Nnnnnot that close.

So we proceed as before – NHL Man Madness 2016 Quarterfinal: VOTE HERE

Click for a larger version

To aid in these decisions, here’s a helpful visual guide.

Carey Price v Steven Stamkos

The Goalie and the Natural

I’ve never paid much any attention to Carey Price, but y’all love him. And I use “y’all” to demonstrate the one thing I know about Carey Price – he’s a cowboy. He can do horse-related things and also survival, which according to many Twitter comments would make his useful in case of zombie apocalypse. (No one suggested he compete on “Naked and Afraid” which frankly calls into question this whole bracket challenge.)

Judo chop!

I submit to you that as living off the land and shooting-while-running are exceptional skills, Stamkos is not without off-ice talents of his own.

You decide what’s more likely. The Walking Dead Reality Show or a young adult fiction series-turned-Hollywood blockbuster series starring a 60-goal scorer.

Sidney Crosby v Aaron Ekblad

Hate to see you leave but love to see you walk away.

Hahahaha, kidding. I’m kidding! That is so unfair.

The Kid and the actual kid

Tyler Seguin v Zach Parise

The Bad Boy and the Good Guy

That’s really fair, though, right? Finding a photo of Seguin with a shirt (and pants) on is not that easy. But don’t rule Zach out – he did take down Toews, after all.

Smile. People will wonder what you’re up to.

I’m just not sure anyone can stand up to Tyler.

He just couldn’t reach a towel. In a room full of towels.

Gabriel Landeskog v Jamie Benn

This bracket is the toughest for me by a mile. They’re both so… it’s impossible. Gabe refuses to wear a shirt, even while making you breakfast. Jamie can’t not be a dork. Not even for a second. Not even with his shirt off! It’s Kryptonite.

The Surprise and the Sure Thing

To assist myself, we enter this evidence before the court:

The Swedish Chef

The “I Can’t Be Sure it’s an Innuendo because it’s Jamie Benn”

Guess I’ll have to spend all day looking Google Image searching them to aid in my decision making (aka just continue what I’ve been doing all morning).

VOTE HERE: NHL Man Madness 2016 – Quarterfinal

Go on, take your time. Research these decisions. Quarterfinal voting will end Wednesday, March 30 at Noon Eastern.

]]> http://whatsupyasieve.com/2016/03/28/nhl-man-madness-round-2-vote-on/feed/ 3 http://whatsupyasieve.com/2015/11/03/sharp-dressed-men/ http://whatsupyasieve.com/2015/11/03/sharp-dressed-men/#comments Tue, 03 Nov 2015 18:16:59 +0000 http://whatsupyasieve.com/?p=22403 Forgive me for having been away, as now I am talking about all the old things. I’m like your drunk aunt at Thanksgiving who starts telling a story someone else just finished telling.

Trust me, you won’t mind hearing this one twice.

Sharp Magazine wants men in Canada to have nice clothes and a classy lifestyle – or it wants to rub their faces in never having made the NHL. Either way, we win. In what I can only assume is an ode to 50 Shades of Gray, here are a rash of NHLers too good to be true. Not only are they attractive, wealthy and well-dressed, but based on these photos, they have feeeeeelings.

Patrice Bergeron gazes longingly from the bridge where he’s just let you drive off, in his favorite Porsche, to pursue your (other) dreams.

Foxy Friday – October 2010

Justin Faulk is really, really sorry that his hands are so big and his hair is so tousled.

Foxy Friday – overdue

Gabe Landeskog doesn’t want you to worry. He can afford another pair when he has to cut these pants off his calves.

Foxy Friday – October 2011

Claude Giroux feels his angsty, swarthy robber look is appropriate for stealing your heart. (Note: something already tried to climb his pants.)

Foxy Friday – January 2012

Jacob Trouba hopes you’re still into those vampire books everyone was reading.

Actually much cuter than photo suggests

Oliver Ekman-Larson intentionally left his battered paperback of Rainer Maria Rilke poems at your place last night.

Honestly, I had NO idea he looked like this.

Joe Pavelski had a tough day at his skyscraper investment bank. Can he interest you in a magnum of Moët to share?

Foxy Friday nod – May 2013

Roman Josi brought an extra blanket for stargazing from the deck of his yacht.

Foxy Friday – January 2013

I wish there were more of these! I don’t know if they’re from the current issue or an upcoming one, but I doubt the magazine has the centerfold you were hoping for.

The Ice Bucket Challenge began in July in support of ALS research.  Read more about it here and hire Frates & Quinn for more marketing campaigns.  The movement has raised over $4 million, up nearly +$3 million over this period last year.  Everyone is doing it:  Justin Timberlake, Matt Lauer, even Chuck did it!  Now we joke around, but this is a great cause, funding important research.  If you’re able to donate, please visit www.alsa.org.

And if you’re going to start a trend, please let it involve most of the NHL in what amounts to a wet t-shirt contest.  (So you know – this took forever to compile.  I watched hours of videos.  It was grueling but I’m willing to work hard for you guys.)

Me: “No.  No way.  No way!”

Crosby Ice Bucket Challenge video. I first saw an Ice Bucket Challenge video on 8/7, when 87 accepted the dare on his birthday.  I wondered for a moment it was real, or if I’d woken up in a fanfic – A Connecticut Yankee in Sidney Crosby’s Driveway, maybe.

Now who needs a cold shower?

