That’s a Little Close

It’s Penguins opening night!!  Also, there’s something seriously wrong with me. Not five seconds into this video and I have the gasping laughtears.  I keep pausing it to cackle.

Cabbie Presents on TSN: with Sidney Crosby (Skip to 39 min mark)

Sid just got an iPhone.  Before that he had a flip phone.  I bet he’s like my mom when it rings – total panic attack.  Once she picked up it and threw it, as if it were a bomb about to explode.

Cabbie gets closest to asking some of the questions we’d like asked.  Important, informative topics of discussion like texting and autocorrect.


Left out question: “My fingers often seem too fat for texting.  How do you ever type anything?”

Cabbie makes up for that by asking about Sid’s driver’s license photo.  Brilliant, right?  Then Sid reaches into his pocket.



His wallet is in his front pocket.  Even custom made, he can’t get anything but that ass into those pants.  He can barely get the wallet out.  This explains a lot about his hands not fitting.

Sid thinks it looks like he has a mullet.


I WISH.  YOU TEASE.  Only Crosby would think this is not a great photo.  The rest of our licenses look like mug shots from The Best of Dog, The Bounty Hunter and he’s all, “Well, see that shadow by my neck….”

Now, for selfies and fan photos.  Sid is too nice to say, ‘STAY BACK FIVE FEET’ like he’s a fire truck.  He just does the awkward squirm at the mention of anyone getting too close.


And tries to nicely talk his way out of it while giving “please help me” eyes to someone off camera.


Cabbie doesn’t care.  That’s why we love him.  Selfies are taken and we all learn to not ask for one if we ever meet Sid.

Mwahahahaha, ofcourseIwilldothatnow.


Speaking of photos, I couldn’t do justice to James Neal’s sleeve tattoo from my phone the other day.  It’s clearly the full arm in outline.  Previously I’d been hoping for a weird trick of light + arm hair.  I must really not like tattoos to be hoping he had this much arm hair.

The Penguins were at West Point last week for team bonding, communing with nature and handling artillery.

neal2 Shoulder-mounted RPG.  Big smile!

James has an “upper body injury” (it’s not the tattoo) and is listed as day-to-day.  No word yet if we’ll see him in tonight’s home opener.

neal1Nisky draws a map to the nearest place to buy hair product.


Beau Bennett upstages the sleeve doing “nervous middle school face” while holding a sniper rifle.


And Nealer playing football in bare feet.  Right before the season starts.  Take it from a girl who broke her toe riding a bike in flip-flops, James.  Safety first.  At least this isn’t how he hurt his upper body.


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Leave a Reply to Alex Cancel reply

  1. Kristi Reply

    I made the mistake of checking the internet before starting my workout. Now I need a lie-down and I didn’t even have to run anywhere! Thanks a lot, Penguins.

  2. Alison Reply

    OMG. Sidddddddddddd!!!! His new crooked smile (post puck in jaw) is kinda cute. Anyone notice how his mouth is a little crooked now when he talks?

  3. Christine Reply

    Oh this is just delightful from start to finish…

  4. I made the mistake of looking at this just as I sat down at my desk. Pants! How am I suppose to last another eight hours before puck drop?!

    Crosby. Hands + ass + wallet – TOO MUCH for my brain, let alone your pants. But let’s get to the real show:

    JAMES. I’m not even sorry that this photo of him with a weapon and that tattoo: #deadonthefloor – I love everything about it. More is more, Nealer when it comes to your ink. Bless the Pens.

  5. Alex Reply

    Oh my god, i was starting to cry because Sid and Cabbie were so funny, hahahahahahahahaha. bless you Sidney, and your awkwardness<3333333 :')

  6. Juliana Reply

    I’ve never been a fan of tattoos, but they have grown on me (I blame Mike Green…) Nealer’s sleeve made me drool a little… can’t wait to see it finished!
    And Sid is just adorable!
    Great post!!!

