Here at #TeamEbs Campaign Headquarters, it’s Friday and this is Foxy, so enjoy our new recruiting video.

Don’t be shy, just bask in it.

This is the same gym Mike Green trains in the off-season.  Do the maids know they’ve cornered the market on second-hand sweaty towels?

Does Alberta have eBay?

We’ve re-named this video:

Jordan Eberle Demonstrates the Emotional Range of a Girl Watching this Video 

…and called in a doctor to identify what you’re feeling.

1) Seeing that it’s 16 minutes long results in complete preemptive shut down of all systems, to avoid permanent damage.

“I poked one, it was dead.” – Flight of the Conchords

2) You may struggle to stand up straight.

One of his arms is shorter, but that side of his shorts is longer. Even-Stevens.

3) As you try to pull yourself out of it, you feel unusually heavy.

What is with guys from this gym and nude-colored belts, Mike Green?

4) An increased pressure on your chest may indicate a heart attack.

#TeamEbs Recruiting Poster – Rough Draft

Any questions so far?  “Wait, Doc.  What are you saying?”

5) Symptoms include labored breathing, possible sweats.

Kick from the Official Spice Girls Workout on AOL

6) Hysterical giggling at inappropriate time.

He’s thinking about the Taylor Swift-sung-by-a-goat video.

7) The Earth moving under your feet.

8) And the eventual loss of previously noted ability to stay upright by oneself, resulting in the need for professional help.

Diagnosis: The rest of your day is going to be a struggle.

Signed: Oh shoot.  We knew there was something wrong with that doctor.

Treatment: Your move, #TeamHall.  Or #TeamSchultz, #TeamCorey and if anyone wants, #TeamRNH and #TeamGagne are available.

]]> http://whatsupyasieve.com/2013/03/01/foxy-friday-teamebs/feed/ 17 http://whatsupyasieve.com/2013/02/07/bhtv-ftw/ http://whatsupyasieve.com/2013/02/07/bhtv-ftw/#comments Thu, 07 Feb 2013 15:35:58 +0000 http://wuys.wpengine.com/?p=14707 When WUYS is suddenly mentioned in 47 new Tweets in an hour, there’s only one possible reason: Workout video.

When 46 of those messages are in ALL CAPS, I know without reading:

It’s the Blackhawks.

Here’s the video.  It takes an extra moment to load, presumably because the internet paused to fan itself back into consciousness.

Between road games in San Jose and Phoenix, the Blackhawks thought an outdoor soccer and football workout would be fun.  Nothing says internet sensation like a bunch of pale Canadians with their shirts off in February! (Plus Kaner and Stalberg, who must be in their somewhere.)

Blackhawks TV is the best media output in the NHL.  They brought us Joey the Junior Reporter, ugly Christmas sweaters, everything.

Well, not quite everything – until now.

What was that?

Jonathan Toews would have been a QB if he were American. It’s just his style.

He doesn’t even use a resistance band, because none can contain him.

This workout was held at the University of Phoenix… yet I don’t see anyone around.  No one suddenly joined the track team?  Changed their major to stadium groundskeeping?  Impromtu lemonade stand body shots? For shame.

The Blackhawks aren’t just gratuitously fit and camera-friendly.  They are 8-0-2 on the season and lead the entire NHL with 18 points.

They have so much swag right now, they’re doing good deeds for other teams!  This is like sending the girls to the bar in hopes they’ll attract the bartender more quickly.  It’s practically a Blackhawks Bikini Car Wash.

If tonight’s game in Phoenix doesn’t have record ticket sales, there is literally nothing else the NHL can do.

Sorry Columbus.  There’s only one way to save this Monday:

New Mike Green Workout Videos!

Something called Bear Mountain, which involves squats [link]

Sled Pushes [link]

And the best – Explosive Kesier Rotations [link], clearly directed by me.

“Okay, ready Mike?”

“Action.”

“Let’s try another camera angle.”

“Hey, I found the zoom.”

“And the super slow motion button.”

“Now Mike, does this workout have anything to do with you scoring two goals in your first playoff game in 2008?”

“Yeah, probably not, but let’s see the big goal video anyway [link], since it has infographics and innuendo-like captions.”

“That’s the kind of math we can understand.  Now, any chance you’ll show us your long hair?”

“Eh, almost.  Maybe next Monday.”

Leave it to Max to make the dirtiest-sounding workout video of all time – while wearing head-to-toe sweats.

#1: This workout.  Making other sweatpants jealous worldwide.

#2: This disguise.  I was thinking, “That’s not Max.” Why the hood?  When I can see a picture of your esophagus on Google because that’s how you kiss drunk chicks in bars?  When the camera cuts behind the pillar, I figured Max and the stunt double switched places for the big reveal.

#3: This trainer.  “Push it!”  “Keep it tight!” “Niiiiiiiiiiiice” with the throaty growl.  If you let the kissing (see #2) happen, this is what you end up hearing from Max all night.

#4: This cameraman!  “Remember the thing from last week? You don’t want to talk about it.  Just one more time.  Please, please.”  If #2 leads to #3, then #3 leads to this and suddenly your amateur late-night debut is being live streamed to the Philadelphia Flyers player phone tree.

I swear.  Close your eyes and listen.  Maybe not at work though, because your boss will never believe this is the sound of fully-clothed activity.

As ever, Max leaves us all blushing.

If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.  If you can’t say something that wouldn’t make Horward Stern blush, good luck writing a blog post that includes Sidney Crosby’s new SportChek workout campaign.

It should cost $5.99 a minute to hear what I’m thinking right now.

Don’t be ashamed if Nicki Minaj’s “Superbass” starts playing in your mind.

What is it about hitting things with a sledgehammer?!  When the apocalypse comes, Sid will be nice and warm in his log cabin with plenty of firewood, girls.

Pack your sleeping bags.

Is the Ultimate Crosby Experience getting to hold that resistance band?  Because I’m pretty sure I could tie it to my bumper and Sid would drag the Nealmobile right down the damned street, knocking over mailboxes and running red lights.

Yesterday was Sid’s birthday, and we got our wish. Let’s hope Intern Jeff Skinner doesn’t feel weird about entering us into this contest 87,000 times.

Rick’s got his own workout video AND his own home gym in which to do it.

Four words.

Rick. Nash. Workout. Video.

*dies*

Why I am I just finding this now??

He really is trying to keel me.

This man can wear a backwards baseball cap like a boss.