If you want me girl let me know…

Can’t lose with an *N Sync joke, right? That should be a slam dunk.

But no.

Got a phil-ing about some nachos in this picture.

Bahahasnortlaughahaha! PHIL-ings! I’ve got Phil-ings about your bowl haircut and what you insist on wearing, Kessel, but nothing this funny. I see him laughing at all the guys traded to/from the Leafs today, while at the same time silently shaking his head, “No, God no!” at Stamkos.

This one also made me snarf. The word “horn” always makes me laugh like a 7th grader in health class-slash-Georgia Nicholson.

Tell me someone’s read Angus, Thongs and Full Frontal Snogging.

The Sid card is cute…

C is for 4 point games and other things that don’t start with C.

But it’s not as good or true as this:

just say yes

Here are all the Penguins Valentine’s. Honorable mention for the adoration derp they caught on Kris Letang’s face:

Me, when I see the sign for In-N-Out Burger.

You know I hate to say it, but some of these Flyers Valentine’s are pretty funny. If you’re into orange and liking things you hate.

Cupid Giroux should have matching wrist casts. If you can play beer pong…

I assume these Bolts cards are from 2016, because if people have been saying “bae” for over a year I’ll feel even more despair about American culture. (Update: These are from last year. I give up on you, American youth.)

When the NHL adopts it, you know a trend is over.

Did I miss any teams that have 2016 cards? The Predators did Valentines last year [link], but I’m not sure how they could top the weird and scared feeling this conveyed:

There are conventions for this kind of mascot stuff.

We’ll be on the lookout for more cards this week, even thought all our PHIL-ings may be committed already.

It was someone’s job to walk behind John Tavares and hold a sign that said “John Tavares.”

I demand to see your qualifications.

This is so obviously the job for me that I’m just putting it on my resume, because it makes no sense that I wasn’t the one to do it. Here’s the red carpet video.

Gives new meaning to “Climb the ladder at work.”

I could also have held the “PLAID SUIT!” sign, people.

They don’t call him “Stammer” for nothing.

Then, let me just get this out of the way:

Squad goals.

And by “this”, I mean my dead body, fallen to the ground, blocking everyone’s commute into DC. Look at these guys! Look at John’s hair! My enjoyment of this photo is the way a tween feels on the day a new One Direction album drops. I don’t Snapchat, but if I did, I would express this with the “throwing up rainbows” filter.

If this were The Hangover, Tavares would end up with the tattoo on his face. Take care of him!

Hockey clubs can’t even handle me right now.

Obviously the big story of the weekend was John Scott auditioning to play himself in the Disney remake of Goon. He not only went to Nashville, apprently against the NHL’s wishes, he owned the weekend. His kids and goals and his MVP award are all the things we love about sports. Perseverance, faith and, hey, talent (!) delivered with a smile that thanked most people and told some others to kiss his ass.

Proudest fan club.

The support of so many players and teams for Scott’s efforts was also spectacular. Sportsmanship, alive and well! This is what sports should teach kids: not that everybody wins, or gets a trophy for showing up, but that life can be tough – and you can be tougher.  Scott goes, for now, back to the AHL. Fate awaits. But for that moment, when someone said he couldn’t, John Scott did anyway. Bravo, sir.

This is the moment, tonight is the night…

In other highlights, PK Subban topped the moment he wore Intern Jeff Skinner’s jersey with a costume so perfect I can’t believe I’ve never worn it on Halloween. (No wig required.)

And PK looks good with long hair. Is that weird? Nah. These rest of the weekend PK dressed and acted like a million bucks-slash-his regular self. He even does a purple suit and fedora with a minimum of pimp-ness. How?

Most popular man on campus

In the weekend’s other best piece of performance art, Brent Burns appeared as the fictionalized version of himself.

“Where my boyfriend?” – Maz Kanata

Plus he brought a litle Ewok.

Biological clocks ticking so loudly, someone called the Bomb Squad.

Burns’ teammate and Former Foxy Friday Joe Pavelski also brought his son, and Minis Pavelski and Burns scored a goal in the breakaway competition. That drop pass would make any goalie disappear.

Jeez, Pavelski looks good. Sorry Chuck, but I think Joe Thornton turned out to be the Prince William in this family, and all of a sudden Prince  Harry (ginger power! ) is like woah.

Do you know the way to San Jose?

Other important stories:

Claude Giroux is hot.

Yes, you heard me right.

May I be struck down by the Penguins Zamboni for continuing to think this, but….

This must be how Liam feels about Miley and I don’t understand that either.

Probably driving the Penguins Zamboni of Shame would be Malkin, with James Neal uselessly shouting directions in English. Their little reunion this weekend makes me really want a TARDIS. [Video]

Malkin to Neal: “Good luck in the shootout… Look, he’s nervous.”

Take a peek for more from #NHLAllStar weekend.https://t.co/UKzyBz8qR4

— Pittsburgh Penguins (@penguins) January 31, 2016

Geno is also the person on Earth whom I would most like to hug. He feels the way I feel after a long day of doing PR. (Too bad it’s actually my job.)

Bonus Crosby, smizing through his shock that I just said I wanted to hug Geno more.

Meanwhile, Neal (:: sans gingerbeard :: why :: sobs ::) heard what I said Friday about Dierks Bentley and “everyone loves tight jeans”, and he delivered! Video of them skating together in the breakaway challenge here.

I know what I was feeling….

Also, James does not have the best hair on the Preds. There is simply no competing with Roman Josi,

There’s something about Josi.

