so proud.

Vezina/Best Goaltender – Segei Bobrovsky

In a world where Bobrovsky was traded and now the Flyers will buyout Bryzgalov’s monster contract, are you laughing a little?  I’m laughing.  I also applaud Bob’s gutsy choice of suit and tie.  Gotta be sauve when you’re up against King Henrik.

Norris/Best Defenseman – PK Subban

I know voting only takes regular season into account, but if this went to Kris Letang after the Pens’ playoffs even I would have been ashamed.  Maybe next year, Tanger.  Maybe you need a ponytail holder.  I don’t like Subban but I’d like him if he were on my team.  All those chin-ups with the 100 lb. of extra weight have paid off.

Calder/Best Rookie – Jonathan Huberdeau

I saw maybe 3 Panthers games all year and Huberdeau scored in all of them so I’m on board with this.  Jon also has the appropriately wry jawline and poufy hair potential to replace Matt Smith as Doctor Who, if they could tape only in summer.

Lindsay/Most Outstanding Player (by NHLPA) – Sidney Crosby

Being voted Most Outstanding by fellow players in pretty great.  Sid would rather have the Cup, the Richard, the Hart… but this award is this season for Sid, especially with his injury.  I’m not going to gush.  Just sum up my feelings with the time Sid went to a Justin Beiber concert in the same week I went to a Justin Beiber concert.  I love everything.  Hold it together, girls.

Side note: The title of this post does not endorse the Nelly remix of Florida Georgia Line’s song.  Yes I admitted to Bieber but even I have standards.

Gator: “I can’t believe you like Mike Green.  He’s so….”

Pants: “… Mike Green.”

And that is the only explanation, besides falling down and looking so relieved when he scores a goal.  Case in Point:

Caps Breakaway – “Who Drives the Worst Car on the Team?” [link]

Call us old. Get bad picture.

Troy Brouwer says it’s Mike with his white SAAB.  Then he calls Mike a “middle aged man.”

Be adorable. Get adorable picture.

Mike cites his own white SAAB.  Then brings up the scooter.

Meanwhile the winner is really Brooks for some old car he had…

Drive crap car. Still get girls.

that is apparently from between WWII (says Nicky)…

Smile. It distracts people while you make fun of them.

 and Ovi’s grandfather’s birth.  In 1968.  When they made Escalades.

Show only bottom teeth. No one notices gap on the top.

More for me to share with ladies. hahahahahaha!

Isn’t one Ovi enough?

If your name is DawnCherrie, probably not, but for the rest of us, we’re cool with just the one. Thanks so much.

Now don’t get me wrong – I think that Ovechkin is a crazy good hockey player.  He’s flashy, dynamic, and ALWAYS looks like the kid having the most fun out there when he scores goals.

HUGS FOR EVERYONE!

Speaking of goals…

They haven’t exactly been coming fast and furious for Ovechkin.  He has the same amount of goals (3) as Mike Green.  Mike Green, people.

It’s cool though.  While teams are busy covering the Russian Machine, it gives opportunities to guys like Green, Ward, Backstrom, Chimera, Johansson, and Wideman to create plays and score points.

And any time Mike Green scores, Pants does this….

from http://burningupthesuntosaygoodbye.tumblr.com/

The Caps are 7-0 on the season and fans are no doubt dreaming that this might be the year.

And it very well could be.   They are always considered a top team in the NHL and with good reason.  They have depth, skill, and with the addition of Tomas Voukon between the pipes, the Caps are built like a Stanley Cup contender.

If only they could get through the playoffs…

Namely, the oily bo-hunks that play this game we love so much.

Patrick Sharp.  

Sidney Crosby.

Jonathan Toews.

Patrice Bergeron.

Patrick Sharp.

Oh wait, already said him.  Doesn’t matter!  He’s so hot, I had to mention him twice.

No no no. Too Sexy.

But for today’s Foxy Friday feature (yay alliteration!), I’m going a little crazy.

I’m going to veer of this highway of “hotness”…

…down the off-ramp…

For this week, and this week ONLY- Foxy Friday is going to known as…

Fugly Friday

Yah, that’s right.

These guys might not gracing the cover of GQ anytime soon, but they still play a pretty sick game of hockey.

Ian Laperriere

Is he face made out of silly putty?

Mike Ricci

Alex Ovechkin

Sorry, Dawn.  He’s an amazing hockey player, but really…I don’t get it.

Daniel Carcillo

Gerry Cheevers

The comb-over. The Jason mask. Not a good look for anyone.

