Then at :46 of this video, I stopped caring.

Biz, you can sell me a car anytime.  (I prefer the Mazda 3.)

And just because I can…

For the record, I’m not complaining.

But where is Marshall? I was promised a puppy.

Oh jeez.  Okay.  Fair trade.

Stop. I surrender.

Sorry to Segs, but he’s not the true highlight of this video.

Behold the exact photo definition of WUYS:

AMIRIGHT?

There’s hockey, a hot guy who plays hockey, some form of exercise and a damsel in cardiac distress over the entire tableau.

This picture says a thousand words and most of them are “UNF.”

I don’t know why it’s happening, but I guarantee this girl had no idea it would happen to her .  A close proximity shirtless push-up from Biznasty is not a ‘messy bun’ occasion.  She’d much rather faint in stiletto cage sandals and a sparkly dress.  Happens to us all the time.

Shameless.  Hallelujah.

Now, back to your regularly scheduled programming.

Behold Stammer’s secret message inviting me over for movie night, where I get to eat all the ketchup chips since he can’t do that during training camp.

We’ll obviously watch Attack the Block, because he knows I love that movie.

And he knows how we much we appreciate this look. I’m giving him the tag #shorthairdontcare this season.

Still no James Neal.  There is one shot of Intern Jeff Skinner – the equivalent of a note from his coach about why he’s not here to get me a candy bar.  I’m heartened by all these guys training hard because they obviously intend to start playing any day now, and keep doing so all season.  No lockout.  No excuses.

Until tomorrow…

(Thanks Amanda, photo-finder extraordinaire.)

There were a few bright spots, like Will Arnett.  Especially when he shanabanned Ovi for blocking Brooks Laich’s parking spot and sentencing him to ride on the back of Mike Green’s scooter.

WHY CAN’T THIS BE REAL LIFE?

While peering between our fingers at the anguish of embarrassment onstage, we of course noted how well-dressed and handsome most of the NHL looked.  After months of beards that would get a guy double-frisked at the airport, it’s a reminder that hockey players clean up pretty nicely.  Here are some of our favorite fashion moves:

THE PLAID

If you Google “Giroux plaid suit,” three of the top six results are from this blog. No joke.  That’s 42% – the same percentage of Claude Giroux‘s clothes that are plaid.  Coincidence?  He wore this to Media Day:

One plaid is not enough.

Of course, the plaid-tasticness on display at the Awards ceremony, where Claude was announced as the EA Sports NHL13 cover winner.  He said, “I’m not sure I’m a model.”  Only because celebs don’t get photographed wearing the same clothes every damned day.

Claude did bring something new to the show – BizNasty.  This was my favorite moment of the Red Carpet because all three of them were thinking the same thing (as the rest of us): Sex tape.

THE VEST

This is by far our favorite fashion trend.  Adam Henrique has been wearing this three-piece suit for weeks now – hey, he had to do a lot of playoff pressers.  Here’s hoping he’s got a whole closet full of them.  The purple tie/lavender shirt combo is trending without being obnoxious.  While he didn’t win the Calder, he still looks like a Major Award.

The last time Steven Stamkos won a Rocket Richard Trophy, he wore a shiny silver suit.  It was okay if you really like Ben Stiller’s character from Dodgeball, but Stammer also had to stand next to Crosby the whole time.  This year, he knew just how to hog the spotlight:

I missed the part where he dipped Cheryl Burke to the floor and blushed like a bride. (Chuck did not.  It was swoon-inducing.)  Probably a good thing, I can only handle so much Stamkos smiling.  Erin Andrews approves:

THE SKINNY TIE

Tuesday, Gabriel Landeskog joked about wearing a bow tie to the Awards.  It would have been nice knowing you, melted interwebs.

Alas, Gabe chose this hipster skinny tie and while it is just a tad too short, you can’t even be disappointed with the way he looks.

