Disclaimers:

Chuck: I have watched some Western Conferences games this year, but those 10pm start times are killers. My predictions are based off:  the games I HAVE watch; NHL Network, what I’ve read about the teams, and Ms. Cleo.

Pants: I need to be honest here for a second. Can I vote for the Oilers? No? Then I don’t know anything about the West. I will predict – I may even have emotions – but everything I think about the Western Conf. is learned from reading other predictions or the final NHL standings. Basically, I am cheating off all your tests.

western conference

Blues vs. Wild

Chuck: Blues. But maybe the Wild?  Wild have been the best team in the NHL since January and the exceptional play of Devan Dubnyk has carried them through, but the Blues have a sniper in Tarasenko and a deep corps of forwards and defenseman. This one is a conundrum, for sure.

Pants: Blues. They always seem to be giving my teams a hard time, so this year will be not different. Also, BORT’S BEARD! I needs it.

Lindsay’s favorite photo.

Predators vs. Blackhawks

Chuck: Predators. I’m going out on a limb for this one but just hear me out. Preds’ defensemen make an in so many ways and Weber and Josi are a stellar 1-2 punch. James Neal, when he is in the zone, can score goals that other guys just can’t. Hawks’ defense has been meh of late and Crawford can’t do it without good players in front of him.

Pants: Probably the Predators, because they’ve been rock solid all season. Also, I have Gingerbeard withdrawal something fierce. The Hawks have had their ups-and-downs, though they are getting Patrick Kane back right on cue to make me eat these words.

Ducks vs. Jets

Chuck: Ducks.  Ducks has strength on pretty much all four lines and if their forechecking is on point, they are probably one of the best in the league. Paul Maurice has changed slowly changed the identity and culture of the Jets but they aren’t quite there…yet.  But I wouldn’t be mad at ALL if the Jets pulled this upset off.

Pants: Ducks. If you’ve never watched Bruce Boudreau coach, please take this opportunity. If he was an iso-cam feed during games, I would never need to see the ice.

Canucks vs. Flames

Chuck: Flames. I don’t have a dog in this fight since the Bruins are out so I am looking for a team to adopt.  Maybe the Flames are it. So what that they haven’t won a playoff round since 2004 (when the lost in the SCF)?  Great coach in Bob Hartley, a hugely successful powerplay and their ability to win without Giordano might make the Flames a dark horse.

Pants: When I go to horse races, I bet on whichever horse has the best drag queen name. (So far, Surly Temple is the all-time favorite.) So when I say I can’t pick a team in this series, know how deeply and truly I do not care. I seem to have a lot of Canuck fan friends though, and I wish them well.

Comment below and let us know your predictions.  Who’s your dark horse team?

FOXY FRIDAY!

Today, we’re featuring a guy with one of the coolest names in hockey – Nino Niederreiter.

Say that five times fast.

But who exactly IS Nino Niederreiter?

Nino is part of the youth movement in Minnesota, part of a core group of players which are poised to be an integral part of the Wild’s climb in the very difficult Central Division.

He was born in 1992 in Switzerland, land of Ricola and neutrality. One might not think of Switzerland as a hockey powerhouse, but over the last few years, there has been an emergence of Swiss talent joining the NHL ranks.

Roman Josi. Damien Brunner. Yannick Weber.  All Swiss. All love chocolate.

Mister…Randy…Watson!

Niederreiter, AKA El Nino, was drafted 5th overall by the Islanders in the 2010 Entry Draft, making him the highest drafted Swiss player in NHL History. At the 2013 Entry Draft, he was traded to the Wild in exchange for Cal Clutterbuck and a 3rd round pick.  He’s 6’2″, 210 lbs, shoots left and this season, he has 2 G and 2A in 9 games.

Also, his eyebrows are working for us.

My eyebrows are up here, ladies.

In last year’s playoff game 7 verses the Avalanche, Nino had two goals and an assist including the OT game-winner to advance his team to the second round, earning his forever place in the hearts of Wild fans everywhere.

Snipe.

Some other important things you should know about the newest member of the Foxy Friday Fraternity –

He loves slides.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

And Pictionary.

Boo.

His favorite mode of transportation are of the two-wheeled variety.

They see me rollin’…they hatin’

Beep! Beep! Who got the keys to the Jeep?

In his spare time, he enjoys knitting/wearing amazing boyfriend cardigans.

Knit 2, Purl 1

“If you want to destroy my sweateerrrrrrrrrrrr”

Perfecting his model look into middle distance. (it’s alot harder than it looks, people.)

Le Tigre

Channeling Sidney Crosby and his #AwkwardPockets.

#awkwardpockets

After his hockey career ends, we think he’d have a great future as a lumberjack.

“How much wood…

…could a woodchuck chuck…

…if a woodchuck could chuck wood?”

And in honor of Halloween, we give you this gem.

Iceman, Maverick, and Goose

Top Gun Boys.  Get us every time.

Check out Nino on the twitter at @thelnino22.

When I fall asleep while Roenick or Milbury is on TV.

Canadiens take series lead over Bruins 2-1

I watched the first period of this game – long enough to see PK Subban get a minor for “roughing” Rielly Smith.  It should have been 1 minute for roughing Smith + 1 minute for roughing Thomas Vanek.  Or 2 minutes for missing.

So many butt-related jokes.

