Don’t Stop the Pop

Hockey is a taskmaster.  It does not care that we’ve put off our lives for the last six months.  It has no sympathy for my split ends, ragged cuticles or pile of overdue library books.  Hockey doesn’t pause just because Jonathan Toews is on a bender and I want to watch the Blackhawks parade.

kaner Patrick Kane, two track mind.  Hockey and…

I need a break.

But hockey stops for no Pants.


Over the last few days some important things have happened.  It’s our job to keep you informed, and keep you from from turning on the TV in October and shouting, “What the hell, Vinny Lecavalier is a Dallas Star?!”

Lecavalier Buy Out

In 2009, the Lightning signed Vinny to an 11-year, $85 million contract.  Now in 2013, they are returning him to the store for a 33% refund.  Should’ve bought that at Nordstrom, they’re famous for buying back old tires.


Vinny’s offensive output has steadily declined over the past few years [stats] as injuries have mounted.  With 7 years left on his deal, the Lightning will have to pay him 2/3 of the remaining $45 million (or $29.7 million), plus guaranteed signing bonuses totaling $8 million [Cap Geek].  Yes – they’re still paying signing bonuses on this deal.  Good lord.  What the Bolts get back is $15+ million in salary plus the clean wipe of $7.727 million/year off their salary cap.

(Math admittedly done by Pants.  Corrections anyone?)


Stevie Y explained the move [story].  He failed to confirm if they’re investing the saved money in a cryogenic chamber for Marty St. Louis to sleep in all summer.

Alex Tanguay Back in Colorado

File Under: Things Only Pants Cares About


Not true!  This trade sent David Jones and Shane O’Brien to CGY for Alex and Cory Sarich.  Avs fans, do you love this?!  [These guys say yes!]

If you’re new to my mad ramblings, here’s a recap: Alex Tanguay is my lobster.  My LTHR (Long-Term Hockey Relationship).  I had a shirt that just says TANGUAY  made off some website in 2000.  In ’04 I scheduled an entire cross-country drive with my dad around seeing a game in Denver… and Alex didn’t even play!! I have never seen him play, in fact.  Love don’t need a reason, y’all.


Why would I be excited about seeing a player I love traded to the second-worst team in the NHL (last season)?  Nostalgia, really.  The way Alex played in Colorado.  Plus he came from Calgary and they weren’t doing much anyway.  Forsberg should’ve saved his brief comeback for this because reuniting the AMP line would have put me over the edge.

Also, I now feel less bad about rejoicing when Iginla went to the Penguins.


People Who Have Dumped Alex Tanguay for Sidney Crosby:

  • Pants
  • Jarome Iginla

Sorry, Tangs.  Welcome home.

Danny Briere Still Needs a Team

Nothing can happen until July 5, when Danny (and Bryz and Vinny) officially become free agents.  Until then, I’m just saying:

visit DC

I’m an excellent tour guide.


Kris Letang Turns Down $54 million for 8 Years

And so the huge contracts catch up with everyone.


Don’t get me wrong, I love Letang.  I love him on defense when it’s not this year in the playoffs.  This offer is a bargain compared to Shea Weber’s 14-year/$110 million contract and Ryan Suter’s $13-year/$98 million deal.

But read that Vinny Lecavalier part again.  Think about Luongo and Bryz and almost Ovechkin there for a second when it looked like $9.5 million a year was buying 35 goals.  Of course Kris wants a huge, long-term contract.  Right now, every team in the League sees these contracts as bricks being thrown through very expensive windows.  (Note: Per the new CBA, eight years is the max contract length for a player re-signing with his current team.  Seven years for a new team. [link]  Thanks Lindsay and Alison, who are reading the CBA for fun.)

prince ali “Fabulous Harry, I love the feathers.”

Mark Messier Leaves the Rangers

I was home in NY two weeks ago, reading a full page cover story on Mark Messier interviewing for the Rangers head coaching position.  The next day, Alain Vigneault got the job.  I laughed, because the timing was embarrassing and I hate the Rangers.  But I don’t hate Mark Messier.  He will join the team to build the Kingsbridge National Ice Center in the Bronx, NY, which will be the largest indoor ice complex in the world and boast nine skating rinks [link].


Sounds to me like a place they could have put the Islanders, if Brooklyn didn’t beat them to it.

The Coyotes Could Actually Move

Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme….


No, no, really!  The City of Glendale, AZ will vote July 2 on a lease agreement for the Coyotes Arena ( Arena).  If they okay the lease, the NHL can sell the team to an outfit that would keep it in AZ [story].  If they don’t, Bettman says there’s time to move the team before the start of next season.   That’s a 3 month window, without training camp.    They’ll be packing like a breakup, tossing everything out the window onto the lawn.  Leave the gun, take the cannoli.


More on the deal, including a clause that would let the new owners end & move the Coyotes in 5 years anyway, from Phoenix Business Journal.

What else is new?  I’m surely missing something, blogging on half-screen while watching the Blackhawks parade.  And that first Patrick Kane gif….


Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Leave a Reply

  1. You also missed:

    – Chris Kunitz’s new deal
    – Viktor Stalberg probably not returning to the Hawks
    – The Hawks buying out Olesz and Montador (the glasses!)
    – Dave Bolland trade rumours

    AND THAT WAS JUST YESTERDAY. Seriously, if this is ALL before: the draft, free agency frenzy AND the rest of the off-season, Imma have to bring alcohol to the office to survive until October.

    Other thoughts: Poor Vinny, even if he’s walking away with a suitcase full of cash; good luck Alex, the Flames weren’t doing you any favours and our rink might not be ready after the floods; Kris…I’m so mad; Danny…want a job with the Pens or Hawks? I could learn to love you.

    Damn, I need a nap and it’s only 9:30 here. Back to the Hawks parade.

  2. Kathy Reply

    Danny B has said his kids are staying in South Jersey. They consider it home now so if he plays, it will be a team close by I think. It doesn’t leave a lot of options. So the bromance between my two favorite boys will still be on but not to the same degree. I sure hope they can make it work. 😉

  3. I’m sunburnt, sore, and exhausted having been up since 3, but it was all totally worth to got to Chicago to see the Victory Rally! The speeches (Sharp, Shaw, Kane, Crawford, Toews, Keith) were all epic, especially Crawford’s!

  4. Ference being dropped by the Bruins makes me sad. I hate the Bruins, but I really like Ference and he’s loved being a Bostonian, so this makes me sad for him. I would love to see him in Ranger blue, but I know that’s highly unlikely.