Since then, everywhere you look an NHL player is taking the plunge.  So here you have them, the very Best of the Ice Bucket Challenge videos.

The “This Looks Familiar”

Matt Duchene Ice Bucket Challenge video.  Does Sid’s video have two blue buckets, a shovel and a black SUV in the background?  Eagle-eyed Alison noticed this is the same spot.  Just two dudes, pouring water on themselves and videotaping it for the internet.

Matt could have at least brushed his hair for Sid’s party.

Matt woke up 4 minutes ago.

Bonus points to Matt for nominating country singer Thomas Rhett, one of my favorites (who was also nominated by Justin Moore – the singer, not my husband).

The Intern Project

We said Tavares should wear a tighter shirt – so we know Intern Jeff Skinner still reads this blog.  This t-shirt is left over from Jeff’s high school days, since we haven’t paid him for a day of work since then.  And white?!  What a flirt.  Remember when he didn’t want girls paying attention?

Team Tank Top

Lindsay informs me that ‘dude tank tops’ are very much the style in Canada.  I assume everyone there looks like an NHL player and so this has my full support.

Steven Stamkos Ice Bucket Challenge video.  Careful using your dog to up the ante here, Stammer.  You’re no slouch but he’s pretty freaking cute.

Let me tuck my chain into my tank top first.

Taylor Hall Ice Bucket Challenge video.  #TeamHallsy starts his video off so seriously, you’d think he spent the summer doing Shakespeare in the Park.  It’s deceptively tall-seeming thespian work.

The world is mine oyster,
Which I, with stick, shall open.

Jordan Eberle Ice Bucket Challenge video. Uncceptable resolution for #TeamEbs.  He’s got to keep up with Taylor!  Zach Boychuck, get a new phone right this instant.  Adorable hair-fixing though, since Jordan knows we are watching.

Especially after this is Zack Boychuck’s video.  How is that fair?  His biceps are theatrically lit by the sun itself, giver of all life!

Also sporting the Official Boy Band Uniform is, of course, #TeamSchultzy.  Did they have a conference call about what to wear?  Or does matchy-matchiness come as naturally to them?

The “Dallas Stars Really Want to Be Your Favorite Team” 

Tyler Seguin never met a shirt he couldn’t take off.  Or something he couldn’t hit on.  I swear he just invited a charitable cause and a bucket of water back to his place, and don’t stop rolling that tape.

Jamie Benn’s Ice Bucket Challenge video.  Jamie would like to take this opportunity to remind you his hair is DEVASTATING and that he’s skinny now.  (Too skinny?  A little?)  Never mind that tattoo of a graveyard on his bicep – they needed a place to bury me anyway.

Benn-d and Snap

In case you don’t love Jamie, he Tweeted the “Girl in a Country Song” video.  This is everything that’s right with the world.

Also from the Stars, Rich Peverly apparently runs a daycare in the summer – and stuns them momentarily quiet with this challenge.  They are pretty sure their moms have said not to throw stuff.

The Other Birthday Boy

It’s a shame I’ll never see #TeamSam again, because I cannot add any more teams to my list nor can I stay up late enough to watch the Coyotes.  Sam Gagner did the Ice Bucket Challenge on his birthday, complete with a cake, a beard AND a white shirt. Presents for everyone.

The NSFMyLife

John Tavares Ice Bucket Challenge video.  There’s b-roll of John then his shirt off and jumping in the pool right?  That’ll be the deleted scene on the DVD?

Is this going to be on the test?

What I really can’t handle is his deep, teacher-y voice.  If he started talking about the Large Hadron Collider, I’d faint.

That Time Gabe Wore a Shirt

Gabriel Landeskog’s Ice Bucket Challenge video.  Perhaps the quaint, old-world and presumably Swedish setting calls for a top, but frankly we’re a bit disappointed in Gabe’s efforts to carry the shirtless-boat-selfie banner this summer. He gets named captain and suddenly it’s all business and no instructional pancake videos.

The US judges give this a 6.

He’s 21,  You Guys – I Swear

And that was not me at the end with the extra bucket of water.  Promise.

Guys Chuck Likes

The Bruins should hire Chuck to shoot their videos, because their Ice Bucket Challenges are astonishingly low-res.  Remember why you don’t watch hockey in standard def anymore?  Even dearest Patrice couldn’t get good production values:

Lucic is in focus – if that’s a good thing.  He looks like the unpopular kid at Camp Anawanna.  Stand up straight, man!

Kim Bauer Did It

Oh yeah, and her husband too.  The Phaneufs Ice Bucket Challenge video.  Alison loves these guys.  I just feel bad that 24 made Elisha get scared by a mountain lion and abducted by a loner in a bunker in the woods around LA.  Jack Bauer would disown that mess.

I think we’d all be friend with Elisha in real life.

The “Of Course Patrick Kane Has a Water Slide”

He probably has a slide from every single window of the house into that pool.  (This was a life plan action item for me and Gator.  Awaiting our invitations, Kaner.)  Toews is so much fun these days, where’s his bucket?

Coach Q is My Favorite Coach

Many coaches, front office staff and even mascots have gotten in on the Challenge, but Coach Q’s laugh is the best.

My Goalie is a Banana

What can I say?  I trust this man with my GAA.  They even gave the baby a bucket, in case she wanted to party.  Marc Andre Fleury Ice Bucket Challenge video

Just wait till you start dating, Baby Flower.  Dad is ready.

