The Penguins have already found the perfect off-ice role for Pascal Dupuis: Team Dad. It would explain a lot about how attractive this team is. I mean, Potash’s Reba McEntire wig didn’t make this:

Is anything more 90’s than spray deodorant?

That’s a lot of fun for a team that can’t win a freaking game.

Actual photo of the NHL team standings

The Sharks, reigning kings of the Holiday Video, know how good they are. This year they’ve made it an event. Five behind-the-scenes videos a la VH1’s Behind the Music – three here, and two more yet to come (today and 12/24).

They are really committed to this – already nearly 8 minutes of content and not a smile cracked on camera. Well, except for mine when I saw Chuck’s #1 Dream Combination come true for a single, still second:

Objection. More 90’s than spray deodorant: Joe Thornton and *N Sync.

There is also a contest to win an appearance in their 2016 video. I love that they’re thinking about next year when we haven’t even see this year’s yet.

That #2 team in the NHL, the Capitals, chose to spoof A Christmas Story, and it’s glorious. [Video] They basically put glasses on everyone who could be improved by them.

Fa-ra-ra-ra-raaaaaah…

And those who couldn’t, well…

Does the Easter Bunny visit Russia?

The Flames went right for the low-hanging fruit: the ugly NHL Christmas sweater. They helpfully feature all five (!) of the Flames ugly sweater designs. (We feel you, Rover.) Chuck’s poor, beloved Dougie Hamilton wins/loses this one – that a lot of yellow even if he weren’t a ginger. Luckily, a cameo by Brandon Bollig’s abs make Christmas the day of giving all over again.

The Senators also broke out the ugly sweaters… sort of. How many hairstyles got made for these little LEGO guys?

Overall, that gets a meh. But the coach should definitely say “Karl” more often. I wasn’t sure he was talking to the only other guy in the scene.

The Canucks went to musical route but, unlike the Habs, left the heavy lifting to other people. Smart move. I may despise The Sound of Music and only understand 20% of the references here, but it’s well done.

And anytime a music video allows hockey players to break the Nick Carter Rule (no freestyle dancing, you dork), we are in.

Speaking of singing and, er, dancing, I’m just going to let the Blues video speak sing for itself.

Stick to what you’re good at, Blues. So, basically this (photo from @BedGear):

Alison printed this out and showed it to Santa.

Many teams that didn’t produce videos found other ways to spread holiday cheer. The Islanders did some toy shopping for delivery to a local hospital. The Blackhawks did a hospital visit, and the Wild too. I stopped counting after that. The Devils don’t have a video, but Adam Henrique still went out in search of another human that shares his affinity for elf culture.

Celebratory cheekbones

Did we miss any? We’d hate for Santa to leave anyone off his list! You know there’s something extra under the tree for anyone who embarrasses themselves for the sake of our entertainment.

Update: From the AHL’s Providence Bruins, here’s Max Talbot and Co. after raiding Henrique’s closet.

Bonus points for the matching tie.

Update #2, from Natalie: Not-team related, but we’ll post because Roman Josi can have our column whenever he wants it. Also, I require an explanation of these pants.

From @rjosi90

HAPPY HOLIDAYS, friends. May your days be merry and bright – and your nights full of your team earning points.

Disclaimers:

Chuck: I have watched some Western Conferences games this year, but those 10pm start times are killers. My predictions are based off:  the games I HAVE watch; NHL Network, what I’ve read about the teams, and Ms. Cleo.

Pants: I need to be honest here for a second. Can I vote for the Oilers? No? Then I don’t know anything about the West. I will predict – I may even have emotions – but everything I think about the Western Conf. is learned from reading other predictions or the final NHL standings. Basically, I am cheating off all your tests.

western conference

Blues vs. Wild

Chuck: Blues. But maybe the Wild?  Wild have been the best team in the NHL since January and the exceptional play of Devan Dubnyk has carried them through, but the Blues have a sniper in Tarasenko and a deep corps of forwards and defenseman. This one is a conundrum, for sure.

Pants: Blues. They always seem to be giving my teams a hard time, so this year will be not different. Also, BORT’S BEARD! I needs it.