Matt Duchene made his debut as a second-career country star. I hope this is an available search criteria on DateaCowboy.com (100% real website). Matt also were a cowboy hat and used hashtags #mullett and #yeehaw this weekend, so if music doesn’t work out, he could always blog for us! [Performance Video]

Matt Duchene is an #NHLAllStar in more ways than one… pic.twitter.com/F1RpAyLMfC

— NHL (@NHL) January 30, 2016

Tyler Seguin swore on TV, then apologized to Canada.

Then he made it up to the whole world simply by having been born 24 years ago that same day and thus contributing this to humankind.

Something for everyone.

I was going to say “mankind”, which is casually and confusingly misogynistic. Then I was going to say “womankind”, which is sexist because I have to believe guys appreciate a supernova just as much.

I didn’t hear much about Jamie Benn this weekend. Even if he did nothing but stand around and look like Jamie Benn, it’s more than I do all day.

“What should we do tonight, Tyler?” “Same thing we do every night, Jamie. Try to take over the world.”

(Jamie and Tyler were the only hockey players to make the Forbes list of 30 Under 30: Sports, reminding you they are 1) awesome and 2) practically still jailbait.)

Speaking of jailbait, Aaron Ekblad continues to defy human evolution by appearing to be a good idea. His beard is so Max Talbot, right? Again, right-but-wrong. Should we just call him #rightbutwrong from now on? Done.

What’s wrong with being confident?

Then he posted a photo from his hotel room and (we assume) Nashville sold out of binoculars and protractors as people tried to figure out which window to look in.

Dylan Larkin, who is 9 years old (okay, 19), submitted his application to be our new intern by skating the fastest lap in NHL ASG history. Hey, we were spry at 19 too! (Lies.) But we like this kid, and not just because he can pass notes to Mike Green for us.

Freshman flash

I could go on all day – I nearly have, since it’s noon and all my emails are unread! I hope you enjoyed this and the ASG weekend. Just doing this post has given me all the feelings.

Live shot of my office.

Bring on the second half of the season!  (Now, if something could excite the Penguins, we’d be in business.)

Now that Christmas has past and I’m not going to spoil the surprise for any WUYS readers lucky enough to be friends with Jamie McCarthy (@kerfuffleblog), I can finally show you guys these great hockey toys she makes!

Conversation topics: WWII, fossils, pants problems

Shut up, they’re tiny hockey boyfriends! Aren’t they awesome?

A rubber duckie. I CANNOT! (Thank you forever, ESPN Body Issue.)

Jamie starts with Funko vinyl toys (usually these ones) and adds to them with clay or epoxy putty, then repaints them by hand. Lastly, she makes the skates and sticks. They are all under 4 inches tall.

She has classics like Bobby Orr…

Now, how to make it fly?

And someday, maybe even a whole team!

Tavares manages to look serious even with no mouth.

You can see more of Jamie’s process and finished pieces at  whatakerfuffle.tumblr.com. Who else would cut the fangs off True Blood vampire Funkos to make Zetterberg and Dutsyuk?! That is art.

Tiny Goalie Pads!

There are SO MANY and they’re not all hockey! Or boys! They’re all fantastic, I can tell you that. Add @whatakerfuffle to your Instagram feed to follow her work in progress.

Thank you, Jamie, for letting us share!

871 career games, 409 career points

As explained by Puck Daddy, it’s not an official retirement because Duper still has years left on his contract with the Penguins. He will go on LTIR for the balance of time.

While this is undoubtedly a smart move, it breaks my little heart. Duper is beyond a fan favorite. He’s like everyone’s wacky uncle, and you know holidays will be more stressful without him at the table. He looked out for his teammates, especially awkward Crosby, and always seemed to be looking out for us at the same time.

Thanks for the memories.

To celebrate Duper, here are my 5 favorite Pascal Dupuis moments:

1. PRANKS: Duper rigged the toilet in their room to hose down Crosby upon flushing. I’d put money on it being his idea to fill Kadar’s car with styrofoam peanuts. Nealer knew it was Duper when someone tied a tail to his car… just in time for his NHL 36 special.

2. Which leads us to HAIR STYLIST. Bless his sarcastic, teasing heart.

Doing our work for us.

3. Duper’s running joke with DAAAAAAAN Potash, making every intermission a possible trip to laughland. Like this one, this one and, oh heck, they’re all my favorites. Here, Duper narrates a compilation like he’s so proud he got all his teammates in on the master plan.

4. And then there’s THE BEARD. I always want the Pens in the Final, and Duper would have been an odds-on Penguin favorite for Beard of the Year.  Here’s to the pelted manbeard that Crosby’s babyscruff looked up to all these years.

2009 Stanley Cup champ

5. Of course there’s MY FANGIRL MOMENT. I meet a lot of famous people through my job. Really famous people. And I never get stupid, giddy, stammering excited like I do around hockey players I love.

Me, holding it together.

What I’ll really miss most are the days Dupuis-Crosby-Kunitz were SCORING GOALS like we eat nachos – lots of ’em, and as fast as possible. It’s been a while since this combo clicked, but the Penguins believed in reuniting them as recently as this week. [Post-Gazette]  My stubborn loyalty always believed it too.

We wish Duper the best of luck, and hope to see him coaching an aspect of the Pens game very soon. Perhaps improving it. There is certainly room for that right now.

Times I Don’t Care That You Insist on Wearing  Chain

Stop looking at me, swan.

That’s it. That’s the whole list.

I will also begin a new list: Reasons We Have 47 Twitter Notifications Before 10 AM

The single listed item will be the same.

As ever, he is the list.