Which is Better than Mr. Potato Head

Oh Jordan, we miss you around the Penguins.

The Hot Dads

“Hey, if I’m doing this, we’re all doing it.  Then we’re going for ice cream.”

Chris Kunitz Ice Bucket Challenge video.  From the man who dressed as a sock monkey, of course.  Mrs. Kunitz challenged Paul Martin – thanks, girl.  (Paul Martin Ice Bucket Challenge video)

Little Miss Kunitz says she’ll just donate cash.

Pascal Dupuis Ice Bucket Challenge video.  Dear Universe, Please make the Dupuis Family into a TV show.  They’ve already created the poster:

No idea Duper had a half-sleeve, or that I’d like it so much.

Craig Adams Ice Bucket Challenge video.  Craig used a garbage can for his ice bucket and the family wore matching gubernatorial campaign shirts.  Just saying, that’s a Harvard man.  (The shirts are in honor of Anne’s father, former MA Governor Paul Cellucci, who died of ALS in 2013.  Thanks to Chuck and Anne for update.)

Vote early, vote often.

The Overachievers

Keith Yandle (who actually has a face under that beard) went pretty big – three buckets vs. white t-shirt.  His best move was calling out BizNasty, of course.  Talk about bigger.

You know Biz loves it when we say “bigger.”  He challenged some big names too, though we bet no one does it in their skivvies.  Read about Biz getting his friends to donate their time and money to put this together here.  And notice that TMZ covered a hockey player.

The Suits

Max Talbot Ice Bucket Challenge video.  Max is responsible now.  He has a wife and a baby and if he wants to pour ice water over his head in a suit and tie he will, damn it!  He’s like Frank the Tank, you can’t reign him in.

Business in the front, party in the shoes.

Robert Bortuzzo Ice Bucket Challenge video.  Borts, what is that tie?!  Is the inflatable duck to distract from the tie?  It’s not working.  Also the shades on the duck + the white button down – this is going Risky Business later, isn’t it?  We’re going to need the extended edition Blu-ray combo pack.

This yard wants to party, Project X-style.

Almost everyone’s done the Ice Bucket Challenge.  I couldn’t include or even get close to watching them all.  Notable exceptions are Gingeroux, newly married Mike Green (yeah right, on that hair?) and James Neal.  I worry this means Nealmobile really had no friends, because no one has challenged him.  Though he is on this pretty definitive list of players who’ve supposedly participated (here).  Did I miss his video somewhere?

While we wait, check out the Tumblr dedicated to the Ice Bucket Challenge.

Every April, we wonder how we got here – if we got here – and panic. Prayers are said.  Shirts and jerseys are lined up to wear.  Post-traumatic stress resurfaces from last season.   And with all that comes something else, something glorious.

No, not the possibility of winning the Cup.  We’re talking about playoff beards!

2013 Beard of the Year Winner

Here’s a look around this year’s post-season hopefuls, starting with, well…

The Pens TV feature was offline yesterday because the Penguins’ servers are no match for James Neal’s Gingerbeard.

Already GLORIOUS.  Let me tell you James, since you obviously read this blog for tips on fixing your PR problems, the beard is A+.  Glasses too.  Plaid suits, yaaassss. Now keep your promises, don’t be a dirtbag and I may just remove your #futureexboyfriend status.

MAF however, has permission to remove this creation and begin again.

He looks like Kenneth Branaugh in Hamlet which is really just a gateway beard to Kenneth Branaugh in Wild Wild West.  And no one wants to be in Wild Wild West.

See also: Ryan Miller, Ringmaster

You know I love this disaster.  Crosby growing facial hair is like me singing karaoke – zero God-given talent, still goes on stage.  We both compensate with dance moves.

Thanks to modern medicine and some really tight workout shirts, we’re thrilled this gem of a beard will be appearing in our 2014 collection:

Flawless as he always is, Stammer’s beard fascinates because it’s so brown.  Mid-season he hardly appears to have eyebrows, such is his blondness, yet roll around the post-season and Simba starts working on his roar.

Since I mentioned Nealer, here’s Shawn Thornton for good measure.  This art installation began around April 4 and holds promise to become an impressive hedge maze.  Let’s everybody grow beards and nobody get suspended, yeah?

In news you knew was coming, Toews and Kane have been announced as ready to go for Chicago in Game 1 against St. Louis.

That’s right, Wolverine and his trusty sidekick, The Meerkat, ride again.

We’re pretty excited for the Avs to have a go in the playoffs, because we want to see if Gabe can grow a beard.  And we want Matt Duchene back… but mostly Gabe’s beard.  The Avs’ ad campaign asks #WhyNotUs?

Gabe Landeskog, Age 10

Probably #BecauseofthatMohawk, honestly.  But this is a new, sophisticated year.  They’re even hosting “Burgundy and Blue Week” and as much as we love hockey, that’ll be disappointing if it doesn’t involve wine and cheese.

And remember, Max Talbot is on the Avs!   Think he’ll give us one of these, like the good old days?  Probably scare the crap out of his new baby son, but teaching can never start too early.

He can compare it to that of fellow former Penguin Mike Rupp.  I miss this elf costume.