Gabe the Babe

Landeskog dedicated his Calder Trophy win to his grandfather, making us all cry.  So many emotions and landeskoging – good thing we’re already teenage girls on the inside. [video] Also, Charlie Conway/Pacey Whitter presented the award.  Time to break out the Cruel Intentions DVD, we think.

THE NO-TIE

We know Evgeni Malkin loves the casual look, from his parade of questionable t-shirts.  But Geno brought his A-game to the Awards, sporting the open-collar, “I could be in the Mafia” look to pick up all his awards – the Lindsay, Hart and Art Ross Trophies, as well as our special award for being the Most Adorable Panda.

If this doesn’t make you squee, check your emotion chip because your android brain is malfunctioning.

THE F-BOMB

Oh, come on!  We all said it when we saw Henrik Lundqvist.  So what if he dropped it on TV, it’s not like you were on NBC or anything.    They should make him a special edition Vezina Trophy that’s just a mirror.  A big one.

THE MAYBE NEXT YEAR

Apparently it takes a few days for a $45.5 million check to clear, or Erik Karlsson would have had a new suit.  We’ll give him a pass because winning the Norris Trophy at 22 is kind of a big deal.  However we suggest this hot-pink-and-black look be reserved for a cool pair of custom sneakers or an ironic prom.  It’s too shiny.  The pants were bordering on high-waters.  That shirt burns our irises.

Also, the Uncle Rico mustache has to go.  Call us in September before NHL Media Day, please.

THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY

ADDITION: ACK! I was expecting Chuck to add Bergeron and I forgot to remind her!  Patrice and his Selke Award were equally flawless last night… and holy cow, his girlfriend is a fox too.  *Sigh*  Some people have all the luck.  He is beyond classy.

Did we miss anyone?  We were a little busy planning our outfits for this shitshow next year, because there is no excuse to stay home.

Missing it this year was a turrible awful mistake on our parts.  It will never happen again.  Maybe Karlsson should keep the pink shirt so I can point and laugh while Mike Green carries away the Norris… okay, I’m getting delusional.

Back to looking at stilettos…

@melfiore makes a bid for first place

If you watch The Amazing Race you know that hay bail rolling comes in handy sometimes.  They should make a Canadian version, like Battle of the Blades, and Stamkos can be my partner.  I’m bad with directions and can’t drive stick shift, but I bet Steven can do those too.  I’ll just carry the granola bars and read instructions.

I also found this, which makes me want to join the Army.  Team Biz would win the Race and be a crowd favorite.  You’d be invited back for All-Stars or Survivor, which has a lot more shirtless tanning and sharing tents.  Any takers?

Some gems from this fantastic game show:

Most Uncomfortable: Intern Jeff Skinner’s “short shifts” apparently translate off the ice.  Is he old enough to be making these jokes?

Best Admission of Guilt: “This is awkward.” – Intern Jeff Skinner

Good Will Hunting Award: Tyler Seguin’s fractions – 4.2, 4.3

Best Time to Cheat: “A lot of women watch this.” – Cabbie to Seguin as he grades his own ‘stick handling’

Best Answer That Isn’t Cheating: “Soft mitts off the ice.” – Stammer gives himself a 5 for ‘stick handling’

But the best best best overall part of this video?  James Neal & Steven Stamkos LOVE each other.  Intern Jeff Skinner really knows how to keep his job around here.

Dear Cabbie, please host the NHL Awards.  Dear NHL, you know I’m right.

leave it to the Biz...

Coming from a man whose twitter photo is posing with Tony the Tiger? Really? I’m sure this will be settled on the ice. Oh, if Biz ever get’s any ice time.

That sound you hear is Chuck's lifeless body hitting the floor.

And Stamkos showing off (approved):

There's a "throw me up against the wall" joke here...

I obliged Intern Jeff Skinner and did a single pull-up at the gym yesterday.  Almost popped my shoulders out.  I can plank and run and lift… but not like this.  I get woozy just thinking about it.  Not enough BioSteel in the world to get me through 1/10th of what these guys do.