Here’s a Southern California tourism video designed to fool you into moving to SoCal for five years where you will never once see this…

A day off in Southern California? Sounds like the perfect time for beach volleyball. https://t.co/zCjJqmB79h

— Pittsburgh Penguins (@penguins) December 3, 2015

Unless you buy a really big TV and watch Top Gun. [Obligatory scene here]

California dreamin’, on such a winter’s day.

It’s going to have to be one of those 4K Ultra TVs. Maybe with 3D.

Duper would be your wingman any time.

It’s okay if Hornqvist is your favorite Penguin after watching this clip. Ian Cole’s gingerbeard and cat snuggling were pretty impressive,  but this is a whole new level.

The Pens spanked the Sharks 5-1 on Tuesday night, and don’t play again until they face the Kings at 4PM on Saturday. That leaves alllllllll day tomorrow for more beach volleyball. In case anyone (else) is interested.

The highest of fives.

So, while I wait for my fat pants to finish in the dryer, here is a list of five hockey-related things we are thankful for, because they just keep giving.

Toews is fun now. Take a moment to remember the Jonathan Toews you met years ago.

I still call my mom for recipes too.

And Jonathan Toews of today.

Cowabunga, dude.

Was it all that exposure to Blackhawks TV that changed him? Time spent with Kaner?Or is it just winning that opened his three-times-too-serious sized heart? It might have been his little dog, too.

The Sidstache. Be honest, you kind of like it! Maybe I am speaking for myself, but it’s not that bad this Movember. It’s still a mustache, and I cannot imagine a world in which I’d support mustaches for no charitable reason, but at least it looks mostly like a real mustache. And hey, it gets a whole month to grow. I am just preparing myself for what Sid will look like a month into the playoffs this season. When the choices are mustache or golf shoes, this mustache is looking pretty sweet.

At least you can tell it’s supposed to be a mustache.

Cabbie Presents… exactly what You were thinking. Cabbie is our spirit animal in the mainstream (okay, Canadian) media world. He takes what we are thinking, saying and even secretly wishing for, and makes it for everyone.  The Sid Selfie? Tavares Man Bun? Endless gems – and exactly the videos we’d make if it were safe for us to be within selfie range.

Please let this escalate into choreographed dancing.

Inside jokes. There are so many hockey references that make me laugh, a few have to do with in-game moments. From Intern Jeff Skinner to thinking “Girls love” every time Malkin is a dork, a lot of our random chatter keeps the game close to our hearts. Maybe Toews is doing a squat in Spanx right now (he would, on Thanksgiving, that overachiever). If Tavares is celebrating American Thanksgiving, I guarantee his fat pants are khakis! And no matter how much you eat, rest assured that Steven Stamkos is definitely thinking, “Hey girl.”

At his induction to the Intern Hall of Fame

YOU. We are thankful for everyone who reads WUYS, and especially the many of you who interact with us and each other both here and on social media. You guys are the funny, smart backbone of this place! You send us the best ideas and carry on inside jokes we would otherwise only have with ourselves. Thanks to all of you this blog is still skating along five (5!) years later.

Okay, a hug from us isn’t this good.

Your turn! Leave your hockey-related gratitude in the comments below. It’ll give us ideas for future posts, and maybe open our eyes to a few things we’ve missed in the first quarter of this season.

Happy Thanksgiving, Americans! And to all our Canadian friends, there is plenty for you too.

Me, circa 7PM tonight.

Campaign Strategy #1: Jamie Benn and Tyler Seguin have all the points.

All the points that are not Patrick Kane’s, that is.

Combined, Seguin & Benn have 44 points in 16 games. The calculator tells me that is 2.75 PPG. Common sense tells me that is a LOT.

Seguin is averaging 1.43 PPG through 16 games. Last season he played a 1.1 PPG pace all year, ending with 77 points. There’s still a long way to go, but when we think of Tyler, we think “performance.”

Silence Fives, a Ten is speaking.

Benn won the Art Ross Trophy last season in a mad finish line dash, scoring four points in the Stars’ last game, beating Tavares by one point and Crosby by three. Last season, Jamie had 5 G in the first 15 games, and ended with 35. So far, with 10 G in 16 games, we’re looking for a 70 G -ish season.

Okay, even he probably can’t do that. But his 0.673 GPG average this season would be 51 G. No problem, right?

Seguin’s Twitter is like Charlie the Unicorn Goes to Candy Mountain

Really, it’s all summed up in this photo from Shattered Lens Photography.

What does it feel like, waking up knowing you have exactly 5x more assists than the average NHL player?

This beard looks like a disguise to fool facial recognition software on The Blacklist.

Probably the same way it feels to wake up looking like this.

Bless the media section of Seguin’s website.

That’s Campaign Strategy #2: Jamie Benn World Takeover

At the Stars’ season ticket holder event, 10/1/15

Tyler Seguin’s no surprise – if you haven’t seen all his handsome rogue-ishness or heard “I Knew You Were Trouble” when he walked in, you’re not paying attention. Jamie Benn is the dark horse, the sleeper; warming to his role as not-so-sidekick with all the slow charm one expects of Texas. He’s tapped a natural resource and now we’re all getting rich.

Even if he doesn’t know much about Dallas… [Sportsnet video: Know Your City]

You play hockey, we’ll read books.

Not that we don’t still appreciate Tyler. He’s making kids happy, making rubber ducks blush (I mean really) and ruining the romantic futures of 16-year old girls.

She just broke up with Chip from homeroom on Facebook.

If she’s from Dallas, Tyler could use a tutor. [Sportsnet Video: Know Your City]

Got the one about the swingers’ club, though. Natch.