Another excting playoff debut is Jamie Benn.  We know Tyler can phase to Teen Wolf at a moment’s notice (hey, isn’t it Tuesday?), but Jamie’s babyface has never been to the post-season.  We’ve seen an AHL goatee and Movember Mustache, so there’s a beard waiting to happen.  Still we fear the jowl-centric permashadow:

Will again become this:

EGADS.  When we say “It’s Five O’Clock Somewhere,” Jamie, we do not mean that part of your face!  You’ve been on a roll lately (sidenoteBattingPracticesigh) – either go all the way or just keep shaving while gazing intently into the camera.

Does Dallas have a bandwagon? Because Imma need a ride.

TJ Oshie joined the Blues Beardathon campaign, so we’ll call his beard The American Dream.  The part of arch-nemesis will be played by Roman Polak.

Even if he could get 6 rounds like the Olympic shootout, TJs only chance at fuzz would still be to adopt a puppy at the end.

Joe Thornton has done the right thing – he’ll be starting fresh when the Sharks see the Kings on Thursday night.  This really gives new meaning to the term faceoff.  Let’s hope he and Brent Burns have planned A Race to Crazy.

April 9                                                                     April 12

The Kings are always regally bearded, but until Mike Richards can’t see past his nose to where Pierre Maguire is trying to groom him on a boardwalk, I find them boring.  Remember when Joaquin Phoenix went crazy, grew a beard and became a rapper (then it was all fake)?  That’s the kind of excitement I expect from LA beards.

Speaking of burly later-round possibilities, Henrik Zetterbeard is doing his best to get back into the Wings lineup.  He will practice today, and while he likely won’t be available for the first round, if the Wings get past Boston at least Chuck will have something to live for.

The Habs have Brandon Prust.  If no one else grows a beard (or if they do), we won’t even notice.

The last and final playoff match up is both my dream and nightmare: Rangers vs. Flyers.  Such drama.  I fantasize about them somehow both losing.  I invent elaborate food poisoning schemes.  I transport them off-world, I drop them into the bottom of the ocean in the end, I retract the ice and everyone falls into a pool of sharks with frickin’ laser beams attached to their heads.

Is that wrong?

Alas, I must endure.  I caught a hot second of Giroux flipping his hair while being awarded the Toyota Cup for most “Star of the Game” points the other night. Happy Gingers = Slight Weakness.  This beard though.

Even as an unhappy ginger, Scott Hartnell looked – dare I say it? – kind of nice while discussing his major penalty for spearing (subsequent $5k fine came later).

Okay, enough of that.  :: shudder ::

As for the Rangers, Rick Nash looks nice with a beard.  It can dry his tears.

(That wasn’t quite the last playoff matchup, but to the Blue Jackets, I say nothing except see you tomorrow.)

I can’t believe it’s this time of year again.  Are you guys doing okay?  My emotions are 50% excitement and 50% dread soaked in 100% Skittles-flavored vodka.  We’re thankful for beards help to lighten the mood because it’s about to go down.

Off to the interwebs to find something to care about.

Jonathan Toews will miss the rest of the regular season with an upper body injury sustained after a crushing hit (cue debate – clean/dirty/undecided) from Brooks Orpik.  I like the idea of Toews and Kane sharing a couch, watching hockey and shouting at the TV like I do with… you guys.  On Twitter.  That’s six games out for JT19 and he’ll apparently be 100% (Lindsay’s favorite expression) for the playoffs.

You can read about how Mike Green proposed to his fiancee, if you’re into that kind of thing (I am).  It obviously involves a pair of shoes.

Why don’t I have one of these?

John Tavares is part of the new CCM ad campaign, which presumably is to sell helmets and overly serious facial expressions.

Martin St. Louis scored his first goal as a New York Ranger… which pretty much sank Torts’ and his Canucks’ hopes of the post-season.  Forgive me if I don’t applaud.

In a related story, Ryan Callahan has 5G, 5A for the Lightning, who have clinched a playoff spot.  (Alexis and Lindsay clap.)

In total the East looks like this, and whoever wants to hold my hair while I throw up will be rewarded in her next life.

The Caps are circling the proverbial drain.  TWO POINTS COME ON YOU JERKS!  I apologize to the husbands and friends I’ve dragged to recent games with the promise of nachos.  It is impossible to eat such feelings of despair.

My only light of hope is the Rangers & Flyers could play each other in the first round and so many negative forces might combine to create a black hole that sucks both teams into another dimension where they never play the Penguins in Round 2.

If the Bruins win the President’s Trophy… I’ll say nothing publicly or to Chuck.  We’re already to the point of the season where we barely speak.

Here’s the West, which shows you why the Jets are writing cookbooks.  I hope Dallas staves off Phoenix because I know you guys love Tyler Tuesday and because I want to be nice to Chuck about something.  It has nothing to do with shirtless Jamie Benn playing ping pong.  Nope, not at all.

I somehow missed it three weeks ago when #TeamEbs & Co where stuck in an elevator.  My first thought is that I’ve seen Speed a hundred times, I’m totally qualified to perform a rescue in this situation.  My second thought is based on the month season the Oilers have had, maybe they should’ve stayed in there.

Also this gem  – think about it for a second.

Gabe Landeskog engaged in a Twitter conversation about which Disney hero he better resembles: Kristoff or John Smith (or Cinderella).

Erik Karlsson has 70 points.  That’s twice he’s broken 70 – each of the last two full NHL seasons.  The only other defenseman to top 70 points in the last 6 years (also did it twice)?  Mike Green.

Mike Green also started with limited tattoos and look where we are  now.

Source video. 100% Swedish.

