A Little Less Conversation…

Oh Brad Richards.  Did I fail to realize, in the blinding dazzle of your Foxy Friday teeth, that you are in fact insufferably boring?  Am I judging you too harshly (based on this one interview)?

Check out Brad’s photo shoot and feature about about posing starkers for ESPN Magazine’s “The Body Issue”… in which he doesn’t even crack a smile.

The real Britney shows more life when she’s Xanax-synching her way through “I’m a Slave 4 U.”   I fell asleep in under 50 seconds, Brad!

Excuse us if you’re so perfect you’re not shy.  How about some false modesty, or at least a faint blush?  You’re wearing a bathrobe.  Your chest has been oiled by a professional who does that stuff for money, and not just on Craigslist.  (Hey, where does one apply for this job? What is the interview process?)  Nothing?!

Maybe when you look like this you don’t need to be liked try.

Here are all the Body Issue athlete photos [link] – very impressive physiques all around, of course, and a lot of the photos are really fun.  Like fun enough to make us start a soccer blog.

If I’m wrong about Brad Richards and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Interview, my apologies.  Maybe he was hungover.  I can’t bring myself to do research on the topic without a 5 Hour Energy in hand, or to believe he lived with James Neal!  Guess who’s the life of that party?  Neal gets his neighbor to make him breakfast, for heaven’s sake.  I wouldn’t make Brad a bet right now.

New campaign: Crosby 2013 and a wide-angle lens.

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  1. Chara, Kesler, Richards… They are improving, maybe one year they’ll get it just right.

    I don’t think I’ve ever seen Carlos Bocanegra WITH clothes. He is always naked for one reason or another. (PS – if you’re looking for a soccer blog, may I suggest kickette. They are a little heavy on the sex and the city lifestyle aspiration, but they make up for it in pictures of Joe Hart in his underpants.)

    I do not watch American football, but that one is the one they call “Gronk”, yes? I only know this from watching The Choice (judge me).

    Finally, fencing. Who knew?!

  2. Brenda Reply

    I think you’re being a little harsh. He always sounds like that in his interviews. Wouldn’t it be weirder (and creepier) if he was giggling or something? He just has a low voice. Everyone can’t be Biz Nasty. Besides, anyone who’s willing to take it all off for the camera can’t be that boring, am I right?

    • Pants Reply

      Good point, Brenda – it takes some spark to say yes to this whole thing. We certainly don’t want him to be like the old man from Family Guy or anything. If he always sounds like he’s reading the phone book, we can stick to photos and watching him score goals (since there are plenty of both).

      • MouthGuard Reply

        You have finally come to your senses. I know it’s tough to admit when somebody’s an insufferable bore – especially when they’re otherwise affable enough and nice to look at.

        But this is why looks WEAR AWFULLY THIN in due course. What’s the point of looking at somebody hot if they’re just going to bore the crap out of you? Just ask all his ex-girlfriends. Something’s not adding up. He should be applying bug spray hourly to fend them off. Yet he continues to have issues in that department. I venture it’s because he’s boring. Plain and simple. It’s a shame because he’s got some dimension to him, he’s deep and assuming he’s not a wet blanket in the bedroom… Well? A good PEI boy. Even the rich, famous and beautiful people can be flat-out boring. It happens!

        He should volunteer to be your intern this season. Skinner can share, right?

  3. Am I the only one that doesn’t find this shoot sexy? What is the deal with the hockey players just lacking three years in a row? Now, Rob Gronkowski and Carlos Bocanegra? I’d like a full issue devoted to this, please.

    • Plus Gronkowski’s vid was really funny. Brad Richards – meh.