Campaign Strategy #3: Winning Often

It’s one thing for a top line to score. That team can still lose a lot of games. But the Stars currently sit in 3rd, with the same number of points as the 2nd place Rangers (who’ve won six in a row/barf). They’re 7-3-0 in their last 10 games and, so far this season, Dallas’ victories are by an average of 2.1 GPG. Benn & Seguin’s point totals account for only 15% of points recorded by the Stars this season – the love is spread around. (Their combined 19 G, though, equal 34% of the Stars offense.)

I see my team squeaking in there…

Campaign Strategy #4: Ticket Prices

Okay, no one campaigns for this. But the average lowest StubHub price for a ticket to the next 10 Stars games is $15.40. You can get in the door for less than the cost of a parking pass. You could see Intern Jeff Skinner from the 100-level on 12/8 for $37. The highest in-the-door cost is, sensibly, to see the NHL-leading Montreal Canadiens. At $25. There are expensive seats, of course, but if you’re only mildly interested in hockey (such people do exist), this could be your introduction. Parents can take their kids. Or, like when I was little, kids can take their parents!

I really hope people take advantage of these prices. It won’t last, not if the Stars’ success does, but it’s the perfect opportunity to grow the fan base while they’ve got something super to watch.  Something like…

Best Reddit reply to this video: “Just ask him out already!!! It’s like the last 10 minutes of a young adult novel.”

Now that would be Campaign Strategy #5, just sayin’.

UPDATE: Campaign Strategy #652, courtesy of @RunsonDuncan:

Please be real, please be real…

Pre-game video that makes you question loyalties.

I LIED. BEARDS ALWAYS.

Did anyone know about this? I’m glad you didn’t warn me. #TeamEbs turning up in November looking like he might if the Oilers ever made the playoffs is a revolution. He missed the first 13 games with a shoulder injury sustained on September 29. He obviously spent this time very, very well.

Post-game, the beard was still there. Thank heaven, because if I were going to hallucinate something, it would definitely look like this. The Oilers locker room has really nice lighting, no?

Post-game video that needs a hug.

Bonus: Jordan Eberle Halloween commercial.

Oilers side note: The PUPPIES have a social media campaign about PUPPIES. Okay, other animals are eligible but they are clearly reading @alisonsykora‘s Tweets.

This is so meta.

Since it’s Monday, and Jordan Eberle & Mike Green train together in the off-season [What is this machine and how do I get a job making sure they use it properly?], I feel compelled to report that this is still amazing.

Post-game video that is now wash-and-go.

Ugh, Capitals. You will never be the same.

“I wonder what Piglet is doing,” thought Pooh. “I wish I were there to be doing it, too.”

Then yesterday I opened the WUYS Twitter and saw 17 notifications. Either Jonathan Toews did a ceremonial face off against his tiny dog, or…

Aaron Ekblad’s humbeTweet

Yup. Everyone is demanding Aaron Ekblad be carbon-dated to prove his age. Which is 19, I’m probably legally required to remind you. Thanks to @ErinMiHaley for this one.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t include Chris Higgins in the beard post. He is just back from a foot injury and, well, you can’t flash your abs on every play.

Post-game video that hates losing with :16 left.

Last, but not least, nothing has changed for our favorite Gingerbeard down in Nashville: still rocking the scruff, still getting into trouble.

“Details of your incompetence do not interest me.” – Miranda Priestly

On Thursday, James Neal took out Zach Parise. You could take Yahoo‘s headline opinion (quoted from Wild coach Suter), that hit was “dangerous, reckless”, or go with CBS Sports‘ feeling that the hit “doesn’t look dirty on Neal’s part.” You be the judge:

To me it’s clean enough, though awkward and ill-timed. From another player, I don’t know that this hit would be a conversation piece. At least Nashville seems to have had the sense not to let James speak to media post-game. Zach is week-to-week, after scoring 7 G in 12 games, so we hope he’s back on the ice soon.

With a beard.

Who else is sporting an excellent early-season pelt? Send them my way before they shave down to 1970’s cop-style Movember ‘staches.

UPDATE: Patrick Roy’s beard is perfect. For every time you just want to lose your $%&@ and scream at someone, think of this and feel zen.

Submitted by Henriikkax!

Trust me, you won’t mind hearing this one twice.

Sharp Magazine wants men in Canada to have nice clothes and a classy lifestyle – or it wants to rub their faces in never having made the NHL. Either way, we win. In what I can only assume is an ode to 50 Shades of Gray, here are a rash of NHLers too good to be true. Not only are they attractive, wealthy and well-dressed, but based on these photos, they have feeeeeelings.

Patrice Bergeron gazes longingly from the bridge where he’s just let you drive off, in his favorite Porsche, to pursue your (other) dreams.

Foxy Friday – October 2010

Justin Faulk is really, really sorry that his hands are so big and his hair is so tousled.

Foxy Friday – overdue

Gabe Landeskog doesn’t want you to worry. He can afford another pair when he has to cut these pants off his calves.

Foxy Friday – October 2011

Claude Giroux feels his angsty, swarthy robber look is appropriate for stealing your heart. (Note: something already tried to climb his pants.)

Foxy Friday – January 2012

Jacob Trouba hopes you’re still into those vampire books everyone was reading.

Actually much cuter than photo suggests

Oliver Ekman-Larson intentionally left his battered paperback of Rainer Maria Rilke poems at your place last night.

Honestly, I had NO idea he looked like this.

Joe Pavelski had a tough day at his skyscraper investment bank. Can he interest you in a magnum of Moët to share?