Meanwhile Matt Niskanen has 42 points and still insists on dry-parting his hair down the middle.  Also, a turtle.  I will never stop thinking this is hilarious.

Today is another day for your team’s fortune to rise or fall.  Based on all the falling my teams have done lately, I’ll just bottle my frustrations like a perfectly normal hockey fan does with two weeks left in the regular season.

You know how it is.

So I’m just going to put this here and watch through my fingers:

The Avs new #WhyNotUs campaign is great.  Any video that starts with this shot of Gabe Landeskog is award-winning filmmaking.  It breathes new life into the world’s most overplayed song but I personally may never make it to the end.

Thirty seconds in I had to stop.  Before anything even happened I nearly ran from the room – I’d leave it on, of course, for my empty chair to watch.

Oh to have been in the meeting where this became a reality!  I’d suggest it.  Then I’d have to say, “I wasn’t serious!” before nervously fidgeting into a heap on the floor while someone else  made it real.

I can’t handle this but at the same time I want more.

Points to the guys for doing this – and really going for it.  That is some serious drumming.  I lip sync along to everything at the gym and don’t look half this good  sweaty but I assume no one is watching me.  May need to rethink that.

Can other teams do music videos?  Can the Oilers do “Diana” because it’s my favorite One Direction song?  How about the the Lightning all sing Taylor Swift’s “Hey Stephen [sic]” to their new captain?  A Best of the 90’s NHL mashup where Dupuis and Kunitz hold a picture of Crosby and the Bel Biv Devoe line, “Never trust a big butt and a smile?”

I HAVE IDEAS, PEOPLE!  It’ll just take me ten tries to watch the whole thing.

Don’t stop, Colorado.  Never stop.

Did you make it all the way down here?  Does it make any sense the only Western Conference team we ever talk about is the Oilers?

Perhaps we are trying to make our Eastern Conference-selves feel better about topping out at #6 in the League – with a team that just lost a guy who figured in 35% of their offense last season.  (Tears for Stamkos.)  Looks like we’d better start paying more attention to after-hours hockey.

So, what do teams that never lose do when they’re not winning?

Winning Teams – They’re Just Like Us: Colorado Avalanche Edition

At the end of last season the Avalanche were the second worst (16-25-7, 39 points) team in the NHL.  Now things are topsy-turvy in Denver where the Avs, under new head coach Patrick Roy, are the second-best team in hockey.

We love nothing more than a dramatic makeover.

While the Avalanche blossom thanks to strict care and grooming, they continue to be the same dorky, genuine team on the inside.

They photo bomb.

They share shirts.

They get hurt and make me sad. [story]

#lobster

They take pictures of their toilet paper… wait, what?

They have impossibly attractive Swedish friends.  Do these guys even play hockey? Nope, don’t care.  Hockey is no longer a requirement for this blog.

They start shopping at the very top of your Christmas list.

They have choreographed dance sequences-slash-celebrations.

Oh, and they score goals.  Fast, nifty, foxy ones.

There is, of course, the issue of Semyon Varlamov’s arrest on allegations of domestic violence.  He was released and the Avs put him right back to work.  While innocent until proven guilty, this isn’t really a judgement call for the Avs.  Varly is their top goalie and has played 12 of 14 games this season, the final $3 million year of his contract.  No word yet if he will be formally charged with the crime and face a trial. Until then, we are doing our best not to judge (out loud).

Presumably with Varlamov in net, the Avs face two other top teams this week: St. Louis on Thursday and Chicago on Tuesday.  Either would be a great match-up to catch, but aim for the Blues – it starts at 8 PM.  Even I can stay up for that.

We promise to get to other Western Conference teams soon.  If you follow one and want to save me time on the Google, send any great pics, videos and Twitter chirping my way!

Just kidding, that cheater sent Ben Smith in his place!

Jeff totally fooled us with this crap, like everyone in comic books and movies ever, and rode off on his Batbike into the night.

Guess he didn’t want to be the third part of our WUYS group costume:

Pants, Chuck and… maybe Carl Hagelin’s free.

Not bad, Jeff, but the balloon is supposed to be heart-shaped.

Geno, your date is adorable but we were hoping for someone more… muscular. Like last year.

Obviously Buzz Lightyear is all the rage this year – probably because these guys were born just before the movie came out in 1995.

Applause for Dougie Hamilton’s sense of humor.

Award for Most Committed goes to Nicklas Hjalmarsson.  Full makeup and this wig – he is selling it.  We’d rather have his wife’s wig (and never take it off).

Most Tumblr Friendly is, of course, Gabe the Babe.  His costume shopping will be featured on Altitude.tv in Colorado and shortly thereafter right here on this blog. Apparently there was a dance contest.  Dressed as Captain America.

Nice knowing you, Earth.

The trophy (get it, hunting trophy?) for Most Creative Couples Costume is awarded to Andrew Shaw and his date.  She, like I , made her costume entirely out of things she already had.   Just add deer.

UPDATE: I LIED.  Shaw was outdone by his captain.  Jonathan, you could have picked any Dwarf, or perhaps even Prince Charming, but this is sublime. Accuracy in action.

Courtesy of our own Amanda & also instagram.com/abickell.

Chris Kunitz, Winner and New Champion.  I love how this fits, like a 5th grader’s sweatpants with elastic at every end.  Like a Sunday night run to Walmart you hope no one sees.  Top marks for warmth, practicality and overall dad-ness.  Please wear this while taking your small daughter in a princess dress trick-or-treating.  Just don’t go to Crosby’s – he probably gives out apples.