Lindsay’s favorite photo.

Predators vs. Blackhawks

Chuck: Predators. I’m going out on a limb for this one but just hear me out. Preds’ defensemen make an in so many ways and Weber and Josi are a stellar 1-2 punch. James Neal, when he is in the zone, can score goals that other guys just can’t. Hawks’ defense has been meh of late and Crawford can’t do it without good players in front of him.

Pants: Probably the Predators, because they’ve been rock solid all season. Also, I have Gingerbeard withdrawal something fierce. The Hawks have had their ups-and-downs, though they are getting Patrick Kane back right on cue to make me eat these words.

Ducks vs. Jets

Chuck: Ducks.  Ducks has strength on pretty much all four lines and if their forechecking is on point, they are probably one of the best in the league. Paul Maurice has changed slowly changed the identity and culture of the Jets but they aren’t quite there…yet.  But I wouldn’t be mad at ALL if the Jets pulled this upset off.

Pants: Ducks. If you’ve never watched Bruce Boudreau coach, please take this opportunity. If he was an iso-cam feed during games, I would never need to see the ice.

Canucks vs. Flames

Chuck: Flames. I don’t have a dog in this fight since the Bruins are out so I am looking for a team to adopt.  Maybe the Flames are it. So what that they haven’t won a playoff round since 2004 (when the lost in the SCF)?  Great coach in Bob Hartley, a hugely successful powerplay and their ability to win without Giordano might make the Flames a dark horse.

Pants: When I go to horse races, I bet on whichever horse has the best drag queen name. (So far, Surly Temple is the all-time favorite.) So when I say I can’t pick a team in this series, know how deeply and truly I do not care. I seem to have a lot of Canuck fan friends though, and I wish them well.

Comment below and let us know your predictions.  Who’s your dark horse team?

As I was combing through the Foxy Friday archives, I came to realize that out of the all the teams not making it to the Playoffs,the Calgary Flames are the only ones who do not have a Foxy Friday on their roster.   Other teams have a embarrassment of Foxy Fridays gracing their roster. The Flames? Zilch.

Edmonton had three.  Florida had one. Even Buffalo…poor sad, 51-point-getting Buffalo had one.

That changes today. You have TJ Brodie to thank.

Sure, the Flames might have finished 13th (out of 14 teams in the West), but at least they’ve got this guy.

Since 2010, he’s been up and down with the Flames but this season saw him play 80 games with the team. He had a very respectable 30 points this season (4 G and 26 A).  That’s gotta be worth some Foxy Friday points, right? That’s what I thought too.

His team is might be crappier than a port-a-potty at a chili festival, but he’s got some Foxy Friday potential, like….

Eyebrows.

Tattoo.

A Beeker Face.

A wicked cool scar. (and a vampire hairline)

Safety always comes first with TJ.

The beginnings of an excellent playoff beard.

But alas…twas not meant to be.  Maybe next year, TJ.

In the meantime, we hope you and your fellow non-playoff friends have a great summer golfing, ski-dooing on Canadian lakes, and working out with Gary Roberts.

And instagramming/tweeting every glorious moment.

You loving on TJ? I bet you are.  Check out more about our newest Foxy Friday honoree here.

WRONG.

Greetings from the StruggleBus.  Last night’s Capitals home opener looked a lot like their season opener in Tampa Bay.  As in: I reminded myself that the upside to losing is ticket prices stay low.

The Caps are not, by any means, the only team aboard this bus.  They are not even surprising.  Very early in this abbreviated season, the Flyers are having a breakdown as well.

Philly has a league high -8 overall goal deficit.  Their goaltending problem is a problem, but not if they can’t score.

The Rangers also bought a ticket for this ride.  They’re 0-2, gave up 6 goals to the Penguins and pulled Lundqvist in the 2nd period.  Tonight they rematch against Boston, who beat them 3-1 in the first game of the year.

People expect a lot from Philly and NY – rightfully so.  What about Carolina?

The Hurricanes have scored 2 goals, while giving up 9.  That is not the #11 we were hoping for down south.