Then he scored on a breakaway coming out of the penalty box.  So perhaps he meant to miss his check, get the minor and end up in the right place at the right time?  Sounds legit.

The Bruins came roaring back, as they are wont to do, but it was too late.  3-2 until the last moment when Lars Eller made it 4-2.  My favorite stat about this game is Shawn Thornton had five hits in 7:42 of ice time.

Unrelated photo of Bergy to make Chuck feel better.

Wild score 4G on 8 shots in the third; trail Blackhawks in series 2-1

Someone who watched this game should write the recap because it sounds bonkers.  Chicago had just 19 shots in the game, Minnesota only 18.  That’s not unusual for the Wild, who ranked 29th in shots-for during the regular season.  (“Shots for” = favorite hockey stat name.)  But last night, eight of the Wild’s shots came in the 3rd and they scored four goals.  On eight shots.  One was an EN, but still!  They had 32 shots/2G in Game 1 and 19 shots/1G in Game 2.  This breakout had to feel great and restore serious confidence.

We share in your surprise.

Or not, because it’s the Blachawks.

Unrelated Kaner smile no one can resist.

Penguins/Rangers Game 4 is the only show tonight.  You can find me on the floor in front of my TV with plenty of chicken mushroom farro risotto, watching the beards.

Goals make your beards grow faster.

Penguins and Rangers series tied 1-1

The Pens had a shaky first period Friday night and got themselves down 2-0 like they think every game needs to be crazy a la Round 1.  No thank you – because it doesn’t always work.  The Rangers won in OT.  Just as well I was on a Twitter ban and only talking to Alison.

Sad Brad scored on his birthday. I hope his ice cream cake melted.

Last night, I was at a dinner and trying not to check the score.  Go home and watch the whole game, right?  Ha!  Zero will power.  I did pass my phone around the table for independent verification of the score, then had more celebratory sangria.  I watched the game afterward – fast-forwarding through Pens’ penalties, which was pretty much the entire first period.  Nisky for roughing – in hindsight, I can love that.

Incoming Geno hug

BREAKING NEWS UPDATE: Still no goals for Crosby or Nash.  (See what I did there? I almost hope you don’t, it’s so bad.)  At this rate, they’ll find that missing plane before one of these guys scores.

Want to see my Art Ross Trophy?

Blackhawks lead Wild in series 2-0

Friday night’s game was tied 2-2 until Patrick Kane decided it was time for this goal:

If this blog had audio, I’d whistle.  That’s so good it’s worth another goal, which Kaner scored 8+ minutes later to put the Hawks up 4-2 and shut the door (won 5-2 on an EN).  Sunday afternoon, playoff hero Bryan Bickell extended his point streak to five games with 1G and 2A.  Remember how many points he had last year?  17 (9G, 9A) in 23 games.  He’s got eight points in eight games so far this post-season.

Must. Have. Points.

Patrick Sharp didn’t have any points in the game (he had 1A on Friday), but he wore these shorts and we think that counts for something.

Somewhere Toews can’t find his shorts.

Bruins and Canadiens tied 1-1

After PK Subban’s double-OT winner last week, the Habs were up one game to none.

BeardWatch

Remember Boston lost the first game of the last series too, then adjusted and won four straight.  They got back on that track with a come-from-behind 5-3 victory Saturday, which I watched from the elliptical runner at the gym.  I can go a lot of miles fueled by my dislike for Brad Marchand.  That said, four unanswered goals in the third period (one EN) made the B’s look more dominant that the scoreboard showed.

“Ha, little man.”

Kings take first game, lead Ducks 1-0

I wish this series could be weekends-only, so I could stay up for every game.  It was worth the late night Saturday – I caught just the 3rd and OT – to see Marion Gaborik tie the game with seven seconds left.

God, that is SO exciting when it’s a) your team or b) you don’t care who wins!  Gaborik scored again in OT.  I still have the Ducks taking this series, but the Kings are going to make me look stupid every time I don’t pick them.

Five in a row, and counting.

Tonight the Penguins and Rangers are back at it, this time in NYC, and I will be glued to the TV and (trying to stay) signed out of Twitter.   Late night it’s Game 2 of Kings vs. Ducks.  It promises to be really exciting and also excellent for your productivity at work tomorrow.

Must… watch… hockey…

We bid Round 1 farewell with this announcement: I am no longer 100% right. Thanks for nothing, Avs and Sharks!

Current predictions score: Pants – 6 of 8, Chuck – 4 of 8

Rangers do one thing for me, beat Flyers in series: 4-3

When the Flyers are knocked out of the playoffs, regardless of year, other teams or life in general, I have a moment of bliss.

Bubbz always.

The Rangers came out strong in GM7, then got back on their heels while the Flyers surged late.  Sound like any other hockey teams I know?!  King Henrik was the difference maker yet again.  New York will get one day of rest and of my gratitude, then it’s back to work and hating them Friday night in Pittsburgh.

Admiring his own face on the Jumbotron.

In other breaking news: Rick Nash has no playoff goals. This is apparently the only Rangers storyline available so tell your friends. It will be broadcast continually on sister station Radio Crosby.

For the record, I do hate the Rangers more than the Flyers.

God, that is a thin line.