Impressed yet?

He doesn't even look tired.

What you really want is video of Biz doing yoga in his unders.  You got it.

And hey, look who got 10 seconds of camera time?

Frankly, this is not enough.

So that’s Foxy Friday – the boys working it out because they can’t wait to get back together with you.  Now if this hurricane really takes us all out, at least you saw Biz in his skivvies.

@BizNasty2point0 - The @BioSteelSports camp all this week in Toronto. Don't worry Lightning fans, Stamkos is in good hands.

We suggest you lock up your daughters bloggers.

If you’re wondering how Stammer’s off-season project of impersonating Nicky Backstrom is going, here’s an update on his hair and the upcoming season [video].

Happy Monday, kids!

Are those moccasins on a scooter, Biz?  Is this a dig at Mike Green?  I doubt it, because you’re hilarious and we freaking love you. So you’d better not be making fun, since I know where your team stays and I don’t do Wolverine-haired emo slapfights.  I will take off my earrings and my Lee Press-On Nails and we will go.  (Mike Rupp, you are excused from this argument due to elf costume power.)

Sorry, I got all defensive.  Somebody has to stick up for him and it’s not gonna be Nicky!  Mike is probably thrilled to think he started a trend.  The Fourth Period has a big feature on Biz [link] being Biz: looking swag, chilling with a Playmate… damn it feels good to be a gangsta.

NHL Class of 2011: Paul Bissonnette

Most Likely to Get You Grounded by Your Dad (for Good Reason)

Biz photoshoot from @_MichaelFranco_, who Tweeted a few photos early.

Only if this comes with Kris Letang in it with room for two like a double wide!

The Coyotes really know how to party! Only in a place where it gets to be like a million degrees would they give away a wearable fleece blanket.  Beer for a buck?  I am so there. But does it come with a belt? Because that is what is in for this Spring – EVERYONE knows that.

Makes me miss the Whalers.

As the Coyotes play in Pittsburgh tonight, they posted this item about who loves former Penguin (and Foxy Friday) @BizNasty2point0‘s Twitter feed.  The answer: everyone.

Not very many NHL superstars have Twitter accounts, and Bissonnette doesn’t see how they could, since it’s easier for guys like him to fly under the radar on social networks.

“I’m a nobody as far as a hockey standpoint goes,” he said. “If a guy like Sid said some of the stuff I said, it would be all over SportsCenter.”

That’s alright, though, because Crosby has no intentions of ever tweeting.

“It’s not something I’m interested in doing,” Crosby said. “The guys who do it, it’s pretty fun to hear some of the posts and follow it, but it’s just something I don’t do.”

But don’t worry, the Penguins who do tweet make sure to fill Crosby in on the hilarity of Bissonnette’s Twitter.

“If there’s a funny one or an interesting one, it always gets around the room pretty quickly,” Crosby said. [Whole Penguins.nhl.com story here.]

Wishing for ice time.

The morals of this story:

1) Sid does not intend to start being fun anytime soon.

2) If you can be awesome in 140 characters and get Biz to RT it, Sid might just find out how fun you are.

There’s also a little more info [here] on the Pens hotel prank pulled in 24/7 Episode 1, where Ben Lovejoy and Mark Letestu come back from dinner to find their entire hotel room moved into the hallway.  PLEASE. That was funny when @MattyDTX and I were 17 and pulled it on my freshman year roommate in BU’s Warren Towers.  Is this really the best you can do boys? What’s this about uncensored HBO access?  I expect more from you next time.

PS: Raise your hand if you can’t handle Staal brothers pillow fight.  Use said hand to fan me, I have fainted. (It’s in the commercial above – sorry, I should have specified.! I knew you’d get all wobbly at the idea.)

