Holding Out for a Hero

The playoffs are a tough time, when I want all my favorite players to have transcendent, legendary, career-making experiences… while their teams still lose. But someone has to win every round, and so it may as well have happened like this: John Tavares, middle school science teacher, registered tax lawyer and upholder of dad-styles, scores to tie […]

When in Rome…

How dare this premiere while I was away? Picture me, phone in hand, running toward the beach on some Caribbean island, wondering if I can swim from there to Brooklyn. John Tavares, Prince of Khakis, may be second in perfection only to Cabbie, who seems to have a live feed of my inner monologue running […]

Who’s Scruffy Looking?

October, you beauty. We wait all year, and usually you arrive with a terrifying array of fresh mug shots or ransom photos calling themselves roster head shots. But this year, you have arrived in style.   Take this in: Sidney Crosby woke up on roster photo day and did not shave. Good gosh. He probably ironed the […]

Love Me Like You Do

There’s been a lot of press the last few days about the terrible experience some Caps fans had at Nassau Coliseum during Game 3 vs. the Islanders on Sunday. You can read the original story here, the Isles’ official team response and about a follow-up investigation into harassment and vandalism by local authorities. Caps owner […]

Playoff Predictions: Beasts of the East

It’s here! The NHL Playoffs!  Our lives are on hold until further notice. Welcome to our annual playoff predictions, where Chuck selects teams based on actual hockey things and Pants make wishes on shiny pennies. (note from Pants: Amazingly, we have about the same track record. Maybe I learn things through texting with her.) Eastern Conference Canadiens […]

Takin’ It Back

Last night, MSG network premiered their “Beginnings” series episode about everyone’s hot middle school science teacher, John Tavares. I didn’t get to see the show, but it re-airs Friday at 10:30 PM.  Verizon Fios carries MSG almost everywhere, so I’ll finally get my million-dollar cable bill’s worth! For now, I’ll survive on these clips – MSG: […]

Take a Bow

3rd period Earth science teacher  John Tavares had his jersey retired by the Oshawa Generals last night. Does this marshmallow cloud have seat belts? Otherwise all the kittens are going to fall off. It used to be there was nothing better than John’s humble awkwardness (which lives on, of course): Now we also get this: Apparently John did […]

Birthday Boy: John Tavares

Is everyone excited?  Training camp has begun, the season is nearly upon us and it’s time to party like John Tavares. John turns 35 today… kidding, he’s 24.  Yes, in human years.  This clearly demonstrates why the Prime Minister of Canada only has to be 18, while President of the United States must be 35. […]

Boom. Clap.

This.  This happened and someone took a photo and the Canadian economy skyrocketed because who wouldn’t pay money to see this? We weren’t in the right place at the right time (never are!), but that doesn’t stop us from guessing that John and Sid were talking about in this hallway: – Belts – “Are your trousers slim cut? ” […]

Everything is Awesome

Hi strangers!  Sorry we’ve been a invisible lately, but the holiday weekend brought sunshine and beer even if it couldn’t bring our hockey teams back to the playoffs.  In fact, I’m not watching much hockey these days.  If your team is still in, I envy you.  If your team is out but you’re still watching anyway, […]

Know When to Hold ‘Em

Someday I’ll go to a hockey team’s Casino Night.  Someday I’ll have $250 to spend on an event that doesn’t involve either Vegas or getting a tan.  Or they could move these to Vegas and I could do all three at once. The Caps and Islanders hosted casino nights last night.  The events benefit wonderful […]

Control Yourself

John Tavares wants to control his emotions:   That is, assuming he has any.  I certainly can’t control mine – this ad campaign gives me the stupid giggles, defeating the obvious intention to hypnotize me with John’s voice.  I half-heard it while dozing off, but I’m suddenly inspired to buy a lot of shaving cream […]

Cheer Up, It’s Christmas

For context and credibility purposes, this should probably get an entire post full of information and thoughtful, well-written prose.  Instead I just want to say “johntavaresswoon” and leave it at that. To spread some holiday spirit to our Islanders fans friends, who are having an apocalyptically rough time right now, this is the cutest thing […]

Notes from the Front Row

While it’s not quite puppies (okay, here’s Tyler Seguin with Marshall), let’s talk about something fun.  Like the Saturday after Thanksgiving when I woke up with a stomach bug, barfed 20 times and still dragged my ass 3 hours to Long Island.  Why would I do such a thing? To be in the front row for […]

Congratulations on Your Face

SCENE: Thursday, 1 A.M.  Too tired to sleep and still punch drunk from watching the Penguins in person, Pants scrolls through Instagram. CUT TO: Point of view shot of Pants’ phone. CUT TO: Reaction shot.  Hold for 20 minutes. END SCENE. Sometimes, I just lose it (ex: Matt Niskanen and That is Not a Turtle) […]

Focus Features

If you’re the NHL’s First Star of the Week, you’re already having a time. It’s not really fair that you also look like this: Hi-res left/right Jeez, Stamkos.  Leave something for the mere mortals. These are (again) from the Sharp for Men November ’13 issue photo shoot.  You can download the issue for your iPad […]

Smiling’s My Favorite

To accurately tell you how much work I have to do, I’d need one of those “to the power of” superscript numbers next to infinity.  Which isn’t even enough.  But how am I supposed to work under these conditions?! John Tavares talks with Kathryn Tappen about his first NHL goal:   OF COURSE YOUR FIRST […]

No Big Deal

Me, on Friday: “This has been the toughest work week of my career.  I’m feeling pretty badass for getting through it.” John Tavares: “I heard it’s your birthday.  Here, hold my tooth.” When I was told about this, I thought, “I don’t want to see that but really I do.” When I watched it, I […]

All the World’s a Stage

I got home and flipped on the TV last night and this was on.  There may have been shrieking. Tavares shows Roenick around the ice – NBC Sports Network (If you’re in Canada, enjoy this budget version filmed off my TV, complete with crickets singing outside.) I can promise you this will go on all […]

That’s a Lot of Cows

This is from the dark and horrible days of the lockout, but I bring it to you now for one reason: When John Tavares does something right, scores a goal and/or tucks in his shirt (so, every day), I’m going to say, “That’s a lot of cows.” #thatslotofcows   He doesn’t say “yeah,” he says […]