But I’d rather the Pens play the Rangers in R2. The Flyers bring out the Pens’ most infuriating problem – composure – while playing Pittsburgh seems to ignite Philly’s tenacity.  The Rangers are no easier opponent but at least it will (hopefully) be the Penguins playing, not Hurricane Neal and the Tantrums. Watch me hate this decision later.

Tomorrow, tomorrow.

There’s only one reason for us to miss the Flyers in May.  Give it a moment, then move on.

Maybe he’ll grow a summer beard.

Wild take it to OT, take series from Avs: 4-3

Game 7 overtime?  Someone hold my hair back.  The Wild got there with a goal at the 17:33 mark of the third, and it only took 5 minutes of OT to put the Avs away.   Nino Niederreiter, who sounds like an imaginary friend at a tea party, had two goals including the OT winner.  Listen to the clang off the backbar.

Yowza.  This is the first time the Wild have gotten past R1 in 10 years.  The Wild have this headline and I confess I laughed (just once):

I hear a rimshot.

We’ll miss the Avs kids who were having a blast out there, but MacKinnon, Gabe and the boys have many years of playoff hockey ahead of them.  Gabe’s beard though… bummer.

Sad first, then shower and selfie.

Kings win 4 in a row, collapse Sharks series: 4-3

Sharks gonna shark.  There are so many bad jokes – Sharks get bitten! – but the worst of all is San Jose’s record of playoff choking.  That said, we should have all picked the Kings because they know how to win 4 in a row (and then some) in pursuit of post-season glory.  Plus their bandwagon fans are famous and sparkly, and the NHL could use a few entertainment column inches.

So long and thanks for all the fish.

You should hug Sharks fans today – that was eviscerating. Sweep? Sucks. Reverse sweep?

Come back with carbs.

Round 2 starts tonight, with the Bruins and Canadiens (and Chuck) asking everyone else what took so long.  Typical dates, we’re never ready when they come to pick us up!  This series is going to be like the holidays with family – everyone knows each other, hates each other and every old crime comes out in a stress-spolsion.

Save us a good seat, okay?

Elevator to Chuck’s party.

Penguins take years off my life, defeat Blue Jackets in series: 4-2

What are we supposed to do?  NOT hope for leads because they get snatched away? NEVER want a power play for fear of giving up a shorty?  I don’t know which end is up except the Penguins won so hallelujah.  Columbus played their pants off and boy, were they having fun right up till that final buzzer sounded.

Can we still come to your All-Star Game?

I will say nice things about them in the off-season.  You guys can say them now. They’ll all be true and I won’t read them because I am busy going to Round 2.  The Pens found some dominance in Games 5 and 6 – even if they didn’t hold it for 60 minutes, it felt good to know it’s still there.

I AM SCORE THREE TIMES.

Besides CBJ, the off-season isn’t so bad.  Ask the Stars:

Source: Instagram, Instagram

Is there an Instagram filter called “Leg Hair” used on Seguin?  Also, is it weird the thing I’m most envious about in these photos are that it’s warm enough to wear shorts?  This winter has ruined me.  I digress.

Back to business: In case you missed it, Sidney Crosby has no goals. Maybe you didn’t hear last night’s commentators repeating it like a rosary or you failed to see the hilltop bonfires lit to spread the news from town to town.  It’s like the scene in 101 Dalmatians where every dog in London barks at the same time.

Yes, Captain.

The only real question is: how many goal-less playoff games until Superstitious Sid tosses the yellow Crocs?  (Answer: Never. They are hideously fun, so be glad for them. He could have gotten black ones.)

Silly, his black Crocs are for formal occasions only.

Brooks Orpik, it takes a man to stand front and center in pink-on-pink businesswear. Or, since it’s probably designer, salmon-on-salmon.  Elle Woods Approved.  Taylor Pyatt’s back there looking perfectly pastel acceptable in lavender and it’s no mistake Megna’s standing up front in that outfit. Just a mistake to stand next to Borts, the handsomest Penguin you’ve never heard of.

Only one beautifully bracketed addition today.  Everybody else is headed for a one-game cage match.  We’re going to need beer and bandages.

Day 14

Wild: 5; Avalanche: 2 [Series tied 3-3]

The Wild and Avalanche (two of the three NHL teams whose names are not plural) were locked at 2 goals a piece for nearly 30 breathless minutes.  Finally, with his second goal of the night and powered by chocolate milk, Zach Parise scored the goal Minnesota paid him $98 million over 13 years to score.  Well not the only goal, but you’ve got to get the first one first.  Add in two Wild ENs because Patrick Roy loves to pull goalies early and Minny forces this series back to Denver for Game 7.  My money is still on the Avs, but it’s not $98 million worth.

Kings: 4; Sharks: 1 [Series tied 3-3]

Three in a row – done. Why not four? The Kings scored three goals in 2:46 to break this game open and fuel what could be an historic comeback in playoff hockey.

Only three NHL teams have ever pulled off a four-straight resurrection [great stats on 0-3 comebacks].  Usually fans of the trailing team start fantasizing about this at the end of Game 3.  The last time I was still talking about it after Game 6?  Red Sox/Yankees, 2004 ALCS.  Chuck and I know it can be done.  The Kings clearly do too.  But the Sharks?  They’ll need to reset their heads and play like they were, not like they are.

Ask for Thursday off now, Wednesday is going to be a late one.

Who needs sleep? Well you’re never gonna get it.

Tonight now means more to me than ever.