Foxy Friday nod – May 2013

Roman Josi brought an extra blanket for stargazing from the deck of his yacht.

Foxy Friday – January 2013

I wish there were more of these! I don’t know if they’re from the current issue or an upcoming one, but I doubt the magazine has the centerfold you were hoping for.

Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeal!

IT’S A PIG! Named Truffles! It is in the Pens & Paws annual animal rescue calendar and isn’t it precious?!

You can see the whole video here. For highlights, there are hockey players and dogs:

For the life of me, I can;tt get a screencap without the arrow on his backside.

And puppies:

PUPPIES LOVE

And pets who’ve surpassed WUYS’ squad goals:

This pup rolls deep.

Stealing the show is our new favorite Penguin-slash-gingerbeard savior and fan of  teensy kittens and squatty fat cats alike, Ian Cole.

I’m calling him Cat Cafe Cole from now on.

We have evidence of the first ever wild animal to try to escape from Geno’s massive grasp:

It doesn’t work, of course.

And Sid comparing body types with this hunky guy.

How much do you squat?

Let’s get one more look at this.

:: internet sigh ::

And, hey, since we have it…

The dog is looking for his agent, because he was supposed to be the cutest one here.

Link to more photos.

We’ll let you know when calendars go on sale. The proceeds will benefit the Animal Rescue League and Wildlife Center. As the proud (er, obsessed) parent of a rescue pet, allow me to remind you: Adopt, Don’t Shop!

If you want to laugh at my dog obsession, enjoy. Instagram: blue.houla.

When I saw this:

My first thought was:

Then my interfriends kindly informed me this was from a commercial – an actual mini movie – in which other such ovary-punching moments are included.

What was that you said?

Yeah, that’s what I heard.

Lindsay’s expert analysis of this photo: “The lighting is all 90’s, reminds me of The Cutting Edge.”

If Sid scraps the scuff, he could be Doug Dorsey for Halloween.

Sportsnet always has good hockey content (compared to the US, who doesn’t?), and I love their new campaign. Apparently the players love it too – and they don’t want to leave.

These are all things Intern Jeff Skinner thought he’d be doing when he signed up to work at WUYS.

Throwing away Penguins and Bruins-looking hockey paraphenalia, pretending it smells.

Ping pong and video games, while growing his hair out. Can you see the promise of a man-bun lurking here? Headman and Doughty are one real opponent away from asking to borrow a hair tie. (And being told no, because no.)

Fixing things with athletic tape – Jeff actually does this, though we requier duct tape because we have standards and you can buy duct tape with Minions or Justin Beiber printed on it. If he could roll some duct tape into a hair tie, we might concede the man-bun.

Eating french fries. As if there are any fries left when Intern Jeff finishes getting our lunches. He’s on a strict diet of orange slices and Capri Sun like the rest of the kids on his school bus. Plus, Tyler Seguin eats fries like he’s asking Leonardo DiCaprio to draw his nude portrait in Titanic. That is how you get us to share our floating door in the North Sea, friends.

Napping. We don’t let Intern Jeff sleep on the job, but we will let him carry in the new couch we just ordered in case Crosby ever shows up here. And none of this standard-cushion-size stuff, we went for the oversize, extra-sturdy, big & tall model. Cros can hardly fit his backside on SportsNet’s little sofa.

(Bonus: Unintentional slightly early screencap that defines my life.)

Hey, if that doesn’t work out for Intern Jeff Skinner, he could always get  gig helping out at Sportsnet:

Here’s some BTS from what look like a lot more Sportsnet commercials yet to come…

Behind-the-scenes, we like to put hockey's brightest stars like @RealStamkos91, @dewyy8 and @ErikKarlsson65 to work. https://t.co/8eel944LY3

— Sportsnet (@Sportsnet) September 21, 2015

Trust that if ever Crosby doesn’t look sweaty enough for something, this is not how we’re going to fix it:

One more, to illustrate me trying to leave my desk today when people keep sending more things to blog about:

The #NHL's #BrightestStars have the on-ice skills down, but we're still working on their acting chops. #outtakes https://t.co/M9YCgpzVw5

— Sportsnet (@Sportsnet) October 1, 2015

Bear with us as I have no idea how to use some new WordPress features and these pictures look a little drunk.

I have high hopes for a pirate Halloween costume.

Take this in: Sidney Crosby woke up on roster photo day and did not shave. Good gosh. He probably ironed the folds in his living room curtains, ate a PB&J at exactly 8:07 AM, put his clothes on in order of threadcount, but he did not shave. Crazy, right?

No. Because everyone’s doing it.

And for JT, I’m thinking Indiana Jones for Halloween.

Literally everyone. John Tavares, who are you? Is that a kinda-beard? For someone who doesn’t know what hipsters are, you’re looking pretty… pretty. Like a pumpkin spice latte wrapped in a houndstooth scarf that insists on riding its bike until the first snow falls. Gotta get to that middle school science class you’re teaching!

You know, Indiana Jones was a kind of science teacher.

Please let scruff be this season’s thing. We’ve had long hair and tattoos creeping toward necks-slash-featuring graveyards and… #ScruffWatch2015, please. A season-long build up to BeardWatch could be just the inspiration we all need!

Right guy, wrong movie.

Here are links if you’re the type to enjoy a HUGE version of Sid’s photo. Just give up, everyone else. (There appear to be a few pixels missing right under his nose. Clearly a Flyers fan Photoshop hack, yes?)  Here’s the entire Penguins headshot gallery.

Also enjoy the Islanders roster, looking monochromatically dramatic.