Hot in herrrrrrrrrrrrrrre

Biz is a character (to say the least), but he is our favorite hockey personality.  He actually has a personality, which is saying something in the NHL these days.  Off color sometimes and with questionable spelling, it makes him all the more entertaining.  Biz may not play every night, but he’s having more fun than anyone else.

We want to go to there.

There are a lot of Speedos and tattoos in BizNasty’s world, but we guarantee your mom will love him anyway. For Christmas, he’ll bring her a BizNasty t-shirt and Taco Bell (watch his commercial shoot).  Plus he plays Mahjonng, never runs out of toilet paper and has $750 bed sheets.  And he recently spilled his sensitive side to the Vancouver Sun (thanks Kimmy).

Biz for NHL Director of Awesome

Will the BizNasty Write-In Campaign for the 2011 All-Star Game succeed? We bet the captains would fight over him in the draft  – everyone wants to most popular guy in school on their team.  If he doesn’t make the team he should be invited to cover the event live via Twitter, uncensored.  In my dreams.

Please watch this video of George Parros fighting with Jody Shelley.  Yes they fight all the time, mustache vs. girls’ name, but listen to the background noise at 0:12 – is that the sound of a boxing bell?  It’s playing in the arena, right?  OMG, it’s the first and only thing I’ve ever loved about the Flyers.

Let's get ready to...

I can’t get past the Flyers’ jersey nameplates.  It looks like something a soccer mom made with medical tape from the AAA first aid kit in her minivan.

Marc-Andre Fleury was back in goal for the Pens last night vs. Nashville, and had a very close call in OT.  The puck went over his shoulder and bounced around at the goal line before Pascal Dupuis cleared it with a diving save.  Whew! Flower looked okay, not great, and you know Brent Johnson’s on the bench licking his chops. Love ya, Johnny but I still believe in Flower Power.

Yes, that's the doorstep.

Fifteen seconds later, Kris Letang buried a beauty of a slapshot for the winner.  He scored the same goal on Monday vs. Ottawa.  Also, Letang’s misconduct penalty for the 10/15 hit to Isles’ Comeau was rescinded because I said so.  Way to go, Team Tanger!

Johan Franzen said “In your face!” to last Fridays’ foxy Mikka Kipprusoff – and he meant it.  Franzen banked the puck off Kipper’s mask for the game-winning goal last night in Detroit.  If hockey doesn’t work out he could always get a job in Vegas playing trick-shot billiards.

Face/Puck

The Coyotes’ Lee Stempniak scored a hat trick in Phoenix, where they downed the Kings 4-2.  Only 6,706 attended the game.  The one and only BizNasty had this to say on Twitter: “Guess we actually had more then 5000 fans for our game. Didn’t realize it was dress like a seat night. Close to a sell out.”  It looked like this (AZ Republic):

If the goal light goes on and there's no one to see it...

The latest in Phoenix’s financial despair is best distilled at Yahoo!’s Puck Daddy, but frankly the whole thing is too depressing to read.  They need an NHL-assisted suicide. Let’s just decide where they should move to already – suggestions?  Re-open franchises in Quebec City or Winnipeg?  (This guy wants it.)  Think of it this way – the Minnesota Wild had their first ever non-sell out in team history for an exhibition game on 9/23.  That’s right, they sell out EVERY GAME, including 27 home pre-season games leading to this one.  You could put a new team in the Wild’s parking lot and consistently sell more tickets than Phoenix.  So what are the other options?  Milwaukee?  Seattle (Dawn!)?

NHL, HBO announce 24/7 series featuring Washington Capitals, Pittsburgh Penguins and NHL Winter Classic

The NHL and HBO Sports announced Thursday their partnership for a groundbreaking, four-episode series as part of the network’s 12-time Emmy Award-winning “24/7” reality TV franchise that will go deep into the inner workings of the Capitals-Penguins rivalry leading up to the 2011 Bridgestone NHL Winter Classic, which will be played Jan. 1 at Heinz Field in Pittsburgh.