Rangers at Flyers – Game 6.  You know what I’m going to do? Root for the Rangers.  Though I’d be fine with PHI taking this to seven and then losing, it’s a little too close.  I would rather Pens/NYR in Round 2. Pittsburgh showed composure in R1 through plenty of tough situations, so I have faith they can hold it.  Just something about the Flyers brings out the worst in me them… but GAH I kind of want to play the Flyers, I ADMIT IT!  BLOOD AND FIRE!

Someone should check on me later.

The networks have all kinds of on-hiatus hockey players pitching in as commentators during these playoffs.  Let us make the offer official: Alex Pietrangelo, you and your currently unemployed hair are welcome here anytime.

This look will be missed.

I think we could even use a pool man now that the Stars are available.  We don’t have a pool, but…

Leave Hartnell and the socks at home.

Ducks eliminate Stars: 3-2

This one hurt.  We were all falling a little in love with Dallas, or at least their Twitter account.  Let’s hope that doesn’t get a summer vacation.

Like so many game in this post-season, the Stars had this one and they blew it.  The Ducks scored two goals in the last 2:10 to tie the game, then won it shortly into overtime.  It’s all summed by this beard and the scoreboard which I’ve helpfully left visible for anyone who likes to wallow in misery.

99% beard, 1% brows

It’s hard for me to understand the rage Corey Perry causes people without watching him in a long series against a single team.  Now I really get why he’s good at it and why other fans hate him.  Round 2 will be an in-state series vs. the Kings or Sharks.

We’ll never be far from an In-N-Out Burger!

Blackhawks eliminate Blues: 4-2

Sorry Blues.  (I’m not, not at all.)  After being up 2-0 in the series, they dropped four in a row to the defending Champs and are on their way to summer.  Here’s what you need to know about Chicago going into Round 2.  Patrick Kane can score in OT [video].  Jonathan Toews can score in OT on a breakaway:

gif by @cjzero

And Patrick Sharp can score on a breakaway while someone puts their stick blade in his perfect face:

gif by sportsblogging.tumblr.com

Bruins eliminate Red Wings: 4-1

Oh happy Chuck.  How nice it must be to root for a team withs so few weaknesses and also the ability to fix them.  In Game 1, the Bruins played with all the speed of Red Sox’s David Ortiz.  (Non-baseball fans, this is sarcasm.  The man cannot run.)  Starting in Game 2, they went faster… and it worked.  They will face the Canadiens for the 257th time in NHL playoff history.  Everyone hates each other, prepare to die.

Video: Bergy has some sleepy-voiced things to say.

Thus the bracket has been bracketed three more times.  For the record, so far I’ve been right 100% of the time.  Chuck is currently at 75% since she didn’t pick the Canadiens.  She would never pick those jerks.

For those of us with teams still battling to the pain:

Rangers lead Flyers: 3-2

The Flyers figured how to win once at MSG and they’ll need to do it again to survive this series.  But first, they have to win Tuesday night at home.  They held the NYR to only 22 shots Sunday, but the Rangers capitalized on what few chances their persistence and speed (and Flyer mistakes) could generate.

While I want both teams gone, is there anyway they could just leave the beard?

Sunday post-game interview: Gingertime Sadness

Penguins take series lead over Blue Jackets: 3-2

I ditched a bachelorette party mid-bar crawl to catch the end of this.  Of course I refused to leave even after Letang’s EN goal just in case.  Kunitz had 1G, 1A plus 7 SOG and 6 hits.  Throw that body around, Sock Monkey!  Fleury bounced back (See? SEEEEEE???) stopping 23 of 24, while the Pengins had a whopping 50 shots.  Game 6 Monday night, I’ll be on the floor of my living room in a fort made of pizza boxes.

Dog days are over?

Kings stay alive again, still trail Sharks: 3-2

Well what do you know, the Kings have staved off elimination twice now.  The first four games of the series averaged 7.75 goals per game.  Jonathan Quick gave up 16G in that stretch, but found his mojo Saturday and the Kings won 3-0 in an orderly fashion.  Can they do it again Monday night or will the Kings leave LA’s perpetual summer for regular old summer somewhere else?

Pelvic thrust.

Avalanche take lead over Wild, Errrrrrybody Mad: 3-2

Remember me raging about the disallowed Tampa Bay goal back a ways?  Well the Wild had plenty to say about this oh-so-close, offsides-or-on moment with less than 1:30 to go in Game 5.  There was no call on the play, so of course the Avs scored and forced overtime.

Image by @johncanref

Offside say the Wild media | Inconclusive say the Avs media

If the Wild had won, we wouldn’t still be talking about this.  Too bad the Avs have TriWizard Tournament hopeful Nathan MacKinnon with his 2nd goal (and League-leading 10th point) of the playoffs.

Monday night Colorado will have the chance to reach Round 2 for the first time in 6 years.  Guess who else they’ll very likely have?

Hey girl.

Duchene’s go/no-go will be announced after the morning skate.  We say go.

What this all means is that three more bracket spots could be locked Monday night, or any of three series could need a Game 7.  I could need blood pressure medication.  Just another day in the playoffs.  Stay ready.