These pictures are gigantic. You could make a life-sized cardboard cutout of John Tavares… and marry it. (I say “you” because I am already married. Is it polygamy to marry a photo? What if it just rides shotgun while I drive in the carpool lane?)

“Listen up Fives, a Ten is speaking.”

[Note: I can’t find a single .gif of Princess Unikitty from The Lego Movie saying, “Marry a marshmallow!” and my despair nearly derailed this whole post.]

As promised.

For heaven’s sake, even Kessel is rocking a gingerbeard, because he reads important news sources like this blog. Let the makeover begin.

Make that a Pittsburgh Ten

Hockey is upon us and I, for one, am not ready. Starbucks can sling all the pumpkin spice mochachocalattas they want, but it just doesn’t feel like fall until I see this:

Okay, now it’s fall.

Our friend Heather is a spare-time ace photographer, and took these gorgeous shots at Penguins training camp. In the spirit of autumn, we are very thankful! Follow her at @HeatherWeikel to see more photos throughout the season.

More than missing hockey, I’ve missed seeing this:

And obviously someone studied up on our blog before coming to Pittsburgh. This is almost a makeover right? I mean, maybe Phil’s a DIY kind of guy, and took on his own makeover the way we decorate our houses: Pinterest. Gingerbeards are in, friend. Long may yours reign. (Call us before you buy clothes, though. And don’t ask Crosby if your pants fit okay.)

In case you were worried the departure of absurdly handsome Robert Bortuzzo would dampen Sunshine’s smile, Heather has proven otherwise.

Though we trust he’ll be sneaking in a St. Louis game now and then – with us, of course.

While Geno is just wishing there were a porpoise or an armadillo around to hug.

We’re all looking forward to the season… and Sid knows it.

If I did this right (unlikely, TBH), you can click on any photo for a super hi-res version. All photos belong to Heather, so please Tweet her if you’d like to use one, see more or just say, “MORE PLEASE.”

Which is the only thing on Earth he isn’t good at.

This is a guy who scored his first NHL goal on his first NHL shot during his first NHL shift in his first NHL game. Remember when he got so mad at the All-Star Skills Competition because he didn’t hear the cue to start? This look on his face is TrueToews, the one he keeps locked away since Captain Serious changed his costume. There is also a puppy, in case any of me survived.

This comes hot on the tail of Tazer’s vitally important in-arena message: don’t get up to pee during the game. HOLD IT, PEOPLE! (Everyone looks at me, doing the pee pee dance in my seat.) That glorious contribution can be seen here.

BlackhawksTV, still the best.

We here at WUYS hold a few truths to be self-evident:

1) Cabbie for President – of a made-up country we start because he can’t actually be our President, as a Canadian. This is in the fine print somewhere.

2) The Dallas Stars want to be your favorite team.

3) Tyler Seguin is an excellent liar. We assume he only uses this when necessary, but that boy could sell you a bridge.

4) Jamie Benn, not so much.

5) And finally, moms are the best. Every one, every time.

Feel free to cut the end off this video, play it for your own parents and announce, “Meet my fiance!”

But you haven’t actually met him, so…

Thank you to @charlieryan58 for sending this!

Enjoy a throwback Valentine: Cabbie and the Oilers PUPPIES with Actual Puppies

No surprise there.

PensTV has a video feature from the event. Everyone is always having so much fun, from the players to the kids. And who wouldn’t? Bowling makes awkward lumps of us all – except apparently Simon Despres, who owns his own bowling gear.

Work hard, play hard.

For most, even professional athletes, bowling is a great equalizer where success comes accidentally but often enough that you feel you might just actually get the hang of this someday. If not, there’s usually a crane game and maybe even karaoke.

Is it easier to bowl with long arms?

Not Geno, though. He’s a pro. He’s Grease lightning. He bowled two strikes in a row. [Video]

I am score.

How’d everyone else do?

I cannot work Snapchat, people.

Coach Johnston (who I think of as “Coach J,” as if he’s my own coach) seems like a kindly high school principal, guiding his charges into adulthood with calm and poise. I have the urge to ask him what to do with my future, so he can explain it in a way that makes me realize I knew all along.

Right, BSutts? Right.

Check out a few more photos at Make A Wish of GPA & WV. I leave you with this:

All that, and snacks too.

Donations to Make-a-Wish (still tax deductible through April 15!) can be made at www.wish.org.

Firing squad awaits the cannon

Thanks to the players who really came to play – not play like they do in competition every day, but the fun kind where the fans get to play along.  Specifically, thank you because:

You looked great.

You should see my shoes.

Really great.

No, they’re my shoes.

Like “This Foxy Friday will be used against you in a court of law” great.

18 and counting

You made new friends.

No one can resist the plaid jacket.

You saw old friends.

First rule of red carpets: Don’t arrive right after Seguin.

And trolled them.

“Hi Chuck.” “No – Hello Chuck.”

You talked a lot of trash.

No one at NHL had a real notebook.

You took a selfie.

Do you see something behind me?

You got drunk.

It was this guy.

You forgot your new friend’s name.

Also, I don’t know where Long Island is.

He forgave you. Mostly.

:: internal eye roll ::

You took more selfies.

Just add kids!

You didn’t win a car.

Because you didn’t pass the sobriety test.

Then you did win a car! But you weren’t the only one.

#RNHAllStarStud

Either way, you won our hearts.

Right in the ovaries.

Even if just for a moment.

My hatred is no match for this moment of perfection.

Even if you weren’t the MVP.

We would never get your name wrong.

