Hello, Canada!

Let’s talk about this:


Look up.

Not Kate Middleton gossip, remembering Ryan Reynolds is Canadian or even Angelina being honored with an extra “u” from the Queen.  I mean the important stuff.


Up to the top.

You are reading that right.  Thanks to @tobelerone for seeing this first!


I still don’t see it.

This is a real story. IN A MAGAZINE.  It’s teased on the cover!  I love Canada.  You’d have to run out of  divorces, Duck Dynasties, Duggars (not possible) and basically all forms of life on Earth before an American gossip magazine would run a hockey story.


Next week’s issue

I want to be in the pitch meeting where ranking attractive hockey players gets discussed on a regular basis.


Ooh, I hope it’s a PowerPoint.

I bet the voting process starts with the NHL Awards.


Link. For heaven’s sake, Crosby, see a tailor.

Jeff Carter gets engaged and then married within about an hour of winning the Cup and ruins everything.


And with the beard!

They brainstorm all summer, counting on shirtless boat-selfies as campaign strategy. There are heated debates, anonymous picspam sabotage attempts and pitch calls to Dude Perfect.  The entire office is covered in photos and notes, like a live-action Tumblr feed.


:: slides down wall ::

The problem is: if you do this list right, it’s predictable.  Maybe even boring – if you’re bored by things like Sidney Crosby.  Or this blog.  I assume Hello! Canada will pick 10 Canadian players, but perhaps there’s room on this list for a Swede (or a Star) or two.


This took some thought.

We can’t see the whole list online – who’s going to tell us which eight other players make the cut?  More importantly, what are your guesses?

freaky friday

Don’t let us down.

Tags: ,

Leave a Reply

  1. Michelle Reply

    “Off the ice, he’s reportedly heating things up with his rumoured girlfriend, model Kathy Leutner ” did we KNOW this?

    • Pants Reply

      We did, thanks to every TV camera that saw her sitting with his parents at the Olympics. Head-to-toe Team Canada gear too. Not that we get to approve, but if we got to approve, we would definitely approve.

      • I will refrain from sharing my views on Tazer’s girlfriend, but Crosby’s girlfriend I DO like and approve of (since I’m sure Sid is dying for my approval). Loved seeing her in the head-to-toe Team Canada gear in Sochi, though I always find it hilarious when hockey wives/girlfriends have to deck themselves out in gear of a country that isn’t their own.

  2. If Brandon Bollig and Jamie Benn are not on this list, I will start a riot.

    • jana Reply

      I will join you. #strengthinnumbers

  3. Amy V Reply

    I wholehearted agree with the two they chose for the preview. Hopefully Landesbabe and Patrice on that list too.

    And I don’t believe a thing about Sid’s personal life until I see wedding pictures or a baby.

    • Eva Reply

      Patrick got married in July.

  4. farahbobeara Reply

    I can’t really keep this to Canada. It doesn’t do the NHL justice. Here’s my top 5, after that it gets too hard to rank order IMO:

    1.) Viktor Stalberg
    2.) Tyler Seguin
    3.) Roman Josi
    4.) Johnny Oduya
    5.) Andy Miele

    But mostly Stalberg. Because Sweden.

    • farahbobeara Reply

      But if I had to guess Canadians, Seggy, Benn, Tavares, Toews, Patrice are/should be a lock. Maybe Pyatt and Pietrangelo and …..?

  5. Lynn Reply

    Thanks for the shout out! From what I saw on the news this morning (that’s right the local news had this story – in the entertainment segment, but still) besides Sid and P.K. the other guys who made the list was Tyler Seguin, Jonathan Toews, James Neal, Joffrey Lupul and maybe John Tavares. I’m not sure cuz the images went by so fast! Nice pics too! Like glamour shots of Lupul. Will pick up the issue sometime this weekend!

    • Pants Reply

      Neal actually made it?! He should, of course, but there are a lot of options and his profile’s not as high… wait, this is Canada. You guys get it right.

    • Thank the hockey gods that Toews is on the list! I can sleep soundly now (well, as visions of Tazer dance around in my head).

  6. Shea Reply

    If Jamie Benn doesn’t make that list I’ll just presume everyone in Canada is blind.

    • Or, more likely, lost in the mix of a top 10 list that is going to contain 5 entries for Sid.

      That said, Jamie Benn better be on this list.

  7. reginacamille Reply

    Darcy Kuemper.

  8. Deb Kogan Reply

    honestly after his ice bucket challenge you don’t put Captain Serious in the top three? Also, it’s such a shame that Patrick Sharp is married. Thousands of Chicago area womwn cry themselves to eep nightly.

    • Tazer better be no. 2 on this list! Or we can give him the no. 1 spot to make up for him having to be the “A” to Sid’s “C” at the Olympics.


    God, I love Canada.

    This list better have Crosby and Toews at the very top, or else all credibility (of Hello Canada, heh) will be lost. And yes, Jamie Benn and Tyler Seguin better be on that list.

    In other news (aka hot but non-bachelor NHL players)… can I continue petitioning for Jonathan Bernier to be in a future Foxy Friday?

  10. I have NextIssue at home on my iPad, so I’ll share the list tonight – but for now, another Hello! Canada issue shares 10 things I “need” to know about Sidney Crosby, the magazine’s 2013 Most Beautiful Star (truth, and deserved) – that he grew up in New Brunswick. Wait, what?? Do they need you to take over as resident Crosby expert, Pants??

  11. CLUNE of course!! He should be top 5 .. he is my #1

  12. For those wondering who made the list, the 10 are (they’re not ranked) Lupul, Seguin, Crosby, Upshall, Toews, Subban, Neal, Stoll, Tavares and Gudbranson. I would have swapped one of them out for Jamie Benn, but I can’t complain too much about this list…