It’s too soon to panic, right?  Teams are just shaking off the rust, getting their legs underneath them.  We hope.  The Caps issues last night were reminiscent of last season – bad outlet passes, no one in front of the net, sloppy entering the offensive zone – but magnified.  They’re operating under a new coach and a new system, with new guys on the ice.

Well, not all new guys.

Matt Henricks vs. The World went 3 rounds last night – 2 fights and 1 goal.

But some.  The Caps called up Tomas Kundratek on Monday to replace Jack Hillen, injured in the first game.

HELLO.  Also, how did you get on the ice when I’ve never heard of you?  Originally a Rangers prospect and most recently of the Hershey Bears, Tomas played 5 games for the Caps in 2011-2012… while I as on my actual honeymoon.  That explains it.  No one aces every class in the first week of school.

Out west, the Kings, Flames and Coyotes are all winless thus far.

Derping to Donuts

No one wants to raise the banner and get spanked, but it happened in LA.  The Kings had real goal-scoring issues all of last regular season, and have just three on this one.  The Coyotes have scored 7 and still lost both games.

I wouldn’t make it long as a Caps fan if I got down about every few bad games.  What about you other fans?  Are these growing pains, or symptoms of a larger illness?  The Rangers and Flyers aren’t in danger of losing butts in seats over a shaky start.  The Kings can ride the Cup train for a bit.  Calgary will obviously be fine even if they’re bad.  The Coyotes obviously won’t even if they’re great.  The Caps weren’t full last night, and tickets for tomorrow start at $23 on StubHub.  Those are middle-of-the-season, ennui-and-frustration prices.

Not what we want to see squashed on the windshield of our shiny new season.

The Capitals rallied from a 0-3 deficit to beat the NY Islanders in a shootout last night.  Foxy Friday John Tavares had 2 G + 1 in the shootout, and so did Ovi.  OVI!  I don’t like you but I love you and that’s just the way it’s going to be sometimes.  There were five penalties in the game – all of them against the Capitals.  Three of those against Jay Beagle.  Dude scores twice in a week and thinks he’s Alex Semin.

That's how we feel, Kitty.

Matt Hendricks scored the game-winner for Washington in the 4th round of the shootout.  Matt-freaking-Hendricks.  [Video link]  This was a huge game for the Caps, who’ve won four in a row for the first time since dinosaurs roamed the Earth.  Yay for wins, but these late-game comebacks are rewarding bad behavior.  Big game vs. Winnipeg Friday, with Mike Green back in the lineup.

Oh, and THIS!  Nicky skated for the second day in a row.  Rainbows sprung up all over DC and puppies started barking.

The Blackhawks turned around a 1-3 score against the Blues to win 4-3 in a shootout.  Viktor Stalberg scored one off his foot – this most perfect foot in hockey, judging by the rest of him.  It got Chicago back in the game.  Patrick Kane went first in the shootout and delivered the game-winner.

Here’s Kaner’s goal too [link].  There were two fights in the first period, which seems about right for these teams.  What’s still not right is Captain Serious, who took a second day off after four days of skating.  There’s no projected date for his return to the lineup as he’s still suffering concussion symptoms.  Get well Jon, we miss your derping.

Calgary beat the Sharks in OT, despite Rookie of My Life Logan Couture scoring his 29th and 30th goals of the season.  Foxy Friday Ryane Clowe had his 7th fight of the season, one for every gratuitous letter in his name.  Jarome Iginla had 1 G/1 A and was first star of the game.

The Flames are rolling at the right time, winners of their last four.  Check out the mess in the West:

Six games on the schedule tonight, so chances are at least one of you will be up late yelling at the TV.

Carcillo is a repeat offender (and a goon) – he was suspended 2 games for this hit on Carolina’s Pittkanen on 10/28. Guest Starring Rob Blake!!

Calgary’s Rene Bourque got a 5-game ban [link] and a lifetime spot on my s&%$ list for his elbow to the precious face of Nicklas Backstrom.  You all saw it, and I don’t want to watch it again.  As mentioned yesterday, Bourque is also a repeat offender for this hit on Chicago’s Brent Seabrook in December that got him suspended for two.