Most of all you made us forget all the guys who weren’t there, from the Subban-type snubs to the Crosby-esque casualites. Maybe the weekend could have been even better… but we didn’t miss them.  So thanks for this weekend, and see you next year in Nashville.

I know what you’re thinking – who is this loser trying to sit with us in the cafeteria like we’re friends, when she’s barely talked to us in the last three months!

Guilty as charged.

Never brown cords, though.

It’s hard to believe it’s the end of the year already. It was a rough one for me at work, and very stressful, but it let up right around when hockey started and I turned my brain off for a while. Binge-watching every TV show from the last three years will do that to you! Now I’m going to start my 2015 on the right foot (skate?). Day One: going to the Winter Classic. Could this herald a return to regular blogging? Crickets packing their bags and moving out of this website? Hey, the mumps are back. Stranger things have happened.

Before we do that, here’s a look back at 2014. We still had a lot of fun, even if it was a little less frequent.

Number of Foxy Fridays: 17

This would be a sad stat, what with 52 Fridays in the year, except that our two most popular Foxy Fridays were group efforts.

#1. Team USA vs. Team Canada – in which Canada wins. How prophetic.

Meet me at the border.

No, the northern side.

#2. Ice Bucket Challenges – in which shirts are optional, abs are required and Jamie Benn delivers all that and a haircut.

Ice, because it was getting warm in here.

#3. Roman Josi – The most popular single-player Foxy Friday of the year was back on January 3, 2014. I’ll stop talking now because:

Sorry, you were saying…?

Number of Times a Player’s Mother RT’d his Foxy Friday: One.

Rich Clune, come back to Nashville. We’ll visit on the same weekend your mom’s in town and bring the mimosas. James Neal locks his door anyway, what are you worried about?

Number of Tyler Tuesdays: Eight (plus a Tyler Thursday)

One might have thought Chuck’s, um, admiration for Tyler Seguin could not increase after he was traded from the Bruins to some far away place she never intended to watch.  But Tyler wasn’t having it.  And by “it,” we mean clothes.  Between ESPN Magazine’s “The Body Issue,” his mid-ice Ice Bucket Challenge and virtually every other no-reason-at-all, Tyler went topless at every opportunity and we thank him for his service.

TylerSeguin.com photo gallery

Number of Times We Got Fiesty: One

We, as female hockey fans, may just be making progress on the whole “Girls’ Guide to Hockey” problem.  As you know, the Girls Guide to Hockey is the same as the Guys Guide to Hockey, or just the Guide to Hockey. Because it’s the same sport. Watched from the same seats. You might think a player is dreamy, but a wide shot of an action sport where that guy is covered head-to-toe in padding akin to Kevlar is not much of an opportunity to ogle.  (Exceptions: Some. Like when a helmet flies off.)  I think it’s safe to say you’re not watching actual hockey games just because the boys are cute. That’s what we are for.

That grinding you hear is my last nerve.

The last time this story reared it’s head was January.  Could we go a whole year without reading that we’re sycophantic idiots, pandering to our boyfriends, who get distracted by all the flashing lights on TV? Prayers.

Number of Posts about John Tavares’ Pants: 20-ish

John Tavares and his questionable pants selection were much on display in Sochi, prior to his injury.  All options were considered, from sweats to jeans to suits and whatever is happening on the end there.

Walk, walk, fashion, baby.

What we didn’t expect was this, and other proof like it, that John is reading our blog.

Orange is the new pants.

Number of Times We Discussed James Neal’s Hair: 257

Speaking of people reading the blog, we’d be happy to take credit for James returning to his ginger-ish glory (if not to Pittsburgh).  He even seems to be behaving himself with the media in Nashville. Don’t worry, he hasn’t totally changed. He still cares a lot about this:

Wait, that’s what my hair looks like?

:: quick shake ::

All fixed! Plus beard for good measure.

Number of Times Strombo became our Supreme Leader: Four

Help me pick a filter.

There were probably more in Canada, but since hockey Strombo is not regularly on TV here, we have to settle for big events and online videos. He was holding steady in a close race vs. Cabbie until he got Tavares to eat Cheetos on camera, in front of Tyler Seguin. We’ve all seen Tyler’s abs. Proof that, like us, hockey players eat their feelings.

1. Crosby interview
2. Roundtable: Crosby, Toews, Lunqvist
3. Rountable: Tavares, Seguin, Giroux
4. NHL Awards

And Strombo understands the physics of a “sit down” with Sidney Crosby.

Lean back. No really, for safety.

Number of Times Mike Green Got Married: One

This could be the year we all became grown ups. I bought a house, a washing machine, got a dog. Mike Green got married and presumably celebrated the event with a tattoo.

And he Instagrammed it, because he’s Mike.

Number of Times Jonathan Toews was Fun: Infinite

From a sense of humor at Halloween to acknowledging he’s “the real Canadian dream,” Jonathan Toews spent much of this year proving Captain Serious wrong and wearing shorts. Or while wearing shorts. If you can call these shorts.

I think they’re Spanx.

Number of Dinners with Sidney Crosby: One

I almost called this “Number of Times You Go Out in Pittsburgh and See Hockey Players: All.”  It was true (at least for a weekend), ut a highlight is a highlight, and this is the light-y-est of them all. I’m still not even bummed we didn’t get a talk to him. Somehow, us trying to hold it together for four hours at the table next to the Penguins is so… us. It’s better.

The Pittsburgh Ten

Thank you all for another great year. I’m always thinking about you – or at least plaid suits, pleated khakis and Intern Jeff Skinner – even if I’m not writing about it.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

The title of Foxy Friday has occasionally been awarded to a collection of things (plaid suits, glasses) to great as to define the genre.  Today’s honorees take it to a whole new level.