More costumes at The Sporting News.  Happy Halloween, everyone!

Correct answer: Gabe Landeskog workout video

Push-ups, floor pull-ups, TRX abs and patty cake while wearing an Avalanche shirt sized youth XL.  All from a place that is actually called:

Meet you guys at the airport.

There’s also this video, which is not mine and is not really safe for anything (including work).  Just makes you want to watch it more now, right?

Remember – when Facebook paid $1 billion for Instagram, it was largely based to the intrinsic dollar value of a Gabe Landeskog selfie.  Prices are guaranteed to increase.  It’s practically insider trading.  Add video to that equation and…

from Geno’s Instagram

Well no, our obsession with boys in glasses began long ago.  Maybe it was when Chuck and I got our own glasses, or when we realized that we a) are nerds and b) like nerds.  Glasses may be more cool than Coke bottle these days, but the allure remains.

Smart is sexy.  The appearance of intelligence doesn’t hurt either.  It really helps if you look like you might read a book once in a while, and we’re not talking about the Official Strategy Guide for World of Warcraft.  (Kidding!  Mr. Pants has this.)

Based on the knowledge that girls do make passes at boys who wear glasses, here’s a collection of indisputable, photographic proof.

Foxy Friday: Hockey Players in Glasses

Okay, that’s unfair.

Now is the time to embrace your inner dork and give in.

Don’t kid us with your faux-frames, Kevin!  Kes would never do that.

Glasses can really improve any outlook.

They cannot overcome two earrings though, Buff.

And make terrifying things like Shea Weber’s beard slightly less so.

Glasses are a gateway drug for hipsters…

He’s since had Lasik, sorry.

… and at the same time, their crowning glory.

We haven’t seen these specs since Paul Gaustad left for Nashville…

Or since Chris Kirkpatrick’s turtleneck wardrobe went out of style.

That awkward high school photo of everyone, ever.

They can be used as a disguise…

Cape optional.

But if we see them on TV, we’re going to want to see them on your face.  We’re talking to you, James Neal.

And we’re not above getting your best friend to peer pressure you (or withhold breakfast).

Heck, glasses even work on Flyers…

And ex-boyfriends (who are now Flyers)…

And lobsters.

You don’t have to be a part-time model.  But it doesn’t hurt.

BONUS ROUND! Suggested by @jstefanc:

Happy Friday!

Somewhere in California, Sidney Crosby is assaulting pockets in a sports store where he never expected there to be a girl.

(Source: Instagram)

Somewhere in Pittsburgh, Paul Martin and James Neal are wearing matching shirts.  James shrunk his in the dryer – or he bought it that way.  Or we bought it for him.

Source: Instagram

Somewhere after baseball, James Neal is wearing plaid.

(Source: Instagram)

Somewhere on Twitter, #TeamEbs and #TeamHall are sassing each other.

Somewhere else on Twitter, Katy Perry knows what’s up.  Gabe should’ve sent her a selfie.

Somewhere on the internet, the Blackhawks are giving us the best content.

Hawks All-Access: Travel Gallery

While somewhere in Boston, the Bruins Instagram is paying attention.

instagram.com/nhlbruins

And somewhere in the future (of later today), Game 4 will probably go to overtime.  I didn’t get to watch the last two games but I’ll be tuning in tonight, hoping it’s just me the Hawks need to get another win.

How are you guys holding up now that it’s summer?

The 2013 season has not been kind to all those we love. Some teams, after these grueling months, could use a break, a tan and another go at it next year.  I’m not saying quit, of course.  Feel free to ruin someone’s playoff hopes on your way out the door! (I’m looking at you, Carolina, vs. NYR.)  You could score 3 goals, Stamkos, and maybe win yourself at least half a trophy!

Here’s to the teams we love, who still lost.  See you soon, boys.

Carolina Hurricanes

There is nothing more depressing than sad Intern Jeff Skinner.  He was so ready for this season – he grew his hair out, a girl sat on his lap, he was guaranteed more Staal-sposure.  Now he’s moping around the office, dragging his blue blankie and eating all the Whatchamacallits.

After a hot start, the Canes have lost… and lost and lost, including 10 of 13 games in April.  Cam Ward has been out so long he’s a myth, like Encino Man.  Dejected Staals are everywhere and I feel for the Hurricanes fans who had every right to expect a big, shiny, blond year out of their team.  At least they have tailgating.

Get these boys a summer, get Jiri Tlusty for my fantasy team and no, I still don’t like Alex Semin.  So there.  Just look at the size of Jordan’s skull in relation to Eric’s and pray that when you have kids, they are not boys.

More on the Canes season from the Raleigh News Observer.

Tampa Bay Lightning

If two hockey players leave the bench at the same time, and one is 23 and the other is 37, how many daisies does the mailman have when he reaches the train station?

The Bolts look at this and say: What do we have to do?!

You know I’m desperate when I start doing math:

• The Lightning offense is 3rd in the NHL, scoring 3.09 goals per game.
• The Lightning defense is 26th in the NHL, giving up 3.07 goals per game.
• A .02 goal differential will get you 2nd to last in your conference.

Marty St. Louis has 1.22 points-per-game this season.  That’s second best in his career, behind the 1.24 he notched in ’06-’07… when he was 31.  Stamkos has a career-high 1.20 points per game right now.  They account for 28% of the entire team’s points.  I’m tried of watching the epic performances of two of my favorite players go to waste.