The series will debut with an hour-long show Dec. 15 at 10 p.m. ET with an encore at 11. Ensuing episodes will debut at 10 p.m. ET on the subsequent Wednesdays — Dec. 22, 29 and Jan. 5 — all with an encore at 11. All four episodes will have multiple replay dates on HBO, and the series also will be available on HBO On Demand. [NHL.com]

ALERT: Caps reaction video, in which Mike Green almost smiles!!  Also Ovi promises to swear in Russian and Greener talks about having “grown up” and being less “colorful.”  That had better not be too true.

HELP ME - This is turning into a Caps blog!

Well, there goes December.  But first we have to make it that far!  Last night, all the WUYS fave teams got off to strong starts:

– The Pens broke in the CONSOL Energy Center with a 5-1 spank of the Red Wings, including goals from Mr. Hilary Duff and Crosby, and assists for Sid and Letang (Love. His. Hair.)

We want to brush it.

– Patrice Bergeron treated Chuck to 2 goals as the Bruins beat Montreal 4-2.  He’s not Chuck’s fave, but she’ll need something to do all season if Savard’s post-concussion syndrome is as serious as feared.  And Seguin is too young, unless he’s also a werewolf in which case we have no problem being Team Tyler.

Aimez-moi, s'il vous plaît.

– The Capitals downed Columbus 6-2.  Neither Ovi nor Greener skated, but Tomas Fleishmann got 2 goals.  And his nickname is Flash, like the dog on The Dukes of Hazzard.

Flash hated Boss Hogg.

– The Lightning beat the Blackhawks in Winnipeg, putting a sad face on Captain Serious‘ return to his hometown and causing him to lose customers for his summer lawn mowing business.  Later he swam away his sadness in the lake they named for him.

Seven more games tonight, including a mini-set between the Coyotes and Kings.  BizNasty will undoubtedly report what they have for dinner and how many girls swoon over Taylor Pyatt.  Breaking news, people.

1) Penguin’s forward Jordan Staal will miss the start of the regular season after another surgery to clear up the infection in his foot. Listen Gronk, get back in the lineup by November 5 because I am not flying to Anaheim just to look at Crosby.  I paid a whole 5,000 Virgin America miles for this 1-hour trip, so I’m really doing my part.  Meet me halfway.  (Just in case you’re not better, I do have an extra ticket.  Because sitting in the box is boring.)

2) Rumors abound that Brian Gionta will be named Montreal Canadiens captain during training camp.  All together now: “BOOOOOOO.”  Even being from Upstate NY is not enough to make up for going to Boston College.

3) My 3rd favorite Staal, Marc, got a 5 year contract with the Rangers.  More on why this is important (to me) later.

4)  Phoenix’s Paul “BizNasty” Bissonnette debuted his Asian Reference Roulette on Twitter.  He took a Korean girl on a date, then made a sushi comment and a won ton joke.  I bet his favorite part of Rush Hour 3 is when Chris Tucker tells Jackie Chan, “All y’all look alike!”  The only thing better than his Tourette Syndrome is his spelling – he reported that no “wahn tahn panty soup” was made.  Then he posted the girl’s Twitter and asked everyone to follow her, but make no Asian jokes.  This guy is GOLD.

5) Finally, Ovechkin took the ice for the first time with the Caps this season, then talked about it.  Basically he partied every night, all summer, and still plans to dominate the NHL with a single massive paw.  If you’re lucky, you get the Caps Convention promo with Varlamov cackling at the start of the video.  Over to you, Dawn.

BONUS) Mike Green video! I haven’t watched it yet – but he’s wearing a gold chain.  What’s NOT to like about this guy?!

More notes: Ottawa will host the 2012 All-Star Game, Bobby Ryan got a 5-year deal with the Ducks, San Jose Sharks pre-sale tickets available today (code: TWSHK).