Big Money, No Whammies!

As you may have heard amid all the screaming yesterday, Mike Green has re-signed with the Capitals.  Of course it happened on a Monday!  He got a three year deal worth $18.25 million.  The deal pays him $6 million for the next two seasons and $6.25 million in 2014-15.

That is not a typo.

You’re probably asking yourself, “Is this too much money? ”


Is this too many pancakes?  ‘Cause I’m going to eat them all anyway.

Well done, Mike.  He played hard to get and GMGM is clearly hoping Green puts out on prom night.  This ties Mike for 13th highest-paid defenseman in the NHL (for now, there are free agents).  Of those he has the shortest contract.  He’ll make the same salary next season as Zdeno Chara. [link]

Let me rephrase that: Mike got a $750k raise over the last two seasons, in which he played, respectively, 49 and 32 games.  Also announced, he will star in the remake of Office Space and unleash his fury on the puck that keeps hitting him in the head/produce section (haha, same thing).

Now where is my stapler?

Thus the games begin.  If Mike has a superstar year like his back-to-back Norris Trophy nominations of yore, we’ll be saying he’s a steal at only half what the Wild are paying Ryan Suter.  If not, well at least the Caps traded Wideman.

As Captain of the HMCS Mike Green, I love this deal.   (Her Majesty’s Canadian Ship.  This is a new spy movie franchise waiting to happen.)  My alter ego is a little dumbfounded.  The Caps need a winger to replace Semin. They have not re-signed iCarly, who deserves a huge raise over the $787.5k he made last year (end of entry-level contract).  We’re spending our back-to-school money on sneakers and coats, don’t forget to buy school supplies!

The Yeas and Nays of Mike Green are deliberated wisely at Puck Daddy [link].

Concerns aside, now that Mike has a contract we can enjoy the summer.  Good times are coming, I can feel it.

Here’s audio of Mike’s conference call discussing the deal [link], in which no one asked about his tight jeans or hand tattoo.  Yet people complain that no one reads the newspaper.

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  1. I was trapped in traffic when I read about the new deal yesterday and my dance of joy kept surrounding motorists entertained for at least 45 seconds…then it was probably debatable whether I was having a seizure.

    So happy for Mike, even if he sounds like the Canadian version of Eyeore in his phone interview. Dude, you just got paid, work a smile into your voice!

  2. Josie Reply

    Here’s to more heart stopping warm ups together! And the hair… the hair.

  3. MouthGuard Reply

    Congratulations, Pants. 🙂

  4. Chuck Reply

    Just think of all the black t-shirts and hipster gear he can get with his new found fortune.

    While I appreciate the Mike Green, I sincerely hope for everyone’s sake that he manages to put together a worthy season. All these injuries need to stop.

    So curious to see what will happen with Semin and more importantly if any of the draft picks will make the team. Personally I’m rooting for Tom Wilson to make the team. Maybe they’ll pair him with Green.

    Best Defensive Hair in the league. Get it? Hair…Pair…\