Dale Hunter gave no conclusive update on Backstrom yesterday, but his brother posted an update to Twitter:

This was obviously not team-sanctioned news and was quickly taken down.  Silly people with inside info, you are not publicists!  But no worries, because Nicky participated in a full practice this morning and is expected to make the Caps trip to San Jose today, for the game Saturday.

It’s not just elbows and knees getting people into trouble.  The Panthers’ Krys Barch has been suspended 1 game for an alleged racial slur against PK Subban.  The remark was overhead by a linesman during Saturday’s game and Barch was ejected [link].  There are a lot of things we’d like to say to PK Subban, but none of them are that.  And all of them come after, “Can we have Stamkos’ number?”  I’m sure there’s a lot of hearsay in this case, but this argument is looking pretty valid:

And Rangers’ coach John Tortorella was fined by the NHL after some pretty inflammatory comments following Monday’s Winter Classic:

“I’m not sure if NBC got together with the refs or what to turn this into an overtime game,” Tortorella said Monday. “For two good refs, I thought the game was reffed horribly. I’m not sure what happened there.”Maybe they wanted to get into overtime. I’m not sure if they had meetings about that or what. But we stood in there. I don’t want to … because they are good guys. I just thought it was, in that third period, it was disgusting.” [link]

Torts apologized and will fork over $30k for the outburst.  New Yorkers will love him more.

Hey! I'm walking here!

So, anyone else want to have a go today?  Got some leftover 2011 aggro hanging around?  Let it go, it’s a new year.

Tanguay and the Flames have agreed to a five-year extension that will pay the offensively-gifted forward $17.5 million. [Article at NHL.com]

Alex and I go way back to when Crosby and Toews were learning multiplication tables.  Seriously, Stamkos was 11 when Tanguay won the Cup with Colorado. This goal…

And so Alex is my lobster.  He had a few tough seasons, but Iginla and I both love him.  Now he’ll get to keep contributing while the Flames try to figure out how not to be so terribly streaky and maybe make the playoffs.  There was quite the outcry when Calgary brought him back last season at $1.75 million, then he had 69 points.  He so deserves this and I’m thrilled to see him stay.

I tried to watch the Heritage Classic, but I couldn’t focus my eyes on the bizarre non-color of the Flames shorts.  Is that taupe?  Nude, maybe?  If you’re going to commit to sweaters and socks that look like McDonald’s prison uniforms, just go all the way.

I made your sweater, Stripey!

That awkward moment when the Penguins acquire the guy Sidney Crosby beat up.  The Penguins traded Alex Gologoski to Dallas for James Neal and Matt Niskanen.  Could Neal be the elusive high-percentage winger for Crosby?  What do you think Crosby and Niskanen are going to talk about?

The Coyotes have won 7 games in a row and they’re pissed the Devils have won 7 games in a row too.  Way to steal our thunder, guys.  NJ is 10 points out with 23 games left to play.  Mike Millbury and his pink tie think the Devs are a playoff contender.  What do you think?  [Haha, right now the Devils website is down.  Guess their IT team wasn’t expecting any wins either.]

Ain't no mountain high enough...

Tuesday’s Games to Watch: The Canes can tie the Rangers for 7^th in the East with a win; Columbus tries to keep pace with the race against Nashville; Dallas looks to avoid a 5-game skid against those Devils.

Flames’ Alex Tanguay is out indefinitely with a concussion.  No individual hit has been identified as the culprit, but Tanguay last played in the Flames win over Chicago on Monday night.  He missed practice Tuesday and Wednesday before the announcement was made.

Things were looking up.

I am the world’s #1 Alex Tanguay fan and I have been known to go on about him (this post, this post).  He is my lobster and we go back like Melrose’s mullet. And now Forsberg is making a return… this can’t be happening!  Aside from bad news for me, it’s really bad news for Calgary.  After a really rough start they have been on a roll:

The Flames are 12-3-4 in their last 17 games, and have climbed from 14th to eighth in the Western Conference, one point ahead of ninth-place Los Angeles. Tanguay has 5 goals and 11 assists in that span.  Tanguay has 14 goals and 28 assists in 55 games this season. – NHL.com

On the doorstep

We are very upset with this development.  I am probably having selective memory, but I don’t remember concussions being such a big problem in past years.  It seems like when they started making rules to avoid them, they started happening more.  It’s not true of course (paging anyone named Lindros).  It’s just a little closer to home these days.