Penguins: 4, Blue Jackets 3 [Pens lead series 2-1]

This game started and an instant later the Jackets had scored two goals.  Okay, maybe it took 3:18, but it felt like a heartbeat.  The Penguins were not ready, not willing and not at all able while I just watched like:

It continued into the second period.  Pittsburgh shot total multiplied exponentially but nothing got past Bobrovsky.  They had 257 power plays – alright 6; the CBJ were throwing themselves into the box – but converted on zero.  This from the NHL’s #1 regular season PP!  When I tell you I yelled, “The next person who blows a drop pass coming into the zone gets my foot up his ass!” I mean I was loud.

Finally Brooks Orpik (ofallpeopleexceptLetangmewlingdeath!!) scored in the last gasp of the 2nd period.

And of course, the Jackets got it right back to start the third.

Only I didn’t leave.  I sent my Patronus away so it wouldn’t have to watch but I am not strong enough to resist.  Then the Penguins scored.

1:10 later they scored again.

1:03 after that they scored again.

I was freaking out and faith-healed and curled into a weird knot on my living room floor.  Three goals on three shots in 2:13.

I KNOW, RIGHT?!

Then they won.  And this was me, for a solid two hours after:

It’s only Game 3.  Crosby, Kunitz, Malkin and Neal have no goals – only Geno even has a point.  So many wasted man advantages.  Flower stayed confident despite a messy start.  Alison & I both performed mid-game costume changes to what we wore for Game 1 and it worked.  I’m exhausted.  I might be overreacting.  Maybe everything is going to be okay.

Right, Sid?

GAH.  That’s what you always say.

Blackhawks: 2; Blues: 0 [Blues lead series 2-1]

Well no one died, which makes it a model of restraint after last game’s dirty hit/suspension/general abhorrence.  Instead the Hawks set the pace early when Captain I’m Fun Now put a gimmie through the wickets on Ryan Miller.  Corey Crawford pitched a shutout and the Hawks staved off an almost certain death – for now.

Wild: 1; Avalanche: 0 [Avs lead series 2-1]

Zero goals until 5:08 of overtime.  After a combined 9 G in Game 1 and 6 G in Game 2, this match was locked down.  The Avs managed on 22 shots on Darcy Kuemper in his playoff debut, while Minnesota threw 46 shots on Varlamov.  Matt Cookie hit Tyson Barrie knee-on-knee and will likely (deservedly) be the second player suspended this post-season.  See it here.  I don’t want to watch it again.  Instead watch Mikael Granlund’s holy moly game-winner:

Stars: 3; Ducks: 0

I was only half-watching this game after the emotional trauma of the Pens’ game, but I know the DuckTales theme when I hear it!  The Stars in-game staff played it during a third period timeout.  If you were sleeping, search ‘DucksTales’ on Twitter.  Harmless fun and who doesn’t want to hear that song?  [The Albany River Rats used to play “Even the Losers (Get Lucky Sometimes)” when the opposing team scored.  I laughed even when we were losing.]

Jamie Benn had a goal and the post-game interview, but you should be tuning in for Jordie Benn’s megabeard.  Someone find me a picture of that!

Tonight, tonight it’s Montreal with the chance to give Tampa Bay the first playoff exit of the year.  The Bruins/Red Wings and Rangers/Flyers all try to gain the edge in tied series and late night, the Sharks will attempt to go up 3-0 over the Kings.  The first two games have each seen 9 total goals scored.  Sounds exciting – if only we could stay awake!

Blues:4, Blackhawks: 3

Look,  overtime is one thing.  Triple overtime is two more things but is there anything more annoying than waiting 17 minutes of intermission in the middle of the  damned night just for someone to win it 30 seconds into the next extra frame?

Aside from being the team that loses that way, I mean.

Coach Q, how do you feel about this game?

I can’t stop laughing.  I hope Joey, the Junior Reporter didn’t see that!

Avalanche: 5, Wild: 4

Since all the cool kids who won the Cup last year were going to OT, the Paul Stastny of the Avs thought that sounded brilliant.  He tied it with 14 seconds left [video].  GAH, that is what Playoffs are about!  Paul enjoyed that so much, he did it again.

Look at Nathan MacKinnon with the hugJUMPhugJUMPhugJUMP.  19 year old puppy.

Rangers; 4, Flyers: 1

I hate everyone but wow, Giroux’s beard is already amazing.  It was the only positive thing about this game for the Flyers, who gave up goals 2 and 3 in 47 seconds while I was brushing my teeth.  If they Flyers could do that every time I left the room, I’d stay out my whole life.

G’s beard looks even more orange because Jakub Voracek and Scott Hartnell have dyed their beards black for the playoffs.  I’m torn between saying, “Well they can’t look worse.” and “That was cool when Mike Green did it.”  Photos by the only officially Flyers-related person we like: @sbaickerCSN.

Just to be fair:  The Rangers changed their homepage to look like Tumblr and I hate that too.  Sad Brad Richards had three points and I bet he went home and laughed while making 6 AM tee times under the name “Tortorella” at every golf course within 50 miles of wherever Torts lives.

Sharks: 6, Kings: 3

This game was “mostly dead” in the first with the Sharks up 3-0.  In the second, they scored 2 more.  But to start the third period, the Kings came out and got 3 goals.  I don’t know if it felt like they could really climb the entire hill (thoughts? I was asleep.) but that has got to help their confidence in an otherwise brutal loss.

Tomas Hertl had one of the Sharks’ goals – looks like those water aerobics he used to recover from injury really paid off.