San Jose Sharks “Holiday Sweater”

The Sharks have an amazing history of holiday videos, but they can stop now. There’s no topping this throwback karaoke masterpiece, complete with semi-choreographed white guy dancing and someone holding a block of cheese.

It goes on forever. Literally.  Make sure you stay for the scene after the credits, then check out this much-needed infographic.

How BU does it.

Capitals Holiday Video [that’s a link]

This dork-fest is gloriously unscripted and runs the ultimate test of improv comedy – who will laugh first, us or them?

Almost enough right to fix all this wrong.

A wink of the eye to how intentionally awful the whole thing is – the Caps tried to enter the NHL ugly sweater contest. What’s the prize? Is it Caps tickets?

Ecard versions – send ’em to your mom.

Penguins Holiday Video [also a link]

If I were going to re-enact a Christmas movie, it wouldn’t be Christmas Vacation (duh, Love Actually), and if I were going to have the Penguins remake a movie, it wouldn’t a Christmas movie (Newsies, anyone? Oh yes.).  But as commitment to awkwardness goes, this Penguins’ holiday video is a Best Picture nominee.

Beau should’ve worn the hat.

My movie would of course feature Beau and Borts in matching costumes.  I might even cover Crosby up to dampen his attractiveness – and fail, badly.

Is this a cowlneck shirt? Could this be worse?

There’s nothing in this, however, as good as the “Sieze the Day” sing-along going on in my mind.

Chicago Blackhawks All-Star Campaign Videos

Just as you’re having the happiest of holiday video viewing sessions, the Blackhawks show up to ruin it by, well… being the Blackhawks.  We should be used to it by now.  They’re not even promoting Christmas because nothing under your tree could be this good.

Ice Bucket challenge Spanx = no tanlines!

What the hell is happening here and how do I make it rule the Earth? Is that what we’re voting for? I’m pretty sure Chuck and I came up with this idea while a) drunk and b) watching that Crystal Light aerobics championship video set to Taylor Swift for the 900th time.  The Blackhawks must be reading our GChats.

You guys saw that, right? I didn’t hallucinate?

Toews is the original Canadian dream, which sounds like the tagline for an ice cream treat made with maple syrup, and it’s finally proven, scientifically, that he is fun now.  We have created a monster.

Players gonna…

It would appear there will be (already are?) videos promoting Bickell, Sharp, Keith, Kane and jazzercize.  The wait might actually kill me.

I’m getting this on a shirt.

And this on the back.

Good luck, next Friday, on coming anywhere close to this.

First off, can we talk about his legs? Now, I knew that he was bow legged and that they were kinda skinny for a hockey player, but in those white tights…I can’t look away.  Seriously, how does he stand on this twigs, let alone skate? Hockey player bodies just defy explanation.

Holly and Jolly.

On a side note – Just me, or has Jamie Benn gotten hotter?  Maybe it is just because we are noticing him more. Or maybe it is because some of Seguin’s swagger is rubbing off on him.  Or maybe he is just a late bloomer and only now coming into his own.  Whatever the cause for Jamie Benn’s metoric rise to hockey hotness, we”ll take it.

In other Tyler Tuesday news –

I love….goooooooooooals

‘Sup, ya’ll

Tyler is leading the NHL in points (38) as well as goals (23), five ahead of Rick Nash.  Despite launching himself into the hockey stratsophere this season and becoming a bonafide NHL star, Seguin and the Stars are still 6th in their division and 11th in the conference with a record of 11-13-5.   Seguin could very well win the league’s scoring title this year while his team fails to make the playoffs…again.

*deepsigh* from klingbergluvr.tumblr.com

Boston to Texas

Recently Tyler hung out with this guy…

Sober as birds.

You may be asking yourself “Who the hell is that?” Well, that guy is dancer/actor Kenny Wormald.  Not exactly a household name, but you might remember him from the recent Footloose remake (which was surprisingly enjoyable) and he has danced for Justin Timberlake and JLo to name but a few.

But what makes this photo especially exciting for me is that Kenny happens to be from my very small hometown in Massachusetts, he went to my high school and we danced at the same studio growing up.

One degree, people. One degree.

Players gonna play. Haters gonna hate.
In a recent interview for Stars Insider, intrepid reporter (and WUYS hero) Julie Dobbs (@julieanndobbs) sat down with Seguin for a little Q & A.  Pretty standard fare – favorite food, favorite movie, etc – until you get to this.

Now I know where to send his Christmas cookies.

Julie gets up close and personal with Tyler’s new and most favorite tattoo and we thank her.  We also applause her for keeping it strictly professional and for not gingerly resting her hand on his bicep and lingering awkwardly.  We’re not sure if we could resist when temptation is so near.

We also learn that Seguin is a Taylor Swift fan (but honestly, who isn’t?) and that loves “Shake It Off” just as much as the rest of the planet does.

from bennyandthestars.tumblr.com

from bennyandthestars.tumblr.com

One guilty + another guilty pleasure.  Suddenly we don’t feel as ashamed.  I don’t know if Julie wrote these interview questions but whomever did, we thank you.  Thank you from the bottom of our Seguinista hearts. You can watch the entire episode HERE.

sick. beats.

So that’s your Tyler Tuesday round up. I’m always on the lookout for more Tyler news, so feel free to email me at chuck@whatsupyasieve.com or hit me up on twitter at @WhatsUp_YaSieve.

Happy Tyler Tuesday, ya’ll!

from siriuslygoonerific.tumblr.com