American Dream

As you know, hockey does not often make American airwaves.

I sometimes wonder what percentage of our population could identify Wayne Gretzky, forget Gordie Howe or Crosby or Intern Jeff Skinner.  It would be a killer round on “Celebrity Name Game,” after so few of my countrymen recognize Bill Gates but everybody knows Jared from Subway.

Imagine my excited double take when I saw this Gatorade ad (over the summer) featuring our favorite meerkat, Patrick Kane.


I may have fist-pumped in the gym.  Patrick Kane on TV with Bryce Harper?  With Dwyane Wade, from basketball, who is not Dwayne Wayne from “A Different World?” And that football guy I don’t know, but he’s in a lot of commercials so he’s probably a Kardashian?!  I thought, “Go Kaner!” and “Yes, his hair looks pretty good in this.”


Can’t be looking a mess when you finally make your break.



I want you to join the US Dance Team.

Go here: Gatorade Kane Locker Tour. Click the headphones.  Click everything, and between everything click the headphones again.  How on Earth has this existed since July and we’ve never seen it?

Now, back to your regularly scheduled programming.

Recently,  another beloved tradition returned – McDonald’s Monopoly.  It’s the quintessential learning tool for American kids: throwaway money, shiny cars and that one time you went to jail but it wasn’t a big deal.  On Sunday, Mr. Pants and I hit the drive-thru. Only his soda cup had Monopoly pieces, and he didn’t notice.  I didn’t really care.  Then five hours later, at home, the Monopoly commercial came on.


Mr. Pants, looking around as if we keep old cups on the table: “It’s Monopoly time?”

Me, running toward kitchen, “YOU CAN WIN PATRICK KANE??”


Lebron, yes,  But a race car driver? America loves race car drivers!

Let me tell you, I went into the garbage.  I didn’t even hear what the Kaner-related prize was but I flung aside hours of moving debris just in case this was my chance to strike it Patrick.  I didn’t dig through trash to win money or Beats by Dre headphones or whatever, only for Patrick Kane.


This was just the change in my pocket.

Turns out the prize is – I still don’t know. Hawks tickets probably. That’s worth a dumpster dive. Our cup yielded nothing, not even a free soda in another cup with which to continue this cycle. The truth is: you never win, unless you actually are Patrick Kane.  Multiple Stanley Cups and most valuable-type trophies?  Side prizes.  He is standings next to wheelbarrow full of cash on the Monopoly board while it rains McChickens, all broadcast on TV.  That, folks, is the American Dream.


Do these skates make me look short?

His hair doesn’t look as good in this ad, though.

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  1. We’re laughing at the idea that Kane (and Alex Morgan, and Jamie McMurray) might regularly eat McDonald’s. McMurray, the NASCAR driver, has said in the past that he tries to eat clean. He’s declined to mention that kind of thing since he got the McDonald’s sponsorship.

    That said, it’s wonderful that Kane, and American hockey in general, is getting that kind of exposure. The more hockey players in commercials, the more better! Kane has a star quality about him.

  2. “That football guy I don’t know, but he’s in a lot of commercials so he’s probably a Kardashian?!” perfectly sums up my knowledge of, and interest in, both of those things.

    Related, and unfair, I don’t think you can win hockey ANYTHING in Canadian McDonalds Monopoly. But for $2 you can win Taylor Hall:

    Signs I’m a grown up – I’m not entering because there’s no way I can get half of Friday off on short notice. The real kicker is that I was just IN Edmonton AT THAT EXACT RESTAURANT. I had asked my cousin that we go out somewhere I might see Oilers…

  3. The Canadian monopoly has a prize that is a “one on one experience” with Drew Doughty… Maybe the Patrick Kane one is something similar for the US?

  4. Tracy Reply

    FYI, if you’re interested: The football guy is JJ Watt. He is a defensive end for the Houston Texans. He’s a beast, probably the best defensive player in the NFL. He’s known for being boring like literally having no social life and constantly working out. “I can have a social life when I retire.”

  5. If there’s one NHL-er who I’d believe dabbles in McDonald’s, it’s Patrick Kane. Love you, Kaner!

    As probably one of only 3 people who like the NHL AND the NBA, I was pretty thrilled to see Kaner in something this high profile and with LeBron. Pretty great for hockey.

    • I’ve seen Andrew Shaw stopping at McD’s after practice before, it’s his guilty pleasure.

  6. Kate Reply

    I laughed my head off at the inclusion of Kaner’s iconic mouth guard in his locker room. He’s not even using it anymore, is he? And when he was using it, he was mostly just chewing on it. That being said, the Kaner Shuffle was a delight. He is a delight, and yes, it makes me incredibly happy to see him (and hockey!) getting more national attention.