The Bruins kick things off against the Red Wings tonight (finally!), while the Habs/Bolts and Ducks/Stars will go again.  Ryan Getzlaf expected to be in the lineup with his new Frankenface.

Enjoy!  I hope all of your teams lose!

Hey there, Captain Zach!

I can’t find this image large enough to read text, so let me tell you what it says:

• Zach Parise can hold a lunge for five minutes.
• Over the course of the particular training program mentioned, he barfed three times.
• Barfing does not at all deter from the attractiveness of a man who can hold a lunge for five minutes.
• Wait, I said that last part.

I try to picture myself holding a lunge for five minutes – at the one minute mark I’d fall over and lay frozen on the gym floor, laughing hysterically at my own rigor mortis.

More on Parise’s workout routine from Sports Illustrated, with video in which he looks suitably miserable.  That’s our kind of tough guy.  Zach gets an open invitation to join our next Tough Mudder team.

Hockey in no sleeves = skiing in jeans.

We won’t tell chocolate milk if he drinks that free beer at the end.

Five minutes.  Shut up.

Right now there are a plethora of former Terriers representing in the big show – Nick Bonino, Alex Chiasson, Kevin Shattenkirk, Colin Wilson, and this week’s Foxy Friday honoree, Charlie Coyle.

You can take the boy out of Boston, but you can’t take the Boston out of the boy.

The 21-year-old, 6’3″, 221 lbs forward is in his first full season with the Minnesota Wild.  The former first-round draft pick (28th overall in the 2010 Entry Draft) has only 10 points on the season and while he isn’t exactly tearin’ it up (yet), we had to give him the honor for this one simple and utterly adorable gesture.

Charlie Coyle is Santa. Santa Coyle.  Bringing joy to all the little boys and girls. And this blog.   His mom would be so proud.

Since Santa Coyle is in such a giving spirit, let’s see what else he has got for us in his bag of gifts.

• Excellent taste in Halloween costumes. Trading in the red suit for a flight suit is cool with us.

• Yoga. Triangle pose never looked so good.

from jonasbrodin.tumblr.com

• A little bit of that Tyler Seguin swagger we’ve been missing so much.

• Some very impressive goal scoring, like the one below and this beauty from Tuesday night.

#sickmitts

• Wicked good bubble hockey skills. (On a North Stars vs Wild version, no less. #irony)

• The Zach Parise Seal of Approval. If Zach likes you, then that means Moms like you.  Ergo, we like you.

• A name perfect for quoting one of our favorite movie lines.

What to learn all there is to know about Charlie?  Watch this.  It’s 23-minute, but worth watching for a glimpse into the life of a hockey stud.  Including more work outs and a family bbq.

Other Santa Coyle fact – his cousin is Tony Amonte.  Yes, THAT Tony Amonte.

You can follow Charlie on the twitter at @CharlieCoyle_3

Blackhawks vs. Wild

The Hawks didn’t play their best, but they squeaked one out vs. the Wild.  As the regular clock wound down and overtime became imminent, we all did this:

Every damned time.  In last year’s first round, 5 of 6 Chicago games went to overtime.  I cannot handle that again.  Still this series could be better than we expected – apparently the Wild didn’t read anything that anyone wrote.  Good for them, if not for me ever getting to bed before midnight.

Danica Patrick was on hand in a Patrick Sharp jersey.  She proved herself a Blackhawks fan not by making the first of three goal shots during intermission, but by derping as well as we’ve ever seen a derp.

This face should come with a free #19 jersey.

In the most impressive story of the night, Wild #1 goaltender Nicklas (not Nicky) Backstrom was injured during warmups and replaced by Josh Harding.  Harding played just 5 games this season, after being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis sometime last fall [link].  Asked about all the adversity, Josh said “No comment” over and over until reporters asked him about last night’s game instead [link].

That’s bad ass, Josh.  We want the Hawks to win, but you make them earn it.

Blues vs. Kings

OT was also required in St. Loius, where the Blues won the game on a goal that makes me want to throw up.  Not out of displeasure, just nerves.

Off all the things to happen…

It was scored by Alex Steen, who had the Blues only other goal of the game.  In Jonathan Quick’s defense, did you see last year’s playoffs?  He’s not worried.  He kept the Kings in this game while they were outshot 42-29 and he will do the same again tomorrow.

Ducks vs. Red Wings

Finally, Anaheim vs. Detroit happened in the middle of the damned night.  Of course it was Teemu Selanne with the Ducks eventual game-winning goal just into the third period.

Back in ’07, 36-year old Selanne eliminated the Red Wings from the Western Conference Final with an OT goal.  At 42, he’s still:

The Red Wings had only 11 shots through two periods, then another 11 in the third but they couldn’t get the tie.  The Ducks notched an empty netter at 19:37 to put this one away.

How did you hold up?  Not well judging by some of your Tweets.  Any tossable items broken, binge drinking or declarations of eternal love/hate yet?  I’m pretty concerned for my well being tonight during the Penguins game.  Tomorrow’s Capitals vs. Rangers opener will be even worse.  Already…

Wednesday was America’s birthday.  Ryan being a member of Team USA and proud American, we’re pretty sure he threw a pretty raging bbq.

Sparklers. Potato Salad.  Inflatable Pool Beer Pong.  The whole nine yards.