GET WELL SOON, ALEX! Dawn is really counting on the Flames making something happen this season.  I’m really counting on seeing you vs. Foppa without having to ride in the TARDIS.

UPDATE! I love the internet.  In the time it took me to find that video, things have improved!  40 minutes ago Alex was out indefinitely with a concussion.  24 minutes ago the Flames said it was neck strain.  14 minutes ago he was listed as day-to-day. Don’t change the station.

Instant Improvement

super sweet

If you don’t get the reference, you don’t know Jack so go ask your mama! I give you Jarome Arthur-Leigh Adekunle Tig Junior Elvis Iginla – yes, that is his full, given name. And he owns it. He’s my squishy. Most call him Iggy, I call him Nomie, always have, always will but anyone who faces him on the ice, you can call him DANGEROUS! He can score on you and beat the crap out of you but he’s also a class act. His smile is infectious.

totally hot

When the other brother Daryl Sutter went MIA, Jarome was one of the few people, whose call he took. That says alot! On Team Canada, he was Sidney’s right hand man and it showed what Jarome can do when he’s not basement dwelling in Calgary.

always classy and good to fans

He’s loyal. He’s been a Calgary Flame his entire NHL career and amid the trade rumors, he’s been stead fast no matter what. He’s had two 50 plus goal years, he’s won the Rocket Richard, Art Ross, Lester B. Pearson trophies,  an ALL STAR and he’s an Olympic Gold Medalist. Whew. Enough said.

love him

Totally Foxy to me! I love him. I love his smile. I love his class. I love his talent. I  love that he fights. I love his loyalty.  I love love love him. Did I mention that I love him?

um... do you need help with that little man?

class and hotness= love!

As for Kippy-Pants, in my world, it all goes back to the Caps. I hope to all that is holy in Hockey, Teddy-boy is burning up the phone lines to Calgary. If Kippy is available, he’s PERFECT because THEY NEED A GOALIE. Sorry Neuvy sweetie – but you would sky-rocket if Kippy was your mentor. Then I would wish Varly on the Penguins! HA! No, I heart Fleury too much. He could go to Vancouver or back to the KHL. I really don’t care.

So we shall see if Calgary is going to make a big move. Because Iginla and  Kiprusoff both have no-trade clauses but once you waive it, it’s gone and the next team is free to trade you off if you don’t produce. Totes suckiness. So they’d have to agree and both have publicly stated they are not moving but the PTB say this is just to deflect the constant press pressure. Only time will tell.

Pst ... Dawn wants you in Washington to Win a Cup!

my head still hurts ... where am I?

 

But this is NOT about the Winter Classic. This is about a SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT made during the Winter Classic. NBC announced HOCKEY DAY IN AMERICA. Now, I don’t want to split hairs here or get all semantic in your jockstrap BUT there are several things wrong with this announcement.

NBC programming executive for HOCKEY DAY IN AMERICA

Secondly, HOCKEY DAY IN AMERICA would technically include Canada and Mexico (South America if I REALLY want to go there). Last time I checked Mexico didn’t have  hockey teams nor do they play hockey on a regular basis. I am not trying to be all PC but if you are stealing something, at least let’s not encompass EVERYTHING! It should be called HOCKEY DAY IN THE U.S.

NBC executives might want to reference this

The Coup-de Grassi in all of  this … not only are they stealing Hockey Day in Canada but they are putting Hockey Day in America against Canada’s Heritage Classic; THEIR version of the outdoor WINTER CLASSIC (which we stole). Wait for it …. ON VERSUS which NBC OWNS! What’s a hockey fan to do? And oh how rude to Canada …!