More on the Lightning season, from The Tampa Tribune.

Edmonton Oilers

#TeamSad.  So much for my eternal optimism.  No number of gap-toothed smiles, puppy shelter visits, hilarious Cabbie videos or underage boyfriends is getting the Oilers into the playoffs this year.  We really tried though, with the collective power of our hoping.  Were we doing it wrong?

Did we not have enough matching golf outfits?  Or magic tricks?  It’s because Alison and Amanda never got their white board out to ask Schultz to the prom, isn’t it?

With absolute talent comes absolute frustration – and I could barely stay awake for an Edmonton game.  Now Molly Ringwald is having shoulder surgery.  Of all the teams not making the playoffs, I’ll miss the Oilers the most.

More on the Oilers season from Edmonton Journal.

Colorado Avalanche

When I first moved to the West Coast, I watched a LOT of Avs hockey.  They were on TV in my new time zone and hey, they won the Cup!  How else would Alex Tanguay be my lobster?  This year I haven’t watched more than 20 minutes of an Avs game, but it can’t look any worse on paper.

This is the 5th of 7 years the former Colorado powerhouse will not make the playoffs.  They rank 27th in attendance (85.2%), above just NYI, Phoenix and Columbus.  Pre-season expectations were not high, but last in the West?  Only 15 wins on the year?  They’re not gonna sell tickets off Landeskog’s Superman smile alone… at least not to anyone but us.

More on the Avs’ season from the Denver Post.

We will miss these teams and players, and hope they have better luck next season.  Also, consider this an open invitation to watch the playoffs from the WUYS office.  If Intern Jeff Skinner ‘s emotional eating leaves us any food.

Pants note: Most of these stats are from Monday, I didn’t get to post in time.

We sent Jeff out of the office before watching this because he gets a little jealous.

Jealous of Gabe, I mean.  Not our reactions to Gabe, which are mostly me giggling hysterically and Chuck madly pricing flights to Colorado.

Images from travcity.tumblr.com.

Then there’s some shouting: “Tights are not pants!” and “We need a new job!”

The culmination (climax?) of this campaign is the finished feature, side-by-side with this ad.

BAHAHAHA!  Accidental fantastic-ary or not-so-subliminal messaging?  Everything else I have to say is censored.

If that’s not enough, the Avs Charity Brunch will get you.  During the fashion show, Gabe escorted this little lady down the runway and they danced.

Like at prom.  Like the surprise bride & groom number at a wedding reception.  Neither of which you need after dancing with Gabe Landeskog when you’re 9, because you’ve peaked and there’s nothing else to hope for.

.gif from mistfarer.tumblr.com

The Avs are last in the NHL and their season will end on Saturday, April 27.  At least we can look forward to an entire summer of Gabe Tweeting photos and Sweden’s allergy to shirts.

From facebook.com/hockeymemepage

The last game I went to was a Caps playoff win and, as I said at the time [link], “officially the most fun I’ve ever had at a hockey game.”  The one before that, also playoffs, I dragged Gator out of bed at 7 AM on a Saturday like I knew something amazing was going to happen.  Then Mike Green scored the GWG.

If this is it, I ended on a high note.  Now I can look back at a few things I’ll take with me when we go.

Pants’ Favorite WUYS Moments (old and new)

The first picture I ever posted of Mike Green.  In the 2+ years since this post, our fandom relationship has had enough ups + downs to qualify as chick lit.

The Crosby Comeback (Part I).  Of all the things I could say about Sid – Where are you supposed to look when you look at him?  No place is safe! –  I love how excited I was for his return [link] and that it was a hundred times better in real life. [link]

The way these girls are looking at Jordan Eberle.  You can substitute another player (I wouldn’t) and some full-size chairs, but that’s us.

The James Neal shootout goal that named the Nealmobile.  It was the start of something.  I’m sure you can hear us in the screaming.

The blinding perfection of Steven Stamkos.  Also how high he can jump.  I don’t run away from just anyone in the street.

In Vegas, Intern Jeff Skinner won the Calder Trophy (even though I was rooting for Couture).  This is one of my all-time favorite posts.

The Toewsface. There are so many, each perfect in its own way.  Each one judging you.  Never mind the body it’s attached to.

Camp Biological Clock Biosteel.  And the start of this video where Nealer and Seguin check themselves out in the mirror.

Viktor Stalberg and Andrew Shaw show off their not-so-secret identities. Bless the girl who talks them out of their shirts in under two minutes, teach us your Jedi mind tricks [link].

My fondness for gingers hit a new high/low, depending on how you feel about Claude Giroux. [link]  You ought to be corrupted by now.

Speaking of: if you Google “hockey plaid suits,” we are 2 of the top 5 results.

Then I admitted that I love Danny Briere, right around the time he had to stand on a box to be interviewed. [link]

Gabe Landeskog discovered Instagram & Twitter, could not find a shirt. [link]

When Chuck’s team won it all, and I was really happy for her. [link]

Then my team won Pants vs. Chuck and I was really happy for myself. [link]  Now we actively hate each other’s teams, which makes this all more fun.

Finally I was convinced about Tyler Seguin [link], and Chuck managed to hold herself together. [link]

I didn’t do so badly myself, thanks. (Except for that Stamkos thing.) [link]

My one regret will be if I don’t see another Penguins game.  I’ve forgiven but not forgotten the end of last season, and I’d prefer to wash it from my mind with champagne poured from the Cup.  God, I was so angry at them [link]!  We all need a mulligan sometimes.