  7. Snow Reply

    Usually a non-fan of Sid interviews because he’s been so well-trained for so many years and they’re typically so boring. Nice job, Cabbie, in bringing out his adorable, shy, unfailingly polite awkwardness. That Bennett pic makes me want to make him a PB&J sandwich with the crust cut off and write a napkin note for his lunchbox. Mom crush.

  8. Amy Reply

    Oh Crosberry, I love you so. I love when Cabbie talks about awkward because he’s talking to the King of Awkward.

    And Nealmobile with the big gun? Wow. Yeah. Hotness and hair gel there.

    • Amy Reply

      And I don’t know if it’s super creepy on my part, but I noticed that on Sid’s license there is a restriction. So of course I watched over and over to see if I could tell what it is; and I think that I found this:

      1: License holder must wear corrective lenses when driving (glasses/contacts)

      Maybe this is not news, I just didn’t know that Sid might wear glasses or contacts. 🙂

      • Pants Reply

        That is some super sleuthing! And if it’s correct, you’ve unleashed a whole new discussion topic about the idea of Sid in glasses. I’m already in trouble.

      • Justine Reply

        Unfortunately, although I as much as many would love for Sid to wear glasses, I am almost positive that his license reads */* rather than indicating 1 or */1(which would mean that he needs corrective lenses).

        • Amy Reply

          Boourns! I’ll have to watch the video 2394320948230 more times just to be sure. 😉

          Well, then we’ll have to continue to hope that we can get Nealmobile in his glasses and savor the ones of Paulie in his. 😀

      • It’s a little sad that I remember this, but I’m among friends here: Crosby’s trainer has talked about how exceptionally good his vision is. (See here) So, no glasses for him unless you want to wait until he’s in his 40s or see him wear windowpanes.

  9. Name withheld upon request ;) Reply

    I’m tellin’ ya… Peaceable Canuck goes Rambo. Barefoot in the Park or not, the boyzzzz got swag. I’ll forgive the sleeve. For now. He cut the dreadful mullet for us, and now he’s gonna light it up. All. Season. Long. Olympic Committee…. Hey!!! Pay attention! This kid has fire power! Now with *actual* ammo! Sigh…. Somebody… Stick a fork in this girly…. She’s done.

    • Yeah, meee again Reply

      ps ~ #gosunnygo!

  10. Tracy Reply

    I’m also in the non-tattoo camp, but I can overlook on Nealer. What I can’t overlook, however, is him wearing socks with Tods*. Just looks too weird and – Pants you should love this – school teacherish.

    *Beau photo

    • Still meee. Get meee away from heeeere Reply

      *sigh… Newly minted Beau fan. Omg. Does this make me a ped0ph1le?!? *giggle*. #idontcare!!!

  11. “Even custom made, he can’t get anything but that ass into those pants.”

    Can’t breathe. Laughing too hard.

  12. MB Reply

    Sorry to be late to this party…but I’ve been staring at the West Point photos since last week. I can almost (ALMOST) overlook Neal’s tattoos when I see him with weaponry. And preppy shoes. Way to tease me with the Tod’s, James…My ultimate (photo) dream for him? A Ralph Lauren ad. Even if the sleeve kind of cuts into my enjoyment of him in short sleeved polos…

  13. Maura Reply

    I vividly remember fumbling for my phone trying to snap a picture with Sid when I met him. I was so flustered that I muttere something along the lines of, “Never mind. Thanks, Sidney.” Finally I located my phone as he walked away, taking a picture of his ass just in time. I ain’t even mad.

  14. Just wondering if you ladies saw the picture of Crosby with the sniper rifle. A lot of women seemed fond of it.

    Those pants are a miracle of engineering.

    I wasn’t upset about the DMV thing–nobody needed to be held up by fans trying to get autographs and pictures–but now that I know he also got a good license picture, I’m starting to feel a bit resentful.

    I really, really, really hope Neal isn’t off the ice for too long.