Then on the same day, he signed a BIG FAT MONSTER 13 year, $98 million dollar contract with the Minnesota Wild.

AMERICA!  More sparklers.

But today is definitely the best day of Ryan Suter’s week.

It’s Friday and everyone loves Fridays.

But more importantly, Ryan becomes a member of a very elite fraternity of NHL players. We call it Phi Phi Phi.  You might know it as…

Foxy Friday.

However, the reasons above do not solely make one worth of this prestigious honor and induction in to Phi Phi Phi.  Ryan has several other qualities that make him a worthy Foxy Friday honoree.

• Hockey Pedigree.  Ryan is the son of Bob Suter, who was a member of the 1980 US Olympic Hockey team that defeated the Russians in Lake Placid.  Everyone know how we feel about all things “Miracle” related. Also his uncle, Gary, is a NHL Hall of Famer and was the first American to win the Calder Trophy.
• Statistics.  The 2011-2012 season was Ryan’s career best.  79 games played, 7 goals, 39 assists, 45 points, and a + 15 rating.

• He’s #1.  Well, #7 actually.  Ryan was drafted seventh overall by the Nashville Predators in the 2003 NHL Entry Draft.  Also in his draft class – Marc-Andre Fleury, Mike Richards, Corey Perry, Jeff Carter, Eric Staal, and his new Wild teammate, Zach Parise

• Epic Bromance Potential.  Speaking of Zach…both signed identical contracts with the Wild on the same day!  Both from the Midwest (Zach is from Minnesota, Ryan from Wisconsin.)  Both played for Team USA.  Both drafted in 2003.  Both are adorable.  Forget Parise Watch.  We’re on Bromance Watch.

• Golden Boy.  Ryan has represented the US in ten international tournaments and has won 3 gold medals.  Unfortunately, he missed out on gold in the 2010 Olympics (one and only time I hated Canada) but we’re pretty sure he’ll get another shot in 2014 in Sochi, Russia.

• Military Might.  Ryan played at the Culver Military Academy where he scored 45 points in 26 games.  That’s an average of 1.7 points per game.  Also, he can iron creases in his pants so sharp, they’ll cut you.  (Full disclosure, it has been Fleet Week here in Boston.  Lots of men in uniform around here. Sensory/ovary overload.)
• Puppies. Cute boys + puppies = WUYS meltdown.

When you take all this into a count, it’s not hard to see why Ryan would get this week’s honor.  With in just a couple of days, he has become part of the THE biggest story in the off-season.

Personally, we’re dying to see what happens in Minnesota this season.

Will the Wild’s gamble pay off?

Will the team make the playoffs?

If they do, how far will they go?

Or will the liquidation of their piggy back be all for naught?

Check back with us in March…

Twitter was at Defcon One all day Tuesday and Wednesday.  That thing is worse than a middle school cafeteria for a gossipy game of telephone – and I enjoyed every second of it.  Camp Parise nearly caused a meltdown when they announced they would have an announcement, took ages to get it together, then said Zach was still thinking about it.

It was exactly like DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince singing about a girl who takes so long to get ready for a date that they miss the whole show.

But good for Zach, taking his time deciding which team to spend the rest of his life with.  Parise and Suter’s former teams (NJ and NASH) were in the running to re-sign, as well as other major contenders like Pittsburgh and Detroit.  Comparable offers were made, but both players chose Minnesota from a wide field.  Suter is from Wisconsin and his wife is from Minnesota.  Parise is a Minneapolis hometown hero – they should have a parade for his arrival.  The Wild have a great fan base, with 98.4% home attendance this year [link], despite missing the playoffs in eight of 11 seasons.  How excited are those fans now?

Suter brings the Wild 46 points, a top-notch blue line anchor and his guitar.  You know this guy is fun on the bus!  He knows all the words to your favorite song.

Parise notched 69 points and a Stanley Cup-final run last season.  We hope he packed a whole closet-full of snuggly sweatshirts.

Minnesota ranked #20 in total salaries last season, with over $8 million in cap space.  Currently they have just over $2 million left for next season.  The off-season frenzy turns now to other top available players like Rick Nash and Bobby Ryan.  A team looking to bump up their foxiness could do worse.

Of course Nash & Ryan are not UFAs.  Teams will have to give up big time assets to get them.  Especially Nash – at mid-season, the asking price was sky high.  Now that Parise is off the market, Nash’s value is looking very strong against the dollar. His contract goes through 2018 at $7.5 million and climbing.  Bobby Ryan is younger, cheaper and shorter-term at $5.5 million through 2015.

Plus, he really loves his cat.

Note to Rick Nash: Come to Pittsburgh! We didn’t get Zach, but you’re not our second choice. Well, maybe Crosby’s.  Either way, he needs a winger like he needs bigger pockets and we’re sick of hearing about it.  You can run people over before they get their hands on the Kid.  Imagine the scenario: Sid + Rick vs. Geno + James for which line can score more goals?!  I flail.  What about the Crosby, Stills & Nash jokes to be ruined by whoever gets that other wing?

Either of these guys to the Pens results in screaming that you’ll hear from your houses or cars.  What about the Caps?  They need to replace Semin!  They have money!  Okay, I’m getting ahead of myself.  One of these guys to the Flyers and Pam & Deb will never let us hear the end of it!  I just can’t help it if I want this on one of my teams:

The Dallas Stars finished in 9th place last year too.  Frustrated but the hopeful.  The ultimate hockey fan emotions.