My feelings can be summed up by Nike Hockey’s new ad campaign.  What are you going to do, take away my Stamkos?  Sure they’re talking about the lockout, but they could be talking about the apocalypse.  Wherever we end up when this is over, I hope there’s hockey.  And Stammer.  Then cold is okay too.

Because #hockeyisours.

Mostly I hope you’ve had fun with us over the last 2 years.  I love this place and every hilarious, inappropriate, hockey-loving member of this little family.

And if the world doesn’t end tomorrow, you know what that means…

FOXY-POCALYPSE FRIDAY.

Please tell me this CCM Pro Summit camp in Vail back in November was like regular summer camp, and they’re rehearsing an end-of-season Talent Show dance routine.  Kellerman’s, anyone?  I carry a mean watermelon.

Look at Duchene desperately trying to avert his eyes.  Look away, look away… or just get out of my spot, Matty.   I’ll take it from here.

Is it too many 80’s references if I point out that somebody’s going to put Molly Ringwald in a corner?  He’s leading with the wrong leg.  Tavares in the back looks like he could do this all day.  As for Gabe, well, half of him is more than all of most people.

(We love @alisonsykora!)

Of course it’s Piglet.  He looks pretty fond of Ms. Pink Recorder-And-Mani combo too.  Or maybe he’s just happy with himself for having 5 goals and 5 assists in his last 4 games for Dynamo Moscow.

This, this, a thousand times this. [and as a gif]

Backstrom had two goals yesterday, including the one below.  Please note that I will pirate the dance showcased at the :32 mark as my own future Nicky goal celebration, if they Caps ever unbreak my heart.

Last week, Nick had a hatty.  Karaoke your own commentary on this one.

Ovi has a recent OT GWG and 3 assists, for a total of 19 points in 18 games, and Dynamo holds the overall KHL lead.

You can very helpfully follow @KHL_Hockey for English-language updates on all the teams, and they’ve got a full English website too – en.khl.ru.  My goodness, a hockey league that seems to appreciate their fans. What will they think of next?

BINGO – Viktor Stalberg has left the Swedish Elite League to play for KHL’s Atlant Moscow [link] – @HCAtlant.  And the team is Tweeting like, well, we would if he turned up at our office.

Yes, even in that hat.

Definitely a part of our interview process:

He’ll make his debut today vs. Jakoub Voracek’s team Lev Praha (Czech Republic).  If I see a link to the live stream, I’ll Tweet it.

Tampa Bay’s Victor Hedman, who is not photographed often enough, assisted on all three goals for Barys Astana in their most recentwin.  He also apparently gets mistaken for Tom Brady in the US [link].  We can kinda see it.

And just because it exists, here are 9 1/2 minutes of Gabe speaking Swedish (where he’s playing).  The Swedes must reinforce their electronics because this shit would melt my flat-screen right off the wall.

Starring Matt Duchene as Duckie.

Gabriel Landeskog as Blane.

And standing in for Colorado, Molly Ringwald as Andie.

The classic story begins with Andie crushing on Blaine, while she hardly notices Duckie.  Can you blame her?

Every shot is like a love note to his glorious hair.

She’s practically following him around, fangirling.

It’s not really fair to Duckie at all.  Andie can’t see he is perfect in his own way and he’s trying so hard to be cool.

Finally, Blane asks Andie out.   Duckie responds by being really mean and showing off awkwardly. (And refusing to wear grey.)

Look at his thighs.

No really, look at them.

(Thanks to @RealScarlett01 and @Shannysland for reminding us that  squats are now a universal, inalienable right to which we are entitled and grateful.)

That short of breath feeling has nothing to do with altitude, y’all.

It’s just like summer camp, with Max as head counselor.  There are nature hikes:

Fishing  (Is there anything funnier than Matt Duchene?  Even when he’s not wearing waders?):

And bowling:

Apparently Gabe is not perfect in every way… lies. Show us proof.

When they’re not enjoying the great outdoors, rest assured the boys are working hard to be ready when the season starts on time (right?).

First their date at the Stanley Cup Finals in LA, now this – the Crosby and Duchene bromance is so promising! Sid can’t be all that boring if MD loves him.

What are they watching off-camera?  Landeskog do pushups?  Or more of this:

If they’re trying to rip this stick out of the guys’ hands, I volunteer to fail.  And then fall on top of whoever wins.

Also foxy – the same hockey players with puppies.

Seriously.

I double dog dare you to find anything foxier. (Don’t even try.  Because you won’t.)

This week’s Foxy Friday is dedicated to those furry and fabulous canine companions of our most popular Foxy Friday honorees…and a few that were just to adorable not to mention.

Teemu Dog

Landeskog Dog

Sharp Dog

Crosby Dog

Keith Dog

Campbell Dog

Letang Dog

Tazer Dog.
(Come on, Jonathan.  It’s an adorable puppy. Why so serious?) 

Eberle Dog.

Neal Dog.

Lundqvist Dog.
(also, can we talk about those hips? King Henrik’s, not the dog’s)

SEGGY PUPPY!!!!

And the mutha of all…

Nash Dog!

Here are few that we just had to include.

Warning: Squeeee factor on these is about eleventy billion.

Nuge Dogs.

Colby Cohen Dog.

Parros and a very big puppy.