Holy Sparkly Flying Dancing Unicorn Out My Butt! Does NBC have no Shame? Don’t answer that. While I am normally the first to criticize Canada because I do not quite feel the same why about our neighbor to the north as Pants and Chuck, visiting as often as I do, this is simply unacceptable. It is poorly conceived and makes no sense. It’s bad for Hockey and not a good PR move for the NHL. Why not tie in WITH HOCKEY DAY IN CANADA … oh wait, THAT would make sense.

I can save HOCKEY DAY IN AMERICA!

Sutter has been the Flames GM since ’03 and was also their coach from ’03-’06. His brother Brent stays on as the Flames head coach, for now.

You can read something nice about this or something not-so-nice about this.  The Flames are a mess and their fans are pissed – two sides to every story.

It was Mikka Kipprusoff’s 34th birthday and the Flames were up 4-1 in the second period.  There was a lot of this:

FREE HUGS!

And a lot of this, just because.  6 fighting majors were doled out during the game, along with an instigator penalty and 2 roughing minors.

Then Kipper started thinking about the sieve-shaped birthday cake Dawn was baking for him and gave up 3 goals in 10 minutes, resulting in a lot of this:

Lobster on the right, paying the price.

So we went to overtime, then to a shootout.  And this happened:

High score? What does that mean? Did I break it?

Ultimately the end result was:

Iginla's bet is paying off.

Both goaltenders were a mess – from standing on their hands to dropping their pants on alternating shifts.  There was a fight every 5 minutes, and twice they had to stop going to commercial because a dust-up broke out after the whistle.  One fight the cameraman couldn’t find till it was almost over.

The moral of the story is Alex Tanguay is playing great and I still don’t have him back on my fantasy team.  But I do believe in him, especially if he keeps making rink-wide slot passes like he did for Bouwmeester’s goal last night.  PS: Excellent last name. Almost as many useless letters as Antero Niittymaki.

Photos: Calgary Sun

Please watch this video of George Parros fighting with Jody Shelley.  Yes they fight all the time, mustache vs. girls’ name, but listen to the background noise at 0:12 – is that the sound of a boxing bell?  It’s playing in the arena, right?  OMG, it’s the first and only thing I’ve ever loved about the Flyers.

Let's get ready to...

I can’t get past the Flyers’ jersey nameplates.  It looks like something a soccer mom made with medical tape from the AAA first aid kit in her minivan.

Marc-Andre Fleury was back in goal for the Pens last night vs. Nashville, and had a very close call in OT.  The puck went over his shoulder and bounced around at the goal line before Pascal Dupuis cleared it with a diving save.  Whew! Flower looked okay, not great, and you know Brent Johnson’s on the bench licking his chops. Love ya, Johnny but I still believe in Flower Power.

Yes, that's the doorstep.

Fifteen seconds later, Kris Letang buried a beauty of a slapshot for the winner.  He scored the same goal on Monday vs. Ottawa.  Also, Letang’s misconduct penalty for the 10/15 hit to Isles’ Comeau was rescinded because I said so.  Way to go, Team Tanger!

Johan Franzen said “In your face!” to last Fridays’ foxy Mikka Kipprusoff – and he meant it.  Franzen banked the puck off Kipper’s mask for the game-winning goal last night in Detroit.  If hockey doesn’t work out he could always get a job in Vegas playing trick-shot billiards.

Face/Puck

The Coyotes’ Lee Stempniak scored a hat trick in Phoenix, where they downed the Kings 4-2.  Only 6,706 attended the game.  The one and only BizNasty had this to say on Twitter: “Guess we actually had more then 5000 fans for our game. Didn’t realize it was dress like a seat night. Close to a sell out.”  It looked like this (AZ Republic):

If the goal light goes on and there's no one to see it...

The latest in Phoenix’s financial despair is best distilled at Yahoo!’s Puck Daddy, but frankly the whole thing is too depressing to read.  They need an NHL-assisted suicide. Let’s just decide where they should move to already – suggestions?  Re-open franchises in Quebec City or Winnipeg?  (This guy wants it.)  Think of it this way – the Minnesota Wild had their first ever non-sell out in team history for an exhibition game on 9/23.  That’s right, they sell out EVERY GAME, including 27 home pre-season games leading to this one.  You could put a new team in the Wild’s parking lot and consistently sell more tickets than Phoenix.  So what are the other options?  Milwaukee?  Seattle (Dawn!)?