So, do you have a player that you think should be on this list?  One who reminds you more of Sloth from ‘The Goonies” than Ben Affleck from “The Town” (FACT: BA never looked hotter that he did in that movie.  And I will fight anyone who disagrees.)

And what better way to showcase them, than with the always fun Super Skills Competition.

So here are the results…

• Faster Skater – Michael Grabner (14.238 seconds)
• Breakaway – Alexander Ovechkin (38.5% of the fan votes).
• Accuracy – Daniel Sedin (4 for 4 in 7.3 seconds)
• Skills Challenge Relay – Team Lidstrom (2:09)
• Hardest Shot – Zdeno Chara, 105.9mph (4th consecutive win AND he beat his own record)
• Elimination Shoot-Out – Corey Perry

and some of our favorite moments…

• PK Subban stealing Jeff Skinner’s jersey

Oh look Jeff Skinner...heeeeeyyyyyyy wait a second...

• Jeff Skinner. The Justin Bieber of the NHL.  I wish he could be my prom date.

Definitely out WAY past his curfew

• Timmy Thomas vs. Cam Ward in the Fastest Skater.  In full equipment.
• Timmy’s wipe out behind the net. But he got right back up with the ever-present smile on his face.

• Toews’ Accuracy Mulligan and *derp* face through the whole competition

• Marc-Andre Fleury. The jumping jacks.  Stacking the pads on Ovechkin. The dancing.  Everything.  We love him.  As far as we are concerned, he won the entire Skills Competition.

and 1...and 2...and 3

• Finding out that Anze Kopitar speaks English.  And has no accent.
• Those wee tiny nets in the Skills Relay.  sotiny

What are those? Hockey nets for ANTS?

• The new-found love between Alex Ovechkin and Kris “Look at My Hair” Letang

Love is in the air...

• Zdeno Chara‘s slap shot.  Faster than a speeding bullet.

If I saw this, I would curl up into the fetal position and cry for my mother.

• Last but not least – Patrick Sharp, ASG 2011 MVP.

Looking better than any hockey player has a right to

Following is an excerpt from the section that addressed “Contact with Fans”:

“Under no circumstances are Club personnel — either players or non-players — permitted to have physical contact with fans, or enter, or attempt to enter the stands. Even where a fan is verbally abusive, intoxicated, or profane, Club personnel should either ignore the conduct or, where appropriate, seek the assistance of police or security personnel at the arena.

“Accordingly, please be on notice that all Club personnel (management, coaches, trainers, and/or players) who engage in any form of physical contact with fans, including the squirting of water, will, on a going forward basis, be subject to discipline in the form of a suspension.  The Club involved will also be subject to a fine.”

Now, Pants knows from various off-line chats we have, well, let’s just say I an active imagination and maybe some NSFW comments. But what if say Pants, or Chuck or I, were to lure one of our favorite players away before, during or after a game but still on-site would they still be fined for contact with a fan? Does this cover that kind of contact? What if it’s consensual? Because if I got that close to Ovi,  Miika, Brodeur or Fedorov, I’m pretty sure it would look something like this:

bright AND sparkly

There has been enough bashing today and I will give Max props for being hot – there I said it. He’s HOT. Even I can appreciate a hot hockey player as long as his mouth is, well, I guess it wouldn’t work if I duct taped his mouth shut – huh?! And he’s French, which is another strike against him but oh well. He is hot and I’ll leave it at that.

Hot for O'vechkin!

Besides, I won’t mention, that again, the only picture any one can find of Sidney Crosby is yet again, with a guy – a hot guy, but a guy none the less. Oops, sorry. I digressed.

I am now waiting by my mail box for my sparkly (which I HOPE is bedazzled with genuine Swarovski crystals!) Caps Lucky tank top and my Ovechkin Women’s Green St. Patrick’s Day shirt – which, if it’s coming UPS Ground – MIGHT be here by the next St. Patrick’s Day.

But that is another story for another day which I will only add –  I left on the NHL shop’s website because they bugged me for feedback.  BTW – I think they got a good laugh that day and decided to call me only to see if I truly existed as well as my dead, blind, crippled, paralyzed grandma.

Note from Pants:

I’m pulling editorial and posting this, because it’s too weird!  I am wearing the Crosby version of that St. Patrick’s Day shirt right now. Wonder twins activate?  For Jello wrestling during the Winter Classic?

fashion show at work

PS: You like that Matt Damon peeking over my shoulder?