Flames fans are a tough bunch, just ask Lindsay.  You can’t ever get tickets, and they haven’t made the playoffs in three years.  That’s dedication.  Do the damned Canucks have to be first *every* year?!

The Avalanche have a few up-and-comers among our favorite players to watch.  They had some rich years, and we think they’re coming back.  More Landeskoging, please.

I once figured that based on all the consecutive sellouts the Wild had, including pre-season games, that you could put a second NHL franchise in their parking lot and it would see more tickets than the Coyotes every night.  We are beyond impressed.

Anaheim.  I don’t know what the hell happened there, but this team should be tearing it up.  I’d like to see them give this top notch cast another season – Ryan, Perry, and Getzlaf if he can find his mojo.  And Teemu, please play forever.

The Oilers are rebuilding away.  With Eberle, Hall and Nugent-Hopkins clicking and a strong team behind them, it’ll be watch out world.

Columbus, don’t give up.  We know it hurts with Nash and that the wait has been long.  We hope a new chapter is starting.  Oh, and we’re coming to visit for the All-Star Game.

So long to the favorites who finished – play some golf, get healthy and come back hungry.  Now,on to those still left.

But this is NOT about the Winter Classic. This is about a SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT made during the Winter Classic. NBC announced HOCKEY DAY IN AMERICA. Now, I don’t want to split hairs here or get all semantic in your jockstrap BUT there are several things wrong with this announcement.

NBC programming executive for HOCKEY DAY IN AMERICA

Secondly, HOCKEY DAY IN AMERICA would technically include Canada and Mexico (South America if I REALLY want to go there). Last time I checked Mexico didn’t have  hockey teams nor do they play hockey on a regular basis. I am not trying to be all PC but if you are stealing something, at least let’s not encompass EVERYTHING! It should be called HOCKEY DAY IN THE U.S.

NBC executives might want to reference this

The Coup-de Grassi in all of  this … not only are they stealing Hockey Day in Canada but they are putting Hockey Day in America against Canada’s Heritage Classic; THEIR version of the outdoor WINTER CLASSIC (which we stole). Wait for it …. ON VERSUS which NBC OWNS! What’s a hockey fan to do? And oh how rude to Canada …!

Holy Sparkly Flying Dancing Unicorn Out My Butt! Does NBC have no Shame? Don’t answer that. While I am normally the first to criticize Canada because I do not quite feel the same why about our neighbor to the north as Pants and Chuck, visiting as often as I do, this is simply unacceptable. It is poorly conceived and makes no sense. It’s bad for Hockey and not a good PR move for the NHL. Why not tie in WITH HOCKEY DAY IN CANADA … oh wait, THAT would make sense.

I can save HOCKEY DAY IN AMERICA!

Please watch this video of George Parros fighting with Jody Shelley.  Yes they fight all the time, mustache vs. girls’ name, but listen to the background noise at 0:12 – is that the sound of a boxing bell?  It’s playing in the arena, right?  OMG, it’s the first and only thing I’ve ever loved about the Flyers.

Let's get ready to...

I can’t get past the Flyers’ jersey nameplates.  It looks like something a soccer mom made with medical tape from the AAA first aid kit in her minivan.

Marc-Andre Fleury was back in goal for the Pens last night vs. Nashville, and had a very close call in OT.  The puck went over his shoulder and bounced around at the goal line before Pascal Dupuis cleared it with a diving save.  Whew! Flower looked okay, not great, and you know Brent Johnson’s on the bench licking his chops. Love ya, Johnny but I still believe in Flower Power.

Yes, that's the doorstep.

Fifteen seconds later, Kris Letang buried a beauty of a slapshot for the winner.  He scored the same goal on Monday vs. Ottawa.  Also, Letang’s misconduct penalty for the 10/15 hit to Isles’ Comeau was rescinded because I said so.  Way to go, Team Tanger!

Johan Franzen said “In your face!” to last Fridays’ foxy Mikka Kipprusoff – and he meant it.  Franzen banked the puck off Kipper’s mask for the game-winning goal last night in Detroit.  If hockey doesn’t work out he could always get a job in Vegas playing trick-shot billiards.

Face/Puck

The Coyotes’ Lee Stempniak scored a hat trick in Phoenix, where they downed the Kings 4-2.  Only 6,706 attended the game.  The one and only BizNasty had this to say on Twitter: “Guess we actually had more then 5000 fans for our game. Didn’t realize it was dress like a seat night. Close to a sell out.”  It looked like this (AZ Republic):

If the goal light goes on and there's no one to see it...

The latest in Phoenix’s financial despair is best distilled at Yahoo!’s Puck Daddy, but frankly the whole thing is too depressing to read.  They need an NHL-assisted suicide. Let’s just decide where they should move to already – suggestions?  Re-open franchises in Quebec City or Winnipeg?  (This guy wants it.)  Think of it this way – the Minnesota Wild had their first ever non-sell out in team history for an exhibition game on 9/23.  That’s right, they sell out EVERY GAME, including 27 home pre-season games leading to this one.  You could put a new team in the Wild’s parking lot and consistently sell more tickets than Phoenix.  So what are the other options?  Milwaukee?  Seattle (Dawn!)?