That's even lobster read.

Alex got 2 goals and an assist on Sunday night vs Edmonton.

I was at Jimmy Buffett, but Dawn and I watched the game rerun.  It brought me great joy for Alex and Score: A Hockey Musical was discovered.  Here’s the longest AT interview I have ever seen.  So cute, so French!

“Alex Tanguay was a trending topic on Twitter Canada.” [read story]

Back on Sept 21 I tried to start #AlexTanguay.  I did that!  You know how well it worked.  Also, Canada has it’s own Twitter? What the what? I need to transfer over immediately (I use Yahoo Canada b/c I am crazy) and perhaps my Tweets will make sense to more than the 125 spambots who follow me.

I dropped Alex from my Fantasy Team on Sunday morning.

That’s the real truth, ye of little faith!  I waived Alex for someone who sure as heck didn’t earn 11 points that night.  This is what happens when you cheat folks; Carrie Underwood takes a Louisville Slugger to both headlights.  He hadn’t notched a point in days and I am a cold-hearted faith-failing traitor.  Sorry Alex, you showed me.

So now, do I put him back on my Fantasy Team?  There’s no right move.  It’s still very early and I’m emptying my wallet into the wishing well in hopes that this is just the beginning of a comeback season for Alex.  But am I willing to bet on it again?  Iginla says Alex gets 70-80 points this year.  Does it matter when my FTeam is so bad anyway?  I’m torn, and either way I’m still a jerk.

He might be Iggy's lobster too. I can share.

Alex Tanguay, as Phoebe from Friends would say, is my lobster.  He was my favorite player for a long time – back before I had to preface it with “totally random” because he fell off the radar, the map and just about every roster in the League.  But now, he’s back.  I’m feeling it.

Sitting, waiting, wishing.

Alex was drafted 12th overall in ’98 and played6 effing awesome seasons in Colorado, scoring as many as 79 points and winning the Cup in 2001.  He went to Calgary in ’06, rocked out one 85-point season and then dropped to (a totally respectable) 62 points the next year.  Alex waived his no-trade clause in ’08 – in hindsight a TERRIBLE idea – and was dealt to Montreal.  A shoulder injury and unimpressive season later, he went to Tampa Bay where last season was plagued by dismal production and lingering injuries.

"I miss Foppa."

So what was Calgary thinking taking Alex back?  They gave him a 1-year, $1.7 million deal and everyone flipped their toque about it.  The pressure is on.  If Alex can get back into the swing alongisde Jarome Iginla and Olli Jokinien, they’ll be calling this the steal of the century.  In the Flames first intrasquad game, Alex got a goal and two assists – that’s a point for every goal of that game.  Alex is a passer.  He can score (career high 33 goals in ’01, all the way to the Cup), but he been the setup man for some ridiculous goal scorers, like Peter Forsberg and Milan Hejduk.  Just typing their names in the same sentence gives me goosebumps!  Not to mention Iginla, a 50-goal scorer who definitely has it in him to repeat.

I feel like I grew up with Alex, who is now married with a daughter.  I once had a custom-made shirt that just said TANGUAY on the front and a battle royale with my mom when she lost it in the laundry.  My old Jetta had an Avs sticker on the bumper and my dad and I drove from LA to Colorado so we could go to a game, then Alex was injured and the Avs lost like 25-2.  That same car broke down on the way to see the Flames @ Sharks in ’07,  I’m really trying here, people!

So I’m going to reach out there and lay it down:  Alex Tanguay is back.  Alex Tanguay can produce.  He can stop breaking my heart by looking so sad in a Lightning uniform and start being happy enough to get caught on camera singing to David Cassidy:

God bless his clueless gaping ...

Um ... yeah.

Hey Calgary, I pet sit for a cat who is probably a better back-up goal tender than this guy and he comes really cheap! You just throw dry kibble at him and he’s total gold!