Foxy Friday: Rump Shaker

Welcome to the Land of Nothing Left to Talk About, where I dredge the internet for blog topics.  Today, I got a kick out of these:


First of all, who researches these pants?  Do they go around measuring hockey players?  Or better yet, is there a back room and one of those tailor pedestals involved?  Then we could get a squat-test and time how long it takes to get them off… like Field Day at camp, it’s Field Day with Pants.  (See what I did there?)

All you need are some boots with the furrrrrrrr.

A liiiiiiiiiiiiiitle highher…

Secondly, I work for free.  You should see the pillow I sewed in 7th grade Home Ec class!  I’m resourceful too – in case I need to tie two tape measures together to get all the way around some of these boys.

Squats, squats, squats, squats, squats, squats…

“Hockey butt” is, of course, a real thing.  In ski racing we call is “Alpine Ass.”  With the popularity of backsides these days, perhaps I should have kept that up.  The topic was recently featured on and has a Facebook page.  Crosby’s custom jeans are legend.  It perhaps surprises no one that Gingergoux’s backside has it’s own Tumblr.

Yeah, we get it.

Don’t forget the less famous guys who are dragging some serious wagons.  In .gif form, you really have to wonder how iCarly even got these shorts on.

GAH, if only we could pause it! I can.

The phenomenon starts early.  I can guarantee RNH did not buy these shorts in Okalahoma City.

My favorite rap lyric of all time is, “Is that your ass, or’s your mama half reindeer?”  from ‘Shake Ya Tailfeather’ by Nelly.  It’s been on my running mix since 2007.  Today I really hope my work checks my internet search history.  That’ll be a fun meeting.

The best part of these Gongshow pants is the inside.  (Isn’t it always?)  Check out the waistband:

But what does the fly say?!  That’s your mission.  First person to send me a photo of the first word gets a prize.  Bonus points if it’s on a guy when you take it.

Extra bonus points if he can’t get them off.

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Leave a Reply

  1. Alicia Reply

    This is too funny because it is so true. When I moved to the Czech Republic I was shown an apartment by the owner and I turned to my fiance and said he must be a professional hockey player and my fiance asked me how I would know and I stated, “look at his butt!”. Later I found out he had been on the Rangers and a couple of other teams.

    • I am crazy about the fact that you said this to your fiance. Well done, friend.

  2. I think it says “For a Beauty” but that’s just a guess. Lucky Brand jeans have “Lucky You” on the side facing out, and “Lucky Me” on the side facing in.

  3. At a moment like this the words that come to mind are:

    “Ummm, you’re packed and you’re stacked ‘specially in the back
    Brother, wanna thank your mother for a butt like that (thanks, Mom)
    Can I get some fries with that shake-shake boobie?”

    What a legendary post. For such legendary asses.

  4. Marci Reply

    Is Nuge really bow legged or am I just that flippin tired? (14 hr day at work so semi-coherent is the best I can do.)

    Favorite butt song has got to be Poison by Bell Biv Devoe
    “Never trust a big butt and a smile” sounds like good life advice to me!


  6. Macy Reply

    I am bewildered as to why someone hasn’t made a tumblr/fanclub for Crosby’s but. It just might be the finest of them all!

  7. Deanna Reply

    This post wins. I admit to having creeped on the healthy scratches at the university in my town while they’re walking around during intermissions & checking out their hockey asses. They’re fantastic in suit pants.

  8. chelski Reply

    Man oh man, what a post! We used to be able to spot an ass walking into Warren Towers from 727 Baystate/the Dugout. It was like a calling card to go to lunch immediately….

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