Team Pants: Lockout Edition

The phrase “Fantasy Hockey” is especially cruel these days, when hockey itself is the fantasy.  But we held the WUYS Fantasy Hockey League draft last night, and despite the lockout I still made my picks count.  If we never get our game back, maybe we could just play some beach volleyball.

With an eye toward both winning and grooming, I’m going to go out on a limb and say my team is the best looking.  I drafted…

Tazer’s boyish good looks and sheer force of will.

Nealmobile’s hair, wrist shot and inability to put on a button-down shirt.  Which is like drafting all the points Malkin scores too.

This.  Both parts.  Didn’t even have to ask.

Bradley Cooper Ryane Clowe, in case we need an extra E or a water rescue.

Danny Briere’s perfection and all those damned playoff goals.  I’m not sorry!

I got these two, since they were flirting on Twitter:

Including the way iCarly peers out from under his visor.

And MDZ because even though I hate NY sports teams, I’m an NY girl at heart.  Plus Nash will need assists on his 200 goals.

My team always needs one Staal and one Ginger.  Done and done.

I also got Doughty’s, um… well, Dawn’s love for him.  Personally I think DD is overrated but his beard was aces.

Flower.  Because sometimes you need a string of F-bombs or a ballerina spin.

Since we’re probably stuck with that volleyball game for a month or two, I also drafted the NHL 2012 Prom Court.  They didn’t sign your yearbook, but you still think about them in homeroom.

Jeff Skinner’s intern-ness and celebration hugging skills.

Gabe Landeskog’s, um…

What was that?

Oh yeah.  And his celebration falling skills.

Ryan Nugent-Hopkins’ hair (lookout Nealer) and sheer potential.  (Same age as Gabe.  Honest.)

Finally I drafted a chaperone to be in charge of this show:

Teemu has been in the league longer than Gabe & RNH have been alive.  This could be his last year and I can’t let him go out like that.

Plus, someone has to buy these kids beer.

I’d say this team is a win whether or not they ever get to play a game.  Apologies to anyone I yelled at during the draft… no, I take that back.  You’re going down.


Leave a Reply

  1. Aww… I so wanted to play this year but I’m going to have some real life realness to deal with this season and won’t be able to give it the attention it deserves.

    Besides, it’s probably for the best since, I love you Pants but, I might’ve had to cut you.

    Has anyone used drafting the ugliest possible team as a fantasy strategy? I guess most of them are known for their punching, not their points. Although, with Ovi (provided he tries), Malkin (sorry I’m not sorry… He seems lovely, but….) and the Sedins, you’d probably be in for a decent shot at top 3.

  2. Also, GABE’S BACK.

    Excuse me what.

    • Alison Reply

      I drafted Gabe and his extremely defined back muscles in the 3rd round and was promptly verbally berated by the 8 other girls in my league. Probably didn’t help that I also snagged Sid in the 1st round and Sharp in the 2nd round.

  3. Rhonda Reply

    Let’s just say that Tazer always plays on the first line of
    my fantasy team….

  4. MB Reply

    I don’t see how you can possibly lose. 🙂 I had a similar team last year and dominated my league with it! Go, Team Pants!

    While we’re being honest, yes, I DID rank Neal #1 in my yahoo leagues this year. Maybe I missed some points there, but…his hotness will more than make up for it. I mean, I have my priorities! 🙂

  5. Nan S (backes in USSR) Reply

    I think I need a visual aide for my team too, since I also drafted some hotness. And we need to discuss Clowe… I remember saying a few expletives when you drafted him… Silently and with respect, of course since you have a kick a$$ blog. 😉
    Looking forward to the challenge in this league — now can hockey just start, please? Before I have a mental breakdown?

    ‘Til then. Support group & this blog will be necessary.

  6. MouthGuard Reply

    Teemu. That is all.

    How can you guys swoon over anybody else here? He slays them and then some.

    PS – Danny B. 😉 A Teemu in training. MAYBE.

  7. My team is feeling a little unloved, what with all the drooling I’m doing over your team and all, but considering I forgot about the draft until about midnight last night and had it set up to auto pick, I didn’t do too bad…my brick wall of goalies will save me if my D can’t.

    I met Bobby Ryan today after he skated with the Fly-guys in NJ and informed him that he’s on my team and I would appreciate “Bettman getting his shit together so you can win me some damn points!” (nervous verbal diarrhea FTW!) He wholeheartedly agreed.

    • Cassy Reply

      You. Rock.

      That is all.